Howdy All!

A few quick things first, then I'll move into the more detailed stuff later.

My birth name is Dustin, my current body is 20 years old, and I am on my journey (as many here are) to find out who I am. Unfortunately, most of my memories are locked away, but, with patience, I aim to break those locks. For now, I'm left with those "this feels right" pieces of intuition that seem to be coming more rapidly.

I am plagued by skepticism when it comes to myself, though I am very accepting of what others believe themselves to be. My self-doubt comes from a little voice in the back of my head; the human in me, bred through the generations to be so detached from the 'un'natural world, in shock at the idea that it isn't human, tries its best to convince me otherwise. That voice has been just one of many barriers keeping me from finding myself.

All that said, I have found what I believe to be the spark of truth. Fortunately, I have found someone in this lifetime that has helped me (as i hope I've helped him) whisk away some of the shrouds between my memories and myself. Much of what we have discovered has come from sharing our ideas, our feelings, and our moments of insight. One of the more outstanding revelations was our shared history, as we feel that we come from the same place. That's probably the only way we discovered so much in such a short time, since we had two perspectives on the same puzzle. Now I could go step-by-step as to how we came to this next part (as each step was important, and is much more solid than what I'm about to say), but I'm trying to be brief, so I'll go with the blurry specifics.

I believe I was/am one of the grigori, one of the Fallen. If not, I feel older than they, though still very much connected. I can remember (as if a memory through a memory through a memory) a time before humans, when creation was as simple as thought, and everything was in harmony. Though the word 'everything' encompassed much less than it does now. It is in that time of light that I can feel my youth. If this isn't merely the story of the Fallen's childhood, then I believe I approached 'God' and asked if I could enter this new world full of these beautiful creatures called humans that 'he' had created. An agreement made, I entered this plane of existence as one of the grigori.

One of the fuzzier bits of this is why I chose to teach humans that which God never meant for them to learn (at least, not from me/us). I'm not sure if it was an unwritten law, one I broke without knowing, or if it was a sacrifice I intentionally made to help elevate humans (All these 'I's can really be replaced with 'we', but I'm not sure if it was the same case for all of us). Regardless, it all led to the same punishment. And as the prior agreement let me into this world, it also bound me under God's rule, one which he didn't hesitate to hold.

Whether I am originally a grigori, or something that became one, I have been bound to a near-human existence since the Fall. I claim this, since I feel no connection to other celestial worlds (though memories of that could very well be locked away). I feel as though this world is reaching its climax, as many of us are being spun back into the pattern together. Whether it means a war is approaching, or it is merely coming to the end of our 'time served' and the restoration of our prior position, I couldn't say. I know what it feels like, however..



I kind of went on there. So much for keeping it short.. I want to add one more thing though before I take a breath.

All of my ideas here, all of my 'memories', have been building for about 8 years now. Though really slow at first (merely watching the Montel Williams show when Sylvia Brown was on, opening myself to the idea that there might be something more here), they have been coming more rapidly the last few months. As I mentioned earlier, my buddy and I discovered a lot together, though we were (and still somewhat are) very lost. We wanted so much to find someone else that could help confirm our theories, and help convince us that we weren't just crazy. A couple weeks ago, he stumbled across the old shadowsofthefallen website. When he showed me, I nearly burst into tears, I was so happy. The front page itself mentioned so much of what we had felt ourselves, and proved that we weren't alone. There were others of our kind searching...

I still feel all giddy, just thinking about it.

So thank you to everyone here, especially Azaz'el and Ishtahar. You've already helped answer so many questions, I only hope I can give back the same.

Welcome to the forum, Bastien! I'm Melari, a being known as a Keeper of the Multiversal Balance and specifically this planet's Deathkeeper. It's nice to meet you. =)

I too have connections with the Shadow and the Gods/Goddesses and such and finding out that I wasn't human was, for myself, almost a sudden eureka moment that some thoughts and feelings from the few months or more (maybe even years) before the beginning of my Awakening had been gradually leading up to. And yeah, it does feel like something's going to happen soon, like everything's soon going to be brought to a huge culmination... And oddly enough, I also feel like we may very well be restored to our "prior positions" as you worded it.

In any case, I digress. ^^" Again, welcome, and I hope you like it here! Everyone is very kind and accepting. Make yourself at home. :3

Someone should be here with your complimentary chocolate soon! ;P

~Melari

welcome, I'm Zepar one of the Goetic that was one of the many angels that followed Lucifer on his fall. Although I'm going off what I've read and gathered, not sure on the name I had when I was classified as an angel. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Thank you both for the warm welcome, and greetings to your roommate as well, Melari.

Zepar: My name is something I'm searching hard to find as well. Fortunately, every step taken is a step closer. Good luck in uncovering your history.

Melari: May I ask more about the Balance? It's been a major discussion point between my buddy and myself these last couple months.

Good luck ^_^ I hope you share? I love to hear others success.

Thank you, and of course
Never know how much a single piece of information can change the world.

BastianQoU wrote:

I am plagued by skepticism when it comes to myself, though I am very accepting of what others believe themselves to be. My self-doubt comes from a little voice in the back of my head; the human in me, bred through the generations to be so detached from the 'un'natural world, in shock at the idea that it isn't human, tries its best to convince me otherwise. That voice has been just one of many barriers keeping me from finding myself.

I know how you feel. Part of me is always rebelling against the whole concept that I am, or have ever been, anything more then a human. It's like this little voice in the back of my head saying, "Ummm... No. You're an idiot. None of this crap exists."

I think it's one of the reasons I still have no idea who and/or what I was before.

Ah, anyway, hello. :-) Have some chocolate.

Hello to you as well, Anamika And thank you, that certainly hit the spot.

It's really tough, pulling away the shroud that covers the world, that which most are born with and have reinforced throughout their lives. Even for us who see more of the truth, it's hard to share that with others. I hope that sometime in my lifetime, most of the truth is common knowledge. A bit of a pipedream, but that's what dreams are for, I suppose.

Mm. Thank you, Bastien. And greetings to you as well.

~Kazuna

Of course! ^^ Anything you wanted to ask about it in specific? In general, I'll offer that I do feel that there Earth seems to an extreme tilt in the direction of Imbalance and has for a great while, and has been gradually been becoming more and more so. However, unlike in the past, it seems that the Balance was not meant to he repaired posthaste and is still not meant to be repaired yet, though I do feel that the time to do so is coming soon.

~Melari

welcome to the forum, something to think about I can offer rieki healings and memory healings if you want it or so seek it. I am legitly rieki level 4 certifided in the usai ryoho tradition currently learning hynotherapy so if you want some help seeking some of these memories i would be more than happy to help you with these. send me a pm and ill get with you.

@Melari:
The Imbalance is something I've noticed, and for me to pick up on it, it must be seriously so. I suppose I can go on and on about this subject, so I'll stick with just a couple questions. What do you believe caused it, and how do you think it will be restored?

(I dunno if we can have full blown conversations here in the intro area, so if we have to move it somewhere else, I don't mind)


@Zariel:
Thank you very much for the offer, I'll certainly keep it in mind. I can be a little stubborn at times, so admitting defeat about trying to find my memories on my own might not happen too often. However, pride has made many before me fall, so if and when things get urgent, expect a message

without a private session or a lock or your energy I could not say for sure so my answers are going to be vague, a lot of things can cause this trauma, loss pain or deep seated guilt over something in this life or the other life you may have been in its hard to say without in an indepth look. it could be just something that you don't want to deal with is refusing to be removed or a bigger problem that is not known yet.

Welcome to the forum. It's great to know you came through the website because we've been discussing it among the mods and we all feel it needs working on but we don't really know what else to do with it. If you have any suggestions, if anyone has any suggestions they would be most welcome

Anyway welcome again. We have few rules here but the primary one is respect. We expect our members to respect each other and that means being accepting of who they are and who they were, speaking courteously and not telling anyone they're wrong in what they believe. Challenge is welcomed, as in... My belief is not the as yours. Denial isn't... as in your belief is wrong.

I hope you soon settle in and I look forward to us learning from each other.

All that remains is the traditional initiation ritual.

Pass the chocolate

Welcome to the forum.
I'm Capsha, an angel and the host of this body. As an angel I was known as Haniel/Hanael.
I hope you enjoy your stay here!

~Capsha

Greetings Ishtahar and Capsha, thank you both for the welcome.

@Ishtahar:
I couldn't tell you anything off hand for the website, but I'll be sure to speak up if I think of anything.

About respecting everyone's views; Even if I had solid evidence to contradict someone's belief, I still wouldn't claim that they were wrong. There is always a bigger picture, and without knowing every single thing with certainty, I could never say that something is wrong.

And thank you again for the welcome, and for being a part of providing this for us.

Don't mind if I do


@Capsha:
An extra eight greetings heading your way, I look forward to meeting everyone in your system


@Zariel:
I couldn't say for sure what it might be, but when I start delving into that, I'll be sure to talk to you more about it. We'll cross that bridge when it comes.

In terms of what's caused the Imbalance, I believe it was caused by, or at least largely caused by a combination of humanity's abuse of the planet's resources, the damage they are causing to the planet, and by their straying from their belief in the gods, other supernatural entities, and magic. Humanity's corruption and abuse to one another (in terms of governments, businesses, religious organizations, and some of the wealthiest people/families alive trying to control the "common" people—and human society and what said society considers "socially acceptable"—to their liking) is another factor that I believe to be a part of the equation. Of course, I speak of humanity as a whole and not of each human individually.

I also believe that whatever it is that we're all waiting for to happen, this event that some of us feel looming on the horizon, will be the solution or will be the beginning of the solution.

I just hope that it happens before everything goes to shit in the worst way possible... *sighs*

~Melari

BastianQoU wrote:

@Capsha:
An extra eight greetings heading your way, I look forward to meeting everyone in your system

Of course there are a few who don't front :3

Princess doesn't front because she is a child. Lenka and Femkhen don't front because they are creatures and can't speak or understand human behavior XD and my walk-ins (Amanda and Sir Gawain) just don't front.

~Capsha

@Melari:
Humanity has been given such incredible gifts. Their intelligence, resourcefulness, and adaptability could lead to astonishing outcomes. Unfortunately, they can't get over their greed, and it has corrupted all 'progress' that has been made. As you've said, it's led to the bleeding of our Earth. They care little for the cost to anyone and anything else, so long as they get their share of the pie.

I personally believe that this greed has to be washed out of humanity's soul before they can mature and match their potential (which, I suppose, would need to happen for the balance to be restored).

I was about to type something along the lines of 'hopefully they can learn in the next short years what they haven't in a millennia,' but then I had a thought. This Event inching ever closer and humanity's maturation don't necessarily have to be linked. Stepping outside of how we're supposed to do this, IF we somehow attain a position to teach again, perhaps it would be our duty to raise humans out of the bonds of greed. ("We" meaning everyone with our knowledge in general, not specifically the teachers of old.)

I dunno, just some musings.

I wonder if that greed contributed to humans turning their back on the supernatural, if that rejection caused the greed, or if the two are completely seperate things.. Something to think about..

@Capsha:
xD It seems I didn't consider how difficult it would be to interact with those-who-don't-front through a forum.. Still, I hope you'll send my message to the group (though I'll settle for a general feeling of good will towards Lenka and Femkhen ).

I want to welcome you too, my name is Saea. I'm too am searching for answers so hopefully we can help each other out. I know about doubt...*sighs* It's a double edged sword, for sure. But whatever the case may be you found this place for a reason, and I hope for the best that we all find what we're looking for. Perhaps even more.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Saea. Thank you for the welcome.
We have so many veils blocking the truth from sight. I always have to ask myself 'Is this just my imagination?', 'Am I doubting this because of society's influence?', 'Am I doubting this because my shell is human?' On and on the questions go, with few answers beyond what comes from within. And everything that comes from within is subject to these questions.

It really helps being able to connect our common threads, allowing us to see shreds of the truth from separate perspectives. That's the sole reason I've made any progress at all, for otherwise I would have set everything aside as childish fantasy.

Hi Bastien and welcome We have all been where you are and are willing to assist you in recovering your memories in any way we can

Gabe

Welcome to the forum Bastian Some moar chocolate

Feel free to contact me or any of the mods or admin if you have questions or anything pops up

Ash

Welcome to the forum, Bastian! Please forgive my lateness.
I am the angel Ariel. I've also lived as a dragon(s). Originally, I am a Source being of Light... It's similar to Melari's Keepers, except I'm not specific to Earth... The time line isn't exactly linear either, all these identities exist at once and stem from the same source, if that makes any sense lol. Enough about me... There's something about you that reminds me of a certain Grigori in particular who I was close to. But I will refrain from calling you that name in case I'm wrong. And I'd like to give you the opportunity to figure things out for yourself.

Aloha and welcome!
 

Saluti, and welcome to the forum!