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 Rebirth and Re-Introduction

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Posts : 527
Join date : 2010-02-08
Age : 29
Location : Ontario, Canada

PostSubject: Rebirth and Re-Introduction   Wed Sep 08, 2010 5:06 am

Hello Everyone.

I'm making this topic as a notice more than anything. things have been cropping up lately, and frankly it has my head spinning. no memories, nothing quite like that, but equally as world-changing. I've been living life looking at myself in a mirror, all the time, scrutinizing it for every imperfection, trying my best to smooth them out, trying to force myself to be nice, or be polite, or respectful, and forcing myself to play by the rules when no one else seems to care if the game is entirely skewed. i'm... well, frankly, i'm tired of the game.

today was a day harsher than most, the usual scrutinizing of myself happened. but something slipped. i got to thinking of this... for lack of a better word, darkness in me. parts of my personality that aren't good, or wholesome, or even remotely polite, that i don't usually let people see. i keep it at a distance, but close enough to give a swift tug on the leash. an author whose books i read once described a similar duality in some of his characters. he described a character visually seeing the essential, bare-bones nature of another; the inside of his soul was like a temple, carved of marble and immaculately white, with a raised dais in the middle, and the only furnishing in this room was a tall mirror.the person in question was standing in front of the mirror, crying, one arm reached out towards the mirror, except, where the glass would normally be, his hand sunk into it like water, grabbing hold of the arm of something else. he described what was in the mirror as the same temple, but carved out of bone and flesh and blood, and a brutal predator of a creature inside, gripping his arm and not letting go, while he did the same.

it seems a bit unnecessary to describe all of that, so i commend you for reading this far. but that what i tend to see myself as, keeping the proverbial beast in its cage. but today... i realized that that darkness, brutal and terrifying as it may be, is something still a part of me. i'm not really made of light, or darkness, i'm both, and neither, something in between. and i also got to thinking about the memories. yes, they'e nice to have, but searching for more is taking time that i could be using to live. i was Razi'el in a past life, yes, and to some degree i still am, but i'm also more. i'm him, but i'm also not. i'm different. Razi'el, Nick, and who knows how many other names are all the same thing, they all refer to me, but in short, it's time i adopted a name and shape all my own.

it's time i start making a new path, rather than walking one set by myself in the past, following in my own footsteps. i'm everything i was and more, you can refer to me by any name you wish, whatever is more convenient for you, but who i am now is different.

My name is Minnigan.

thank you for reading
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Posts : 160
Join date : 2010-08-16
Age : 46
Location : USA

PostSubject: Re: Rebirth and Re-Introduction   Wed Sep 08, 2010 5:22 am


I think it was a brave step in accepting who you are to the core and accepting the fact of who you are now may not be who you were then. We cannot change what happened in the past, we can only see to a brighter future as well as live in the here and now, I myself have just come to a realization of who I am, although a little different than you, the concept is somewhat the same. Make sense? Hope so, it's late and I'm tired lol, but I'm at work so I have to do something to keep myself awake...

Your soul is free and you have found balance in YOU...some people are afraid to go that far...you are a young yet older and wiser beyond your years. I am positive that you will be accepted for who you are no matter what name you go by. I also know that what matters most is that you accept yourself without regrets, and it seems that you have accomplished just that.

Best Wishes

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Posts : 670
Join date : 2010-02-20
Age : 37
Location : Hawai'i, Oceania

PostSubject: Re: Rebirth and Re-Introduction   Wed Sep 08, 2010 6:45 am

May I ask where the name Minnigan came from? I like it.

I like the metaphor you described, as well. For most of my awakening so far, I kept my "beast" very firmly locked up inside of me. I could sense aspects of my personality which, from what I had been taught, were evil, or at least not polite at all. It scared me, so much that after a while, I felt as if my entire being was nothing but a cage, keeping this shadowy monster at bay. When I gave up and let her out, I was afraid she would swamp my "good" side completely. As it turns out, that fear, and denying half of myself, was worse than anything she has devised. The ironic upshot is, people react far more warmly when I speak my true mind, even when I'm not being polite, than they ever did when I was trying to be nice and say "the right thing."

I'm glad you've taken this leap of faith, and all the best of luck to you on your new path.
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Posts : 1373
Join date : 2010-02-06
Age : 35

PostSubject: Re: Rebirth and Re-Introduction   Wed Sep 08, 2010 10:16 am

I hear you. The game is tiring. I also know how you mean about not wanting to examine the past.

You know, I'm still kind of interested in your past though. In yours and mine and everyone's.

Welcome, again, Minnigan.

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Posts : 1084
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 48
Location : UK

PostSubject: Re: Rebirth and Re-Introduction   Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:47 pm

Congratulations on your rebirth and welcome to the world yet again Minnigan!

The beast within you has always been there, but for a long time you were ruled by your need to keep it hidden, keep it silent and not accept that part of yourself that we all have.... The dustily of the soul. As Shadow we were never pure light, never purely innocent. We did what was required of us, we saved worlds and destroyed civilizations, we healed the sick and killed the healthy, we were all that was required from us and we held a pure heart knowing we were what we were. Necessary.

For those who knew me in the First Times, and those who have looked at some of the legends that have sprung up since the Fall will know that I have been seen as a saviour and a demon. I was both light and dark and I allowed both parts of my nature to have freedom of expression. Strangely enough it is in this life that I have tried my hardest to be what I'm not and cage the beast.

So I welcome the news that you are now accepting of who you are, and perhaps that will give the rest of us the courage to become who and what we are.


Hope fades into the world of night
Through Shadows falling out of memory and time...
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Posts : 1158
Join date : 2010-02-05
Age : 53
Location : Wales

PostSubject: Re: Rebirth and Re-Introduction   Mon Sep 13, 2010 10:30 pm

We all have the beast inside.

For me the best descriptions of him are in Terry Pratchett, the stories that involve Cpt Vimes of the Night Watch, but there are many more.

Without darkness there can be no light and without light there can be no darkness.

Welcome and encompass the darkness in you. it's only when you suppress it, ignore it or deny it that it becomes dangerous.
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Posts : 923
Join date : 2010-03-07
Age : 70
Location : Kansas

PostSubject: Re: Rebirth and Re-Introduction   Tue Sep 14, 2010 7:04 pm

Let me add my sincerest welcome home!

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