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 Wasnt sure where to put this....

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sagehawk

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PostSubject: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Sun Apr 08, 2012 8:05 am

I am not a fallen angel I dont think... so I wasnt sure where to put my memories so I'll just put them here.


I remember being part of a gigantic ball of dark feminine energy that I called Kali. I was created as a warrior that would not lose her skill through life time after life time. Not that I dont have to relearn everything, there is still that whole forgeting part when reincarnation happens, so a refresher is always a good idea. However it comes back quickly. In order to do this, my energy network is a bit different than most. Instead of energy going in a straight line with in my body it loops over my head.

I have been used as a warrior since creation, for whatever purpose. The purpose usually surves the greater 'good'. But dont mistake this for me being a 'good' entity...or some hero... I have played many villans. Also dont mistake this for me being under control of another greater being.... I am an extention of that ball of energy from which I split, and I volenteered.

I am thee source of all feminine power, not owned by any man.... not even a father have I had to listen too. This comes out in every part of my life(lives). My sexuality is fluid, but if a man is involved I am the one that is dominating and using him. This is a rarety though, as women are more prefered as I revel in thier power and familiarity. Men are silly to me as most human males tend to have false power.
I know how incredibly sexist this sounds, but this is how my energy/higherself feels, responds, thinks....

I struggle a lot in this world to get people to treat me as a person not as a woman, or a man. Even though I identify as a woman, no one on this planet knows how to treat a woman, not even most women. I feel by my very existence that I am to remind this planet that with out women you would still be a big ball of flames floating in space.

I am not sure I I was there for the creation of earth, but I do know that I was part of the debate and discussion of what it was suppose to be and represent. Earth was suppose to be the perfect yin/yang 3D experience. Something that no other place in the universe had. Other than the source itself, most places where very one or the other. A lot of people didnt think a place such as this would be able to assend past ... well anything. They figured that if it evolved tot he point where sentient beings emerged there would be nothing but constant war.

And they were right... at first. Then Atlantis emerged. I was so excited, I had to go to this planet and be apart of it. So, I did. I was a terrible idea... as... once a being like me made herself known... humanity wanted to worship it. Being incarnated, with my altered chakra system, I needed to feed on human life force... with so many people throwing themselves at me... well.. I thought 'why not just let them?' I wasnt the only one of my kind there that thought they same thing.

A few of my kind disagreed, and one of them was my best friend. one of my clearest memories is us walking in to a beutifl stone temple and everyone rushing to us as if we were Jesus or something.... I could take illness(mental, physical and spiritual) from anyone energetically and cure them when I fed from them deeply. After talking with them breifly I was able to escape the crowd. there were benches and indoor gardens... not sure how... but *shrugs*... I looked over and saw a man running towards me desperatly.... as if I was his only hope in the world. I let him embrace me, and he was crying and upset.
I glanced over and saw my friend sitting on a bench. He was watching me susspicously. I knew he knew what I was about to do and I knew he disagreed.

Arogently I placed two fingers on the back of the mans neck and began drawing energy from him, it just poored in to me... intense sorrow and pain. he had grait lose in his life... and I started crying from the waight of it... we were about to fall to the ground when my friend grabbed my arm and pulled me away angerly. "This is why we dont feed that way!" he said. But I didnt care, I felt entitled to what I was taking. If it wasnt for me, these people wouldnt even exist.

So because of my kinds interference, and lack of ... restraint... Atlantis was destroyed... and humanity's success was lost. From this point on, the Yang(masculine) slowly gained more and more hold and the balence was thrown off.

I am not sure if it was before or after this but I was also on Mars, I took part in thier wars..I remember flying around a lot while fighting... I dont know much about them except that is was a blood bath...everyone had lost touch with reason, so much so that they felt destroying the whole planet was better than the enemy winning, or even getting thier way at all. It was madness.

Much time after all of this, I was one of the first humans to sell horses for riding(instead of eating Laughing ). Me and my husband had a lot of land outside a village in the country Lydia(modern day Turkey). My husband was a pacifist... I was not. We fought about it a lot. I am not sure if it was because I was a woman and had more guts than him, or if he truly was delusional enough to think that he could stop a sword with kind words. Either way, it got our 2 children butchered... our village was being attacked and I was the one to go fight them off. but a few of these barbarians made it to our farm and well... I wasnt there to save them... I was in the village instead.



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Ashtart

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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:24 am

That's a good, informative post with a lot to respond to. Yes, this is a right section for it bounce You may also choose to post specifically sensitive information in the member's only section of the forum.

As I have written elsewhere, I too identify as a goddess avatar. A lot that you write of sounds familiar to me - if not because that was my experience then because I knew that my sisters tended to work that way or hold those paths. I too feel that after a series of events involving the goddesses, the masculine began to dominate on earth, and an imbalance occurred. It's important I think in this time for us to rise up and own ourselves and the selves that we once were and to step forward, to correct the wrongs that occurred when the world fell out of alignment between masculine and feminine energies.

It is sorrowful to me to remember how people look to different beings as being worth worship. And has been reflected on often, we have many of us made errors that we regret when afforded so much power over people... errors involving energy, leadership, and so on.

Do you feel as if your life in Lydia has carried over to this one? I wonder about the lives that we remember, our human past lives, whether there is pain to make up for, or to examine so that we do not reenact past mistakes in new ways. I find that some of the sorrows from my past lives have helped to resolve bad habits in this life, when I examine them closely and let go.

All the same, the events of that life sound very tragic, and I'm sorry that you had to experience that both then and, remembering, now.
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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Tue Apr 10, 2012 1:46 pm

Yes I feel a deep need to correct that imbalance on a daily basis. It irritates me even with simple things... if there is any indication of implication that a certain person is/can/cant do/somthing because they are a man or woman i get angry. I've worked on turning them in to jokes out loud though. To show people how ridiculous they sound. I also cringe when people say they worship a being... I actually decided to be wiccan because they specifically teach that you work with gods, you dont worship them.

And yes I do feel that my life in Lydia has carried into this one... I am obsessed with protecting people I care about, almost to the point that if I didnt hold back I would probably suffocate them(or physically harm someone else for even small things). I also have quite the mixed emotions toward my husband, from that life. I miss him sometimes and other times I hate him for not going against his beliefs to save his own children. It has affect me so much that, I am extremely picky about the men that are around me... If they are like him, or to the extreme not like him I can not stand to be around them. Its quite the confusing thing.

I suspect that I am bisexual(best word to describe it. I tell everyone I am a lesbian, because I will either be with a woman, or in a polyamorous relationship with a man and a woman, so its just easier to tell people that. I honestly think gods dont have much a of a preference. I could be wrong though), however I feel that because of that life time it would be almost impossible for me to be exclusive with a man. I came close... I thought I found one in this life but he betrayed me as well. The other problem is there only seems to be physical attraction and nothing else(romantic and emotional). Almost as if I am incapable of loving a man at all.

Sometimes I am not happy that I have remembered it but, at the same time I know have an explanation for all my weird preferences regarding men in general. And I believe that the only way to live is knowing yourself and being true to that.
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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:10 pm

|Hmm interesting. I identify with a lot of the things you've said.

I guess I identify with a goddess form too, in a way. Ishtahar was never a goodess. She was simply a woman who fell in love with an angel and let him turn her into something more... ascended. But the form of Ishtahar was worshipped as a goddes under various names and in various forms, for example Inana.

I always felt the whole worship thing immensely uncomfortable.

I was in Atlantis. I was a priestess and a noble. I may have known you. I knew some like you I think. I was very misguided. Yet again I was 'seduced' to sacrifice a child, my son, to 'the goddess' to save Atlantis, when it couldn't be saved. It was just another rehash of my many lives under the curse.

I am rampantly angry with sexism and the concept that women are somehow less capable/able because they happen to have breasts and a cunt. And I LOVE that word. Why should we be afraid of it when there is no word to describe the male anatomy that are so taboo. I wonder if it's because it encompasses the power of our femininity and, as such, scares the crap out of them.
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Ashtart

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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:38 am

Tell me about it. Sexism makes me so angry I can't stand it. It's infuriating all the time, all day. There are some fantastic female and male and trans feminists speaking up and aiming to erase sexism, but there are also some absolute twits (all of repubs in the US for example...) who are trying to turn the clock back for women. Very scary.

I told someone the other day that I think that there should be a vagina revolution soon. Rise of the vaginas. Vaginas part deux.

Cunt is a fantastic word, Ish. <3

Sagehawk, don't hate yourself for loving women! I don't know if that's an accurate interpretation of that post or not, but... there's nothing wrong with that. If you ever do fall for a man, that's wonderful too, love tends to be wonderful, everywhere, I say Smile.
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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Wed Apr 11, 2012 5:23 pm

Ashtart wrote:
Tell me about it. Sexism makes me so angry I can't stand it. It's infuriating all the time, all day. There are some fantastic female and male and trans feminists speaking up and aiming to erase sexism, but there are also some absolute twits (all of repubs in the US for example...) who are trying to turn the clock back for women. Very scary.

I told someone the other day that I think that there should be a vagina revolution soon. Rise of the vaginas. Vaginas part deux.

Cunt is a fantastic word, Ish. <3

Sagehawk, don't hate yourself for loving women! I don't know if that's an accurate interpretation of that post or not, but... there's nothing wrong with that. If you ever do fall for a man, that's wonderful too, love tends to be wonderful, everywhere, I say Smile.
Ha! its the exact opposite... I hate myself for being interested at all in men! Weird I know... kinda reverse gay... oh well.

@Ishtahar

Oh i think I know a bit about Ishtahar. I thought she was like Selene human.... then made in to a goddess. I dont know the process of human to god as thats not how I came to be but thats interesting.

A noble sacrificing her child... I recognize it, sounds familiar but I dont exactly remember much about Atlantis really. I do remember seeing Disneys Atlantis and feeling very drawn to it. ridiculous maybe, but it felt like some of the things in that movie were true. Mainly the crystal technology. And the tribal tatoos...


P.S. I also like the word cunt LOL!
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Meti'ne

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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:05 pm

I'm much more for gender equality in terms of social status. What makes any man inherently better than any woman? In Eden (which I remember being the Keepers' home realm), there is exactly that: gender equality - power is in no way determined by gender nor is social status or social norms. A female Keeper is treated the same way a male Keeper would be treated and vice versa.

Now, that being said, my relationship with my lover/soulmate has always been a bit on what a human or the more chauvanist-inclined might consider to be on the odd side.

You see, while we consider each other equals under normal circumstances, we assume D&S (DomSub (Dominiate/Submissive)) roles when things get steamy, myself being the dominant party and my lover - who is male - being the submissive. It's really more of a mentality than anything though (I'll explain shortly). I honestly don't know how it all started - it seems as though it's always been this way.

In any case, I say it's a mentality (though D&S typically seems to ALWAYS be a mentality anyway), because anything we do, no matter what it is, regardless of who's pleasing who, or who's on top or what, my soulmate is always in that submissive state of mind, and I'm always in the dominant. I'll give a few examples (hey, if we can handle using the word "cunt" (which actually DOESN'T sound all that bad now that you've all mentioned it =) ), then I'm SURE you can handle mentions of bedroom activities. XD

Let's take typical missionary position for example, which is actually something my soulmate and I have done a LOT. He likes to get touchy while we make love. Stroking my arms or my back, kissing my neck (damn, I love when he does that... *^^*). Stuff like that. In my mindset, it's like he's worshipping my body, and during the act, I even TELL him to do these things. In his mindset, he wants to do these things to me, and when I let him, I'm giving him permission, something that he really desires from who - during sex - he sees as his Reisaashi (Master or Mistress; the word can be used in both a sexual and nonsexual context), and along with that, he's pleasing his Mistress, and both of those things give him a thrill.

On the other hand, I get a thrill when the one who - during sex - I see as my Rikeinii (Pet) is being obedient and submissive to my demands, and from knowing that he gets pleasure from being submissive to me.

Another example would be an act that satisfies one partner at a time, like... er... oral. When I do it to him, my mindset is that I have him under my control, and seeing how he reacts to what I would do to him, knowing that I'm in control of the pleasure he's feels, that he's surrendering himself to me completely, that gives me a REAL thrill~ Similarly, his mindset is that I - his Mistress - am being gracious enough to bestow such an honor to him, and that likewise gives HIM a thrill.

If he were doing the same act to me, my mindset is - again - that I'm letting him worship my body, and again, I would command him to do just that: to worship my body (;P). And his mindset is the same as with the missionary position example: he wants to please his Mistress and wants my permission to do so too.

Something with ME on top is a little different. The thrill for the both of us is for pretty much the same reason: I'm fully expressing my dominance over my soulmate, and we - of course - get a total kick out of that.

I haven't seen my soulmate in since I've been incarnated here on Earth; he's waiting for me back home. But I at least have the memories. It's actually pretty recently that I remembered the true nature of our relationship.

Within the first few minutes, I was like "Whoa, really...?". But I can believe it and I know it to be true. For some - or many - our relationship may seem odd or even freaky, but for us, it DEFINITELY works.

And that's my version of feminism, I suppose. =P

~Melari
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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:12 pm

Melari, yes... I have similar sexual tendencies... I am dom with males, but I am sub with females. its an interesting thing bdsm....
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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:49 pm

@Sage

Indeed it is. I wasn't even sure I was into that until I remembered how things between the figurative sheets really go down between me and my soulmate. I remember it being insanely awesome~ Hooray for BDSM! xD

~Melari
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Ashtart

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PostSubject: Re: Wasnt sure where to put this....   Fri Apr 13, 2012 4:50 am

Quote :
Ashtart wrote:

Tell me about it. Sexism makes me so angry I can't stand it. It's infuriating all the time, all day. There are some fantastic female and male and trans feminists speaking up and aiming to erase sexism, but there are also some absolute twits (all of repubs in the US for example...) who are trying to turn the clock back for women. Very scary.

I told someone the other day that I think that there should be a vagina revolution soon. Rise of the vaginas. Vaginas part deux.

Cunt is a fantastic word, Ish. <3

Sagehawk, don't hate yourself for loving women! I don't know if that's an accurate interpretation of that post or not, but... there's nothing wrong with that. If you ever do fall for a man, that's wonderful too, love tends to be wonderful, everywhere, I say .
Ha! its the exact opposite... I hate myself for being interested at all in men! Weird I know... kinda reverse gay... oh well.

Oh I c Shocked Don't hear that everyday, not really sure what the correct response is to that one. ... Alcohol? drunken lol

There is way too much that can be said about Atlantis... many members have had lives there. I wouldn't say I did, but I visited once or twice - maybe... It's been such a tumultuous place in the memories of many - tragedies and crimes against humanity seem to be the themes... not of course that any of that was "wrong," as Ish will often remind us that good and bad are quite relative. But I do hear terrible things.
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