Memories, continued

I think that more has been coming to me, but these memories are more vague than the forest ones. They are a continuation from that time though.

I remember spending lots of time with Azrael, like all the time... He had sort of tan skin and slanted eyes, and dark wavy hair that was kind of frizzy... not smooth. I want to say that he had light gold wings, the color of autumn sunshine.

We would hold hands a lot, he would point out birds to me and explain about their attributes, like why their beaks were shaped the way they were, how they made certain songs, why they would flock together or apart, those sorts of stories. And we would spend time with the rest of the group, but sometimes we would spend more and more time apart, just the two of us wandering on our own. I'm not sure how the rest felt about that, seems kind of like "playing hooky" at best... I mean, weren't we there to do work? Anyway.

Over time, Azaz'el got word that the troupe had to head to the Fertile Crescent, to Eden...

I don't know how to feel about the rest of this, because I feel sort of panicked and angry whenever I think about that place.

Anyway... so... The trip to Eden was new and unique for me... For one thing I had never been inside of a gateway. When we were entering it, in single file, Azrael put his hands around my middle from behind me reassuringly. It was a very large, black empty looking thing that you would step into... and then he let go as it was my turn, and I stepped in.

I don't know what you all remember about the gates, so correct me if I'm wrong, but... for me, remembering it is like... it wasn't an instant process, it was more of a path... a much much shorter path than from outside, in the physical world, but a path nonetheless, through a "non-space." And there were butterflies in there... not actual butterflies, but some sort of spirit that looked very much like a butterfly and very iridescent. I fell really in love with those. They were amazing.

When we stepped out on the other side of the gate, we were in Eden. There, in front of us were... colors. And brownness like sand. Colors everywhere... stripes and checkers and every sort of pattern and every sort of hue... it was some sort of a bazaar and the gate led right to it... people - human people - ran around everywhere, busily, or haggling, merchants and customers trying to get the best deal, or people with families trying to keep everyone together.

Azaz'el was already there when I came out and he was much taller than the human people. He seemed to be looking around for something, and ignoring all the hustle around him. It was so loud and busy, I remember trying to copy his disaffection and failing pretty hard, it was too easy to be distracted. At some point we started walking, I guess he had found what he was looking for.

There was the bazaar, at ground level, that we came out onto, and then a series of terraced hills with other sorts of buildings on them. Each level of buildings got more and more "expensive" looking to the building full of towers, like a castle on the top of the tall hill. This, I got the impression, was where the Shadow - most of them - called "home" or even "headquarters" on the planet. It was overseen by a Shadow... Iscarion, in fact - the Shadow with the long blond hair and "angelic" face - and two others who are very familiar to me....

I learned that as part of some reason that had to do with why I had been with the Shadow to begin with, before they did the rest of what they had come back to do they had to "escort me" to the high office, where I would be left.

So, they did, and I was, and I had my first conversation with Iscarion. He was kind enough but... even then to me he seemed "fake." A "politician" or lawyer... very gracious with his words and cunning... so I did not like him very much. He sat at a polished table in the very highest room in the fortress. It was a large room with wall hangings and a window overlooking the rest of the city. On either side of where he sat were standing two other very high-ranking Shadow in their own right, holding their hands behind their backs. One, to Iscarion's left, my right, had long dark hair and piercing eyes. I know that I know him .... Iscarion welcomed me to the city and I thought that they were going too much out of their way for me - after all I had been an apprentice of the Sidhe, and then the Shadow, and had been trooping around in the woods with them for quite some time. Iscarion shook his head, saying that I was one of the "old ones" and was due respect. I was confused. I was given a room in that castle-fortress-headquarters, on an upper middle floor. He said that anything I wanted, I could have, and that I should make myself feel very much at home in that place. I was told that I would begin doing a new sort of work... I only see that it was something where I went around with something looking like a clipboard and some parchment and a quill pen. Like I was taking notes or measurements on something.

I wonder what I was looking for?!!

For some reason, right now, the name Iscarion is just screaming at me........... it means something or is about to mean something!!!

Az

Let us know what it means lol.... it was mentioned by Raz about this time last year in another thread. I would love to know what you think ><

Ash

Iscar ion points to Israel and the star of David ...
We are beginning to see the light the completes the end of the tunnel...

Ouza

continued....

The city life was orderly, but it was also very stratified. I couldn't understand why that was. Humans weren't allowed to do certain things, hold positions, or go certain places. They were suppressed. However, the same was true for the Shadow. They weren't allowed to do certain things, hold certain positions (that were "below them" especially), or go certain places. Those societal structures seemed silly to me, but I observed quietly everyday, and did my work as I was supposed to. I remember Razi'el was stationed in that same castle-fortress-headquarters place where I was now dwelling. I would see him sometimes, passing from one place to another. He seemed happy and always very occupied there. I don't know what he was doing, what his work was, if he had work. He always seemed too content to have been working, but he was also always walking around with purpose, so he must have had quite a lot to do. I remember that Ezequ'el lived and worked in that place. His arms were always full of books, and he was hard to talk to over the mountain of texts in his arms. He always seemed to want to stop and chat when he saw me walking around, but the books that would often be in his arms would start to topple when he stopped, so he would just nod at me and keep walking, with the promise of a future conversation.

There was a woman figure. I don't remember her name yet, only that she was long... er... tall and "flowing." She may not have been Shadow or she may have been... her image was somewhat like water if you weren't looking directly at her. She would sort of fade in and out of this reality, back and forth, seamlessly. She had a soft voice but... was scary in her own right. You got the feeling that was so quiet because she was holding a lot of power back.

I remember hanging gardens with green leaves and dripping purple flowers underneath a hot glaring sun. There were flowers of every hue but, I suppose those were my favorite. I also remember pink and white and yellow things creeping up poles, alongside paths, growing in large bushes... but the purple stand out very strongly to me, the purple flowers dripping from pots above my head. I want to say that there were grapes there, too... that there was fruit growing everywhere among the flowers and ferns of the hanging gardens of that place. So that sometimes you would walk down a path, stop to look at a flower, and next to it would be a fruit that you could pick and eat as you continued to walk through the gardens. It was here that was the first time that a Shadow attacked me. I was walking under the hanging gardens, something crunching under my sandals like gravel or ... small river stones. He was walking by me and reached out and hit me hard in the chest, and kept walking. I sort of spun around and fell on the ground. It shook me up, to be sure.

I remember the sea... I remember the reed boats that the fishermen would take out and how they would cast their nets from sunup to sundown, very persistent whether or not they caught anything. I remember how the sun shined and rippled on the water, and the lotus flowers and marsh reeds growing at the shore's edge (maybe it was a river, but I want to call it the sea). And flamingos standing in the water, eating things under the surface and standing up on their legs then bending down again, all day long. I remember a Shadow who enjoyed the sea as much as I did - a large, happy fellow, with a barrel laugh, and sort of shaped like a bear. o_o He was huge, and very nice. I want to say that he wore gold cuffs on both of his arms. He would "break taboo" a lot, since no one was really around but me and a bunch of humans - helping them pull in their catches, get onto and off of boats, sharing laughs and food together, then waving goodbye and heading back to the fortress-thing for the evening, when everyone would try to stop working to head home. I don't remember joining in, but I would watch him, and I would watch them, and I would wonder why everywhere wasn't like that. It seemed much better to me to be like that, laughing and eating together and sharing work... and it didn't seem like there were any natural barriers to prevent people from working with each other.

I was starting to get confused about Shadow and human societies at that time. The more that I observed, the more that it confused me. For me, there is an "easy, direct" way to do things and a "convoluted, difficult" way to do things. The society I was in seemed very convoluted and difficult. I couldn't understand the "rules," and there seemed to be so many, and they all seemed pointless. It sort of made me angry, because it seemed so pointless, and I didn't understand... who had set up the rules? What was the purpose of each rule?

I don't remember there being a lot of rules on me. I also don't think I was inclined to break the taboos in place at that time anyway. So I kept to myself, talked only to Shadow or other things... nature spirits. Etc. One rule that was on me was "Do what we say." I was still a "ward" of the Shadow though I was starting to become more wise and even more respected. Few or none would treat me like a kid anymore, it was almost like I was an adult in their eyes, if still a "young one." So I listened to them, but sometimes they would listen to me too, to the things that I had to say.

Dearest Ash,

The rules set were very essential but not always understandable and accepted by those who were not so much connected to the source. There was always the possibility of being detected since what we were doing was not being done under the juristication of the higher council. So all precautions were taken to protect one and all. That's why Ish and Az would always find me under the tree, it was my only place of solice for the burdens of pondering the responsibility which wore heavy on my soul.

Ash your memory is improving immensely continue doing as you are and soon all will be revealed to you. Well at least a majority of it!

very proud of you,

Ouza

Thank you for your confidence, Ouza =).. Truly, sometimes remembering all the time, and coming back to reread things that I've written is wearying. However, there is something driving me, the feeling that the more I can remember fully everything that has happened the more that I am "paving the road" for the future, whatever the future holds.

It does get tiring, though. I get so tired just before completion, LOL... So thanks for the confidence and the pick-me-up

Ash

ahhh, now my memory of how the city looked is improving... your description makes me very happy, and nostalgic, for that wonderful place!

and yes, i was often very busy... depending on the day i would be helping Dani'el design expansions to the city and castle itself, aid him with references or calculations... we would bounce ideas off each other and i would return to my book keeping.. i was often managing the library for the castle... god i ws anal about my filing system! but of course no one could put the texts back where they found them... i remember it was overlooking a courtyard of some sort, with the fountain i loved seeing so much....

and i remember you visiting me one day too, Ash... you had walked in, seemingly on accident, and i was in one of my foul moods, sorting through a pile of scrolls someone had haphazardly laid out on a table and then left for me to clean. you seemed like you had never seen so many scrolls and texts in one place!

Ahh, your foul moods were legendary Raz, maybe more so than mine, although for different reasons!!

You just didn't like the mess the rest of us apparently made of your system. That always made me smile. Dani'el loved the time he spent with you, he cared deeply about you and your passion for knowledge, which was comparable to Penemue!!

Az

legendary foul moods, eh? *chuckles* well, at least now i know why i never saw anyone in the library very often!

Besides Danel and Az there were others such as myself who quite often went and used the libraries for research for their were more than just the main one!

Ouza

Grumpy? Who's surrendering to the demon understatement there?

Quote :

There was a woman figure. I don't remember her name yet, only that she was long... er... tall and "flowing." She may not have been Shadow or she may have been... her image was somewhat like water if you weren't looking directly at her. She would sort of fade in and out of this reality, back and forth, seamlessly. She had a soft voice but... was scary in her own right. You got the feeling that was so quiet because she was holding a lot of power back.

Ok, this might sound wild... but I think this person was an Elf. Probably not an Earth Elf. Probably an otherworld Elf (Elenari most likely).

Which then, for me, begs the question... Shadow negotiations with Elves?? I probably just don't know what from what. This has me totally stumped.

I remember there being negotiations with Elves. Back in the beginning days and in latter days when we were trying to make sense of everything and gather ourselves.