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 Memories, mild and nice

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PostSubject: Re: Memories, mild and nice   Sun Sep 16, 2012 6:38 am

A friend gave me a necklace to wear made out of citrine (banishes negative thoughts among other traits). I wore it all night and revisited this post this morning.

I read an article recently from a new age friend about her opinion that our human forms give us the ability to more easily transmute the darkness, sadness, anger and hatred in our higher soul forms. In that respect, and given the observation that we are constantly evolving and growing in this world, it occurs to me that if this world is not real, perhaps it is the world in which our souls send a part of themselves to overcome intense and terrible issues before we return to the "real world." There was a live-action Japanese movie that I watched a few weeks ago that had a similar thought fictionalised... There was a young man who had reached a roadblock in his life and an angel took him to Heaven. In Heaven he was told to work in "the Bookstore" (I think the film is "Heaven's Bookstore") and most of the souls that he encountered were dead, waiting to be reincarnated after 100 years in Heaven, but a few that he meets are other souls like him, living people who have been taken to Heaven to help resolve their anger or sadness before they can return to their bodies and resume their lives.

I have various thoughts about this (if it is true). It could be that we're here against our will. Or it could be that a part of ourselves chose to be here, to work through our issues (which makes me think of the "this is actually Hell" sort of theory without the negative connotations of that name and more the - a place where you struggle through things - sort of connotation). It could be a bit of both... we "did not choose" to be here but in another way we did. ....Which also reminds me of the end of the Golden Compass books when the souls are let out of the realm where they are being held.

....I revisited this thread earlier today and again "I" was facing me, put a hand on my cheek, told me to "wake up." "I" pointed a finger to the left, and there was a set of green rolling hills on a perfectly calm, sunny peaceful day. On a hill 2 or 3 hills away was a small Greek-style rotunda. White with a round dome. Six pillars. Set on a white base of marble, three-staired (or four). The last time I saw this image was just before we remembered the ritual that killed my form. I saw the same thing when that was under discussion. A small white rotunda with 6 pillars and a round dome standing on top of a hill. I felt then that this site was very very important, but I didn't know why. I guessed it was because "that's where I am."

I tried walking towards this place. I felt the hand of the Morrigan in mine, and she looked at me with love and peace. I continued to walk forward over these rolling green hills and I felt again this sensation that's happened since last year, of the Shadow surrounding me and all hugging me at once. As if to say "You ARE loved! Please remember that you are loved!! Please remember how much we love you!! You have to wake up!!" The first time this happened I said "I don't deserve your love [because I've done things that cannot be forgiven]." Now, having worked through and having understood these things, that "were not my fault" I said, "I accept your love." As soon as I said that I ...hmm, want to say "exploded," but it wasn't nearly as forceful as that... but a great white light began coming from me, from my core and outwards. The Shadow let go of me gently and I kept walking forwards towards that rotunda.

I felt a heavy (Roman?) gold coin in my right hand. I kept walking forwards.

I felt Azra'el's energy there, embracing me. I kept walking.

I felt a great dark energy try to overcome me (unreal but only in being patient did I realize that it was not substantial, only an illusion). It rose in front of me, dark and sort of seethrough and a huge mouth opened at the top of it. It poured over me as if attempting to consume me and I held my place. It washed over and through me, trying to make me afraid or to acknowledge it. Then it flew away and vanished. Then I walked forward towards the rotunda again.

I finally reached it. I was unsure of what to do. I saw no doorways or openings.

I then remembered a vision journey I did two years ago, where I walked into a castle filled with shallow water, up to a woman on a marble slab in the darkness of the enormous chamber, woke her up, "became" her, and walked up out of a doorway filled with light in the upper reaches of the chamber. I opened my eyes and I was inside the chamber, and there she/I was on the marble slab. I was wasted away, charred black bones, a skeleton forgotten in the dark.

I went back to the outside and there was a door filled with light. I opened the door and something like sunlight, loads and loads of sunlight poured through, with great force, like the water of the ocean. I felt someone's hand tearing out of mine, a friend in this world who I had seen in a similar vision... where I had him on one side and someone else on the other side, and we were all holding hands and they told me to "reach the Land of Light." The light poured through and through... I'm not sure what will happen, or if anything will.

I feel as if... in my "real" form, somewhere else but not too far, "I" sent my soul far away to suffer and be alone. I'm not sure why it sort of feels as if I wanted to run away from the pain that I felt in myself. "I" feel that I don't deserve love, or peace or happiness. And it could be as those are some of my major "lessons to learn" in this life that I am trying to find a way to accept these things. In so doing, perhaps I will wake up.
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PostSubject: Re: Memories, mild and nice   Sun Sep 16, 2012 3:04 pm

Tell us more of your Grandfather that is if you care too? I love you

Ousa Like a Star @ heaven
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PostSubject: Re: Memories, mild and nice   Tue Dec 25, 2012 11:35 am

...Melari, were you smaller than me? I mean I was smaller than the Shadow but we were all pretty big. I just, having come off this like frantic feeling and seeing your name in a post suddenly felt/remembered "I could always trust her." I guess we did know each other. ...Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Memories, mild and nice   Tue Dec 25, 2012 12:11 pm

I was a short one among us. Using today's system of measurement (U.S Customary, to be specific), I was about 6'2".

I think I was just a slight bit shorter than you, almost the same height, I believe.

It's kinda funny actually imagining myself, this relatively small female warrior, being able to take down others who were so much taller than myself... xP

But I digress.

Yeah, we were kinda the short-stuffs, if you wanna put it like that lol.

In any case... seeing that, that you were always able to trust me, it instilled a nice warmth into my heart... =)

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