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 ARCHIVE: Things I remember, And things that have called to me

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Join date : 2010-02-05

PostSubject: ARCHIVE: Things I remember, And things that have called to me   Wed Jun 23, 2010 6:17 pm

By Dreamsend Oct 20 2007 -

Maybe some of this will make sense... I don't have any memories that make sense (like time/place/identifying people) to me, but what I do have drives me pretty constantly. Here's a short account of the things that I remember... also of the things that draw me... "clues" I guess to remembering:

The first thing that I remembered clearly of a time/place not here, was of fighting. I'm fighting very hard, and enjoying it. I'm full of bloodlust (Ishtahar, where I said I think I may have done "very bad things" in the past... this is part of it). I'm slaying many enemies, deftly, without any care for them or their souls. I'm enjoying every strike. I'm pretty mobile. I fight with a spear. There are nothing but fighting people - war - as far as I can see in any direction. The landscape is red/grey/brown like earth. For all I can tell the battle is taking place in the midst of a barren, rocky terrain. I have the urge to growl and bare my teeth a lot - (present interpretation is that I'm not sure that I'm entirely human, but I am humanoid at the least). I laugh as I'm fighting. [recently remembered, when I started looking into vampirism as something that might fit with me - as I don't in this life or any that I can remember have the urge to drink blood that comes from humans/non-magickal beings...] combing the past for feelings of the "Thirst" and having ever drank blood I felt that I have had the intense want for blood/life in the past, but, I think Angel blood.

In this life, certain wounds frightened me/were difficult to see more than any others - wounds to the jugular veins, major artery areas... I think I may have been beheaded in that life... I have the feeling that I "know the feeling" of the blade cutting; I can remember what that felt like (for the brief instant I still knew feeling *laughs*)


The second thing I remembered clearly is a flash of an instant - it came during or before my looking into starseeds/star children. It's combined with a few other sensations. The memory itself is of descending from the skies. I'm pure light/energy, the way that it moves around my "feet" and "back" could give the illusion that I wear robes and that I have feathered wings. (I have the feeling even now of something lightly flowing around my ankles, like long robes would). The skies are blue with clouds. There are others like me; perhaps a hundred or a hundred fifty. We are almost the same in appearance. There is a small small gathering of people, spaced out on the earth far down. We sort of "drift" down, like flowers or rain from heaven, falling lightly, slowly... not quite flying, but not falling against our will. There is no recollection of feeling or purpose in this memory, only in the falling itself, the arrival.

Those two are the only really clear Memories that I have. I've read that because everyone is connected to each other, things that might have been seen or experienced in the past can be "remembered" by many... the other things I connect myself with have the fuzzy "maybe not" feeling of "this might not truly be my memory... even though I am profoundly drawn to it."

I think the most significant of those sensations are connections to several countries... China and Egypt figure most prominent, followed by the Ireland area and the region of India... followed by Japan. Japan I seem to have an innate knowing of how the culture works, though I've never been there. Ireland, I feel is my "birthplace" of sorts (on eof millions? I feel that I have many birthplaces, and then only one true one). India I feel a connection to the goddesses and gods of that country. China and Egypt are the most interesting, because the first half of my life thus far I had an irrationally strong hatred and fear of both in their ancient forms. I've also met up with people that I may have met in China in former lives (primarily people I may have taught martial arts to... there is the feeling that I was a teacher of those things then). Egypt I just hated strongly and feared the resurrection of their magickal practices in this time. I've since come to completely reverse my feeling on both, and love ancient Chinese culture, and feel "related to" ancient Egyptian culture... so much that I have a strong personal connection to several of their Gods.

Normally, all of that I would consider to be reflections and fragments of many past lives lived... I don't know if I've lived that many times before, though. Maybe two or three, and maybe each time was very long (maybe the second time was about hundreds of years long), but not many cumulative death and rebirth lives. That's what others seem to feel about me, sometimes. *shrugs* I don't know.

In this life, I feel the pull to many ancient cultures, and "destroyed" ones, like "Mu," and to Biblical mysticism among other things. Ah, that reminded me of the third ancient culture I hate/d without explanation, which was Mesopotamian/Assyrian culture. Just thinking about that fills me with rage and I don't know why - so much so that when "Ancient World Cultures" arrived to the Mesopotamian section in high school, I spontaneously felt the urge to cover my ears with my hands and scream. I didn't want to hear (remember? *shrug*) any of it, and I didn't absorb much at all about that lesson that quarter.

There's more of course, but I don't want to write too much about it all... like feeling a sense of supreme calm as I nearly never feel anymore when I stare up at the starry night sky... feeling the need to "connect" with the moon (especially full) somehow (the full moon near the Autumn Equinox drove me a little crazy - I was so full of longing to "get back" at it or something, but couldn't remember how... so was just filled with this growing longing that I couldn't do anything with). Yeah, lots more, but as far as pure memories go, not very much at all.

Sorry I don't have very many more real memories... war, blood, and light, that's all I can recall.

-- Dreamsend


By Ishtahar Oct 20 2007 -

That is extremely interesting. I have always feared war. I hid for most of the fall and I think I deluded myself beforehand that it would never happen. I hide from confrontation even now and the thought of even mental warring fills me with a kind of terror.

I believe that I have been a peace keeper in all of my lives and that I have died many times because of it.

I have carried through most of this life a tremendous amount of guilt which has cumulated through many lifetimes.

In the first I think that I took the conspiracy under the tree as a great game, a chance to plot and plan with angels for heaven sake. At least until Shem fell the first time I dont think that I really took it seriously. And even after when we talked of revenge and the others began to drift back and get more and more serious, somehow I never truly believed anything would happen. Despite that my bitterness caused me to stir things up, to encourage and egg them on. I have felt for many years a tremendous guilt and a feeling that the fall was all my fault, that I was the only one who could have soothed Shem and turned him away from that desire for revenge. I could have stopped it but I was a silly girl playing a game, getting carried away with all the excitement without ever thinking of the consequences. I never, ever believed that it woudl come to war. I let them all down. And to tell the truth I am nervous now, frightened that by bringing them all together I will be blamed for that (and rightly so) and that they will be bitter and angry with me for what they have suffered because of me

And then of course there are the children. After the fall my child was taken away from me and I was cursed to never bear a living child whose death I did not cause.

Through life after life I have miscarried or murdered my own children and always because I truly believed it was vital that I did so.

Life after life of being a holy person, a priestess, a queen, soaked through with the rememberance of my connection to the source but fatally flawed by the curse to be a death sentence every child who was misfortunate enough to be born of me

Recently I have begun to remember those times, death after death replaying before my eyes. It has torn me apart and I am only beginning to put myself back together again.


By Eryndor Oct 26 2007 -

Im not fallen and I realize this... but i have just received memories that I wish to express.
It doesn't add up with other elf memories, but my memories are on earth, not another dimension.
Here are my memories...

I remember a castle by a woodland...
Possibly the Scottish Castle, Huntly.
I remember relations between the humans and elves.
They were well known amongst the elves but kept secret from other humans.
Infact, we'd poison the humans whom we interacted with so they'd forget it all.
Once, an elf-maiden mated with a male and bore 2 children.
We raised them and they became divine mystics amongst men.
We protected nature and killed humans who hunted too often.
We rarely ate meat, and when we did we used all the animal to fashion clothes and tools.
We wore clothes of leather and a thick cotton of sorts.
We had tough nails that cut through bark.
We only grew the thumb nails though.
We visited other elves from Greenland.
They were more pale then us wood elves and their skin held the light of the moon so they'd glow silver at night.
Their pale eyes lacked color and had white, cream or very pale blue irises.
We were fair skinned and blond-white haired.
Our eyes shone with vibrance of gold, blue, browns and chestnut.
We could manipulate earth, air, fire, water.
I remember swirling wind around to catch leaves and the children would chase them.
We rarely used fire due to the destruction of wood, but we respected it and used it as a gateway to summon fire elementals such as salamanders.
We slept in tree branches.
We would breed plants to create mystical flowers and herbs that humans have never discovered.
We knew how to fight with sticks well and never used metal.
We were good archers for most of us had keen eyes.
We loved detail and art.
We would treat trees and plants as animals and we could tell their moods.
The trees sing even now in the wind as they rustle their leaves together.
I remember patting a tree and telling it that all would be better after an ignorant human either burnt it or cut at it.
We could talk to animals, wolves especially.
We could whisper on the wind and our voices would carry over a distance... in no tongues that humans could understand though.


By Ishtahar Oct 27 2007 -

You must be lonely for that time.

Could it be that some of the singing that we have been experiencing has been the song of the elves on the wind. As you are now awakening could it be that elves everywhere are awakening as we are preparing for the time of magic to return and if so will they fight with us in the war or stand back?

I appreciate that this is not something that you can answer at this time Eryndor, as you are only just awakening and please do not think that I would be critical of the elves if they do stand back, it is their right and I would not belittle that, it is just a thought.


By Dreamsend Nov 6 2007 -

More that I haven't realized were memories until recently. One seemed more like a dream. There's the memory of the end of some life maybe kneeling beside a river (or some flowing water) alone with bleeding wrists and crying.

That's a thing that hasn't left me, today. I still look at my wrists and like an afterimage on a photo I'll see warm red blood pouring from them down my palms. I even feel the "stigmata" sometimes. Though I don't know what that's about, and feel it to be a pretty universal sort of experience. Just the hand wounds, like big gashes. They've never physically appeared, I just feel them and feel like they should be there.

I have this thing that repeats in my head, "I did it, I did it..." I don't know what that means. Maybe it's "I killed them, I killed them all..." but that may be something that I put in there to make it make sense.


The other thing I don't know how to interpret. It may be another fragment from a past life... all it is, is when I'm sitting still sometimes, if I search "back," I hear this scream. I hear a long, pronounced agonized scream, like someone has discovered something very sad, or is in a lot of pain. It's that same scream every time, female I think, and not my own.


On an unrelated topic, I feel that deep down I truly know my purpose, but that it makes me very sad. I feel that I want to "wake up," but I really *don't* want to because I'll have to "start working" again. I feel I'm supposed to lead. That is a very tiring thought. I don't really want to be here, but if taking responsibility is what it takes, then...



-- Angela


By Ishtahar Nov 6 2007 -

Oh I relate so much to your last paragraph. I also feel that I need to 'wake up' and take the lead in something and the thought makes me soooo tired.

I think I am in the process of waking and owning Ishtahar is part of it but there is so much of her still under the surface waiting to break free and she is so wild and uncontrolled and powerful I long for her and fear her in equal measures. I am a gentle soul and the thought of truly becoming this powerful and thrusting being who longs to step into the spotlight and lead is terrifying but seductive at the same time.

I suppose it will happen sooner or later whether I want it or not but I go through phases of being really frustrated because I just cant break through and being really fearful of what little is coming through

Ah well.......


By Azaz'el Nov 6 2007 -

QUOTE (Dreamsend @ Nov 6 2007, 08:16 AM)
"alone with bleeding wrists and crying....(my edit)......... Though I don't know what that's about, and feel it to be a pretty universal sort of experience."

It is strange that you have experienced this and feel it. When you say it could be a universal experience, do you feel it could be somethign we all need to remember or feel, or do you think it's soething that many of us have actually experienced?

I ask this as I, too, have an experience of something similar. One of my past lives, the last one I remember, I was driven to the point of despair and killed myself. I took my knife, and slashed my writsts, only this was done up my inner arms, not across my wrists. I remembers it clearly, I see it still in my mind and feel the pain.

Is this some sort of death that many of us have experienced, the shedding of our blood? Or is this an achetypal essence that makes us all experience a death that we believe to be our own but which isn't real?

My personal feeling is that it is real for us, that shedding blood was an important act to take place....... I just have no idea why. I have theories but no hard facts or memories.

Az


By Dreamsend Nov 7 2007 -

Well, it depends. It could be coincidence; it could be meaningful; it could be archetypal. Do you have any more details about the event? Time, place, surroundings?

All I remember is water and the ground and maybe a feeling of remorse/betrayal (i.e. a triangle of betrayers) (still working that out). If you can remember your form maybe I can determine if it's really that similar... i have memories of the image of that person.

Maybe it's tapping into similar memories or the "collective unconscious"? There could be all sorts of reasons but... I'm going with "coincidence" until I have more of the info happy.gif


Ishtahar, i feel the same way about the "inner self" of mine. ^^ I'm so glad to find similar experiences.

-- Angela


By Dreamsend Nov 7 2007 -

QUOTE (Azazel @ Nov 6 2007, 07:50 PM)
"QUOTE (Dreamsend @ Nov 6 2007, 08:16 AM)
"alone with bleeding wrists and crying....(my edit)......... Though I don't know what that's about, and feel it to be a pretty universal sort of experience."


It is strange that you have experienced this and feel it. When you say it could be a universal experience, do you feel it could be somethign we all need to remember or feel, or do you think it's soething that many of us have actually experienced?"

I neglected to add that when I said "universal experience," I was referring to the Stigmata, (the wounds that the Christ received that have reproduced themselves on people over the centuries, most say supernaturally). I meant (by universal experience) that the Stigmata *can* happen to anyone, though they might not. (like running into any paranormal phenomena)

-- A


By Azaz'el Nov 8 2007 -

Sorry for the length of time it has taken to reply to this thread - things have been a little busy over the past few days!

The past life where I killed myself was a few thousand years ago and I was living in the UK, where I live now. We were a close knit community and yet we were called upon to help with one of the Gateways in the south of England - at the newly constructed Avebury stone circle.

The ritual or ceremony was deliberately corrupted and I ended up killing someone very close to me. This was followed by a large battle between tribes, resulting in many deaths and my own fatal injury. Yet this injury didn't kill me in the end. I was consumed by guilt and remorse and was alone, having been left for dead.

Just outside from the large stone circle I finally lost my senses to grief and having no tribe or family left alive, and with the thoughts of my actions in my head and memory, I sliced open my veins and allowed my life blood to drain away into the earth.

I knew then that I wasn't human, but had no idea what I was... and since these memories hit many years ago, I have searched for answers, which brought me to the understanding of who and what I am today. But it is painful to remember. So this is my experience of my blood being spilled.

Az


By Dreamsend Nov 15 2007 -

No that doesn't sound familiar....


Other things I remember about that particular incident that returned to me recently... the ground was covered with fallen leaves, or there's a sense of "brownness" and crunching (like that of leaves). There may have been other people there, two standing and looking on to one side and one sitting on the other. I (or the person involved) had long dark (black or brown) hair - I can't see male or female, I just see the hair). Also, I assume that the wound was up the arms (from the wrists cut vertically) because horizontal actually isn't the sort of wound to inflict to die that way. Also, there may have been coughing or the sense of ill/failing health in me/whoever the person was. So, maybe I should say that some things about your account do seem to fit, and others are unfamiliar/don't seem to fit with what I remember.

Maybe it is a common experience? The more I think about this, the more confused I get ^^

-- A


By Hope Nov 15 2007 -

i just had something flash through my head... there was a valley, a town near a cliff overlooking the valley, it was night and i was alone, i never felt so much in solitude yet for some reason it felt good


By Ishtahar Nov 15 2007 -

The town where Ishtahar lived was near a cliff which overlooked a valley, There was a spur which jutted out over the valley and there was a tree where I first met Shem and where we used to meet, it was accessed by a tiny trail that led off the main path between the town and the city of the Shadow and you could only find it if you knew where it was.

The valley was very green but it was dangerous.

It sounds as though the memories you have had Az and Dreamsend were simply of two lives which ended in the same way. They do not have to be a common shared experience just similar emotions at the time of death maybe,

Possibly the lives that you have remembered were the first time for both of you when you began to remember the previous times and the things that happened then and it drove you to death.

We seem to all be having a lot of memories of other times at the moment. It is necessary and interesting to piece the jigsaw together but memories may be just memories, they dont HAVE to mean anything.

Ish


By Azaz'el Nov 15 2007 -

Memories can just be memories, but I personally believe that this is only the case with memories in this present incarnation. Due to the nature of life, death and rebirth, regardless of whether you believe in transmigration or metampsychosis, I believe that memories of past lives are kept from us due to the nature of rebirth and the growth of the soul.

As such, when a past life surfaces, it can often have meaning and purpose... there is a reason why that specific memory has surfaced of that particular life. Once that has been understood then the rest of the memories can come through. That has happened to me and many others. For me it's a case of how much importance to place on a particular memory that is important. As much as the memories have a message, we still have to live in the 21st Century. So whilst I have memories of my life, my first life, as Azazel, I still have to live now, work now, etc etc.

I know what you mean in a way about them maybe just being there... but they have to be explored first. So Dreamsend and I have had a similar experience, they may be the same or different lives. Only by exploring them can we understand that, and often that need to understand can only be understood by the person or people who have faced the particular memory.

I'm now rambling!!!! blink.gif

Az


By Ishtahar Nov 17 2007 -

Nothing new there then biggrin.gif

Yes, I see what you mean about the very fact that memories come through at this time pointing to the fact that they have meaning but it may just be a meaning for the individual at that time.

It may be that it is a co incidence that Dreamsend had memories of a similar death. Other people have died in that way. It may have been a traditional death for a warrior....like a Roman falling on his sword. This could point to Dreamsend remembering a life within the same tribe or same area or same culture but it does not have to be connected with the same incident or even the same time period and it may not have the same or even a similar meaning.

And now I am rambling. I have no idea where I am going with this


By Dreamsend Feb 1 2008 -

I have to agree with Azazel. I think that some memories need to be explored and delved into before further progress can be made. This reply is more than a few months late in coming Laughing , but it still was lingering on my mind when I decided to reread this thread.


-- D


By Azaz'el Feb 3 2008 -

Have you come up with any greater understanding or knowledge regarding this, Dreamsend? I have had a lot of memories surface in recent times and am curious to see if anyone else has been facing a similar thing.

Az


By Dreamsend Feb 3 2008 -

I haven't come up with more memory or understanding of those already written. I am waking up a little more every day, however, and slowly coming to terms with the sensations and feelings that I experience. I'm starting to understand that intrisically I'm not as selfless or "saint-like" as I've usually tried to act or imagine myself to be (not wanting to face the "darkness" within will leave nothing but imagery of light).

-- D


By Ishtahar Feb 13 2008 -

Without shading you can never be truly rounded. I like my shadows, my dark side...she is stronger than me:)


By Azaz'el Feb 13 2008 -

The 'darker' side to our nature is always usually stronger, and as you'd imagine can be quite scary. It's vital that we become aware of this side to our nature, otherwise, as you say Dreamsend, we end up seeing a false, light, image of ourselves and repress that which gives us strength and can help us in difficult situations.

Due to the constricts of polite society (!!) we do need to keep a constant restraint on this side to our nature, but it also has to be explored. Don't be ashamed or feel any guilt over that darker side, what it feels like, what it may have done. I, perhaps more than some, can say this with feeling..... and I am trying to remove the guilt and the shame, but it's not easy at times. So allow it to have voice from time to time, let it talk to you, let it show you how things have been in your life .

Life is not alwaysn pretty, and we all fight to survive. Be proud of the fact that you are here, now, have made it through to this point in the cycle.

Az


By Ellysium Apr 13 2008 -

QUOTE (Dreamsend @ Oct 20 2007, 05:25 AM)
"The first thing that I remembered clearly of a time/place not here, was of fighting. I'm fighting very hard, and enjoying it. I'm full of bloodlust (Ishtahar, where I said I think I may have done "very bad things" in the past... this is part of it). I'm slaying many enemies, deftly, without any care for them or their souls. I'm enjoying every strike. I'm pretty mobile. I fight with a spear. There are nothing but fighting people - war - as far as I can see in any direction. The landscape is red/grey/brown like earth. For all I can tell the battle is taking place in the midst of a barren, rocky terrain. I have the urge to growl and bare my teeth a lot - (present interpretation is that I'm not sure that I'm entirely human, but I am humanoid at the least). I laugh as I'm fighting. [recently remembered, when I started looking into vampirism as something that might fit with me - as I don't in this life or any that I can remember have the urge to drink blood that comes from humans/non-magickal beings...] combing the past for feelings of the "Thirst" and having ever drank blood I felt that I have had the intense want for blood/life in the past, but, I think Angel blood.

--
The second thing I remembered clearly is a flash of an instant - it came during or before my looking into starseeds/star children. It's combined with a few other sensations. The memory itself is of descending from the skies. I'm pure light/energy, the way that it moves around my "feet" and "back" could give the illusion that I wear robes and that I have feathered wings. (I have the feeling even now of something lightly flowing around my ankles, like long robes would). The skies are blue with clouds. There are others like me; perhaps a hundred or a hundred fifty. We are almost the same in appearance. There is a small small gathering of people, spaced out on the earth far down. We sort of "drift" down, like flowers or rain from heaven, falling lightly, slowly... not quite flying, but not falling against our will. There is no recollection of feeling or purpose in this memory, only in the falling itself, the arrival.


I think the most significant of those sensations are connections to several countries... China and Egypt figure most prominent, followed by the Ireland area and the region of India... followed by Japan. Japan I seem to have an innate knowing of how the culture works, though I've never been there. Ireland, I feel is my "birthplace" of sorts (on eof millions? I feel that I have many birthplaces, and then only one true one). India I feel a connection to the goddesses and gods of that country. China and Egypt are the most interesting, because the first half of my life thus far I had an irrationally strong hatred and fear of both in their ancient forms. I've also met up with people that I may have met in China in former lives (primarily people I may have taught martial arts to... there is the feeling that I was a teacher of those things then). Egypt I just hated strongly and feared the resurrection of their magickal practices in this time. I've since come to completely reverse my feeling on both, and love ancient Chinese culture, and feel "related to" ancient Egyptian culture... so much that I have a strong personal connection to several of their Gods.

--
There's more of course, but I don't want to write too much about it all... like feeling a sense of supreme calm as I nearly never feel anymore when I stare up at the starry night sky... feeling the need to "connect" with the moon (especially full) somehow (the full moon near the Autumn Equinox drove me a little crazy - I was so full of longing to "get back" at it or something, but couldn't remember how... so was just filled with this growing longing that I couldn't do anything with). Yeah, lots more, but as far as pure memories go, not very much at all.

Sorry I don't have very many more real memories... war, blood, and light, that's all I can recall.

-- Dreamsend"

Dreamsend,

I can relate to quite a few things from your post. The vision of fighting in a war is something not unfamiliar to me. I've had several visions like that, and often in a similar way to what you are describing, where it feels real and you can actually feel the blood lust, though i can see the actual battle only as images in my mind. I can't always tell who or what I am, and when I can, it's not always the same. I doubt that we've been in the same battle, though who knows. And I think that many of the battles that I've seen/remembered are different even from each other.

When I read the second thing about your vision of the light beings falling from the sky, I was dumbstruck. I have an aspect of myself that looks pretty much exactly like what you described. She usually takes a humanoid form, and seems to be made entirely of white light. She has no wings, but her hair and ankle-length robes move as if they are blowing in some nonexistent wind. That is the part of myself that I call Ellysium. I've seen her through visions and meditation, and she would come forward and help me whenever I would try to heal someone of something more serious than, say, a headache. I don't know much more about her though, and I've been somewhat out of touch with my spirituality and abilities for some time, trying to get back now...

Like you, I also feel a pull to many ancient civilizations, and to areas of the world that I haven't necessarily been to before, like Scotland, Egypt, Greece, Australia, etc. I feel that's mainly due to past lives I've had. And I'm glad you've gotten over your hatred of Egypt smile.gif I have a very strong connection to that area of the world, through past lives. And have a close relationship with Anubis especially. (Possibly because I was a Priestess of Anubis in a past life). I also have connections to some other gods from various religions and cultures.

And I know EXACTLY what you mean about the sense of calm when you look up at the stars. I also often have a deep sense of longing when I do this. Not so much for the moon, but for the stars and the universe itself. And I often have this longing for a Home that is not on this planet.


By Dreamsend Apr 15 2008 -

I'm glad to hear that there are so many things that you can relate to in this post. I tried to open up as much as I could, and it makes me feel really good to know that it's touched someone. Is there a reason that you say that we have probably not fought in the same battle? Is it just that it seems unlikely, or was there a conflicting detail or two in the memories of battle that you recall? I'd love to hear them, if so.

As I mentioned in chat, I'll continue to try to focus on remembering more about the vision of the light beings, and share...

Anubis is a favorite god of mine. I love the gods of death and destruction from across the globe, often when I come to learn about them. Do you feel that you've lived many many lives around the world? Maybe hundreds? The type that would be labelled an "old soul"

Have you chanced a peek at the Hubble Space Telescope[user posted link at = http://hubblesite.org/gallery/ ] pictures of deep space stars, galaxies and nebulas? They're awe-inspiring.

Thanks for the comment ^^


-- Dreamsend


By Ishtahar Apr 16 2008 -

I also seem to be attracted to death...as in angels of death, deities associated with death, etc, although I am not in any way a dark person. My energy is very light.

Strange. biggrin.gif


By Universal Traveler Apr 16 2008 -

See, this is weird, already three of us having this connection to death.
If I am ever able to get on the chat (haha) I would love to talk about that.


By Ishtahar Apr 16 2008 -

well, we have all tried really hard to work out what is going on with the chat. Hopefully Az will sort it out very soon. We are continuing to work on it


By Ellysium Apr 16 2008 -

Hm, I didn't recognize any conflicting details about the battle. I just thought it was unlikely that we were in the same one simply because there have been so many battles over time. But then again, perhaps we were together. I don't know smile.gif

I'd be interested to hear what else you remember or feel about the light beings. I believe Fadd had some interesting feelings about them as well. I think you both associated them with battle or violence? Is that right? If so, that's interesting, because I have not had that association, perhaps because I have interacted with one, or part of me is one *shrugs*

Yay Anubis :-D lol. I also like Kali/Durga, and Ganesh (and others). I think they have something to do with destroying obstacles and illusion, and things.
Interesting that the three of you have this connection with Death. I don't think death is necessarily a bad or dark thing. It can be viewed as a transformation, a rebirth, etc.

And yes, I feel as though I have led quite a few lives, here on this Earth and possibly elsewhere as well. Have you?

I have seen some of those pictures before. Thanks for the link. The pictures are absolutely gorgeous and amazing :-D


By Dreamsend Apr 17 2008 -

I may have lived many lives, or I may not have... I have that "old soul" sort of feeling, but I don't know if I have or not, someone once told me otherwise that made me question that.

I agree that on the likelihood of two people meeting and saying "hey have you been to this same place," it wouldn't likely have happened. If you believe in synchronicity and "laws of attraction," it doesn't seem that strange. It even seems likely :\ I have those things happen a lot *shrugs*

On the light beings and whether they are connected to the images of violence I remember, I think in the memory I have, the thing that struck out was how "purposeless" their intentions were coming down, like they were neither for peace or war. They just "are". I say that I have that connection because I feel that as these beings that had no intent when they landed, and being capable of much toward peace or violence, I can see the path that might have come when some of them choose a few decisions that led to them choosing to take violent action. It's hard to describe over the internet, the sort of process I mean... like a bunch of dominoes, and causality. Some took different choices than the others that naturally led them to violence, though they didn't fully embrace it even as they did it. Does that make sense?

I don't even know if that was truly them yet, though.


By Ellysium Apr 21 2008 -

Lol, to be honest I do believe in things like synchronicity. And I've met people before that I felt I knew though didn't know from this life.
I read over your memory of the battle again, and there's nothing that makes me feel I wasn't there. The landscape sounds similar to some of my memories.

Hm, interesting about the light beings... And it makes sense. I can't really remember or feel much about that event, though, because it seems like I might have been connected to it, just because of the images I see of a light being sometimes (that may or may not be me). But then again, maybe I had nothing to do with that.


By Scratch Aug 27 2008 -

A few things really jumped out at me here, so sorry to people I was too impatient to do anything but skim the replies of.

I often find myself growling and snarling, particularly when excited, and especially if excited by something or someone other. I also explored the possibility of vampiric roots to this, and decided, for me at least, there is something to that, but like most "mythical creatures" there's a little truth and a lot of stories all mixed together in contemporary sources. I can pull energy from people and animals, plants, and stones, either ambient or specific, which makes me an "energy-" or "psi vampire," according to some people. However, I also breath energy out again, sometimes to give a friend a pick-me-up, sometimes to more generally improve a place that feels icky. I think the vampire thing is more a matter of how a skill is used, at least in that aspect (taking without giving is vampiric, and I haven't come across a specific term for someone who gives and takes). Blood is the physical medium which carries a lot of a person's energy I think; I don't outright crave it, but get a weird boost from sucking my own wounds. It seems to form psychic bonds if I taste another person's blood, but those kinds of bonds can be forged in many other ways too. Sometimes, in heightened states of what I mentioned above, I also find myself muttering or singing in another language. Part of me knows what I'm saying, but it's too quick and differently structured from English to translate, usually. I dearly wish that part of me would tell the rest what language it is, if it has a name; all I know is it's something long dead, that sounds similar to the variety of Aramaic they used in "Passion of the Christ." It was close enough actually that I didn't use the subtitles, except to glance at to see if I really was understanding what they said.

That leads into my bouncing giddiness over other people having a serious thing about the Middle East too. Babylon, Assyria, Mesopotamia, the fact my country is blowing it all to shit right now... Yeah. The cradle of civilization: think people like us could have had something to do with that? For a while I thought that this being I had surfacing was Inana. Turns out that was another layer, and a way of understanding that was a lot easier for me to swallow at that time than what I'm getting now. I can relate to that feeling of wanting to scream in class; you should have seen the inside of my head while looking at a certain alabaster mask and vase during an art history lecture. If I was in my true potential, I'm afraid the college would have promptly needed a new building.

Which brings me to the final thought for tonight on this subject. I'm sure it's got different flavors and textures for everybody, but where does all that guilt come from? It was a running joke in high school, largely coined by me but enthusiastically backed by close friends, that if something got lost, so-and-so got grounded, China blew up, or civilization as we know it ultimately collapsed, it would be my fault, because everything is my fault. They didn't actually blame me for anything, but there's been this prevalent feeling like I'd done something horribly wrong at some point I need to atone for. A week or two ago, a recently-met friend commented that with true confidence in myself, I could be powerful to an almost scary level; it was an observation, although several teachers I most respected told me pretty much the same, packaged more like a pep-talk, and I didn't want to believe them. I've always known deep down there would be no stopping me from doing anything I want to, if I just let myself go and do it. I've kept stranglehold reins on myself all my life, partly out of conditioning from conservative, play-it-safe family, but mostly out of fear of what all I might be capable of. Now, I'm seeing less and less reason to do this, and am getting terrified in a new, elated sort of way by the ease with which things fall into place when I'm not afraid. I really do think we're approaching some kind of major shift, and that key players in it will be people who are waking up and working with their true potential. God's got a lot to do with it too, but the more I explore that the more dead wrong I realize most churches are on that particular subject, which is a crying shame for a lot of people.


By Ellysium Aug 27 2008 -

Wow, Scratch, I can relate to pretty much everything in your post.

I can take and give energy as well. I'm a bit out of practice with it though.

I find myself speaking in tongues at times. Sometimes one of my friends and I will have whole conversations in these ancient, dead languages. I usually have a general inclination about what I'm talking about, but nothing more specific. One of the languages we speak is pre-Canaanite Hebrew, that's what a Rabi said after reading one of our conversations, he could translate it enought to know that it was a friendly argument, which is what it felt like when we were talking! I also speak other languages, most of which I can't identify.

I know what you mean about the layers. I'm discovering so many different layers and parts of myself.

And the full potential.... yes.. if I was at that point... like you, I could do anything. But also like you, I have been keeping a very tight rein on my abilities, absolutely smothering them at times. And if I had the confidence in myself, and let go of that strangle-hold.. I could probably have all or most of those abilities back.. But I'm afraid of that.. and I don't want my ego to get out of hand, and I'm afraid of what other people might think and so on and so forth.. it's silly, really. I need to get over that. Because.. everything has a place and a purpose.. nothing is more important than anything else, everything plays a necessary role, and we wouldn't have these abilities if we weren't supposed to use them... or something like that. I'm still afraid to let go of the reins though, it's a process. And also, perhaps I'm just not ready yet.. though I feel like the time is getting close...


By Ishtahar Aug 27 2008 -

Yes, there is a lot here that resonates, the levels. the giving and taking of energy, the reigning in potential and... oh my dear yes.. the guilt. Ha. If you find the answer of where it all came for then please let me know because I would very much like to package it and send it all back smile.gif

Ish


By Angela Aug 5 2009 -

Revisiting all past posts gradually... as I know a lot more now than I did then. I want to see if what I wrote makes any more sense to me today, or if what others wrote rings any more bells.

Most of what I wrote here still holds today. There have been developments. I had a memory (I think) this morning of basically razing a village of some kind. It was dark, and I was cruel and thought nothing of family, women, children. I was with others, maybe a band of thugs or thieves. We were pretty practiced at what we were doing. I'm having trouble looking at all of this memory because it's pretty awful.... This reminded me of the memory of fighting that I have sometimes, fighting with the spear in the barren plain.

These I think are different lives from the one of the energy beings. In one the persons are coarser, cruel. In the other the being seems kind or at least indifferent.

I'm continuing to revisit the past posts.

-- Angela.


By Ishtahar Aug 5 2009 -

That is an incredibly good idea. I think when I have time... sometime in the next century... I will do the same thing


By Azaz'el Aug 5 2009 -

Yeah, definately a very good idea.......... will try to begin too,

Az


By Eidolon Aug 23 2009 -

I myself am terrified of what I see within me. The absolute power and energy which lies there causes me to curl into a ball at night. I do not want to be what I am but I know I must. However whatever I am I know that I was a Guardian of a gate. A gate of thought and mind.

There was a great war between many warring clans and tribes. Humans and angels. Creatures which can only be seen in whispered nightmares. The thing was that I was the guy that everyone feared. I remember the look of terror on the humans faces as I looked at them even the angels feared the few in the war who were of my kind.

My kind were the ones who were required to hold the balance. We made sure the fights stayed even. We killed any who opposed us. We absorbed their essence we became them and they became forever a part of us. Their memories and likeness became our tools and they ceased to exist. We killed many humans and many angels. We walked between realms and our place was between realms.

We were the shadow not the evil and not the light we were what formed as a result of the evil clouding the purity of the light. I do not know another way to put this. I remember kneeling between two alters as I burnt herbs for a magical purpose. On one alter was the vilest most despicable being to walk in the shadow realm and on the other was the purest noblest knight that had ever walked the earth.

I invoked them with the words Darkest warrior mighty night. Come forth to the shadows within the light.

there were more words but I dare not speak them at this point in time. I did that one night and had a horrible week after that. I uttered the first 5 words and then it felt like my abdomen tried to collapse upon itself. My chest bellowed out and it felt like my height grew a few inches. Light fluttered around the edge of my vision. My spine started aching and it felt like my shoulder blades wanted to pop out.

And if you don't think that was bad enough think of how I felt when a language I never heard but understood word for word spilled from my lips.

Finally I remember the war ending and gateways being sealed. Gateways to places where thought manifested in a physical form and where I could control anything with but a thought.

I remember being placed a guardian at one of those gateways. One of several which were created by a being more powerful than I. I was the guardian of the 10th realm of the 13th plane (whatever the hell that means)

My awakening came with what feels like a call to leadership. And it came with a warning..

The dream is becoming a reality and the dreamer just a dream. I control everything with a thought.

If any of you could aide me in understanding what I have just said please do. I understand it on one level. Yet my conscious mind tries to force it into a realm of fantasy. I need factual or documented information that can lead me to answers lol. Also I have a name which I keep repeating of a being who feels like a father yet I can not find any information regarding this being. It's name is AZAG-Thoth.

To me it makes me think of the Egyptian god thoth but I can not find anything pertainging to that name.


By Ouza Aug 23 2009 -

"The Sleepers are Awakening!" You are not one but ... legions!

Ouza 333


By Ouza Aug 23 2009 -

Amon ... you are limiting yourself to Earth historical reference points when in fact your beginning was in the stars !!! Change your perspective and focus not to self but to the mission. The keys have been given and the trump sounded!

A map will be given when the time is upon us, until then Welcome Home my Old but Very Dear Friend and Ally!

Ouza 333


By Azaz'el Aug 23 2009 -

I'm wondering how sure you are regarding the name Azag-thoth?

Thoth is an Egyptian deity as you said, but there are three other close connotations to that name....... one the surname to the singer and founder of a heavy metal group in the USA. The second is linked to the heavy metal group from Germany called Dark Fortress, who had a vocalist called Azathoth, and coincidentally their latest album shares your name, Eidolon.

Lastly, the other is spelled slightly different but is from the mythos created by Lovecraft around Cthulu.

To my knowledge and memory, there are no Shadows or other types of Kin that I have ever known called that.

Az


By Ouza Aug 23 2009 -

JUST A THOUGHT ...

Amon


[user posted image at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e4/Aamon.jpg/180px-Aamon.jpg ]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amon_%28demon%29

Amun

[user posted image at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/57/Amun.svg/150px-Amun.svg.png ]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amun


"Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify this document or documents under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any later version published by the Free Software Foundation; with no Invariant Sections, no Front-Cover Texts, and no Back-Cover Texts. A copy of the license is included in the section entitled "GNU Free Documentation License".

Ouza


By Eidolon Aug 23 2009 -

The name Eidolon represents how I feel about who I am. It refers to a phantom. I was writing poetry and look in a thesaurus to find that name.

I have never heard of dark fortress and I am not sure of the exact spelling of the name. It is close to azagthoth or azteroth these are the closest that I can find in sound. Lovecraft to me is mostly fantasy other than the names of Sumerian deities found in the book. Some of the tales are even tales taken from ancient religions.

I have this feeling that the being that is being referred to was actually the first or one of the first sentient metaphysical beings created from the one source. Humans were created after the metaphysical beings and I refer to metaphysical beings as something that is more than simple blood and tissue. They have gifts or powers which are used to aid or hurt.

Also if any oh you might know or have heard of something that sounds like (this is phonetic spelling) E la rah (first sound *maybe word*) Dough ma nigh (second *word*) this might help me gain more insight into what is going on with me personally.


By Ouza Aug 23 2008 -

Did you check the Latin equivalents:

Dominus or Domini (plural) - Lord, Dominion, Dominate
El - we already know! - m - manifest
Auris - Ear - Aural - to listen to interpret

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Latin...ish_derivatives!

Ouza


By Eidolon Aug 23 2009 -

No seeing as how I don't know Latin and did not consider that language. But slightly freaky because I felt the word Domani referred to a holy and powerful entity.


By Ouza Aug 23 2009 -

Check out the url I suggested as a beginning and follow the links and see what fits the best or what rings your bell!

Ouza


By Scratch Aug 23 2009 -

QUOTE (Eidolon @ Aug 23 2009, 07:11 AM)
"I myself am terrified of what I see within me. The absolute power and energy which lies there causes me to curl into a ball at night. I do not want to be what I am but I know I must...

And if you don't think that was bad enough think of how I felt when a language I never heard but understood word for word spilled from my lips."

Heh, I know that feeling very well. One of the first obvious, and truly scary, effects of my awakening was a tendency to mutter in a language I didn't know, but understand while speaking. I'm still not sure what it is; the closest things I've heard are the dialect of Aramaic spoken in "Passion of the Christ," and Mongolian used by Ghengis Khan and his people in "Mongol." They weren't quite the same, but I didn't need subtitles for either movie. I can consciously speak it now if I choose, and it's more direct for certain incantations or mantras than English.

Would any sane person really want this? It doesn't seem fair, especially since there doesn't seem to be a choice in the matter. But everyone, whoever or whatever they are, do and do not choose to be who they are. Our choice lies in whether to accept these things we experience as they come, or deny there could be any truth to them. The power is raw, immense, and overwhelming for a while, but don't worry. You ARE capable of wielding it well. Otherwise, it would have gone to someone else.

I don't know for sure about AZAG-Thoth, but I gasped when I read that, which doesn't happen often. Asking myself why it made something go "thrummm!" in my chest made me remember something I haven't thought of in years. The last time I intentionally put myself in a trance to visit the underworld, I wound up in a glade, with cedars or redwoods (unbelievably tall with bare, straight trunks) growing in rows, to form a space like an immense cathedral or castle hall. I walked the length of it, to find a griffin sitting at the end. He told me his name was Azagoth (phonetic recall), and gave me a lot of information and instructions I don't consciously remember, but he was adamant I needed. He was intensely powerful, terribly frightening although I knew without doubt he meant me no harm (as long as I heeded what he said), and if he didn't outright block me from journeying again, I've had no desire to since.

Finally, what you wrote about gateways and Gatekeepers made me wonder if you're a guy I work with. I myself only have a dim idea, from outside sources which feel like truth, of some kind of a universal nexus, with a circle of gates leading to different places. He's been telling me about recurring visions of this, with each gate guarded by a different aspect of himself, I think. What you say is outside my experience, but sounded very right to me.

Incidentally, I heard Lovecraft wrote most of his stories directly from dreams. That's why they're mainly in the first-person, and tend to jump around a bit.

"Also if any oh you might know or have heard of something that sounds like (this is phonetic spelling) E la rah (first sound *maybe word*) Dough ma nigh (second *word*) this might help me gain more insight into what is going on with me personally."

I've heard that! I know I have! I think it is the Source, or at least a means to describe it.


By Eidolon Aug 23 2009 -

Scratch the name you wrote sent down chills throughout my body that is the best phonetic spelling of what I heard.

The thing of different aspects of him further justifies the knowledge I have. About a year ago my brother spoke to me about a dream he has been having which is strikingly similar to mine. He stated that he was told he was a female aspect of Asagoth and that I was a male aspect. This was prior to me saying anything to him whatsoever on the topic.

As far as the power goes and the language I experienced something odd with both of them. I was at the beach and it was night. the tide was going out and I was standing a good 5 feet away from the wet sand. I drew something in the sand and said some words and the water came and flooded over my bare feet. It erased the images I had drawn in the sand. This was not the first time this happened either.

I also can consciously speak the language at this point. Even though it still scares me to do so.

And the words I said are without description in the English language I feel that they describe something that in our limited vocabulary is indescribable.


By Eidolon Aug 23 2009 -

let me correct something. I mentioned in the dream that I was called by a name. Scratch the name you posted that the griffin stated was his was the name the monk in the dream called me. I am just afraid that by allowing someone to know that that was the name is something that will put me in extreme danger.

However after reading your post about the city I have decided that I will accept who I am and accept what will come.


By Scratch Aug 23 2009 -

Savvy. Names have power, and it can be dangerous to let the wrong person know who you really are. I'm cautious about that as well. I wonder now why you and the griffon seem to share it...

I got Scratch from a lucid dream as well. An aspect of Death (as described, without any prompting on my part, by a very interesting person I used to know, although I had already figured upon waking) appeared to me, and named me that. I had a sense, in the moment before he said it, that it would be a "name to end all names" for me, and it was. But, as I found out later, it's a much-bastardized form of the real one. The street version, if you will.

Thank you.


By Eidolon Aug 23 2009 -

I have a feeling that I know what your "true name" is. I am going to send you a link that might actually help you. Let me know if anything in it cause any funny feeling to arise.

http://www.theoi.com/Nymphe/NympheMoria.html


By Scratch Aug 24 2009 -

A powerful woman who's important man (brother, husband, sometimes one and the same) is violently murdered, so she restores him to life, is one of those recurring themes in ancient pantheons and mythos. I'd never heard the Greek version, or that they even had one. Any idea what a Zeus flower is? Although, shit, that totally makes sense! I really need to read Herodotos.

It's recurring, and somehow I identify with more than one, but not completely all. Although... Hadn't quite looked at it that way before. The one I identify most with didn't; he came back, though, in his incarnation. I was incarnated for it too. Dang!

I've had so many bloody names, identified with so many different stories, people, and beings, and the psycho thing is they all wind up lining up anyway. Surprises me every time. I think I got back to the original original one though, and, whoa.

I'd like to say it myself, at least here. I'm not quite ready to admit it either, I guess, although today has blown my mind (again). I went for a walk after I got off the computer, and all sorts of relevant stuff happened. Know it's the 2nd day of Ramadan?


By Ouza Sep 1 2009 -

A thought, wink.gif

Just a gut feeling about this one... but it may or may not have been once related to the symbol or like symbols of what our initial goals were at that time!

Something to think about ???

[user posted image at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/57/Caduceus.svg/140px-Caduceus.svg.png ]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caduceus

Ouza

Love, Light and Life smile.gif

p.s. Staffs like these were pretty popular way back then. Even Odin carried a staff of sorts! A Hospitals doctors and nurses are called a staff for they supposedly work in unison to support the whole body of things!


By Ishtahar Sep 1 2009 -

Zeus flower? I wonder is it anything like the Lazarus flower....

Basic myth... man is wounded through the heart by his wife/mother. Through the wound grows a flower which not only saves him but them all.

It is a recurring theme... kind of like a liefmotif... of should that be a leafmotif


By Ouza Sep 1 2009 -

Very Similar !!!

Ouza


By Scratch Sep 2 2009 -

Good hunch, Ouza. I hadn't heard it like that before Ish, but it's an important distinction.
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