So damn tired....

The future...that seems to come up quite a bit lately, what does our future hold? What will become of us on December 21st?

All I do know at this moment is that I am so exhausted, so much to the point that at times I really couldn't care less what comes our way

Then at times I get angry at the "powers that be" and urge them to bring it on...war...you name it...I say bring it...I am tired of all the sacrifices that I have made over the centuries..(as we all have made I'm sure) and I pray they have not been in vain..

I have had an emotional year full of craziness and I don't think I can continue much longer...but I know I must finish what I started so long ago...and see it to the end

It's hard to keep going day by day wondering if your contribution to our cause has made a difference, I helped make a mess of things in the beginning and vowed to return to make things right

I do hope I have at least made a dent in things....I feel I don't have much longer in this human body and believe me I welcome death

Whatever is to come within the next month I just want to say to those I have sinned against...I am truly sorry for all that I have done and pray that you find it in your heart to forgive me

Love and blessings to all of you

Gabri'el

*hugs*
It's been a rough year for a lot of us. I had to go check my "horoscope for 2012" again to see what exactly that bugga had to say! It reminded me that in Chinese astrology 2012 is a Dragon year. Lots of energy lots of action, lots of upheaval, lots of exhaustion for those of us looking for peace and quiet and a BREAK now and then! Not to mention that with 12.21.2012 upcoming, all the rest of what we haven't processed over the years is being outed all at once, which I'm sure you share my feeling in just wanting to stop and go back to BED when real life is not stopping even for a moment (and seems to be moving more quickly all the time!) It's a really challenging time when I feel that we're being encouraged to embrace our whole selves... you know? Like every concession we've made to others in the past that hurt ourselves, every time we said "no" when we meant "yes" every time we look in the mirror and do NOT see our true faces... all of that has to stop. In a major way!

It's more important than ever to take care of ourselves and honor the broken pieces inside, as few of us have experienced being so busy taking care of others all the time! Everything that we have done - and I do mean everything, especially those secret things at night that you think no one knows happened but you - has mattered and was of great and huge importance to the cycle ending. And now... the hard part is letting go and trusting. We've made the cake, we've set it to bake, we just have to wait until it's done. For *most* of us here I would say that there is literally nothing else to do until it happens. Just focus inwards. For a *few* of you (you know who you are), you have been sitting on your hands, waiting for WHEN to take action and you are on the edge of your seat because the time is almost here. That cake is almost done and YOU get to frost it and give it out We'll be cheering you on. We've done everything that is needed of us for a while and those of us who are tired, exhausted, we DESERVE a break.

I was having some communications with some interdimensionals the other day with exactly the same question. They assured me that they are ALL. ALL ecstatic with how far we have all come!! We have pushed ourselves to the brink and beyond for this planet that we love and call home. That is honor. That is dedication. I'm 29, almost 30 and I'm sure this is a Saturn Return year for me. It's been rough!!! But it's also forced me to stop and reassess the way that I do EVERYTHING. It's not okay to push myself to exhaustion anymore, but it was once. Nor is it okay to self-sacrifice, or have feelings of low worth (a common attribute among healers and old souls, apparently), or to think that I'm just not doing enough. I have and I am, and you are and you have. And now, for me, I have to find all new ways of being because what the planet will need from me most is for me to be happy. And that is finally starting to sink in.

Heh... I don't know about anyone else Gabe, but I, for one, am quite... exhausted myself. Living this way is just... tiring; I won't disagree with you. I'm sure SOMETHING'S going to happen though. Occasionally, while I'm asleep and while I dream, I seem to be in the process of getting prepared for what's to come. I've already had a three dreams in which I either sought out—or demanded use of—my weapon, Luruuskaani. However, as of yet, I haven't been allowed to use her; it seems that I'm not yet ready to wield her again.

During my dream last night though, I was given a crash course (partially literally) reteaching me how to summon my wings on the spot and how to fly with them. If I may go on a slight tangent, I learned (in quite an unfortunate manner) that having faith in my wings appearing and/or simply having a desire for them to appear was far more effective than mentally commanding, "Wings appear!" or "Fly!" or manipulating my back muscles in a manner similar to flapping wings; when I attempted the latter two methods, I ended up crashing to the ground in a rather ungraceful and painful heap (this was a two- or three-story high fall, mind you... XD). I managed it the second time though I was unable to fly very high... ^^"

Point I'm trying to make is that we're all making preparations or are being prepared (each in different ways) for something that I can say with great confidence I believe will happen.

What's kinda funny about that dream is that it seemed to be... VERY important that I relearned flying. I ACTUALLY slept through my phone's alarm this morning; I didn't even HEAR IT go off. It goes off continuously for at least ten minutes continously if it's not reset or turned off. But I didn't hear it. At all. That NEVER happens. Every so often, I'll hear it in the back of my mind and then come slowly to full consciousness and then reset it/turn it off, but I NEVER flat-out sleep through it, and especially while not hearing it. I actually thought at first that maybe it just didn't go off, but it DID.

In any case, again, I kinda wish the 21st of December would just come already; again, I'm pretty damn tired of just living like this and biding my time... But then again, I shouldn't be saying that; I want to be as prepared as possible for when it actually does come.

~Melari

whatever comes your way, you know you can talk to me, sis! i agree with much of what's been said, we're all getting our acts together, but now it's just time for us to sit on our hands and wait for the gran unveiling, which, now that i think about it... might not be for a little while yet.

the ones who made the aztec calendar, the one that predicts the world will end in 2012, i don't think took into account the procession of the earth's axis, which slowly shifts over time. one day, the pole star will be Vega, not Polaris! lol we might have a few years yet to finally get everything together and find the last of our little group :3

Well, yes. I definitely feel something coming but it's possible that it won't happen ON the 21st, but rather some weeks before then. And if not then then many years afterwards.

I hope for now!

Hi to all and thanks for responding, don't mean to be such a downer but it's like I said I'm just tired

Ash -*hugs back* what you said about taking time for myself now and waiting it out makes perfect sense, I do feel in a way that I have been sitting on the sidelines watching others awaken and helping them on their journey when asked - and the no more self-sacrifice or feelings of low worth - well yeah that sounds to much like me

Would love to just be happy or just be...for that matter, I do feel something is coming our way but the day is very foggy - all in good time I guess

Melari - I would love to fly again We all have our paths to follow here, our own duties so to speak - don't worry I feel you will be more than prepared and very willing to step up and take your place when it all goes down - whenever that may be but yes like you I wish that day would hurry the hell up lol....

Raz - *hugs* I know I can always confide in you and I do appreciate it more than you know, but I just didn't want to bring you down (so I post my misery for all to see lol...) whatever/whenever the unveiling will be it had better be grand!!!! Wouldn't like to think all this hype had been for nothing, I wouldn't be such a happy camper lol

Oh that last little part of our group is being very stubborn by staying in the shadows - no pun intended -