Regression

Hi there! I wanted to share what I experienced today. I had my first ever regression. Naturally I was curious about my life as Lururiel. Part of me resisted to go into my inner space where all the stuff is revealed and on the way there I even thought to myself that man do I ignore and distract myself from looking inward. Yet I want to know. So I started feeling intense emotions in my heart and i said there is something stuck in there....the therapist took me right into the source of it and I started horribly coughing and could barely breathe and crying out loud. That went on for a while and it took a lot of work for to get me through it. Then it hit me- Melari stabbed me and I was dying, felt soo much sadness and grief and wished it didnt have to go this way. Kept screaming Yahwes name. How could she kill me? I trusted her, theres some trust issue from that time when it comes to the matters of the heart.  But then there was healing.

As painful as it is, it's so satisfying when things slot into place, especially when they fit with what someone else has experienced

Yes! Thank you Ish! Im so glad to have had this validation. I am sooooo curious to remember it all and hope i can get through to see and understand it and heal. Im so grateful to be here with you all! Thank you again!

... It's a terrible thing, wishing that things could've gone differently and wishing that you had thought to do something differently, but that you did what you had done regardless. When I read the words you typed, they practically just went through my head without being processed; it's almost like my mind doesn't WANT to read the words on the page. But my heart and my soul see the words, and they REMEMBER...

All I can say... is that I'm sorry.

I know I keep saying it and saying it, over and over, and I know you have forgiven me, but my heart is still filled with regret over what I've done. Gods, I know it sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but... it just hurts so much every time I think of that horrible thing I did to you, because I didn't just kill you; I betrayed your trust to the greatest extreme...

You were always something special, Lururiel... I didn't think you'd forgive me, and I would've been just fine with it if you didn't. But you actually did. And I think that knowing that will make forgiving myself a bit easier. It's still going to take a lot of effort on my part before I'll be comfortable with doing so, but I think I'll eventually be able to do it.

~Melari

I have once taken a life of a person who was very dear to me and I know how much it hurts, so you have my sympathy. He has forgiven me, but truth is that I don't know will I ever be able to completely forgive myself. I am glad to hear that you two are in good relations again, although I am not familiar with the whole story. I have been falling for centuries before that tragic day and at that moment I hit rock bottom. We should never hurt the once we love, because there is a chance that we will never again be able to remain friends and not to mention something more. Once again I am glad that that was not your case.

In a way, it's nice to know that there's somebody who completely understands, who's gone through that exact pain that I have. Thank you for your sympathy, Dani'el. I feel less alone in this now. It really is difficult to accept what I have done, and to forgive myself for it.

I know I made it seem before that I was confident that I'd be able to forgive myself in time, but I don't think I'll ever be able to fully do it either. The most I'll really be able to do fully is learn to live with the regret and let it be my teacher. Otherwise, I'll have to move on with the regret in tow.

I'm a believer that it's okay to have strong regrets and to have lasting powerful negative feelings as long as they don't take over your life. And it's even better if you can learn from them.

~Melari

Aww Melari... May your heart find peace and healing. I still dont know why I wanted to go with Yahwe.... And
this had to do with, maybe u remember.
And thanx Dani'el for sharing. All best wishes to you.

Many of us, myself included, have had struggles with remembering all that we have been. One of my greatest difficulties has been in understanding that what and who I was or have been in other lives, is NOT who I am now. Sure, I may very well have nephilim blood in my veins, so too might I have actually been Zaqi'el, who became Malphas, but here, now, I'm me. It's hard to incorporate all of the memories, or regressions, that we might be faced with, into our very human and mortal lives. We cannot allow ourselves to be influenced by the negative things that we've done in the past, just as we cannot allow negativity to influence who we are and what we do in this life, or any other for that matter. I have memories of having commited great atrocities. Terrible things that I've done in the name of this or that god/goddess, this or that person or organization... But no matter. "I" didn't have anything to do with those things. When I fell, it was because of something that I chose to do as another being, not the one that I am now.
I guess at this point I'm just ranting, and most likely off subject.... In any event, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should just let this all happen naturally, in its own time, and we can't let anything that we may learn about who we have been control who we are now.

Well said, Malphas. Who we were and what happened in the past can influence us in the present, whether we realize it consciously or not. Traumas from the past can have an impact on our mannerisms in the present. When these traumas are worked through, and healed, it will release that negativity from who you are now. But of course, who we were does not control who we are now. We are free to be who and what we want in this present moment.

I couldn't agree more Ari'el.

Ari'el wrote:

Well said, Malphas. Who we were and what happened in the past can influence us in the present, whether we realize it consciously or not. Traumas from the past can have an impact on our mannerisms in the present. When these traumas are worked through, and healed, it will release that negativity from who you are now. But of course, who we were does not control who we are now. We are free to be who and what we want in this present moment.

Addendum: Of course, that doesn't mean that the past is not important. It is your story. It can help you to understand who and where you've come to be.

Hi!
Thanx for sharing Malphas abd Ari'el. Appreciate it!