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Ne'ander

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Join date : 2013-03-03
Age : 22

PostSubject: Hello there!   Sun Mar 03, 2013 9:39 pm

Hello there everyone! It is a pleasure to meet everyone. My name is Ne'ander. ^_^


I guess to start off, I never really understood myself. There are times whenever I can be content existing with everyone, but recently (recently being about two years ago) everything felt slightly...off? I guess that is the word to use. I felt like I kind of didn't belong anywhere, so I began searching. I was a sheltered child so there was a lot of stuff that surprised me when I began. I looked at the spiritual side of the furry fandom, took a back alley to shamanism, ran over the hills to find spirit science, and through the meadow there I found Otherkin. Hehe. Smile. There are a lot of things I have looked at, just trying to really understand myself. Something in Otherkin though sparked this weird series of events though.
To explain, at the time of me looking at Otherkin, I had been looking at spirit science. The name I am currently using is a name from the hours of meditation. This name was very significant to me for some reason, but I never knew why. I actually still don't know why. When I looked at Otherkins, I realized there were other people that had shared relatively the same things that I had been through. For instance, I am almost 900% positive that I have wings on my back. I can't see them because my ability to see things like that is not very good at all. But, like I said, there were people that also had the same things. So fortunately I wasn't crazy. I joined another forum and ran around looking and researching everything. I didn't even know where to begin besides the things that interested me. Thus, I found myself at angels and demons.
Angels and demons have been something that I really enjoyed reading about. I personally am not religious in any form, but I am very open to things to see what is actually out there. I guess I should also mention that the reason I'm not religious is because I don't really feel like I deserve someone like God. I don't know, the whole thing is weird. I just...don't feel like I deserved it because I felt like I was nothing but a castaway from everyone and everything. This led me to look at the Fallen. There are things though that have happened to me ever since I started looking at everything. I want to say they are memories, making themselves known.
I feel I might as well mention those too and what happened. It was only two, nothing too extreme and they were very short. The first one happened during meditation. I was there a while, searching, until I was slightly frustrated and I yelled something along the lines of "What am I?" Afterwards, I was greeted with a familiar deep, deep voice. I say familiar because I have heard it somewhere, but I don't know anyone in this lifetime that sounded like that. As a matter of fact, I kind of don't think it is possible to even sound like that. Anyways, I heard this deep voice say something, but couldn't understand. I then was greeted with these swirling black figures flying across my vision. They were like shadows. Honestly, it was kind of scary. Then, while I still had my eyes closed and everything, I was standing atop a large mountain, surrounded by nothing but other mountains, as far as the eye could see. I was looking to my right and I saw these massive, leathery wings that were an interestingly swampy tint of green. My arms were folded over chest and I was just standing there, flapping my wing. I guess to check to see if they worked? I don't know. Something else I noted that was interesting was that the clouds were red. Not like solid red, but really deeply shaded red. Anyways, after that, I looked in front of me and saw a massive cloud of those dark shadows I saw earlier, but they weren't shadows anymore. They were small, "impish" looking creatures, flying around. They sounded like a frustrated murder of crows. Anyways, they were circling around this figure just below them. I quickly remember spreading my wings and then, with the use of what I think were like claws or talons, (I honestly didn't see them. My chest was too puffed out and this figure was in trouble), I launched myself off the mountain and soared toward the flying things. I remember flying straight through them and then my vision was gone. Everything was black and I was back in my room again. I rolled over and felt these massive wings on my back. This was the first time I noticed my wings too. Since then, those things have been there. They aren't always there, but when I remember them, it is like a massive pressure is put on my back. So yeah. That was one.
My last one is short. I promise. I'll skip the boring details. I was at a resort in the desert, took a trip in a jeep to a beach. Here, the clouds were dark and very large. A storm was coming very quickly. My parents went to get in the car, but I paused a moment because I noticed this island. I looked at it closely and then this lightning struck close by. The island was swallowed up by this view of a city. A massive city of golden and white colors. There was this spire in the center, spiraling high up into the clouds. However, in the clouds you could tell there was this intense light coming from the top. All around the spire was a golden color that was circling around the whole thing, up and down. Around this tower, the city was a mixture of white and gold and was just all around too hard to really describe. It was just golden, and white, the clouds actually circling this place were white. There was what seemed to be a cliff that lead from the city. Like, outside of the city, the ground was like that of stone. It led from the city a little ways and then just dropped off. That was it. The city were there and gone in an instant. The city was replaced by the small island again and the storm became more thick. I ran back to the jeep just in time to see those bird-imp things from what I was talking about earlier. However, this time, I couldn't do anything. I was me. Not that massive hulk that was plowing them down before. They flew at me quickly and I remember waking up yelling. That was the end of that.


So all in all, that is all that has happened. Sorry for the long detail and the long introduction. I'm here because my friend introduced me to this place and I still don't know what I am. I am looking at Fallen because I believe that the tower and that city had something to do with heaven or home, depending on how you look at it. However, what happened in the first "memory" makes me think otherwise. The only other thing I can really feel are what are like pointed things out of my head. I would say horns, but they are coming out of the back of my head. So I don't know what that's all about. So I'm looking at Demonics too.

Anyways, like I said, it is a pleasure to meet you all and I sincerely apologize for the long introduction. ^_^. I'm glad to be here and able to meet you guys.
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Azaz'el
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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Sun Mar 03, 2013 10:28 pm

Welcome to the forum...... it's going to take a little while to read through your introduction again and digest it all. So for now, welcome!

Azaz'el

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Through Shadows falling out of memory and time...
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Ne'ander

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Sun Mar 03, 2013 11:24 pm

Thanks! Like I said, I didn't mean to write out so much Sad. Lol. It is a pleasure to be here though. Smile
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Ashtart

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:01 am

Welcome to the forum Ne'ander Smile It is a lot but thanks for sharing them.

Have some chocolate

Ash
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Capsha

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:40 pm

Welcome to the forum! Your intro was very detailed, though next time paragraphing might be the best thing to do Wink
I'm Capsha, but call me Cap, as an angel I was known as Haniel/Hanael and I'm the host of this body that I share with past lives of mine. The demon in our system is Cherry, she's a succubus.
I hope you enjoy your stay here!

~Capsha
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Ishtahar
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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:55 pm

Welcome to the forum.

your introduction was very thorough and i think it mirrors the experiences of a lot of our members and many others. we've all wandered along all kinds of paths that have led us here.
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Zionis

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:54 pm

Wow I read every word and it's very vivid! I love reading of others past memories it sounds amazing to me, sadly I can barely spark any if no memory of myself, lol so I guess I'm a messed up soul lol. Welcome to the forums! I hope to hear more if that's okay.
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Ne'ander

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:14 pm

Hehe. Thanks everyone Smile. I realize I probably should have probably spaced it, but I couldn't find the edit button anywhere after I posted. So I just had to leave it there. It is a pleasure to meet you guys! Smile.

Btw, don't worry Zepar. Like, those are the only things I can remember and that was forever ago XD. But you are always welcome to message me or something if you'd like! Smile. I'd rather not post another lengthy wall of text because I feel I've talked everyone's ear off already. ^_^.
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Ishtahar
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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:00 am

It's okay, i have two ears and, in fact they're both hanging in there Smile
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Ousa

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:47 pm

Welcome to the forum and feel free to express yourself and add to our memories of life's gone bye! What all seek here is self awareness and applying that to the betterment of our life's in the here and now!

Az feels that our stashes are all his but you are always welcome to some of mine

Again welcome,

Ousa I love you
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Zionis

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Wed Mar 06, 2013 1:19 am

By all means share your story Very Happy I'm all ears.
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BastianQoU

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Wed Mar 06, 2013 7:32 am

Welcome to the forum, Ne'ander. Smile
I hope that you'll come to discover more about yourself while you're here. It's the journey most of us are on, and adding more memories to the mix helps complete our shared puzzle.
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Ari'el
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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Tue May 21, 2013 5:22 pm

Welcome to the forum, Ne'ander! I'm sorry my hellos are so late.

I really enjoyed reading your intro and your memories. Thank you for sharing them! Awakening can be a long process, I've been at it for about a dozen years now and am still figuring things out.

This forum is meant to be a safe place to explore our memories and help eachother put the puzzle pieces together. Our only real rule is to respect eachother and yourself. Welcome and I hope you enjoy your time here! And feel free to contact the admin or any of the moderators if you have a problem.

By the way, your memory of the city reminds me of the White City that many of us have seen, though we all seem to remember it slightly differently.
For your winged form, have you ever considered dragons? The way you describe it just makes me think "dragon", but I'm a little biased. Smile
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Madhavi

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:54 am

Aloha! Welcome!
Very Happy 
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Malphas

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PostSubject: Re: Hello there!   Wed Aug 07, 2013 4:16 pm

Saluti! and welcome to the forum!
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