ARCHIVE: Nephilim boy, a memory i shared with az and ishtahar

By Laeus Feb 24 2009 -

don't know my father, he is never there. i can see this affects my mother as i sometimes catch her staring out the window sighing. we live far from most things in a small village. all i can sense is that it's a time of turmoil, my mother tries to help me by putting on a brave face. she keeps me away from other children as i am in some way different, and i feel as if she needs to protect me. i don't remember much else except that our bond wasn't strong, i loved her because she was my mother and the only person for me to rely on. she would try to bond with me and keep me amused by teaching me what i feel can only be associated with witch craft in today's times, although it was more natural... more i don't know... its hard to describe, all i can see is her telling me tales of who she learnt it from and having this look in her eyes, of excitement and reminiscing. then comes the harsh memory, although it seems so distant that i almost get a numb, dead feeling instead of sadness, i see the door wide open and things have been broken and i see her screaming being dragged away by ..... i don't know how to explain.... she's being dragged by a black smog... or not quite its like a person who has been consumed by this smog. i don't know why they cant see me, but i can feel myself crying and screaming but they say nothing, they don't look at me.. nothing. as she is being dragged its as if she is being burned... but not quite... the flames aren't... flames, they are something else, more transparent and only leaping along the edges of her. the next thing is being angry and trying this that she taught me and feeling a sense of failure , next i see myself in front of a large container of water... i'm not sure if its an urn or something, but i throw something in... then nothing, its complete blackness. i remember nothing after that and nothing before that. that's the only life i can remember and the only piece of that life i can remember. well i have flashes of being younger and seeing a father, but he is so blurry, and i feel a sense of disapproval from him or embarrassment or something along those lines, as if he wants to be there but really he cant. i do see that he is big though and beautiful. but then he leaves as quick as he comes.
i have since come to the conclusion that the term nephilim best suits me, with the help of Ish, just thought id share and represent the nephilim, let me just say that most of the stuff on the net is total c**p seriously. so im hoping to find some nephilim here. you guys rock, thanx.


By Ishtahar Feb 25 2009 -

I am glad that our chat helped you to clarify your thoughts and feelings. It was very brave to be so open about it. I hope it is just a first step on your road of discovery to who you were and how it reconciles with who you are.

We are always here for you, for all of you.

Ish


By Dreamsend Feb 25 2009 -

Hi and thanks for sharing this.

-- Angela


By Laeus Feb 25 2009 -

hey guys, just some of my thoughts, does the name Cevin ring any bells, that might not be the right spelling although im certain about the C. also i feel the name Danel or Dani'el might be my father or connected to him in some way, also the constellation of orion. thanx guys.


By Dreamsend Feb 25 2009 -

Hmm, I'm not sure. I do often feel a connection to the constellation Orion. Like, very strong and lasting, strangely so as I cannot identify why.

-- Angela


By Ishtahar Feb 25 2009 -

Oh!!

Orion was the constellation where Semyaza was imprisoned.

Dani'el was my best frined (apart from Az and Sem of course) and.... very close to Az, although of course there could have been more than one by that name.

Cevin rings no bells


By Azaz'el Feb 25 2009 -

Interesting questions, NamelessAngel.

I have no knowledge of the name Cevin, but that doesn't mean anything, there have been a lot of Kin about and I don't have all of my memories back yet.

The constellation Orion, as has been said was the Star Gateway where the soul of Semyaza was imprisoned since the day the 'rebel' Grigori were murdered and he he was imprisoned there. It is considered that he, like the rest of us, hs been released and is now incarnate.

There are many association with that constellation, and I feel as Dreamsend does, that I have a connectionb to this. But I can't tell if that is purely because Sem was there, because it was a Gateway or if there is another reason.

As for Dani'el.... he was the other half of my heart and soul, the one being in the entire Universe who could make me feel alive and that this eternity of existence had any meaning or reason. He was .... and perhaps will be again ....... my lover and my love. He was the best of us and I didn't deserve his love.

I am not aware of Dani'el having any children, but as I have said, I can't remember everything yet. But again, as has been said, there will have been more than one Dani'el. Do you have any concept as to what he may have looked like or who and what he was?

Az


By Laeus Feb 26 2009 -

Dark hair and dark eyes but very light skin... which i find strange. i know that i didn't see him more than three times, after about the age of six or seven he stopped visiting. he always looked at me in a weird way, like fear, disgust, but forbiden love aswell, i hate that look haha, i hate it more than seeing my mother burn. although i doubt it was your lover az, he would have told you right? and he wouldn't have lied to you... angels don't lie do they. but that name is a definate, Dani'el/Danel. im just trying to figure out my angel side's name,that explains cevin, i used to know it in this life not too long ago but damit memory fails us sometimes


By Ishtahar Feb 26 2009 -

No... it wasn't Dan..... Dan wasn't dark, not in any way and he would not have looked at you like that.

Angels can't lie? Ok hang on while I pick myself up after falling off the chair laughing.,. you've been reading too much Christian literature. One of the greatest Angels of all was Lord of Lies was he not? He he.


By Laeus Feb 26 2009 -

haha ok my bad. hmmm...maybe Az was my father blink.gif hahahaha only joking. Az shud be the ark angel of gay people. WE LOVE YOU lol ok i'll admit i'm high on chocolate.... stupid human creation, ITS SO GOOD... strangely i have been eatin more since i began awakening haha


By Lael Feb 26 2009 -

QUOTE (NamelessAngel @ Feb 26 2009, 06:39 PM)
"angels don't lie do they."

Some don't. Some do. Others do it for a living...


By Azaz'el Feb 26 2009 -

Dan did have very pale skin, but that only matched his eyes and his hair..... so it seems the Dan you have met, NamelessAngel, isn't the same as mine. That is a shame, as he was such a beauty and such a pure soul, and a smile that melted the hearts of all women and men. But hey, maybe one day you'll get to see him.

As for Angels and lies, well, as you will know deep down and soon remember, we're a strange mix of purity and corruption, light and dark. We all have the capacity to sing the highest praise to the Source whilst ripping out the hearts of those judged not worthy enough to listen. We were created as an army and a police force, and that was the seed of our destruction..... arrogance.

As for being a dark angel........ I always have been, for anyone who is straight, gay, bi or whatever, and not afraid to listen to the truth. And that was my downfall!!! LOL

Never give up the chocolate, my friend, I worship at the shrine of Cadbury everday and it's the best thing this world can offer at times.

tongue.gif

Az


By Scratch Feb 27 2009 -

QUOTE (Ishtahar @ Feb 26 2009, 07:26 PM)
"One of the greatest Angels of all was Lord of Lies was he not? He he."

Sounds like we can all fall victim to Christian dogma. Although, of course, the trickiest thing about lies is how more falsehood springs so easily from them, like a virus.

A number of things started floating up when I read your memory, Nameless, sort of like instinctive theories. I'm hesitant to post them here though, at least for right now, and am not entirely sure why. It may be simply that I won't purport to anyone who they were or are. Another's opinion can help, but never be as good as your own when it comes to yourself. I do resonate with the dark side of the angelic spectrum (although, like everything, everyone is both), and was expecting your Dani'el to be pale and dark. Also, Nephilim were well known for taking human wives, and the last line in the Wikipedia entry on Nephilim states, "In ancient Aram (from which we get the Aramaic language), the constellation Orion was known as Nephila, and Orion's descendants were known as Nephilim."


By Lael Feb 27 2009 -

QUOTE (Scratch @ Feb 27 2009, 05:16 AM)
"Sounds like we can all fall victim to Christian dogma."

That is always something to consider, although it is my belief that the Christian dogma, just like every story, has a grain of truth to it... ;-)


By Ishtahar Feb 27 2009 -

Oh yes, Chrisitanity has more than a grain of truth, that is part of the tragedy of it. It has a whole wheat field full of truth... problem is that it is coated with ergot.


By Lael Feb 27 2009 -

That is very true, sadly.


By Azaz'el Feb 27 2009 -

QUOTE (Scratch @ Feb 27 2009, 05:16 AM)
"Also, Nephilim were well known for taking human wives, and the last line in the Wikipedia entry on Nephilim states, "In ancient Aram (from which we get the Aramaic language), the constellation Orion was known as Nephila, and Orion's descendants were known as Nephilim.""

Generally the Nephilim is also the name given to the children of Angels and Humans........... or to be biblical about it "the sons of God and the daughters of Adam."

Semyaza was imprisoned in the constellation of Orion, and so the children of the Grigori are Nephilim......... it's all the same, just different views.

Az


By Laeus Mar 1 2009 -

hey you know eden or the main city or whatever you want to call it was in what is known as iraq, do you guys think it is possible to be from america or china?, im just not seeing a desert in my visions and im not identifing with that part of the world. what i'm seeing is lush ( although not as wet as britain) i think the nephilim or fallen could really have influenced native americans, even though they weren't always there, some suspect they originated from china. maybe thats why im sensing china aswell.


By Laeus Mar 1 2009 -

also umm... how do i change my name on here, because ...wait for it (drumroll) i am nameless no more -victory dance-


By Azaz'el Mar 1 2009 -

The Grigori were stationed all over the planet and had cities in many counties in order to watch over and guide the Human tribes that lived close to the Gateways. So it is very possible if not probably that there were cities in America (just think of the legends of viracocha) as well as china.

As for changing your name, just send me a pm with the name you want to be called by and I'll change it for you.

Az


By Scratch Mar 1 2009 -

QUOTE (NamelessAngel @ Mar 1 2009, 07:57 PM)
"hey... aswell."

Some of the main cities were in modern-day Iraq/Middle East, but there were others in America and China, and South America and Africa. Australia had its own version, although not made of stone, and perhaps even Antarctica if you go back far enough. I also don't think the Middle East was a blasted wasteland until the well got poisoned.

The land bridge from Asia to Alaska is a pretty well-accepted way humans came to (north)America, and the Hopi have stories about tunneling up into a new world. I always found it fascinating that Africa and South America have pyramids along the same latitudinal lines if they were joined; there are massive mineral veins running through the continents which line up as well.

The Chinese are very in touch with how energy runs through things, or at least they were. Tai Chi and Qui Gong were and are very helpful in opening up energy blockages, and learning to focus and perceive. The Native Americans I've been in sweats and meetings with were much the same, but in completely different ways.


By Ishtahar Mar 1 2009 -

One of my most vivid memories of the time was sitting in a green glade under a tree looking out over a very lush green valley, although I have to say the village in which I lived was pretty sandy. There was a wood nearby though, where the temple was because that is where I sat and watched the well.... *(actually it was a pool and you would be surprised what I could see in there)


By Azaz'el Mar 2 2009 -

Nothing you saw in there Ish would surprise me anymore!

Az


By Laeus Mar 3 2009 -

look at my name LOOK AT IT!!!!! teehee, i do a fangirls squeel everytime i see my own name...LAEUS!!!!!! *sniff* its beautiful


By Ishtahar Mar 3 2009 -

I'm looking, I'm looking and it's fab..... the nameless one has a name and it is beautiful.....smile.gif


By Laeus Mar 3 2009 -

haha thanks Ishtahar


By Azaz'el Mar 3 2009 -

I'm still grinning at the idea of a "fangirls squeel"!!!!!!! tongue.gif

Az


By Scratch Mar 6 2009 -

::grins and joins the triumph-dance:: Where'd you come from, Laeus? It's so familiar, but I can't figure out why. Excellent quote too; perhaps that has something to do with it.


By Laeus Mar 6 2009 -

I come from South africa originally, lived in Wales for a bit and now live in england. in my past life i lived somewhere in America.