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Join date : 2010-02-05

ARCHIVE: How is everyone feeling? Empty
PostSubject: ARCHIVE: How is everyone feeling?   ARCHIVE: How is everyone feeling? EmptySun Nov 14, 2010 1:48 pm

By Dreamsend Aug 13 2009 -

I've been having intense fatigue for the past week or two. Plus total and complete lack of motivation to do simple tasks and chores around me.

On the other hand, I've been having a renewed sense of hope and sense of direction for the future and clarity about the things I am supposed to be doing and learning.

I guess in one way I feel a bit like someone's unplugged me to "reboot" back up from scratch.

I feel very impatient with this process, if indeed, that's what it is. But on the other hand, I feel like I'm reawakening to who I was instead of who I have been. So that's positive. ...

How is everyone else? Feeling good, feeling fine? Feeling in the dumps, neither here nor there? I'm curious.

Angela


By Seraphyna Aug 13 2009 -

I've been completely lacking motivation to do much of anything...but that could be that I do nothing all day since I can't find a job *shakes fist at the economy*. I've also been having random dizzy spells. I too am tired basically all the time and more irritable than usual.


By Azaz'el Aug 13 2009 -

I've been up and down more over the past few weeks than a rollercoaster! It started with the reawakening of many emotions that had been 'on hold' ....... although to be honest this for me started back at the summer solstice.

But, now that I 'feel' to a greater degree, I have become more confident,more sensitive, and more impatient. I've also become more aware of what is taking place around me and there has been an amazing silence in the aether over the past day or so....... as if the Universe is holding its breath! Either that or spiritually I have become 'deaf' to everything, which I know I haven't.

Physically I've become less patient with the status quo and I am wanting the changes that I know will come to just come and get on with it!!! wink.gif

Maybe we need to initiate some of the changes now rather than waiting for them to happen of their own accord.

Az


By Dreamsend Aug 13 2009 -

Yes, I too feel that the current changes in the thoughts and behavior I have started in earnest around the Solstice. It's only recently that I'm feeling it really intensely, physically, and at a loss of what to do about it.

As far as the status quo is concerned, I'm at a point of exasperation, and ready to just move on from where I am, to somewhere where I can really be me. I've had some visions in the past weeks too (it's been so intense recently! Geez) that led me to figure out where I should be, (actually quite far from home... Pacific islands...) and now I'm just in the waiting stages of seeing if the initiative (trying to get into schools... find people to work with, etc...) I put forth will have any effect on the world, as far as waiting for acceptance and approval and whatnot. Until earlier this month, I'd always kind of tried to fit in with what's around me and gently work with it, but it's now at the point where I just don't care! That was a huge turning point for me... feeling willing to leave everything behind (like my family and friends and places where I've always lived and known) to go somewhere where I can be truly happy and free to create ... it's something I wouldn't have dreamed about attempting just earlier this year. I've always put myself second to others' thoughts and dreams of what I should do.

Another thing about wanting to move to the Pacific is I've been guided into seeing that I can really learn magic out there... the type I've been trying to learn... that the land out there is vital and the people are still connected to it.

I've been so irritable too, Seraphyna! I won't even answer the phone for the most part, and work is like 10x harder to get through than usual... argh... I'm tired of all this... tiredness!


By Razi'el Aug 13 2009 -

i haven't really been tired, persay... but sleep grants me very little rest of late, it seems. i have been tryig to rediscover what i can do, just playing aroudn and whatnot, and i think i have basically come across a way to scry, though i'm not sure if it's just my mind playing tricks on me. always have to be wary of the crazy card.

but anywho, i've been feeling alright, been trying to deal with the fact that i'm going to be leaving the nest soon... still doesn't quite feel real, y'know?

but anywho, now you know how i've been ^^


By Scratch Aug 14 2009 -

I was gathering by the silence here that all us "regulars" were feeling about the same as me. What you all described, in other words.

I'm honest with myself and other people in ways I haven't been before, and always wanted the guts to. It's been made very apparent how necessary it is for me to speak up, act out, and not try to hide behind anything or hold back. So I am. Still getting rid of the last vestiges of those old habits, but I'm no longer afraid of what I want, or sharing it. I think it's best summed-up with the song I kept singing to myself: "Nothing can stop me now, 'cause I don't care anymore..."

At the same time though, I felt like I'd hit a wall most of this week. Seemed like all I really wanted to do was sleep or lounge. Did a lot of reading, movie-watching, and wondering if I could figure out how to make the dishes wash themselves and trash disappear. The few dreams I remember anything of were odd, especially one where I met Jimi Hendrix. That's the fourth dead celebrity I've had some lucid heart-to-heart with, which I don't remember any details of when I wake up, dammit!

Also, the cat's completely avoiding me for some reason, after constantly demanding my attention before. I hope he comes back soon.

Nice avatar, Az! I'm all for initiating changes... Just don't know what or how right now! I've been feeling that sense of the Universe holding its breath too, and the only clear message when I asked has been "wait."


By Ellysium Aug 17 2009 -

It's interesting that all/most of you seem to be on more or less the same page.

I'm just feeling sort of "meh" though, especially spiritually. Maybe because there's just nothing going on for me in that sense. I have no idea. "Blaaaaaaaargh" would sum the feeling up pretty well lol.

Otherwise I've been working at a good job since the end of May. Though lately I had a bit of an argument with my supervisor about vacation time, and I'm in the middle of working every single day for about a month. It's tiring. Just have to work a couple hours on weekend days, but still. Takes 30-40 minutes just to get there, closer to an hour during the week when I have to wait for the shuttle.

I want to move South. And so does my boyfriend. We are in the slow process of fixing up his house to sell, then we'll get an apartment in the area, and hopefully within a year move to the southeastern united states.

I'm not totally sure what I want to do with the rest of my life work-wise. I'd like to do something with marine biology, animal behavior, evolution, stuff like that. Though I don't know how easy finding jobs like that will be. I've started playing with the idea of becoming a veterinarian... *shrugs* we'll see.

Eh, but most of the time when I think about my spirituality, I just feel "meh" kind of depressed, and bored, and blah. The most spiritual think I feel as of late is being "at one" with my boyfriend. Sometimes when we're sitting together it feels like we have the same body, can't tell where one ends and the other begins. Occasionally it feels like that with our souls too.. But these moments are all rare and don't last long.


By Ouza Aug 17 2009 -

Sometimes the most simplest and briefest of things mean, more than a lot!

Treasure the moments when you can!

And Live and breath life one day at a time to it's fullest...

Ouza


By Ishtahar Aug 19 2009 -

Rare is better than never.


By Azaz'el Aug 19 2009 -

I remember those rare times from the First Times........... and I miss them now.

Az


By Ellysium Aug 19 2009 -

hm, yeah that's true


By Ouza Aug 20 2009 -

Precious Ellysium ... Gad Jucks!

Stay away from the coastline (any coastline) if you can there, is going to be hell to pay soon enough. That is as, if there were ever was a safe place in this world ... right now!

I always thought that the grass was greener on the other side of the street but lately they all look pretty much the same just different names with different if not so many many more problems! Location isn't always the answer but we all love eye candy! But I agree it's a matter of survival and that my dear one, is the cross that we all have to bear! Watch your pocketbook you will need the money and moving as far as I've experienced is definitely if not completely a hassle and a half <---That's no lie ... to say the least!!!

In my own case, I have to make a stand and here ... I be! But, if so go with a willing heart and a open mind for what is to become of you and for all of us all! You are now not just thinking of the love of two but for the whole!

Ouza

A little history ... "When the team was chosen it was made to fit for each other's own expertise in his/her specific fields of knowledge and experience! Each with their own individual function and purpose of plan in order to teach the others both quickly and effectively and to the ultimate success and completion of the mission! Bear in mind you are and still are a part of that team/mission and we all love you!"


By Rasiak Oct 8 2009 -

How am I feeling? Well, to be honest, I don't really know!

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I might be different (be it Shadow or Otherkin) and so I've been doing some soul searching and uncovered some interesting things.

Firstly, I know I've always been a very morally based person. I used to think that this was just because my parents had socialised me into having a strong moral code, but this probably isn't the case. I confronted them about how I was brought up and they say that I was told the usual, but they weren't overly strict with rules and manners. Whenever I am about to do something that conflicts with my morals, I've always felt an uncomfortable surge of 'movement' in and around my chest. I say 'movement' because I don't really know how to describe it. It actually feels almost as if something is climbing up my body! It's really weird!

Also, I took an interest in a recent (ish) post by Scratch, as I too have been getting an itching sensation around the shoulder blades and continuing down my back. It may sound weird, but I've found that rubbing or scratching it actually increases the feeling, so I've just had to get used to it! dry.gif

Lastly, I was using a music program called 'Spotify' and happened across a track called 'Awakening' by a musician/group going by the name of 'Temple Sounds'. I was intrigued, so I listened to it and within the first few minutes, I felt really tired and cold at the same time. It took me a few minutes to stop shivering after the track had finished, but it is a relatively warm temperature in my room! I'm unsure as to whether the shivering was because of the coldness, or if it was out of fear...Because I was quite scared by the effect it had on me! ohmy.gif

So, yeah...All three of those things are playing on my mind and I thought I would keep you all updated to see what you made of it all.


By Scratch Oct 9 2009 -

Good music makes me feel all kinds of stuff, but then, your description reminded me of how I always get cold watching a certain part of a certain movie. Okay, fine, it's "Titanic"... Anyway, maybe it reminds you of something. Sometimes I react to things on an instinctual level, and don't understand why until much later.

How long has the itching been going on? Mine was about 2 days - I'd just decided to go to a doctor on my day off, and fell asleep instead. Since then, it's physically felt as if I have wings.


By Rasiak Oct 9 2009 -

I didn't think about the possibility that it might remind me of something. That's got me intrigued now! Hehe.

The itching started on Tuesday and it's now Friday, so it's been going on for about four days now. Wow! That must feel really strange! Does it have an impact on your clothing, or does it just feel as if you've got two weights on your back?


By Lael Oct 11 2009 -

I'm feeling... disconnected.

Which figures, considering those of you who know me haven't seen me around in ages, and the rest of you have no idea who I am. tongue.gif I've caught up with the intros forum, so I'm more or less familiar with everyone again (I think), but... yes. Well.

Disconnected as in 'I'm just focused on living my life', which is BS, because i'm using that as an excuse not to think about why I'm not all... here. Okay, not making sense now. See, that's why I haven'tt been around - I stop making sense the second I try to explain anything. smile.gif So, once more, with feeling.

1. Five years since the awakening. The one where it actually got through to me what was what, as opposed to the repeated whacking upside the head that had never resulted in much of anything. On September 14th. It always came with some sort of a personal revelation, usually due to thinking too much in the time preceeding the date in question. Not this time, though. Came and went and I feel none the wiser for it.

2. Met my soulmate. A not-quite-precise term for someone, or soul-bits of someone in any case, who was under my skin before I could say his name, and he mine. He wears a mask convincing enough it almost fooled *me* (and that's saying a lot, if I may say so myself), beneath which he's scared of his own shadow and at the 'I'm a bad, worthless something' stage. There was no happy ending. (Heartbroken here, just a little, do excuse the pathetic amount of sense I'm trying to make... smile.gif) Cannot cope, and cannot walk away, either, since I'm kind of forced to see him every day. At work, yes. Really effin' hurts, and nothing even happened.

3. I've taken the plunge into the DoubtLake again and I'm more sinking than swimming. What am I, again? Why did I ever think I knew any of this was real, anyway...?

4. Other than that, the world is still beautiful, and I still like it here, but, man...


By Rasiak Oct 11 2009 -

Ahh, Lael...I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so down recently.

I would love to be able to help somehow, but I still consider myself to be relatively new to the whole concept of The Fallen/Otherkin.

However, I'll send a virtual hug your way because I reckon you're needing it smile.gif

I question sometimes if I had met my soul mate too. We went out for just over a year and then we drifted apart and I still miss her tremendously each day. I don't believe I'm really, truly in touch with my soul yet, so I can't be sure...But I do know that it hurts like hell and I can only imagine what you must be going through...

Hang in there, Tiger smile.gif


By Lael Oct 11 2009 -

Rasiak, you feel familiar to me. In some way. Perhaps it's the tone, or the 'sound', of your words (I know I'm not the only one who hears written text tongue.gif), perhaps something else. I'm not sure. But there's something very calm about you. Something soothing. Hmm.

I won't go into detail on the soulmate thing in this thread, as it's not meant to be about soulmates. ;-) But I might elaborate eventually. smile.gif The only kind of help anyone can ever offer in matters like these is to listen/read, perhaps share a bit of their own, but that's usually that. We deal on our own.

I just needed to find something I could say as a means of getting back in, and whining about it seemed like a good idea. ;-)

Really appreciate the hug, though. Do allow me to repay in kind, and voice my regret over not being able to turn this into a physical thing that might be a tad more effective. ;-)

Pleased to meet you, by the way.

Love,
L


By Azaz'el Oct 11 2009 -

It's good to see you back Lael ......... I have been watching and waiting, knowing that you would find your way back home, but afraid I would be wrong!

I can't say anything that will make you feel any better or worthwhile or become healed etc etc...... all I can say is that regardless of space or time or geography, you're not alone, we are sharing the same space with you.

The whole soul mate issue is a difficult one. I recently posted a song link that managed to put into words what I was feeling yet unable to externalise. Thats not become any easier, but more difficult. And my concentration is poor. However, the Doubt Lake is far too shallow to allow you to drown and forget........ I have tried that one and never managed to stay confused or doubtful for too long. The Universe always calls us back, as it is about to for you.

I'm here...... we're here ......... we care and if we can help, just say the words.

Az


By Scratch Oct 12 2009 -

Fortunately, Rasiak, they don't impact my clothing or backpack (I'm one of those people hardly ever without provisions), but they're as much weights on my back as my arms are on my shoulders. It made me want to cry when I first started trying to use them, because they felt so weak... Yet, a few days after they attained that solid feeling, I missed my bus to work. My bike's got no rear brake, and the only other option was a taxi (which I didn't think of), so I took off running, figuring I was late anyway but would see how close to on-time I could be. Shortly after I started, it occurred to me to use that opportunity to exercise my wings. I visualized flapping them in beat with my legs and arms, jogging downhill and walking fast on level or uphill parts, working the wings the whole time. I made it to work with time to spare, at least as fast on foot as I would have been biking. That was over 20 blocks in 15 minutes, and I was hardly even winded. It still kind of amazes me. I've timed myself more since, and it really seems to have a significant impact on how fast I walk or run, as opposed to not flapping them.

Oh Lael, I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounded very much like what I've been going through, except he's almost completely vanished from the places we'd see each other, which probably has had an impact on his work. Nothing happened here either, which doesn't make any difference in how it hurts. I feel as if my soul has been cleaved in two, and there's no love left to hope for. You're not any more pathetic than me, hung up over a guy I know is no good but can't stop loving and longing for (which feels ridiculously pathetic, but thinking that just makes it worse). He's suddenly very afraid of me and won't say why. I've asked 3 times, and no longer expect a response. People can be bitterly disappointing, but all we can do is carry on the best we can. ::hugs::


By Dreamsend Oct 12 2009 -

I also tend to "hear" written text, (especially if written with some emotion behind it) and I second what you say, Lael. Rasiak has a very calm aura about his post, almost as if you can feel the hug through his words. What a lovely thing =).

For you, I think maybe that you may be stuck in that part of the cycle that is not affirming of the things you know, while "events" are coming together behind the scenes. That's the sort of process I'm most familiar with, in any case - like a wheel with high points and dark low points, or even as the tides of the oceans as they follow the moon. The tides ebb and flow and when it is full you feel all the awareness of spirit and your identity and purpose, and when it is low, the sense of purpose and identity is "gone" and you experience emptiness and a sense of non-belonging, non-existence almost. I think it sounds like something that is natural and may rebound and resolve with patience...


By Ouza Oct 12 2009 -

Quotes from my beloved Mark Twain; wink.gif
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/mark_twain.html

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Mark Twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mark Twain

Go through the list and claim one as your own for the day and try to feel good about yourself just change your perspective a little :: Hugs :: !

Like a good BM "This too shall pass !!!" huh.gif

Ouza rolleyes.gif

Well at least..... maybe !!!! (Hope you are mostly up to date on your fiber intake!) unsure.gif Whoooooooshhhhhhhh...... !!!


By Ishtahar Oct 12 2009 -

*Hugs to everyone* and my sincere apologies for not being around nearly enough.

I hear the words and feel the emotions. Life is a conufusing mess of random events that we somehow have to resolve into some kind of recognisable pattern. Who can blame you if sometimes the pattern gets skewed, or turns out differently to what we expected.

Keep your chins up (by that I mean one chin each not to suggest that anyone but me has more than one ;P)


By Rasiak Oct 12 2009 -

Aww, you guys are so sweet smile.gif

I have to say though, I felt a similar familiarity with you, Lael. Perhaps that was what moved me to post my sympathy?

I also hear the words and I agree with Dreamsend, that it comes across more clearly when there is emotion behind what's being said.

It's amazing to hear about the wings though, Scratch! Best of luck progressing and tell us about any progress, eh?

smile.gif
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