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 ARCHIVE: Both, God help me, amen!

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Join date : 2010-02-05

ARCHIVE: Both, God help me, amen! Empty
PostSubject: ARCHIVE: Both, God help me, amen!   ARCHIVE: Both, God help me, amen! EmptyFri Nov 19, 2010 9:15 am

By Scratch Nov 11 2008 -

I had a dream several years back (the account is buried somewhere in this forum; I wanted to share but didn't, so I just kind of planted it), in which I saw Death, and he gave me my name. I know it was Death because that is what I thought when I fully woke and asked, "who was THAT?!" Also, a month later, a friend told me that according to some cultures Death is a huge black man. Which he was in the dream. Which I hadn't told anyone about, and was shocked my friend even brought up. Also also, another friend called it when I started telling him about that dream 3 days ago. He was the only one I could tell what I desperately needed to talk about, but which wouldn't make sense without that back story.

3 days ago, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a voice in my head. Not audibly, but planted in my mind like a thought, he said "Scratch. I'm coming for you." I don't remember what Death's voice sounded like in my dream, or what this one sounded like, but it felt like the same thing. I responded in a flurry of "what? when? now? Oh my god, shit, not yet..." etc. thoughts, and got the impression of sometime mid- to late December.

This, not only being a direct contradiction to the claims I won't die, which were the horrifying First Big Thing of my awakening, is really annoying. I spent most of my life not really wanting to live. Now it might be over, when I'm finally over that?! I'm pissed. I haven't done anything yet! On the one hand, the way I got this information is an extension of one of the hubs that differs how I see things. On the other, I've been told two opposite things by sources that are at least connected, if not the same.

This is probably the ultimate incentive to want to believe it all is just in my head. Figures; I can't do that any more than want to die, anymore.

I always figured being dead is just the opposite of where I am now, and have always been curious about it: what happens, where souls go and what they can do without flesh. I probably won't have to work a stupid boring job on the other side of the veil, for a paycheck anyway. I just don't get it.

I hope maybe it's one of those symbolic things. Maybe he's coming for that aspect of me that he named, or something. He kept me waiting a moment before he told me what he'd call me, and in that moment I had time to contemplate that I've had so many names that didn't last, and that somehow I knew this one would be it. The end all, be all, me. Maybe this is a test, or a way to break habits, or some kind of a lesson.

Damn. I don't know.

I know thinking I'm going to be gone a month from now is making me a lot more conscious of how I spend my time, and what I do. I know I'm trying to set down and sort out as much as I can of what I've been doing, just in case. I know it feels too bloody real, like I'm marked. I definitely know I don't know if/how to tell anyone about this, other than one friend and this forum, for similar reasons. All I can really do is make the most of my days as I wait and see.

It's a messed up way to have to think, but if it is true, I'm lucky. How many people get a heads-up like that?

By Lael Nov 11 2008 -

I spent most of my life not really wanting to live. Now it might be over, when I'm finally over that?! I'm pissed.

Sometimes that's exactly how the irony of the universe works! I know that one. My thoughts exactly. When I started coping, I had a serious scare. Still alive, but man. Now that I want to stay, I really care. I'll walk away from this experience with a sense of my own mortality somewhere on the paranoia level.

On a brighter note, death doesn't always mean the physical body failing and ceasing to function. Sometimes it's figurative, and might mean a big change that changes you as a person - the death of self, even. In any case, it shouldn't hurt to keep your eyes open. Good luck. smile.gif

By Ishtahar Nov 12 2008 -

As Lael says death can happen on many different levels and take many forms.

I, myself, went through a 'death' at Samnuinn. I was quite ill and at times wondered if it was to be a physical death but, as you see I am still here.

Death is not a person it is a concept, an energy, a state of being. There are many Angels of Death and if you have been contacted by one of them then there are many reasons why they might do so.

Perhaps it is time for your spirit to pass over to the other world and leave your body behind.... but that is only one of many options.

If you have been told that you will not or cannot die then there must be a reason for this. Possibly you have a role to play that you are about to be trained for. maybe a transformation will be necessary which you are about to undergo.

When death says he is coming for you it does not necessarily mean that he will be taking you away or that he will not be bringing you back. Perhaps he is coming to teach or to bring a message or to support you in something you need to do.

I hope that whatever is coming it will be something that will enrich your spirit and clarify your mind, whether they remain within this body or not. And I, for one hope that you are still here to tell us about it,

Good luck

By Scratch Nov 20 2008 -

Thank you both for your replies, and the food for thought they gave me

Whatever actually happens, I'm finding that nothing has given me the incentive to do things I really want to, and keep doing them, like the thought it's now or never. The idea I could die is killing my fear, and I hope to keep this newfound lack of procrastination no matter what happens. I've always grappled with feeling purposeless, and the idea my art is pointless and a waste of time. When faced with the idea that it may be all that's left of me on this plane, there's no point in pursuing those trains of thought anymore. Even if it only makes me happier, that's not a waste of time, and I never know who is paying attention.

The more I contemplate the possibility of death, the more I simultaneously realize how great my life is, and that it ending could have advantages. What's funny is how closely tied the latter is with money; I'm barely capable of supporting myself financially, and can see ways I could be a more helpful member of society as a spirit, at least theoretically.

It's like the old jerk in "It's a Wonderful Life," comparing money owed to an insurance policy and concluding, "You're worth more dead than alive." How sad a commentary is that on the current state of the world?

Whatever it is, it's already been a lesson.

By Ishtahar Nov 20 2008 -

that's fantastic. So many people faced with the prosopect of death just give up and sit waiting for it to happen. To have taken this path and to allow the shadow of death to enrich life is truly amazing and inspirational.

I hope that the experience continues to be a positive one. Dont worry about the money hun we are all on our asses at the moment I think... the universe provides.. maybe not what we want but what we need.

Blessings Ish
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