I Really Need Some Help...

i mean the emotional kind, though, right now the physical kind will only help if someone can get rid of all this red tape. i'm having a bit of trouble... you see, the full story is that a while back, i came back to the U.S. from living in Canada with my boyfriend. we visited my mom and dad for the weekend, and had a great time. the trouble arose when i tried to get back in. because of a freak encounter at the border, due to advice from a lawyer, i was turned away, and told that, as it stood, i could not yet come back into Canada.

we've been living separate ever since, and i keep being reminded of how alone i am over here physically. the days are long and lonely, i don't really have a reason to get out of bed, or even go to bed in the first place. there's no one to interact with, except my parents, and if my stepdad's around, it's more of a chore than a pleasant social experience. meanwhile, he's visiting friends, having parties, getting drunk... and i'm here, on the computer, doing virtually nothing. to top it all off, he's just faced me with a decision that will decide the next few years of my life, at the very least, and leaving me alone to decide by myself.

i'm lost, and i don't know what to do, i fell very, very small faced with this... i love him to death, but either way it gets rough... i either take this deal his aunt's offered me --hire me on as a live in babysitter, help out with cooking and cleaning, take care of the kids, etc.-- and get free room and board, but live apart from him for the next few years, or marry him, have no guarantees of a job, and face a dark period where we're practically destitute. what the hell am i supposed to do here?? i need help...

can anyone offer any sort of advice?

Raz

Oh my... I'm sorry to hear you're in such an unpleasant situation, Razi. Why is there such a drastic decision? Is there anyway to sort of do a combination of the two? I know you love him but it seems like he's being rather unfair, I could be wrong though. Also, you're too young to get married :-p 
But more seriously, I think it would be good if you could figure out what is best for you, even if it is neither of the given choices. Much love to you and good luck.

Ah, RAz, I'm so sorry to hear that things are so rough for you. The bottom line is that unfortnuately, as Ellysium has said, the final answer must come from within. You already know that, it's probably in your mind and heart every minute of the day.

However, as much as I have no idea what the laws are regarding moving between the US and Canada, from what I can see the real issue isnt about the law, its about your future. I'm sure your S/O has made the offer from his Aunt form the best possible intention. But, would doing that bring you the happiness that you both want? Yes, it will mean that you have focus, intent, a place to live etc etc, but you would both be living apart and I know how hard that could be. So, the other option is to live together but be penniless and skint. But at least then you'd be together, but would have to work sooo hard to make sure that the situation didnt drive a wedge between you both.

Talk to your S/O, see what he feels and wants and compare that to the plans, hopes and dreams you have for your own future. Any relationship must be about sharing and compromising. What will work for you both without making either one unhappy or feel alone.

Difficult choices, my brother, but I'm here if I can help in any way

Az
x

Razi'el wrote:

i mean the emotional kind, though, right now the physical kind will only help if someone can get rid of all this red tape. i'm having a bit of trouble... you see, the full story is that a while back, i came back to the U.S. from living in Canada with my boyfriend. we visited my mom and dad for the weekend, and had a great time. the trouble arose when i tried to get back in. because of a freak encounter at the border, due to advice from a lawyer, i was turned away, and told that, as it stood, i could not yet come back into Canada.

we've been living separate ever since, and i keep being reminded of how alone i am over here physically. the days are long and lonely, i don't really have a reason to get out of bed, or even go to bed in the first place. there's no one to interact with, except my parents, and if my stepdad's around, it's more of a chore than a pleasant social experience. meanwhile, he's visiting friends, having parties, getting drunk... and i'm here, on the computer, doing virtually nothing. to top it all off, he's just faced me with a decision that will decide the next few years of my life, at the very least, and leaving me alone to decide by myself.

i'm lost, and i don't know what to do, i fell very, very small faced with this... i love him to death, but either way it gets rough... i either take this deal his aunt's offered me --hire me on as a live in babysitter, help out with cooking and cleaning, take care of the kids, etc.-- and get free room and board, but live apart from him for the next few years, or marry him, have no guarantees of a job, and face a dark period where we're practically destitute. what the hell am i supposed to do here?? i need help.


an anyone offer any sort of advice?

Raz

As Az has stated everything is on a one to one personal level with us all. Each has chosen a path to follow. Doesn't mean you that have to like it ... but there is fact a far greater and higher purpose or reason/goal involved here! We've all dealt with loses of some form or other but when it comes down to it, it is just you and you alone in front of the mirror!

You know that, in every relationship that we are in either we are blessed or cursed with this foreboding of loss somehow always hovering over our shoulder!

To say that it least doesn't hurt or sting like hell at all , is a total understatement! And it doesn't just go away just like that.... so easy to say yet hard to do!

You for the moment at least have a saving option, May not be perfect although I'm certain, if you're happy with that or not you will always walk out a winner. But you could be worse off with little or no options left at all. Faith is a Bitch sometimes and it doesn't come easy as to what the future may or may not bring to us all ... but it's all we have! If it's a blank in and a blank out what the difference but I so choose to believe otherwise! There still is always Hope!

And besides your better than them. I don't make trash and nothing and I mean nothing is ever truly wasted!

I've always kept a little secret in the back of my mind and in my heart over all these years and it hasn't failed me yet. We are being guided and protected by whoever or whomever you may or may not believe in or even if it exists Call it your Higher Power and always your beacon and shining light!

It will never fail you!

Everyone can give you his or hers own why's or wherefores but it ultimate comes down to the walk of today that builds the path for tomorrow. Not just dwelling in the past and wishing that you could have change it. We deal the cards and we play them as they unfold. You have nothing to fear but fear itself love. Believe it and accept it and move on. We are not alone! There is always tomorrow.

And besides you will always have a mirror and a guardian angel always looking over and after you, Moi and all the others, so there you can't go wrong!


Ouza

Raz, what a difficult situation.. I'm sorry that you're going through this right now, I can also add whatever insight I have to offer... I agree with Ouza, that it is best to consult with and trust your "higher power" or your higher self. It may guide you in a direction that seems unlikely, improbable or impossible to handle... however in my experience, it knows best of all the direction you should choose. It's hard to see the future and to know exactly what you should do and when... But trusting yourself is the best advice I can endorse.

Wishing you well,

Dream'sEnd

Thanks, Dream, but does anyone know how i can reach him? i don't exactly have his number in my little black book, y'know? lol

sorry, i'm just kinda clueless with this stuff sometimes. "he" is usually silent these days, and doesn't exactly tell me much, unless it happens to be triggered by some kind of music.

Explain the music a little bit more, love would you please? Is it when you least expect it and are you in a sleepy semi-lucid state when if it finally occurs or not? Do you feel anger, depression, loss, etc Often smells too trigger and jingle a few keys key or two, small things not always that noticeable! Do you skrye or tarot or otherwise?

Tell us more and share some of those things that you are really really gut feeling about and what you have in the past heard or what you are still expecting to hear, that is if you choose to do so! You know that you can go PM anytime you want with whomsoever you feel the most comfortable with!

Ouza

yes, i know i can PM any of you with questions... i tend to keep this mindset to try and not to burden others with my issues, it's just an ingrained habit. and i do use tarot, but i left my cards back in canada. i kind of wish i hadn't.

as far as music goes, it's just when i'm listening to any sort of music, like on a radio or MP3 player. the music sometimes evokes energy in me, it's in some songs and not others, i don't know what it is. but i was listening to a song the other night, and it kind of pried loose another memory, or rather, more of a memory.

it was of the night i left the city. do you remember me mentioning that Micha'el interrupted my ritual to open a portal by stabbing me? well, there was more to it. i had asked him to do that, pushed him to, in fact. he was actually a good friend. the only memories i had previously were with me being angry at him... little did i know i hadn't gotten the full story. we both knew that things had to be changed, but my solution was coming here to help you guys, his was staying there, working from within. he was scared, and didn't want to do what i asked, he begged me not to go. however, we figured it would help if we made it look like he had killed a traitor that had held a powerful position.

anyway, that's about what i remembered, and music seems to help me unlock my memories and bring out the best energy in me.

Then bring on the Music and Dance again! You're trying to evoke the same power that you had once before but that now only exist in your memories. The Veil is there only because you're on unfamiliar grounds now. Sort of a fish out of the water as to what you know to be what you truly are.

You need a power spot to ground yourself with that gives you the serenity that you need. For me it's the tree we have all talked about and remember so vividly. I have it's twin here near me so that when I need to I can go and reflect in the water and be with those I truly love.

Look honey, time is an unforgiving mother who takes rather than gives and has to be continually prodded to give us the insight of our past that we need in order to reaffirm our ever existing at all. That's why we have to mirror one another to still maintain our overall perspective. It is truth when it is said that birds of a feather flock together!

One form of communication that you have now that we haven't had for a long time history wise is the computer, use it wisely it is truly a web of delights! But like any tool/mirror discernment is constantly necessary, it's easy to be blinded by all the light and loose ground so to speak. Maintain your relationship through other means. Be a flexible flier !!!


Ouza

Sorry I don't really have anything to offer but luck and prayers. Decisions like this are always tough, but as others have said, it is best to go with your heart. Try to block out what others may say or think for a bit, and concentrate on what you need most. Just please trust that it will be okay, no matter what you decide.