Wings like the Sunset

Wings, nighttime, music, darkness and moonlight.

These are only some of the aspects that have begun to enter my life once more. Perhaps it’s in my soul, an essence that tells me that I was born for the night. Sometimes I think my mind is taking it too far and that even reasoned “Shouldn’t I be born at night to have something with the night?” (I was born just before daybreak). Aside from that, the Night, the Moon and the concept of Darkness have begun to surface, but I didn’t consider it to be something significant.

You see, for a long while now I have been having experiences with feeling the sensation of wings stretching out like a cat waking up from a long needed nap. This happened at first with meditation then again outside of meditation, a total of five times so far. Next were the dreams, most of which took place under a moonlit night sky and also having some musical themes (playing or singing). I’ve never experienced such vivid and realistic dreams in my life thus far. As wondrous as it seemed, I began to feel so very…isolated. I felt confused, lost, and scared of what was happening to me. It was all too much (and still is).

I spoke with my spirit guides, called to my Mother Night and Father Night for answers, asking them to embrace and give me the fire of courage as I dive deep trying to figure out what’s becoming of me.

Several times I’ve done readings, but no matter how I worded the question, three cards made the same appearance: Page of wands (often in the as you are now position), The High Priestess (future card), and the Queen of Cups (final card or wild card). I’ve associated myself the Queen of Cups because I usually assign cards to those close to me. But I never really felt like her. I felt like the Page of Wands at the time with a bond to the Queen of Cups. She was often in my future position. I was thinking “If I’m the Page of Wands, does the mean I’m to become the Queen of Cups?” That question and more only fueled my curiosity. The final straw was when I reached for an outside source. This person is a friend of mine who is able to seen the unseen as well as I. On an outing with my friends, I pulled her aside and asked her:

“Do you see wings on me?”

It took her a while to answer as she analyzed me. “Yes. They’re very large and are a vivid orange.”

At this point I held a mixture of shock and amusement. My wings always appeared as a black so deep that they were blue. I told her that and she told me again “Maybe they’ll begin to change color soon. I sense you have some affinity with the Night in some way. A strong one.” What she told me completely threw me for a loop because everything she told me was what my guides were telling me. For the rest of the hangout I was rather introspective, thinking on what she said (she had to leave early). I looked at the sky to see a very bright and beautiful orange sunset fading into a deep blue.

From fire to water. From Page to Queen. Day into Night. Orange into Midnight Blue. It matches up too prominently (and without too much thinking) for me to just throw aside as nonsense. Whereas certain questions have been answered, more branch off and leave me spinning. I don’t know what to do at this point accept try to adapt to the drastic changes that I’ve been going through.

There’s a Full Moon coming and I plan on seeing if the Mother may share her wisdom with me. If anyone has a view they’d like to share on this, I’ll be open to hearing them. I could use a different perspective

I find it interesting that you should mention an affinity for the night. I too have this same condition. I don't know if you're familiar with occult practice or not, though you do seem to have knowledge of the tarot, but a few years ago I came across a book dealing with nocturnal energies called Nocturnal Witchcraft. It opened my eyes to many things, primarily that I was more than just drawn to the night, I was a part of it all the way down to my very soul. I've always been a part of it. Always will be I'm sure. Nonetheless though, if such things interest you, I highly recommend you read that book, and a few others by the same author. If you'd like to know more, message me and I'll give you whatever information I may.

Thank you Malphas. I do know what book you speak of, and I do have that book. My experiences of the Moon and the Night of been long before then and reading this book has helped me very much. Yet part of me is saying "There's more, there's more, there's so much more", but I can't truly say what it is. Yes I am familiar with occult practices and I find them to be helpful on my path. Sometimes when I stand in the moonlight or in the dark of night I feel something below the surface of my skin. When I dream I feel like I'm walking in a another world that feels like home rather than flying off to a distant realm I know nothing about. In fact I often Lucid Dream (possibly because I work very closely with Morpheus).

What I feel is real, but sometimes (and I dread to admit this) I feel that I'm denying some part of me. That I sense something about me that I know I should embrace yet I don't because I don't know what will happen. It is....difficult to fully explain. I'm trying hard to say it all, but I can hear that small voice saying "Forget it! Lock it up and throw away the key. Don't ask about it, don't think about it, just go on with life."

The first lesson I learned when I started off on my path was "Know Thyself". Second one was "The hardest person to know is yourself".

In short, though I believe there is something totally and completely deeper than I can comprehend... but I'm made such a perfect state of denial that I doubt the things I should acknowledge and embrace. And unfortunately, I believe I do this out of fear. That's why when I heard my friend tell me the similar things that my Mother Night has told me, I felt that fear quicken. I wish I wasn't so fearful.

I too sit sometimes, alone, in the night, either inside or, weather permitting, outside. I can relate to that "under the skin" feeling, as well as knowing beyond doubt that there is so much MORE to know about my affinity to the darkness. Through my connection to Mother Nyx, I have come to know the dark and the night in ways that I never dreamed of. I too work closely with not only Morpheus, but also Nyx, and other entities who find their lot with the night. I feel that this voice you speak of saying NO is just the sociological programming that each of us is forced into from childhood. This programming demands that we deny our imaginations, our natural abilities to manipulate the reality we have around us with our feelings and thoughts. Society doesnt want us to have access to those parts of ourselves because it puts us out of societies control. I say embrace this part of yourself. Feed it. Help it to grow in any way that you can. Never listen to the voice that says "no, you cant do that." or "no, you cant become that." or whatever the case may be. To deny that part of ourselves is to deny not only our other worldly origins, but to deny the men and women that we are now. For some reason or another, I feel a strong connection to your energy, mayhap because we are both of the nocturnal persuasion, who knows. I would absolutely love the opportunity to discus this with you more. If you'd like information on how to contact me through mediums other than this forum, message me and ill be glad to oblige.

I, too have a very close affinity with the night and darkness. I find my peace in darkness and, strangely, snow.

I've always been drawn to darkness in many forms and I once fought it. i don't anymore because I've accepted it as part of who I am. In many ways I'm very dark - in my writing, in my dress, in my tastes, and often in my thoughts, yet I'm very light too. Strange dichotomy.

the page of wands is very much a transitioning card, a moving forwards and the Queen of Cups is a very giving card. It's also about love and that includes loving yourself. I would suggest that the cards suggest some form of awakening, acceptance and becoming yourself.

Ishtahar wrote:

I, too have a very close affinity with the night and darkness. I find my peace in darkness and, strangely, snow.

I've always been drawn to darkness in many forms and I once fought it. i don't anymore because I've accepted it as part of who I am. In many ways I'm very dark - in my writing, in my dress, in my tastes, and often in my thoughts, yet I'm very light too. Strange dichotomy.

the page of wands is very much a transitioning card, a moving forwards and the Queen of Cups is a very giving card. It's also about love and that includes loving yourself. I would suggest that the cards suggest some form of awakening, acceptance and becoming yourself.


That makes sense as well. It was like what I was being told all along. What you and Malphas has told me also matches very cleanly to what Mother Night and my friend has told me [/mindtrip]. It's all so crazy! (In a good way) My mother always says the universe first gives you hints, then a pebble, then a rock, a boulder, a wall then finally a HUGE house get thrown and finally one gets the message. *deep breath* And thanks to all of you I think I have a chunk of what I wanted to know.

But... It's a scary thought. Just when I was getting comfortable with myself I find out that I'm changing. Maybe this whole time I was under a "pseudo-awakening" like I was skimming the surface... It makes me wonder what's in store for me later on. How do I accept it? How can I accept that I may be something more than I originally thought? And if this is signalling another awakening, how do I deal with it again? The first one when horribly wrong. I'm still traumatized from what happened.

Quote :

I have no idea how on earth my comment got merged with the quote o.O Sorry about that, lol. I'll repost it.

"That makes sense as well. It was like what I was being told all along. What you and Malphas has told me also matches very cleanly to what Mother Night and my friend has told me [/mindtrip]. It's all so crazy! (In a good way) My mother always says the universe first gives you hints, then a pebble, then a rock, a boulder, a wall then finally a HUGE house get thrown and finally one gets the message. *deep breath* And thanks to all of you I think I have a chunk of what I wanted to know.

But... It's a scary thought. Just when I was getting comfortable with myself I find out that I'm changing. Maybe this whole time I was under a "pseudo-awakening" like I was skimming the surface... It makes me wonder what's in store for me later on. How do I accept it? How can I accept that I may be something more than I originally thought? And if this is signalling another awakening, how do I deal with it again? The first one when horribly wrong. I'm still traumatized from what happened."

Don't be afraid of change because it went wrong in the past. Maybe the reason you were traumatized by your previous awakening was because you weren't open to it and fought against it. Be like a reed that bends in the wind not a wooden post that is blown over by it.

...That's so beautiful Ishtahar Take a deep breath and believe in the not so normal, huh? Maybe this time will be different. I want it to be different. If there is something out there for me, then I should embrace whatever changes are coming to me. I know that deep down I want to Awaken because I can know that after asking "What is the one thing I need to do in my life at this time"? It might take some time to breathe in and let what needs to happen, happen. But since I did ask to find my raison d'être, its the least I could do

The Awakening can be a painful thing. Just remember. Relax, breathe, let go. All will come in time. Don't try to force it.

there is something you should also keep in mind. There is no joy in life like being fully and completely who you are and who you are meant to be. Anything short of that you will be incomplete and your soul will keep striving to 'be'