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 ARCHIVE: Are you Otherkin, What Kind Are You

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Join date : 2010-02-05

PostSubject: ARCHIVE: Are you Otherkin, What Kind Are You   Sun Oct 10, 2010 11:39 am

By Ishtahar Sep 9 2007 -

Otherkin is a generic term which covers a whole host of non human beings. Some have close links with Shadow or the Fallen, others do not.

What kind of Otherkin are you? Do you know? Do you want to have more information about otherkin in order for you to understand yourself, to explore the path you are walking?

Do you have any ideas about where Otherkin began?

Do you, or did you have strong connections to Shadow or Fallen which you would like to rekindle or explore?

Can we help you? Can you help us?


By Eryndor Oct 16 2007 -

I am a vampire and an elf.

I could help by discussing the nature of my otherkin cultures with others and aiding in what I know. I can help mostly with my knowledge on therians and vampires. I still have much to learn about elves though so give me some time with that :]


By Ishtahar Oct 16 2007 -

Take all the time you wish...maybe we can share the learning, maybe help a little or maybe just be here for you to bounce ideas off.

biggrin.gif


By Lael Oct 22 2007 -

I am... was... a messenger. Illusion, to be more precise; the closest to using what mortals consider 'magic', I suppose. One of those sent to show them things that are not there, both as a reward, and as punishment; in life, and at their death. For whatever reason the Creator wanted it done.

I am not ashamed to say that I was created to be a tool. I did what I was made to do, and that was that. *shrug* You need to be someone without the capacity for pondering right and wrong to play such a part in the grand scheme of things, anyway. Because when you discover the many shades of gray, you start to question... to seek... to want. And I did.

I fell because of a mortal, because I believed it was possible to find a safe middle ground between her reality and mine; the perfect consensus and happiness, for both of us, in being together. Well, you can guess that didn't exactly go as I imagined it. Too much stood, and still stands, between us, for that to happen.

I mentioned regrets in a post elsewhere on this board; that bit took the longest to digest.

I am not sure how, if at all, I can help. I am willing, but oftentimes I can't translate my innate understanding of things into words that convey the intended meaning... it comes out wrong, when put into human language, designed for human minds that ignore what they don't understand. Unfortunately, it so happens we, 'other', are for the most part limited to that very same means of communication.

I am no alpha and omega and even though I go as far back as the beginning, I don't know anywhere near as much as others might. I spent most of my existence prior to this odd mortal life I'm living doing what I was told, and being shielded from everything that hadn't concerned me by the one I answered to (and still do). I probably know more about the human nature than that of my kin, considering it used to be in my job description. The result of that is that I know a lot about how the human, mortal minds work, but I don't understand them any better for it. It's said that it takes one to know one, but I must be the proverbial exception to the rule, because I've lived as one for twenty five years now, and I still don't get it. Ah well.

I don't know if you can help me. I don't know if I need it. I am not what I used to be; I have grown incapable of acting without considering the moral aspect of it. Living a life like this one can do that to you, I guess. But I have become a guide, it seems. Those on the verge of awakening are drawn to me, and it tends to turn out that I accompany them on their way. It's a responsibility I have a hard time accepting.

And because I'm rambling, and not quite sure I'm making enough sense, I'll end this here. Please don't be offended if I decide to remove this post later... it's a public forum, and I am a private person who doesn't talk openly about herself very often. I've been compelled to do so since I found the site, though, so here it is.

Peace.


By Azaz'el Oct 22 2007 -

Thank you for sharing such personal information Lael, I'm honoured that you felt you were able to at this time.

I know, in my own way, what it is to be a messenger, one who has to do what is required of them regardless of any other consideration. As for being a tool, I wonder if that's what we all were in the beginning, tools to be used for the higher purpose that seemed to have no real purpose at all. I remember being 'told' what it was I had to do and it was as I did these things that I began to realise that Humanity and other races were more than just cattle to be herded and guided. Black and white became grey, grey became.... complicated.

Have no concern over what you may or may not remember or be able to contribute to this forum. There is not anything any member need do, other than be here if their path guides them to this place. We have tried to create a place of refuge with this forum, a safe haven where we can all stand up and openly and freely admit to the limitations of our knowledge. No one being has all the answers. What we can do, if it is right, is share what we know, so that we can all understand a little better about the world and those living within it.


All that is important is to know that the Fallen and other Kin are awakening. And through this the knowledge will surface. And I hope that one day it will bring about some peace and healing for us all.

Az


By Ishtahar Oct 22 2007 -

Thank you so much Lael, I think you have a wonderful way of conveying huge things in human terms.

I think I can go some way to understanding what you have said but I came at it from the other side so to speak. I am the human who thought I could find a middle ground with my angel lover.

I think what Az said about the possibility of you all being messangers is a very interesting one. Shem has said as much to me more than once and I seem to remember an arguement he had with Gabriel once about it, He said something along the lines of...if you stay a messanger then the most important words you say will always be someone elses and it was time to write the messages yourself...a poor transcription of something that was a very hot topic at one time.

Now, of course, having lost our connection with the source of the messages all we can hope for is a messanger to show us the way back


By Lael Oct 22 2007 -

Complicated, yes. Sometimes, I miss the past when everything was black and white and just, you know, simple. But only sometimes. ;-)

I am very acutely aware of my own limitations where knowledge is concerned... knowledge, perception, recognition. I've come here aura-blind, among other things, a lasting side effect of one of my less smart choices made way back when. If nothing else, it makes me more cautious now, and even more so when I am about to share with others... I don't trust myself as much as I probably should.

I don't know what it is that makes me want to talk, honestly. smile.gif This is rather unlike me.

I like what you say about healing, though, even if I fear we're in for much struggle rather than peace. And maybe it's the fact that there is barely a handful of us here, while most otherkin communities are brimming with holier-than-thou individuals ready to launch a crusade against anyone they disagree with about any given thing.


By Ishtahar Oct 22 2007 -

Well, I cannot promise you answers, I cannot promise you peace, in fact there are not many promises I can make at all but I can promise you one thing...this site WILL be a safe place where all of us can express ourselves openly without fear of anyone jumping on our opinions or showing disrespect.

We are all stumbling in the dark and the fact that some may have more knowledge/memory/answers than others does not give them any right to lord it over anyone else. We are all equal here and I will make damn sure that it stays that way.

I too have had experiences of other sites where you try to open up honestly only to have your stumbling steps along the way held up, torn apart and ridiculed and that will not happen here

That is not to say that we all have to always agree with each other. If we dont question we dont learn....but it will be done respectfully or not at all


By Lael Oct 22 2007 -

In all my years of watching the communities in question, this is the second time I am sharing anything about myself. smile.gif That should tell you something about my attitude towards most of those places... they are interesting to keep an eye on, but absolutely horrible for being yourself, unless you're in for the power play. Which I am not.

People in general tend to forget that much of what we know, what we remember, is not only a matter of perspective, but it is also distorted by the passage of time, the fall, death, rebirth. Not to mention that what we for convenience's sake call 'reality' is, at least in my experience, not limited to the current moment on this particular plane of existence. So, a lot of things, events, and who knows what else, overlap. It just might happen that many an argument is over nothing because more than one person is right.

But it takes some open-mindedness to see that, and that is something I sadly have found the otherkin community to be lacking.

On another note... and since you mentioned that, Ishtahar... I can't deny that I am, in a way, curious about your experience with the search for the 'middle ground'... from the emotional side, I suppose. The human emotional side. I guess I'm still trying to piece it all together, maybe figure out why it didn't really work out. *shrug*

Oh, the rambling. I'd better go to sleep now before I stop making sense completely.


By Ishtahar Oct 22 2007 -

I have a feeling that you have a long way to go before you stop making sense biggrin.gif

I am so pleased about what you have said. That is EXACTLY what we wanted this place to be...as safe place, somewhere we can explore our memories and ourselves, where we can be supported to open up and to realise that what we think are absoluteles are nothing of the kind, to strip away the things that are distorted, to build on the things that are true and somehow to stumble along to some kind of truth,

The emotional middle ground......wooh a big subject. Something I dont think I ever achieved. Shem and I were very very different in more ways that I can even think of or probably ever knew. I believe that he 'dimmed' himself for me....how can I explain what I mean by that...I dont think I can so I hope you can understand.

We struggled for a long time with him trying to reach down and me trying to reach up. One of the things we struggled with was the idea of morality. He was not immoral, nor I suppose amoral as such he just had different morals. Honour and friendship were everything. He would no more betray a friend than he would poke out his own eyes. But he would think nothing of treating humans, my people, with complete disregard, even contempt. Even me on times. There were so many times that I caught him looking at me with something close to comtempt in his eyes. Usually when I was getting emorional about something in my life. He had not time for petty emotions, the small things that upset me, the pettiness, the jealousies, the little tendernesses,

Everything with Shem was on a great scale. Our love was overwhelming, all encompassing, there was no room for frailty, jealousy, uncertainty. The worst times were when he was feeling those things himself. I think that before he was associated with me these things had never occurred to him and so he had no frame of reference to help him deal with it.

How did we find our equilibrium? I dont really know. Sometimes I wonder if we did, if he had no been exiled, if we had not had the war to deal with whether we woiuld have survived. If our life had been filled with peace maybe he would have got tired of me in the end. I dont know. I hope one day to have the chance to find out.

I hope that something in what I have said has struck a chord because it has been surprisingly painful to write about


By Lael Oct 23 2007 -

Yes, Ishtahar. It has struck a chord indeed, and more than one. Do allow me to respond once my mind has cleared a bit, though, as I've literally just walked in after an entirely too long day at work.

Thank you for sharing that. Would you mind if I had more questions? I understand it might be uncomfortable or painful to talk about such things.


By Lael Oct 23 2007 -

Well, now that I feel slightly more aware and significantly more coherent, I can attempt to comment on what you said in your last post in this thread, Ishtahar...

I know what you mean when you say he dimmed himself for you. As it is with most such things, it tends to be quite unnecessary to explain; the vague idea of what you're trying to describe is usually enough. biggrin.gif So, don't worry about explaining in detail.

I know what you mean because I've always found my... unrestrained... self too be 'too much' for the human kind. I know at least one kin who thinks me ridiculous in this, as she believes if they can't take it, they're not worthy - but I am, and have always been, of rather gentle disposition all together. There are so many differences that make it difficult, even when you hold no contempt for mortals. I was always very much aware of causing discomfort, confusion, even fear - and when you love someone, you don't want to be the cause of such negative emotions. So I made the differences between us appear less prominent, whether by means of avoiding situations in which they would show, or by forcing myself to react differently than I would have otherwise.

From the perspective of time, I'm not sure it is entirely as good an idea as it might seem. Because even if you choose to show only your more easily acceptable side, sooner or later you run into a situation in which you will act -react- like you if you know what I mean, and what then? Will that person you tried to shield lose their trust in you, thinking you deceived them? Will they understand? Some do, others don't... mine didn't, and she still doesn't.

And then, there's a whole 'nother can of worms, the one where I didn't understand why it's not turning out all right, if I was exactly what she wanted me to be. The human kind is sometimes not the only confused party in the search for a middle ground, as it were...

He had not time for petty emotions, the small things that upset me, the pettiness, the jealousies, the little tendernesses,

I understand that, yes. I am still somewhat that way, which is funny sometimes because I, being currently human /if a rather odd sort/ catch myself experiencing those very same small, petty things. Except it doesn't throw me off balance now as it did in the past, but I am still of the adamant opinion that humans, in general, make everything so unnecessarily complicated.

No contempt from me, though. At least not anymore, and not for a long time.

I also understand perfectly what you're saying about Shem having a hard time dealing with all those things - frailty, jealousy, fear? To use myself as an example (because I am the only one I can speak of with absolute certainty and in such way as to avoid making assumptions or overgeneralizations), it's not that I didn't have the capacity to experience those things. It was that, having never had a reason to experience them, they indeed had not occured to me. Sort of like when you fall in love for the first time - the emotion/state had existed way before you discovered you weren't immune to it. ;-)

We never found our middle ground. I died. Well, I fell, one way or another, because I had been too far gone to stay and do what I was made to do. And now I'm here. Long story. smile.gif

(Also, dear goodness, I am spamming your forum. tongue.gif)


By Ishtahar Oct 23 2007 -

Thank you so much for that. There are things that I am going to need to think about but on the whole I think you have helped me understand Shem more. It is strange how one can KNOW something but still not UNDERSTAND it. I mean, I always knew that Shem was very very different to my, I knew that when I first knew him at least that he had had very little contact with humanity, and yet I expected, and to some extent still do, expect him to BE like me, in a way to BE human.

I expected him to understand what I was talking about and going through, to feel the same way as I did about things......I suppose it never occured to me that he had never had cause to experience before.

Thank you

And, of course I will answer any questions you have. Yes, the things I am experiecing at the moment, the remembrances etc are difficult, uncomfortable and even painful but they are necessary and they all add to help me BECOME so I will answer whatever you wish freely openly and as fully as I can


By Lael Oct 23 2007 -

You're welcome.

Actually, it goes both ways. I might not talk about things on my own whim, not usually anyway, but I do answer questions. I guess I am glad most people don't know what to ask about, or they're too scared/uncomfortable to ask, because they'd surely be getting more than they bargained for... ;-)

Obviously, I can talk about myself and only from my own experience, which goes without saying. What I know of others and their experiences is knowledge tainted by my subjective reception of it.

I guess that's a way of saying, if there's anything you're curious about, ask away and I'll do my best not to confuse.


By Aislinne Oct 20 2008 -

I'm not sure what I am... I'm searching for that right now. It's frustrating to me not knowing when I know there's something about me I'm not comprehending.


By Saeriel Jun 7 2009 -

I am not sure I believe what I feel... yet.. closer.. I continue to meet others who are not human. I have met angels who knew me.. Wolves who have adored me, and I them, dragons I knew on sight and were bound to them the moment we met. We have history, these beings and I, but I can not remember it all.. can not remember enough to piece it together. Each gives me a new name... and with then and the new name comes a new dream.... the last was a wolf.. he gave me Tenariel... anyone know anything of it?


By Ishtahar Jun 7 2009 -

We all have many names. None of them are who we really are. Some are names we have borne in other lives, some are names given to us by different people in the same life.... look at Gandalf how many names did he have? If you are anything like me you are drawn more to some names than others possibly because they were the lives/roles we were happiest in.

Tenariel sounds Malakh... but only because of the el on the end which is the denotaton of the warrior in the culture. However, it could also be elven. I don't know what the el denotes in elvish but it seems to crop up a lot in their names

Ish


By Eshtar Aug 31 2009 -

QUOTE (Ishtahar @ Oct 22 2007, 11:45 PM)
"I have a feeling that you have a long way to go before you stop making sense biggrin.gif

I am so pleased about what you have said. That is EXACTLY what we wanted this place to be...as safe place, somewhere we can explore our memories and ourselves, where we can be supported to open up and to realise that what we think are absoluteles are nothing of the kind, to strip away the things that are distorted, to build on the things that are true and somehow to stumble along to some kind of truth,

The emotional middle ground......wooh a big subject. Something I dont think I ever achieved. Shem and I were very very different in more ways that I can even think of or probably ever knew. I believe that he 'dimmed' himself for me....how can I explain what I mean by that...I dont think I can so I hope you can understand.

We struggled for a long time with him trying to reach down and me trying to reach up. One of the things we struggled with was the idea of morality. He was not immoral, nor I suppose amoral as such he just had different morals. Honour and friendship were everything. He would no more betray a friend than he would poke out his own eyes. But he would think nothing of treating humans, my people, with complete disregard, even contempt. Even me on times. There were so many times that I caught him looking at me with something close to comtempt in his eyes. Usually when I was getting emorional about something in my life. He had not time for petty emotions, the small things that upset me, the pettiness, the jealousies, the little tendernesses,

Everything with Shem was on a great scale. Our love was overwhelming, all encompassing, there was no room for frailty, jealousy, uncertainty. The worst times were when he was feeling those things himself. I think that before he was associated with me these things had never occurred to him and so he had no frame of reference to help him deal with it.

How did we find our equilibrium? I dont really know. Sometimes I wonder if we did, if he had no been exiled, if we had not had the war to deal with whether we woiuld have survived. If our life had been filled with peace maybe he would have got tired of me in the end. I dont know. I hope one day to have the chance to find out.

I hope that something in what I have said has struck a chord because it has been surprisingly painful to write about"

This may sound crazy but... (ok Azazel keeps telling me that our kind are crazy enough lol) anyway there is a being not Shemyaza or Azazel but with contempt in ways for humans. He is trying to teach me to be a "mistress" to the slaves. He tries to teach me how alot of humans desire to serve a Higher being then themselves (like God and even Angels) and says how "those times are right there in the Gnostic Gospels even Jesus was a Master" almost like humans BDSM yet highly highly different this would not be forced but... willingly and concentual.. Is this how alot of Grigori veiwed things in those times? he calls our kind demons yet he says "not in a Christian term Simon the Magus is a perfect example of what we are" in some veiw. Thats when I was pulled to Malakh Grigori and Angels in general espessaly Archangels and the High ranks. just wondering if this is just ramblings of a human gone koo koo or if the veiw is simmilar and if he could be one of us. he mentioned his true age is somewhere over 400 years old and incarned in the same Brittish royal line for that long... the Clifford and Pendragon lines. He always tells me to look beyond humans "ramblings and texts" and how the Bible holds only some truth but most is just mans words. He always tries refuriing more to the Gnostic Gospels such as Thomas and others. and the oldest Malakh word Aeon.


By Ishtahar Aug 31 2009 -

Sometimes people tap into truth but don't have the frame of reference to fully understand it. They take the bits and pieces of truth and hang them on the wrong frame, filling in the gaps with their own knowledge which can be way out of the frame.

Understanding part of the puzzle is fine, as long as you don't believe that you know it all. I readily admit that I am still floundering in my search for knowledge. There are things I know and things I believe and a whole lot I have no idea about. I don't try and make assumptions and connect pieces of truth, I just wait and see what happens, keeping an open mind and letting my intuition guide me to what feels right and what doesn't.

No one has all the answers and those who claim they do are the ones you should really be suspicious of.


By Eshtar Aug 31 2009 -

true. he never claimed to have all the answers of course. never claimed to know everything lol. Anyone who does, well I'd never beleive.


By Ouza Aug 31 2009 -

There is an old saying "The Proof is in the pudding"

The other realms as we understand them truly are both simple and yet complicated at the same time (perspective through knowledge earned by experience.) But least we forget the Principalities and Powers that coexist with the so called Angelic Hosts with all of that so called accumulated knowledge stored in the Daat or what we call the Akasic Records or even further what they even refer to as the collective consciousness! It's up to us as human beings now to reestablish that bond with the spiritual side of the world ourselves and those others so that we together can raise ourselves above all and any other obstacles. It most certainly takes in a hel of a lot of Possibilities vs. Probabilities just to even successfully sift through and make sense out of it all.

I was always taught that the man on the pulpit was only as good as his parishioners and that the Parish was only as good as the man that was on the pulpit. What was and still is sticky wicket was that successful perception and total interpretation of all the so called knowledge passed down from generation to generation by our forefathers and to successfully apply that to our daily needs of just living the right and simple way!

I'm a firm believer, in mirrors (people) but in order to understand heaven one must often go through hel first then just maybe or maybe not he or she would have earned their right to share with others that which, is of great import to all! These are the personas (masks) that we choose to wear and apply our life's work too so that our children and their children's children are able to carry on that light of truth to the next level of awareness! Once we have successfully dropped our ego's and commit ourselves to the whole spiritual thing the quicker we can progress overall!

In order to be a successful representative of the truth of the way, is just plain pure and simple... "Get your own shit together first before you, even start beginning to think about going out and being a light for others to follow!" <---Not very many of those floating around right now so we must follow our own hearts, or just that plain old gut feeling of ours that shows up just every once in a while when you need it the most called... (true discernment)!

We must accept the things we cannot change, have the courage to change the things that we can and abide with the wisdom to know the difference.

The Spirit of Creation is Love. Creation does not call for war or blood. The Love of Creation is the "common factor" among ALL Human Beings. Our common purpose in life is the Evolution and Growth of Knowledge, Truth, Love, and Wisdom, then to return these Gifts from our Lives back to Creation when we ALL go forward together.

Ouza

"We as representatives of our beloved Gaia (The Divine Feminine) and are here so that both her and our combined light may go forth as a symbol for all to follow and that the only truly guilty thing that we were accused of was and still is, is in wanting that freedom of choice and the total ability to express what true love really means to us all unconditionally! We are and will always be bound to one another in love, life and light! Nothing is never wasted@
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