I just woke up from the funniest dream I have had in a long time. Not sure if I can do it justice here, and I don't have the whole story, but I wanted to share what I remember, since some of you were in it.
Az, Ish, Sem, and I had just, somehow, pulled off what could have been the largest bank robbery in human history. We were calling it the heist of the century. I did not get to see the details of the crime (unfortunately): the action kicked in as we were making our escape.
We had arranged to use the end of a massive hippie-style event to mask our departure. Having stashed our getaway vehicle among the art cars, in a vast field serving as a parking lot, we figured we could melt ourselves into the crowd, and appear as just another handful of freaks heading home when the festival let out. We succeeded, a little too well.
I was impatient to be out and gone, and already most of the way up a tall hill, when I realized I was walking alone. Turning to look for the others, I saw Az and Sem, still a long way behind me, dressed in patches like a couple of granola Renaissance Faire rejects. Az was expounding on something like an overexcited British professor, and obviously had been for quite a while. He showed little sign of changing the subject or coming up for air, even though Sem was giving only barest pretense of listening to anything he was saying. Sem had found a set of juggling sticks, and was deeply focused on playing with them as he walked. Except he was complete crap at it, and at most could only manage three steps at a time, before sending the center stick he was trying to keep aloft with the other two flying off in some wild direction, and having to chase it down.
"Oh, for f***'s sake!" I muttered, and called out, "Guys! We *are* on a time crunch here!"
That brought them back to reality. Sem gathered up his sticks, and they hurried the rest of the way up to me.
"Where the hell is Ish?" I demanded
They looked at each other in a way that made me wonder if they'd smoked something while amongst the crowd, then agreed that she was getting the car.
As if on cue, we heard the roar of an engine, and had just enough time to get out of the way, as an extraordinary vehicle jumped the crest, then grumbled to an idling stop next to us. It looked like something between the Munstermobile, a classic roadster, and a Humvee. Ish was behind the wheel, but as soon as she got it out of gear, she announced, "I'm not driving anymore! Sem, take the wheel." and crawled over the seat into the back.
I caught Sem taking a surreptitious look for the wheel before choosing a door, and being the American, started crowing, "Sem doesn't know which si-ide! Sem doesn't know which SI-ide!"
He didn't dignify that with a response, other than a sly grin at me before he threw open his door and climbed in. That made me the last one inside the car, so I took the remaining door... and realized I'd been too busy teasing to pay attention, and he'd stuck me with the driver's side.
Undeterred, I threw our flash tank into gear, and wanted to roar down the dirt road toward the freeway, but was forced to crawl and honk, due to the sea of hippies on foot that still surrounded us. The fact many of them were stopping in their tracks to check out our ride was not improving my mood at all.
Ish had stretched out across the full length of the furthest seat in back (due to dream logic, the car kept reconfiguring itself, so its interior now resembled a minivan) and seemed to be preparing for a nap. First though, she commented, "As soon as we're free and clear, you'd better put all this money somewhere safe before I have a chance to spend any. I have a... passion." That last word was said with such quiet intensity, we all exchanged startled glances, then looked back for clarification, but she had already fallen asleep.
Quietly, either not to wake her or in fear of her wrath, Sem said out of the corner of his mouth, "It's true. She has a love for shopping unlike anything I've ever seen."
"Oh yes." Az agreed, leaning forward between the bucket seats to talk to us. "I've seen her in action, and we need to be very careful. Knowing she has this kind of money at her disposal, I could very well see her walking into a department store, and simply asking, "How much?"
"How much for what?" I asked, maneuvering around various stoned road blocks.
Az and Sem exchanged a look, and both answered, "The department store."
I let out a low whistle, then replied, "At least she has the decency to let us know she has a problem."
There was a moment of silent agreement, then Az asked, in a tone of shuddering relief, "So, we can postpone the trip to Woolworth's, then?"
That was when I woke up, and knew I needed to share this. Hope you enjoyed, and I'll let you know if I ever see how it all turns out.