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PostSubject: Infernal River   Infernal River EmptyFri Oct 21, 2011 9:58 pm

Here’s fun one! I want to smash something now.

I dreamed I was on a quest, or mission of some kind, for information. The way I had to get it was to go to these specific stations, by swimming down what could have been the most hazardous river of all time. I’m only remembering pieces of it now, but woke up with an urgent need to write it down and share it anyway.

The first “waystation” was at a small inlet, where the water was icy cold and practically rapids. I was being swept along far too fast with the current, dashed against rocks, and get the impression I actually missed the point of entry, so I had to do it again.

This whole thing had the air of a video game, that I was actually living: a prescribed series of events, which I had to do in order, or else it wouldn’t work and I’d have to start the “level” over.

The Waystation itself was a blackened forest, like the remains after a forest fire, except all the trees were still standing. I don’t remember much about the guard, except an impression of a very tall, rake thin figure in a grey robe with a deep cowl. He was cruel to me, but showed my friends and I to the spot, as we asked, so we could get what we had come for. We did this by meditating with our eyes open, and being fed a series of visions in quick succession. They did not have to swim the river, or meet with the gatekeeper, and seemed to be serving a purpose very much like backup disks for a computer. More than one person needed to have this information I was working so hard for, in case something happened to me.

I don’t remember anything I learned over the course of this now, which makes me very, very angry.

These friends and I were accessing these places on a spiritual plane, but also on a physical trip. In order to get to this first place, we’d had to go to Milwaukee, the city I grew up outside of. I think that’s where we all met, to travel together after that. We got some adjoining rooms in a seedy motel, which was probably all we could afford. I think there were 6 of us, all young women. I remember one girl, the blonde one, had a lovely vintage car, and someone smashed its windows over the course of the night. She was very upset, and wanted to get it fixed immediately, but I suggested that she wait until we were out of town, because it would probably just happen again where we were.

“That’s why they call this place Illwaukee.” I said (which is true), and it made myself, as well as the others, very sad.

“This may be the heart of America,” another commented, “But it certainly is not the Heartland here.”

It was very awkward and cramped, with how we’d crammed ourselves into as few rooms as possible, and none of them seemed to have been raised with any sense of consideration for others in their living space. That made this dream seem entirely geared to irritate me, but I gritted my teeth, because I needed them, and I needed to do this.

I don’t know what city we went to next, but the place that I’d come there for was far worse than the last one. This time, the river was boiling, and sluggish. It kept fetching me up against a slide of burning coals, which had rolled far into the water from one side of the inlet I had to reach. I’ve actually walked on coals, so I know what they feel like, and how they will stick to your skin if you aren’t careful. These burned just as badly, and the water was too hot to give any relief.

The guard of that Waystation reminded me of a fat, simpering concierge, though he was actually some kind of prince of Hell, apparently. I refused to address him as such though, and he clutched at me as if he wanted to rape me, but some unknown thing was holding him in check. I was most intent on finding out something about Ezeqe’el here, but this guy thought that was a waste on my part. He was much more interested in the fate of a child, some kind of Light-being.

He scorned me for my preference, but also said, “If you ever do find him, tell the Skeleton that...”

I don’t remember the rest of that sentence, and didn’t really care at the time. I wanted to know why he called Ezeqe’el the Skeleton. It seemed terrible, though not as terrible as you’d think, but true, and a vital clue to what I was trying to find out. Also, I saw it capitalized in my mind’s eye. He had this strange way of talking, that I visualized as written words as he said them.

I think it was during this conversation, that he pulled a knife, and carved a design on the back of my left hand as he spoke. It looked like it was supposed to be an eagle diving with its talons out, but when I checked it from a different angle, later, it looked much more like an eye with a vertical slit for a pupil, and taloned feet coming from the bottom, with some lines around it. He licked it when he was finished, and his tongue burned. It seemed to leave a black residue, that was slowly turning the lines into a crude tattoo. I was furious he had cut such an ugly, inexpert design into my skin, that looked as if it was becoming permanent, in such a prominent place.

As I walked away, a “courtesy checklist” popped up in my mind’s eye like an email window. It rattled off questions about “my stay here,” and called the jerk by name (it was long, complicated, and I don't remember it now), asking if I was satisfied with our meeting, or had any comments, questions, or complaints. I couldn’t get the hang of how to work this thing at first. When I did, I realized it was intentionally set up to be as frustrating as possible, and a complete waste of effort. These inane questions were followed by comments boxes, which had lines and lines of useless text and coding that needed to be deleted before I could say anything, but it would sweep on to the next question and clear the box before I could send anything I had written. So, fuming, I gave up on this madness, and found my friends.

Over the course of this whole journey, I had been suffering from some kind of fever. It had been getting steadily worse after the first river, and was much, much worse after all of this. When I found the two girls, I greeted them with, “Okay, next time *you* swim through the lake of fire, and deal with the nasty asshole jerk guarding the place.”

They looked at me with a sadness in their eyes, that said, after that comment, they could see this was killing me. Then, one gently explained how they could not. I was the only one who could do that part. The part I did alone was a full half of it, though, and meant to teach as much as the information we were gathering.

“Lessons.” I spat, then followed them to the spot, stumbling by this point.

We sat down at the meditation place, and began to receive the information, but I was too weak and sick to absorb it. That process took energy as well, but I held on through it until my body simply gave out on me. When this happened, I think I woke up on some level. I remember something between a gasp and a moan, both lying on the ground in my dream, and on the sleeping mat in my tent. I also distinctly remember thinking, with my eyes open, “I think I just died.”

I fell back asleep, but don’t remember anything other than waking up a few times, and each time feeling too drained and dead to do anything but go back to sleep. I might have talked to Ezeqe’el, and maybe some other people. I seem to remember that, but nothing about conversations, or any kind of details. When I finally did wake up fully, I felt very congested, but fine, and was viciously grabbing at the faded pieces of this dream to keep them in my memory. They felt like prizes I’d paid for in blood and pain and breath, and I was *not* letting go of any more than I already had. I also checked the back of my hand, and was very relieved to see no sign of that ugly image. I can’t decide if it’s paranoia making me feel like there could still be something there, under the skin. I really hope it’s paranoia.

Now that this is written, I want to cry. How many more times am I going to have to feel myself dying like this? It may be on a spiritual or metaphysical level, but it still hurts. The worst part is, I wasn’t done with this process, whatever it was for. I don’t want to have to go back and finish it.
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Azaz'el
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PostSubject: Re: Infernal River   Infernal River EmptyFri Oct 21, 2011 10:27 pm

That is such an intense, strong and extremely strange dream!

There isn't much I can say about it, I actually haven't a clue as to what it may mean or represent and perhaps it is purely personal to you.

Quote :
Now that this is written, I want to cry. How many more times am I going to have to feel myself dying like this? It may be on a spiritual or metaphysical level, but it still hurts. The worst part is, I wasn’t done with this process, whatever it was for. I don’t want to have to go back and finish it.

The only answer I can give to this is one that you'll not like......... none of us will ......... Samhuinn approaches, the time of death and rebirth. This one is the one that is supposed to peel away the layers and help reforge our souls. After this one we only have one more to face before the changes begin at the end of next year. The time of war approaches and we need to be strong, need to be warriors again. And considering how few of us there are right now............ I guess we each have to do the job of 10.

Az


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PostSubject: Re: Infernal River   Infernal River EmptySat Oct 22, 2011 2:39 am

::sighs:: Sometimes I just wish these cycles would end, even if that meant I didn't start breathing again.

I know that's not an option, and it doesn't do any good to think like that. It's just so fucking hard sometimes! It's probably not worth hoping the last one might be in 10 days, then?

Sorry. Today has been very hard.
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PostSubject: Re: Infernal River   Infernal River EmptySat Oct 22, 2011 5:36 am

wow, that is very intense, and while the first one doesn't make much sense to me, the second guardian... i feel like i should know him, or rather, like do, but i've forgotten most of what i once knew. the easiest thing to compare it to is an estranged family member, like an in-law you don't necessarily care for.

other than that, the dream sound very intense, and i will see what i can do to help from where i am, see if i can better align the energy in you to help out! or, of course, could stay out of this, as it seems like a personal journey, your choice... heheh, nosy, nosy me~

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PostSubject: Re: Infernal River   Infernal River EmptySat Oct 22, 2011 5:53 am

I don't even know if that's what the first guardian looked like. That's just what I visualized when I tried to remember. For all I know, it could have been my imagination filling in gaps. The second one was most vivid in my memory, and no offense, but that really sucks for you if you could consider him in any way a family member.

Thanks for the offer. I'm always open to accepting help, if you're willing and able. This thing killed me once in the attempt already, so I'm going to need it if I need to continue.
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PostSubject: Re: Infernal River   Infernal River EmptySat Oct 22, 2011 10:11 pm

Unfortunately you already know that the next cycle doesn't end in 10 days...... we have another big one to face at Samhuinn next year....... but we are all strong enough to cope with it, that's who we are and why we're here.

Az

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PostSubject: Re: Infernal River   Infernal River EmptySat Oct 22, 2011 10:16 pm

That was me feeling sorry for myself. I'm over it.
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