Melari

I know I'm not your typical celestial being (being a Keeper and all that), but I was wondering if anyone might remember me, whether it be just seeing me at some point (there's a picture I drew of my true self in the Art subforum, if anyone needs a point of reference), or a something more impactful; any sort of memory. I already know someone here remembers me, but I'm not going to call them out since the person pmed me to let me know about their remembering me.

So yeah. I figured that if one person remembered me, then maybe others might as well. I'm just being optimistic lol.

Well... Anyone? x3

~Melari

When you first joined the forum I thought you were pretty familiar but I was on so many forums and wondered if I've just got Melony/Meloni confused with Melari.

I'm pretty sure I remember something, I just don't know what :/

@Cap

Familiar? Really?

Well, to be honest, the name Hani'el kinda rings a small bell somewhere within me, and the name coming off of my lips FEELS familiar too...

I wonder what it could be that you might remember about me (albeit hidden at the moment)... O3o *curious*

~Melari

Yes really x3 but like I said, I didn't think much of it because I could have gotten mixed up.

I'm surprised it even rings a bell. When I mention it to people they always seem to say "Haniel? Never heard of her." and I'm back to square one!

You said you were some sort of Balancer, maybe it's connected to my fiance. He was a Reaper so he took the souls of the dead back to the "Death".

Hm!

It feels sketchy at best, but something feels familiar about you. I don't know if its a memory or there's a part of me when I served as a Cwn Annwn that knows OF you, or maybe we did know one another is passing. Like a dog, I'm familiar with the feeling you give off, like a dog knows when a friend of the family is at the door, circling around is wagging his tail.

@Cap

Now that you mentioned that, I wonder if your fiance might remember me. O.o

But yeah. Haniel does sound familiar, I'm just not sure HOW...

@Rabid

I kinda get a sort of vague vibe from you as well actually. It's like... Like you're a very good long-time friend or something I haven't seen in years; the memories may be hidden away, but you never truly forget.

And quite frankly, I get a similar vibe from Alhazred. I also feel like rolling my eyes, pulling whatever bottle of liquor he's drinking out of his hands, and dragging him outside for some good ol' fashioned wanton destruction instead to help him deal with his issues with humanity! xD

And goddammit, if I was in my true form, I'd be doing JUST THAT!

... *ahem* Anyway, I might as well speak of if Kur feels familiar. *shrugs* ... It's unclear. VERY unclear. Feels a bit like I might have known her or SOMETHING, might have heard of her at the VERY least, but the feeling is very, VERY "blurry".

I wish I could actually REMEMBER something about any of you though... So many people who sound or feel familiar, yet I can't remember a damn thing... Pfft...

~Melari

Awh, that's sweet Melari. Its a vibe I get too from you, like these memories buried (heh, literally for me.) underneath the sands of time. I just felt a spark with you when I originally joined this form. Some deep connection, an old friend, a ally in this war to come. Like we made some pact among one another so many years ago. There's a elegant grace about you that I just.. know, you know? I admire that. There's this (and I'm saying this is a poetic way, not a creeper way) majestic beauty in your darkness. You embrace it.
Perhaps when the walls come down, and the veil dissolves, we'll all remember one another and our memories will be crystal clear, we'll again become something more and lose a bit of our humanity. But its a price I would pay to just.. be free. I just feel like I'm looking through a foggy quartz crystal. I see you.. I know you. But I don't see you clearly.. and I can't remember why..

"And quite frankly, I get a similar vibe from Alhazred. I also feel like rolling my eyes, pulling whatever bottle of liquor he's drinking out of his hands, and dragging him outside for some good ol' fashioned wanton destruction instead to help him deal with his issues with humanity! xD"

Believe me, if I weren't caught... haha I would be doing just that. Or summoning some horrific monsters and have them reign down on human kind. I mean..., my magick is no where near as good at it used to be when I was who I was... But I still get so much SHIT for who I was/am. People that don't even know I was/am Alhazred. I try being open, polite, welcoming myself as nice as I possibly can into New Age/Pagan/Spiritual groups and one person always has to mutter something along the lines of.. " I get a bad feeling off Aubrey/Aaron. He has a dark soul/aura. He's not one of us. He's going to do something mean or evil :C". Ladies.. please. (not to sound sexist. But its usually women who run for the hills when ever I join some kind of group. But women by default are better seers then men. So maybe they see-see me. Scars and all.. :\..)
So my past experiences have left me a bit in contempt. My blunt and crud humor here is not with out fault, its just I am who I am. There's no shame in hiding it. If I'm going to use my name, I might as well live up to who I used to be.
I mean.. it just, hurts, I suppose, and I'm going off on a tangent right now... oh boy, I'm really sorry, sincerely sorry. Not trying to be a sarcastic jerk.
At least I embrace my darker side, I am who I am, I don't try to deny it. I don't act like I'm holier than thou; I am just who I am. I do try to do good in this world. As just as it is to me. Through natural order and what not. I don't do anything that involves taking a human life, I hardly break laws that are serious crimes - nothing that's considered that diabolical. Its just frustrating..

@Alhazred

Well, my typical fighting style is very graceful; Celestial Wardancing. And I would personally consider my true self very elegant and graceful—not to sound vain or anything—and I remember always having this distinct natural swagger when I walked. Actually, I STILL walk with a certain swagger, even in this human body; it still comes naturally to me. XD

But yeah, I understand. An elegant grace that you admire... and a majestic beauty in my darkness... Wow. I'm honestly flattered you think of me as such. Thank you. Really. =)

In any case, yeah... it really feels like... you two—you and Rabid at the least—were really good friends of mine. As for people getting a bad vibe from you, I've NEVER gotten a bad vibe from you. Maybe it's because, somewhere deep inside, I know you well, both the outside and in—the part of you that you've revealed to very few—and I've accepted both parts despite the things you've done in the past—not that I can remember what you've done in specific. Probably because I myself have been there, have known what it's like to explore that inner darkness that many fear, have some of those same scars. I think I've done some pretty shady things in the past myself—things that most people couldn't do without leaning completely towards the darkness (not that I can remember those things either, unfortunately)—but as you said, I've managed to embrace the darkness within and find a balance between the Light and the Dark. Admittedly though, I remember internally leaning a bit more towards the Darkness than the light.

As for your humor, I'm not offended by it. I understand it somehow. Probably because we very well may have been close friends back in the day, and if that's so, I feel that we still are. You don't come off as a jerk either; sarcastic or otherwise. Also, you have nothing to apologize for. 

I do wonder though why you two can't remember me in specific and vice versa... It's frustrating... Knowing that I've very likely found two old close friends, and I can't remember a damn thing about them... Only the vibe that I get...

Yes... When the Veil finally falls, we'll hopefully have our memories in their entirety and they'll hopefully be as clear as the day they were made... =)

I also want OUT of this meat sack that humans call a body... If that happened as well after Veilfall, that'd be quite lovely! XD

~Melari

... While I'm happy that all of you are being reacquainted, and it is a relief and a joy to find old companions, I must speak up here on two points, one being that humor is relative, and quite frankly I don't find much of Alhazred's humor amusing in the slightest.

The other, on a note of personal affront, being that these "meat sacks" don't offend all of us.

Melari, using the shaddy 'work' computer (XP augh) to reply... but man.. I have a lot I want to talk about; however I don't want to step on any toes. Can you drop me an email at "symphonyoflocusts@gmail.com"? My AIM handle is the same, too.

Rabid's email talathia@gmail.com if for some reason gmail eats yours..

@Ash

I apologize if I offended you, or anyone else for that matter. It wasn't my intention. I'm just not very fond of being in a human body... or of mine in specific... ^^"

@Alhazred

Yeah, that's probably for the best. I'll message you soon! =)

~Melari

I'm not going to berate anyone for sarcasm, after all i have it written through my core, and I fully appreciate that humour is a very subjective thing.

I know that when you are in a conversation with someone, even in a place like this, it's easy to feel that it's only the two of you (or three or four) HOWEVER, this is a forum for many different people with different views and beliefs. Also there are very young people here.

Therefore, please be aware that whatever you put on the forum should be appropriate for EVERYONE who reads it.

Ishtahar,
Again, trying to watch my tongue. I don't want to step on anybody's toes. Being more careful about what's 'okay' to write about and wants viewed as not. I mean, I don't know, some things mentioned here seemed a hair sensitive for other crowds-

Also there are very young people here
Which is what I mean, I've seen topics about sex brought up here before.. What IS age range here? I don't want to offend anybody, either, well.. I mean I kind of have my own unique way of communicating and getting a point across. But I'll water it down...a bit.



Melari, again gonna check up with you on aim/reply to email when I get some time. Kur is still around visiting.. ahahahahahah... we're all recovering from a long night.

@Alhazred

Alrighty then. =P

I must say that at least on some level or another, that I feel a connection to each and every one of you, some more than others, but I feel that at some point, we have all known one another, just as we are being reconnected here now. Some of my memories are strong, some weak, some waxing, some waning, but i must say that ever time i read a post by someone that rings a bell, i always get cold chills and goosebumps. I have been with this forum for a few years now and the more i read, the more i learn, the more questions seem to arise. I'm all for finding old and forgotten friends and becoming reunited with them, but i am wary of all the new question marks that i find in the shadows of my past.

I think many of us are in the same position, Mal. I know I am, although I've long ago let go of any expectations of what I'm going to find. I've been so... evil?... in so many lives I'm no longer surprised by anything I've done... except that I have to say in my defence I have always acted with the best intentions and really believed in what I was doing, even though it was objectively... well maybe not evil but merciless, manipulating, ruthless...

We have to accept the good with the bad and the indifferent

So too with the brutal, comes the immaculate and full of honor. Such is the way of things in all lives, in all periods of time. What it is to be onesself, is to be defined by the actions of our lives, not by what has been.

Wow for some reason I feel like a parent lol....well Melari when you call yourself a "keeper" do you mean "Keeper of the Light"?? I am a "Bringer of the Light"....so was just curious....

Gabe

@Gabe

I'm afraid not, my good sir. =P

I'm a Keeper of the Balance, specifically the Deathkeeper. My job's to help maintain the Balance through Death and Destruction.

~Melari