unconscious dabbling

Posts : 16 Join date : 2010-10-12 Age : 34

This is the first post I have done myself but it is the most important. Which is why the said below was put here.

Im always wondering who it is Im talking to. When Im unconscious, I mean. Being a child, I never did question who I was unconsciously speaking to, but with age, its a question of is there really someone there or have I gone insane to the depths where the human mind has created a stemming personality from my own, thus giving me another me to speak with.

To make this simple, as I am human, the human body must rest just like everyone else but the mind still doesnt shut its self off entirely. Rather, it keeps us living and breathing... and dreaming. I am often times a vivid dreamer. The things I have performed in dreams include murder, suicide, mutilation (not just of myself but of others). I once watched my now distant mother attempt to cut off the flesh of her face at my request. But this cant be a dream.

He comes to me through a voice. His voice is not something I have heard in the physical world. He has never caused any harm, but he seems rather curious indeed. When He comes to me, there are no images to see, no symbols, no shapes or forms, just blackness. I stare off into the blackness of this "dream" as if I am searching for him but his voice can not be traced. There is no direction from which his voice comes, I always feel as if hes standing all around me. It is like being pulled from your body, placed into the darkness of your mind where you can physically hear the speaking of an unfamiliar voice and your own, however, at the same time, you are aware that you are speaking in return. He asks me questions and has for years.. questions such as
Why does he put his hands on you
Why do you let him
What does it feel like
What is he doing to you
At one time he asked of Malphas, questions such as
Why does he do that (put his hand in mine)
Why do you do that (kiss his lips)
Whats it feel like (to feel human flesh)
Why are you upset
Why is he upset
Why havent you told him this
In these unconscious conversations, I have caught myself multiple times (not physically) explaining why I feel the way I do about certain things, What its like to try to explain worldly things to something that doesnt understand much. I have tried explaining to this voice what its like to hold a human child. I told this voice " It is like holding all perfections within a human body." the voice began to explain that all perfections can not be contained in a human body, that even children are flawed. I then explained that having a child of your own, to you that child is loved and perfect to you (or in this case to me). He went on to correct me as he didnt understand the link a mother and a child can share. I told him that he can use whatever it is he wills to find comfort in his ways, but the life of my child serves more purpose to me than a voice in my head. He never got upset, his tone of voice never changed, he didnt even go away, he still continued to ask me questions.

Last night, I spoke with this voice again. I cant say I remember much of the conversation, but for the first time, I asked him why and he told me its because "I (he) dont (doesnt) understand". I have spent years hearing this voice, and still it can not understand worldly things. He has never came off as a threat, in fact there has been times where he was what helped me to communicate with Malphas when things have been hard. He has been the reason I have tried communicating with the mother of myself. He has been the reason Ive come to realize just how much value the world and all it contains has.

The purpose of this isnt to figure out WHO it is Im speaking to, but more so is there anyone else that has this happen? I cant find answers anywhere. There are no books, no web pages, no anything on this. I have went to a friend of mine who is strong in such things and even he wasnt able to tell me why it is Im having a differing voice communicate with me when I rest. Im not concerned with who, what or why, those are things Im sure in time I can find out for myself, but if there is anyone in this world that has the same things occur, it would be nice to know.

Subject: Re: unconscious dabbling Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:02 pm

well... it seems like you could have a spiritual being who has never had a physical body hanging around you. or it could be some sort of walk-in... just listing a couple things it COULD be.