Retrospection

I started to post this as a status on my Facebook. But, then, I thought to myself, "Haaaa! I can't say this to these people!"


Ten years ago, I was almost the opposite of who I am now. I was desperate to fit in, desperate to be liked, desperate to be wanted, and desperate for silly things that I don't even remember now.

Six years ago, I was a much different person from before. Withdrawn, I had less warmth, but a lot more than I have now. I had a lot more passion and many more aspirations. I believed in amazing things I'm only barely starting to believe in again. I was alive.

Two years ago, I was a very different person than I am now. After so much dark, I was still, somehow, full of hope/folly and determination. I was desperate to know love, to love, and be loved in return. But I came to realize that it is true - that all love is fleeting like fame, when there isn't anymore hope. I learned to not spend time waiting for anyone who wouldn't wait for me - so that's pretty much everyone.

Over the years, I've found my patience to already be chipped away at, and I am no longer prone to waiting for anyone or anything. I prefer certain company, but can do without if I must. I will go my own way, rather than be made to wait - which I feel is a great disrespect that I do not deserve, especially when it is given without reason.

I have become cold. I save my warmth for those I deem worthy, instead of being the kind, gentle, loving child I used to be. I can withhold forgiveness without it affecting me - a skill I have found to be unique and useful. I don't often allow others to hurt me, but have great anger towards myself if I do.

I am the only one who is always going to protect me. I am the only person I will always have.

well, i personally hope that in time, you come to regard us here at the forum with the same kind of warmth you reserve for only your trusted friends! =D

Aww. Thank you! I'm thankful to have somewhere I can say things I can't say to anyone else, and people who understand the things I go through that even the people closest to me couldn't understand.