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 ARCHIVE: vs. my "humanness"

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ARCHIVE: vs. my "humanness" Empty
PostSubject: ARCHIVE: vs. my "humanness"   ARCHIVE: vs. my "humanness" EmptySun Nov 14, 2010 2:11 pm

By Dreamsend Nov 22 2009 -

I've realized that, well, I've never given being human a chance.

Granted, I just understood the condition of humanity vaguely... hardly knowing that I'm supposed to touch hearts instead of minds and not act like I'm aware of the process. Or that other people in general cannot feel me the way that I feel them and view themselves as discrete and separate entities from myself. I didn't realize that I'm supposed to pay attention to the process and the progess of events instead of the pastpresentfutureall; just the *what's happening now*... Also that I'm not supposed to describe feelings like that.

I'm starting to realize that the human process, being human, can be and is rather fun, if the process is known. Here, at least, in this time period, it's important to be in the individual self, and relate to others as individual selves. It's not common for people to be *really* aware of God/the Divine/Universal Source, let alone other planets, other realms of existence here on Earth, or other dimensions (other Earth..s..?) It's kind of fun to be cut off from everything and everyone and act like everything is as important as it seems to be...

I hadn't realized, either that I'm supposed to be "grounded" to be human. I can't be drifting off into the clouds and the other realms and be here on Earth, in my human body. The human body is also fun and interesting, once I'm grounded in it and paying attention to what it's doing and feeling and pulling and pushing... its needs desires commands... the human self needs and desires and tells me through this body. Paying attention helps it be a little bit more interesting all around.

By Azaz'el Nov 23 2009 -

I can completely understand and agree with you in this matter. However, my perspective is a little older and now a little different.

As strange as it might sound, I can remember what it felt like the first times my energy form condensed into physical matter and I walked amongst Humanity, shared their routines, ate, laughed, got drunk, ran, walking in the rain, made passionate love..... and so on. There is so much intense emotion to be felt, understood and known in this physical form. And I suspect that no other form would quite have the same ability to enjoy, experience and learn from the simplicity of experience in the 'now.'

The point where I susppose I differ is that I have such memories of being other than Human that I now find myself tired of being stuck in a form that feel limited and restricted. There is nothing like the pleasure that can come from eating chocolate, making love, curling up with a cat......... but equally I remember what it was like to 'fly' around a Sun, to stare creation in the face and know what lay beyond the stars in the sky.

Maybe Ascension will allow us all to eat chocoate AND visit the stuff of creation at the same time! wink.gif


by Razi'el Nov 24 2009 -

heheh, maybe, Az, maybe... though i too have another view on humanity. being human is good, and it does have a lot to offer. the feel of the sun on your skin, the smell of fresh, crisp fall air, the bite of winter chills, and the sound of the rain... i love these things. and while being human can be troublesome, it's also pretty worth it, eh?

granted, there are things i wish i could change... but it's pretty good as is.

By Dreamsend Nov 24 2009 -

Raz, you got it right there.

I've been so focused most of this existence on the limitations of this body and this world and how everything feels "wrong"... when I could've grounded myself into humanity and felt how things can feel "right".... how does a self-imposed outcast learn to be like the rest of the world? I think it's.... "pay attention." It helped just to pay attention to how people act, how they expect others to act and so forth. It helps, strangely, to return a smile with a smile, even if the smile I give is a lie.... to engage in friendly banter that I don't give a rat's ass about on the inside but play with.... to say, "the world is a stage" or even better yet, "This world is my playground!" and here I am, human, and if I am to Play, I should Play! Right? laugh.gif

I'm sure eventually I will return to inward angst about worlds that I can't touch, but I hope that it will be uplifting angst (let me rend the rift, dissolve the barrier) that will guide me and help me in my purpose.

By Scratch Nov 25 2009 -

I'm not sure it's fair to call yourself a self-imposed outcast, Dreamsend. I understand what you mean about placing focus, but I've never fit in, and neither have all the people who have that wakefulness, or whatever, about them, that I've known anyway. It actually seems that the more aware a person is of what's going on in other realms, the more ostracized and unable to function with general people, hold down an ordinary job, etc. Although, I've been focusing on how to get along with people too, and how to display how I want them to see me, which has helped a lot with those things.

The changes have become earth-shaking for me, but there's a pervasive "Yee-haw! I'm doing it!" feeling. Being aware, admiring details, and overall doing stuff are the best ways I've found to beat depression. Actually, this new-found feeling that I'm working toward getting what I need to done is.

I take it by the collective silence here lately that there's been a lot of moving and shaking going on?

By Dreamsend Nov 25 2009 -

I have no idea why it's been so quiet recently o_o I'm assuming what you said, Scratch.

And thank you =) That's a lovely thing to say.

I think I call my outcast situation "self-imposed" because it's not that people don't like me. Most people like being around me, and some like to be around me too much (for my taste). I feel sometimes as if my energy must taste addictively to the people (and animals) around me, because sometimes they just won't leave me alone. But I prefer to distance myself from them... this is, I think (don't know) in part because I can sense other people's true thoughts and feelings, and know how wretched most of them are (or think themselves to be, regardless of the way others see them), and in part because I was holding on to my impressions of the live(s) I've led before.... wanting a sort of interaction that I can't find here. So, instead of calling someone back or going out on group excursions or talking endlessly about drivel when I was a kid with other kids, I preferred to stay inside and... well... read. LOL. Or use my imagination. I found myself lonely a lot of the time yes but, as an older person (than I was) now I've realized that the way most people get along with other people is to lie... some of the time, if not all of the time. People are dishonest about their interests, their values, their ideas, because they're looking to be part of the group.

Now, I don't necessarily think it's wrong.... it's like a necessary evil, if complete unabashed honesty is evil to one (but still, most of my dearest friendships have been with those who weren't afraid to "tell it like it is" and liked to talk about their real interests with me. I could tell they weren't fake, you see, and vice versa). It's a method of interaction (in this society at least) and can be enjoyable if you're willing to "leave your values at the door" as it were to participate with the group.

Now, I do live in the U.S. and so instead of "learning how to be human" it could merely be that I'm "learning how to be a grimy American" LOL!!! tongue.gif I'll have to update this when I finally travel overseas and see how other human societies mingle.

By Scratch Nov 26 2009 -

I understand what you said about addictive energy. I know someone with the same problem, and have a similar one myself, although I seem to be intimidating to the kind of people you were talking about: the wretched/liars.

Part of what I meant by displaying how I want them to see me is learning how to not seem that way when I don't want to. One of my friends told me I have a rock star attitude; not in a bad way, but that I have an intensity to my presence that makes people shy about approaching me. There's always been something that kept me alone most of the time, but I want to be among people now. Part of it is I was painfully shy growing up, and I really don't know much about interacting with people. I can keep a group laughing now, and have many friends, but am still pretty dumb about relationships in general.

I've been working on a kind of gloss, or crystallization of myself, to show to people. It's like what you said about "checking your values at the door," but I don't think that's exactly necessary. It does depend a lot on what kind of groups you're joining, and how much and what kind of lying. People like to be respected and admired by other people: some generate wows by cultivating themselves, while others simply omit the bad parts and pump up the impressive. I've been taken aback a few times at the rigorousness of the discipline I've had lately, but all the meditating and stretching, abstaining and care is necessary. I don't have the focus I need to be the artist I want to be without it. I'm practicing showmanship everywhere: dealing with customers and co-workers, hanging with friends, networking, I'm always looking for the best way to present myself now. That's fake in a way, because I'm acting cheerful when I feel like crap, and bubbly in ways I was naturally flat. It's fun though, and makes me cheerful and bubbly, when I used to be pretty depressing. Is that deception? I know most people are usually lying, and often don't even realize it because they're so used to it. I have to take hope that, gradually, people will mostly tell it as it is.

By Ishtahar Dec 2 2009 -

There's certainly been a lot going on in my life... what with health problems, making the decision to sell my house and move on... and i have been writing, writing, writing. It's my therapy I suppose. I have been kind of hibernating I suppose. I have a few weeks of trouble to get through and then I am very hopeful that I will be back stronger than ever.

I am hopeful smile.gif

By Scratch Dec 2 2009 -

I'm praying for you, Ish. I know you'll get through it all just fine, but the getting-through-it is easier with help. wink.gif

By Azaz'el Dec 2 2009 -

Have no fear Scratch, I'll be making sure that she accepts ALL offers of help, regardless of how stubborn she may be feeling or how independant she wants to be.

And knowing just how stubborn I can be, she has no hope in hell of winning this one! tongue.gif


By Razi'el Dec 8 2009 -

heh, too true, and feel free to borrow from me when need be!

and i can understand people lying, especially when you act cheerful but don't exactly feel it. it's kind of like self-deception; if you make yourself cheerful, then cheerful people will come to you and have fun, and that, in turn, will make YOU cheerful instead of you just acting as such. i hope that made sense, i seem to be making less lately, heheh.


By Azaz'el Dec 8 2009 -

The more we understand the less sense we seem to make whilst trying to convey that understanding....... language is very limiting!

Any anyone who has tried chatting to me on MSN late in the day will testify!!!

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