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 My introduction....

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Stariana

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Posts : 52
Join date : 2012-05-25
Age : 27
Location : Tennessee

PostSubject: My introduction....   Mon Jun 04, 2012 11:32 pm

Hello! My name is Stariana, or Starrianna. It's a name that came to me when I was 15 and it stuck.

Basically, I've always known I was different. I never fit in anywhere, especially as a child. I'm told I spoke oddly as a child. My mother was the only one who understood me and would translate. I found communication with people in general to be difficult. Today, even with my affinity and love for languages and grammar in general, I still find communication difficult. I feel that I must always "dumb" myself and what I say down, and then the true meaning gets lost in the "translation."

I have met others, not many. When I'm not sunk in doubting myself, I know that my "high school sweetheart" boyfriend was one. We had a theory...though I really don't know how I feel about anything from those days anymore...

With more that I have read, I believe my ex-husband to be...something. I'm not entirely sure what. Along with arrogance and a lot of negative adjectives, he had high aspirations. He had a broad mind. He wanted something more than this existence, though his addictions and other weaknesses got in his way. I came to believe him to be insane, deluded, and plagued with narcotic/alcohol/dextromethorophan/marijuana induced delusions of grandeur. He introduced me to the Kabbalah, which I am still drawn to, somehow. He called me his Tiphareth - which I denounce now. He believes himself to be the Frank Herbert prophesied "Dune Messiah" and that he will end the world's dependance on oil.

I feel very frustrated in this life because no one notices subtleties, or hidden meanings - in songs, in life, in nature, in anything. No one ever listens to me, or hears me. People always talk over me or tune me out. I'm not one to speak for the sake of it. People in my area, people I worked with would just speak and repeat themselves over and over. I'm also not one to fight to be heard. If I have to speak over the person who just interrupted me, I will walk away instead. In my mind, you can either pay me the same respect I'd pay you in a conversation, or I'll just leave you to talk to yourself and be without my insight.


I don't know exactly what I am. I know that I am some sort of angelic. I have memories of multiple human lives, though I don't feel them to be very numerous. I have memories of a life somewhere else where no one spoke. I guess it was some sort of empathic plane? Because everyone understood without speaking and without having to listen. And sometimes I get that way. Often times I won't have the energy within me to vocalize something. I feel angry that I must, and that what I am thinking and feeling should just be understood without having to speak.

There has only been one person who I have never had to "dumb" myself down for. I could speak to him things exactly as they naturally wanted to come out, and he was amazed, and he understood. He understood me! And of my hundreds of self-inflicted scars...he was never repulsed or horrified. He was interested and wanted to know their stories. I told him things I've never told anyone, about things I've witnessed and seen and experienced. He's the same as me. We're connected somehow. He knows he is angelic too. We've even visited on the astral plane, sometimes scheduled times to meet. We meet in dreams, as well. And when his nightmares are too much and too frequent, I will take some. I helped protect him, his house, his car, and his daughters from the negativity that was heavy in their lives at the time.

Due to the hectic ways of his life, we scarcely talk, and I haven't seen him in nearly a year, despite living in the same area. I'm greatly saddened by this. I find the hardest part of all this discovery and remember so much, more and more every day, that I can't talk to anyone about it. I have so much I want to share with him. We were tightly drawn to each other in the beginning, but circumstances in his life caused us to have to be apart.

I have an intense, overwhelming love for him. It transcends everything in this life. I think, because of my affliction (humanity), the only way I knew to classify it was as "romantic." But when I look into my future, I don't see us as a couple. I don't see us married, or having children together, or anything like that. I can't describe this love. I know he is someone I fought beside, was very close to. I will always take his hand and fight by his side. Comrade and brother? Something I'm not even aware of, perhaps?

I discovered one thing about myself as I was astral traveling the other night. I came back into my body to write it down, but then fell asleep. I know some believe they are here as punishment, some to help, some to teach, some to heal, and many other reasons. I believe I chose to come to Earth, at least for this life, to have the human experience - the best being human and worldly has to offer. To experience things like food, the Earth, a "normal" human life, and sex. So far...it's failing quite miserably and not going at all according to plan. But I feel I must make the most of my time and do something for the greater good and come back to who I really am.
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Ashtart

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PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Tue Jun 05, 2012 4:11 am

Aloha Stariana, Welcome to the Forum.

*offers cookies* Have a seat, take off your boots, relax Smile

So, life has been treating you pretty crappy? Sad I'm sorry and, as I'm sure many here will echo, am glad that you have found us.

Looking forward to reading your posts around the place.

Aloha! Ash
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Razi'el
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Age : 28
Location : Ontario, Canada

PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Tue Jun 05, 2012 4:21 am

Greetings, and welcome to the Forum, Stariana!

we try to be very open and welcoming here, and we have very few rules, but the ones we do have are aimed at peaceful solutions to disputes, and all in all, creating a helpful, caring environment to help us all put the pieces of our memories together ^^

if you have any issues regarding another member, or the forum itself, you can PM any of the moderators or the admins, and they will help you out to the best of their ability.

also, i agree with ash here, i hope you find this to be a place of relaxation and understanding, as many of us have. we'll all try our best to help you out!

best wishes, and may you find the answers you seek! ^^

Razi'el
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Stariana

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Age : 27
Location : Tennessee

PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:24 am

Thank you both. Smile
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Capsha

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Join date : 2012-03-30
Age : 21
Location : Scotland

PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Tue Jun 05, 2012 9:37 am

Welcome to the forum. As the others have said; I think you'll find these boards to be a very drama-free, accepting, friendly place to post Smile
My name is Capsha, but just call me Cap, I'm a lion-headed theriocephalite shapeshifter (until I find a better term!). However, you may come across other 'bits' of me. There's Amanda, Cherry and Fibreya, and occasionally Princess but she's too silly to type.
I hope you enjoy your stay here!
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Meti'ne

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Age : 24
Location : NJ, USA

PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:27 pm

Welcome to the forum, Stariana. =)

I am Melari, a Keeper of the Multiversal Balance specifically, this planet's Deathkeeper who is of the Feral subtype (some of my true form's physical and behavioral traits are that of an Edenic ligeress, and I have a corresponding beast form).

It indeed does sound like you've had a pretty rough time of it. I hope you'll be able to find this place to be a sanctuary of sorts. I find everyone to be a very friendly and helpful sort (each with our own quirks, but we're just being ourselves). =)

~Melari
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Azaz'el
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PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Tue Jun 05, 2012 10:08 pm

Greetings and Welcome Stariana,

I hope you enjoy your time here in our on-line home and find here a place where you can be true to yourself without fear of rejection or misunderstanding. Not everyone will agree with you, not everyone will share the same thoughts or memories, but you will always be given the respect you deserve.

Life can be and usually is........ hard. In many ways it can seem harder for those of us who are 'awake' be it Kin or Human..... we feel more, sense more, and understand more and that always tends to bring more pain. There have been times I have wished that I could have my memories and understanding taken away. But this is what makes me able to understand and bring not only healing but also guidance to others. We are all learning........ but it's important to remember that we also all teach and guide,

Welcome

Az

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Hope fades into the world of night
Through Shadows falling out of memory and time...
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Ousa

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Location : Kansas

PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Wed Jun 06, 2012 4:22 pm

Glad to have you here in the forum. As said before you will find what you seek and gain perspective towards your own self-realization and ultimate goal in this current lifetime which you have chosen to fulfill! lol!

Ouza Like a Star @ heaven
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Stariana

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Age : 27
Location : Tennessee

PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:42 pm

Thank you all! You've been so kind and welcoming. cheers
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Ishtahar
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PostSubject: Re: My introduction....   Wed Jun 13, 2012 8:52 am

Welcome to the forum. It's always lovely to see a fresh face and hear a fresh POV.

Hope you feel at home and soon feel part of our strange little family Smile

Here, have some chocolate
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