ARCHIVE: Memories or imagination, how do you know if something is a memory

From Ishtahar 9 Sep 2007:[i][u]

My memories are set out elsewhere on the website but I thought that I would explain here how they came to me. I would not like anyone to think that I just woke up one day and knew instantly who I was and remembered everything.

It has been many years coming, bit by bit, one piece at a time with small understandings, impressions, feelings, guesses and pictures.

It is still patchy and in some places vague. It is not nearly as 'joined up' as it appears in my account.

It seems as if i have lurched from one experience to the next and each one gave me a piece of the puzzle not necessarily in the right order.

For many years I rejected my memories of certain things, the hard times. The first things i remembered were the deaths of my children, one after another, generation after generation. Some at my hand, some through my fault, all because of my curse. But of course i didn't know about the curse then.

Then I remembered my lover, my Shem, the greatest love of all time. I remembered times when we were together but not the first time.

Then I began to have more and more memories of times when i was incarnate with other Fallen, gradually a pattern appeared. Time after time we went through the same things together but never knowing who we truly were. We always failed in what we were seeking to achieve because we didn’t know who we were or what we were really aiming for.

The first memories have been fairly recent and have really been a matter of lots of pieces suddenly fitting together to make a picture and being forced to accept the reality of something I have always known but rejected.

I am a humble person who has had the greatest of trouble accepting that I am a goddess but then I realised that Ishtahar was never a goddess but was only made so afterwards by those who did not understand.

There are still those who do not understand, who do not want to understand. No doubt they will come here and seek to tear down what we are seeking to achieve, to reject us and dismiss us but that will not change the truth.

Trust your heart. Be truthful with yourself and you will know that what your heart tells you will be truth.

It is


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Time is a strange thing, the whole of it can be condensed into a single moment and that moment can be stretched to swallow infinity, But in this moment at this time....I am all yours.