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Malphas

Malphas

Posts : 145
Join date : 2010-10-06
Age : 36
Location : missouri

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PostSubject: Being Human   Being Human EmptySat Nov 20, 2010 4:19 am

I've come to the conclusion that I completely fail at being human. I cannot for some reason begin to understand why humans think the way that they do, why they're so....aloof? for lack of a better word, to all the goings on of the world around them.

Humans take so many things personally, whereas I, being what I am, tend to brush most things aside as insignificant, only to be termed as 'heartless' or 'cold' or 'uncaring', when I do indeed care, I do indeed have a heart, although I may not understand. Some people take the things that I say or do as a personal affront to their very existence it seems. I mean no harm by my words or my actions, though humans seem to interpret them as harmful or abrasive... I try to explain my angle, my thoughts and feelings, and to them, I'm a sociopath, or a psychotic... This, it seems, is one of the main reasons why I've always felt so.... disconnected. The way that I think is SO different from the minds of others around me. I attempt to have a conversation with someone, and sure, they nod and smile, but I KNOW they have no idea what I'm going on about. Mentally, spiritually, I'm so much more than human, although I'm trapped in this confounded, deteriorating, cursed flesh.

The more I see of my past, the more I remember of what I once was, the more I loathe this current, terrible existence. I am forever damned by the choices that I made thousands of years ago, cursed to live in a life that I am constantly held back, pulled down. My prayers fall on def ears. My cries to the heavens are turned away due to the fact that I have been forsaken by an uncaring God for acts that this mortal body didn't even commit.

Other mortals do or say things against me and mine, and I am filled with a vengeful RAGE the likes of which I have never known. I do know that at one time, I could have ended them for their transgressions. I could have completely annihilated them for their foolishness, and I am reminded of this daily. But now, now you see, I am completely powerless. I can do nothing to remind these accursed mortals of what they're dealing with, for now I too am trapped within this blasted mortal shell, cut off from my once significant power, cut off from my legions, cut off from my magick.. and there is absolutely NOTHING that I can do about it.

As each day passes, as each memory of what I was becomes more clear, I begin to hate this and all other mortal lives more and more. Filthy, uncouth, self centered, ungrateful, insignificant, worthless gnats. That's what humans are becoming to me.
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Scratch

Scratch

Posts : 670
Join date : 2010-02-20
Age : 39
Location : Hawai'i, Oceania

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptySat Nov 20, 2010 5:00 am

Throughout my awakening, I have fiercely, doggedly, determinedly held out against looking down on humanity in this way. But. I SO feel where you're coming from right now!!! Gah!

I want to tear it all down.
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Azaz'el
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Azaz'el

Posts : 1084
Join date : 2010-02-02
Age : 51
Location : UK

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptySun Nov 21, 2010 10:40 pm

I can understand what you say, I can understand what you feel, I think many of us may have felt it from time to time. However, it's vital to remember that whilst this form has so many limitations, it is the form in which we now exist, the form that many of the souls we loved existed as, and the form that will bring about our eventual evolution. The limitations must exist for a reason, the confines of this shell have a purpose, if for no other reason than to make us fully aware of physical existence. Whilst at times I have wanted to be free of this form, or free from people surrounding me, I always remember that this was also the reason for our Fall. So I must hold faith, there is a reason and there is an answer.

It just feels like it's been a long time coming!

Az

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Hope fades into the world of night
Through Shadows falling out of memory and time...
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Ishtahar
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Ishtahar

Posts : 1158
Join date : 2010-02-05
Age : 55
Location : Wales

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyTue Nov 23, 2010 7:06 pm

Sorry, I didn't know that this was a duplicate post. I posted on the other one.
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Stariana

Stariana

Posts : 52
Join date : 2012-05-25
Age : 30
Location : Tennessee

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyMon Jun 04, 2012 8:41 pm

I know exactly how you feel.
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Razi'el
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Razi'el

Posts : 527
Join date : 2010-02-08
Age : 31
Location : Ontario, Canada

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyTue Jun 05, 2012 4:32 am

i have to agree with Az here, it's all a very tiresome song and dance, but i believe there's a purpose to it.

in being human, we slowly, surely learn to understand them. we begin to take on their lives, their memories, their... no, OUR short, frantic existences, and so far, i've learned that there's so much beauty in it, being alive, it's wonderful, even if other people don't see it. they live, fed ideas every day by society, by those "in power", but sometimes... just sometimes.... one or two wake up for a bit, and it's amazing.

every day, dozens of people live, breathe, and feel; we experience a rainbow of emotions and stimuli, from even the softest brush of the breeze to feeling the pounding pulse of our blood as we anger, or feeling the heavy longing we all do for our home, or the joy of the company of our friends.

it's a trouble, it's a burden, living the life of a human, but it's one we all share, and one that need not be so unpleasant, if we just stop and smell the roses once in a while.

Raz.
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Stariana

Stariana

Posts : 52
Join date : 2012-05-25
Age : 30
Location : Tennessee

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyTue Jun 05, 2012 8:04 am

That's a nice way to look at it.

I, personally, feel so much more at ease and healthier the further from them I am. I have a few close friends, and I love the family I've chosen, surely. Of course all people aren't the same, and of course there are many wonderful people to meet, but on the whole I interact with their "society" as little as possible. Their panic and disorder and stupidity in dire circumstances annoys me. My goal is to have a residence that is self-sustaining and in a safe, remote place. I value self-reliance, highly, and work towards complete self reliance more every day. My daughter is my ultimate priority, and I will do whatever necessary to insure her safety and quality of life throughout this existence.

Humans are difficult for me to understand fully. Sometimes I can see their reasoning, but other times it's like I can't "zoom in" or focus on it. It's just so easy for them to get absorbed in things with no meaning, or to feed off of drama, or to be just plain awful.

They make me sick. No, really, they make me sick. I can't stand large groups, especially if it's a group that has a lot of rush or animosity in it. If I don't get bogged down with a migraine and sluggish, heavy feeling that makes me feel like I'm about to leave my body, I get very angry towards them...extremely.

I'm finding all I can that will heal the damage their energy causes, anything that makes me feel soothed and whole. Being outside, swimming, gardening, art, piano, and sometimes writing. I have to make room in my life for these things, or else I am...an angry, miserable wreck completely lacking in productivity.
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Razi'el
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Razi'el

Posts : 527
Join date : 2010-02-08
Age : 31
Location : Ontario, Canada

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyTue Jun 05, 2012 5:39 pm

i'm very sorry to hear that large groups have that effect on you, though i must ask, have you tried crystal healing? it tends to work for me! =D
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Meti'ne

Meti'ne

Posts : 332
Join date : 2012-04-02
Age : 27
Location : NJ, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyTue Jun 05, 2012 7:22 pm

I actually have social anxieties (that's what my neuropsychiatrist calls it), and after reading this thread, I (oddly enough) now think I know why...

I'm used to that friend-group I had/have back Home of consisting of the others of Earth's Keepers (mostly the other Major Keepers) plus my soulmate and a couple of the Necrolim who I especially trusted. They were who I was always with. But honestly, I don't think that has too much to do with it, on second thought...

What I find to be an even bigger influence is this false personality I was born with (my true personality is MUCH more confident): a persona fabricated to help me better fit in with Humankind.

Speaking of which, even now, I find myself keeping my mouth shut on certain things around humans because they just wouldn't understand; they would label me evil, a psychopath, a monster for my views. My mother once told me that she believes that God (she's Christian/Catholic, so she only believes in one God) has a different understanding—a higher understanding—of things than humans do. As a Keeper—a being who has duties at least somewhat higher than that of a god's—I now believe this to be true. But even angels have this higher understanding; you don't need to be a god to realize that death—for example—isn't evil, that it's both a good and necessary force.

However, try telling a human that death is a good thing. Bonus points if the human in question has someone close to them who recently died. That's right; I don't butter it up. They DIED; they didn't pass away—they DIED. There's no reason TO butter it up. My grandmother died back in December, and you know what? When I talk to people about it, I say that she DIED, not that she "passed away". And when I ask myself if I would change what happened if I could, I always say "no". Why? Because it was meant to happen and it HAD to happen, and I UNDERSTAND that. Yes, I miss my grandmother sometimes, and I get sad every once in a while because she's not around and I start thinking about that, but she got what she was meant to get from her life, and now she's doing something else.

Humans have just been convinced that death is this terrible and EVIL thing that will someday dissapear when a supposedly omnibenevolent (what a load of bull) God "defeats" it.

Never. Going. To happen.

I have to admit something though: when I hear in the news about people being killed or something like that, I do feel sad, and I think, "How DARE you?"

Perhaps it's not my human upbringing that makes me think this (death is always a sad occasion) but rather my being the Deathkeeper and the fact that I'm no longer the one bringing death to those who it is meant for. I miss the powers and the magic and stuff too... I feel so frickin' USELESS sometimes... x_x

Honestly, I see being a human as a "vacation" of sorts (since Keepers aren't under the dominion of a god), but more like one that was forced on me. It's like "Okay guys, I had fun, but enough's enough, okay? ... Guys...? ....... GUYS?!"

Lol.

But since I'm stuck here for now, I just do stuff that humans do. As a matter of fact, acting human (as odd as this is going to sound) is actually a huge hobby of mine, I SWEAR! XD

Unfortunately, I'm so used to partaking in my little hobby that I find it nigh-impossible difficult to act like my true self when around or talking to ANYONE, and pretty difficult to act like that even when ALONE (and having that false persona doesn't help much either. It's VERY hard to "turn it off"). >_<

... Wow. Long post is long. o.o

Sorry, Raz! ^^"

~Melari

P.S.: And trust me when I say that I want to be out of this human shell of mine and back in my true form ASAP too! xP
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Meti'ne

Meti'ne

Posts : 332
Join date : 2012-04-02
Age : 27
Location : NJ, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyTue Jun 05, 2012 7:23 pm

Melari wrote:
I actually have social anxieties (that's what my neuropsychiatrist calls it), and after reading this thread, I (oddly enough) now think I know why...

I'm used to that friend-group I had/have back Home of consisting of the others of Earth's Keepers (mostly the other Major Keepers) plus my soulmate and a couple of the Necrolim who I especially trusted. They were who I was always with. But honestly, I don't think that has too much to do with it, on second thought...

What I find to be an even bigger influence is this false personality I was born with (my true personality is MUCH more confident): a persona fabricated to help me better fit in with Humankind.

Speaking of which, even now, I find myself keeping my mouth shut on certain things around humans because they just wouldn't understand; they would label me evil, a psychopath, a monster for my views. My mother once told me that she believes that God (she's Christian/Catholic, so she only believes in one God) has a different understanding—a higher understanding—of things than humans do. As a Keeper—a being who has duties at least somewhat higher than that of a god's—I now believe this to be true. But even angels have this higher understanding; you don't need to be a god to realize that death—for example—isn't evil, that it's both a good and necessary force.

However, try telling a human that death is a good thing. Bonus points if the human in question has someone close to them who recently died. That's right; I don't butter it up. They DIED; they didn't pass away—they DIED. There's no reason TO butter it up. My grandmother died back in December, and you know what? When I talk to people about it, I say that she DIED, not that she "passed away". And when I ask myself if I would change what happened if I could, I always say "no". Why? Because it was meant to happen and it HAD to happen, and I UNDERSTAND that. Yes, I miss my grandmother sometimes, and I get sad every once in a while because she's not around and I start thinking about that, but she got what she was meant to get from her life, and now she's doing something else.

Humans have just been convinced that death is this terrible and EVIL thing that will someday dissapear when a supposedly omnibenevolent (what a load of bull) God "defeats" it.

Never. Going. To happen.

I have to admit something though: when I hear in the news about people being killed or something like that, I do feel sad, and I think, "How DARE you?"

Perhaps it's not my human upbringing that makes me think this (death is always a sad occasion) but rather my being the Deathkeeper and the fact that I'm no longer the one bringing death to those who it is meant for. I miss the powers and the magic and stuff too... I feel so frickin' USELESS sometimes... x_x

Honestly, I see being a human as a "vacation" of sorts (since Keepers aren't under the dominion of a god), but more like one that was forced on me. It's like "Okay guys, I had fun, but enough's enough, okay? ... Guys...? ....... GUYS?!"

Lol.

But since I'm stuck here for now, I just do stuff that humans do. As a matter of fact, acting human (as odd as this is going to sound) is actually a huge hobby of mine, I SWEAR! XD

Unfortunately, I'm so used to partaking in my little hobby that I find it nigh-impossible difficult to act like my true self when around or talking to ANYONE, and pretty difficult to act like that even when ALONE (and having that false persona doesn't help much either. It's VERY hard to "turn it off"). >_<

... Wow. Long post is long. o.o

Sorry, Raz! ^^"

~Melari

P.S.: And trust me when I say that I want to be out of this human shell of mine and back in my true form ASAP too! xP

Sorry. I meant Malphas; not Raz. xD

~Melari
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Ousa

Ousa

Posts : 928
Join date : 2010-03-07
Age : 73
Location : Kansas

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyTue Jun 05, 2012 8:57 pm

Dear Melari,

I hear and feel every word that you have said and totally agree! It's definitely not an easy task to change oneself in a totally new environment! I call it "It's not easy being the horse of a different color" but here we are no matter what! Once we accept our past and move on to the next level of whatever we can look back on this and say we have definitely been through hel in order to teach others the path that we have taken now!

Ouza Like a Star @ heaven
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Zariel

Zariel

Posts : 148
Join date : 2012-02-23

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptySat Sep 22, 2012 7:34 pm

I feel jilted being forced into this form angry that I could not get out, now I just deal. I have gotten used to knowing that I used to be so powerful now I am weak and the same as everyone else except gift wise. I do what i can to help others even though as the first I was self serving.Humanity is a curse. It causes hate greed disloyalty for power, mistrust towards your brothers and sisters and death to people that don't deserve to die and the ones that do live and prosper. Thats life it sucks thats all I have to say on it. Being human but knowing you have to potential for so much more has motivated me to work hard for the chance to be free and never return here. I want to leave this realm this world and this shell so bad but I take comfort in the fact that I still have the support of the divine to get me thru the hard times and at some point i can change the outcome alittle and if i focus enough on it change it to my needs. I had to go thru alot of hell to get that much control and I feel that when the viel falls and never comes back that we will all be free to do as we want be it good or bad. That means or I hope that means we can exist as we were if not atleast give the powers back. I allthough was given a spell in a mediation that will help take it down but I don't have enought power do it myself, i was told it has to be done on a perfect planetary alignment. I have no idea if thats true or not but one can hope right.
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Lili'el

Lili'el

Posts : 162
Join date : 2012-12-09
Age : 27
Location : Texas

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PostSubject: Re: Being Human   Being Human EmptyFri Apr 05, 2013 9:42 pm

*takes a deep breath* I’m basing this of my personal experience with humans, being human, and my inhuman identity.

I didn’t like the fact that I didn’t feel human. I have emotions, but are emotions just a human thing? I have made irresponsible choices, but didn’t we all at one point or another? Didn’t we have our enemies amongst the non-humans and wished for their downfall one way or another? The way I found the reason I didn’t feel human was by asking “What does it mean to be human”. I strongly felt it was more than just two Latin words, opposable thumbs, and because “we just are”. I wanted to know more and when I got my answer (at least concerning whether or not I was) it crushed me. It made me feel that everything I’ve known up to the point of beginning my discovery was A LIE.

But it made me want to know more about humans and what I am.

Quite frankly I like those who call themselves humans. I’ve have experiences with them that were painful and healing, chaos and orderly, rich and dull, beautiful and unsettling, but all taught me lessons that helped me grow. Humans have a lot to learn from us and we have a lot to learn from them. I admit that I tried to bury what I am deep below my fleshy surface, ignoring it, hoping it would go away and that I’d feel like I belonged again. It was, of course, a no go.

So I dried my tears and fessed up to myself: I wasn’t human on many levels, save for physical. I felt like my thought process was different, the way I related to energy was different, I could do things that could scare “mundane” or “dayside” people off. But… if there’s one thing I love about humans is the fact that some want to learn and accept. I love their passion and the way it sets mine alight as well. I love their emotions because it shows that they feel, and yes, WE feel too. We coexist side by side and this is what makes Life so dynamic. Perhaps we are so human that we’re inhuman? Another thing worth pondering, I suppose. I know deep down that there is more to all living beings than our bodies.

As for limitations in my many incarnations, I don’t feel them. I don’t feel as if I’m trapped in this body, like a prison, like a dungeon. I chose to incarnate this way, although I forgot the reason Shocked . Maybe there’s more to our current forms than we realize. Maybe.

I can still do magic. At times I can feel my wings (though I don’t know if I’m Shadow per se). I still defend against some rather nasty entities to protect myself and loved ones. I enjoy my body and my soul. When I dance, it’s not just bones and muscles moving around, it’s my soul. When I sing or compose, it is the song of my soul, my memories, an outcry that revels and dazzles in the chaos of what I am. When I cry, I know that this pain is fleeting and Life, be it in this shell or another, goes on. My body does not define me, I do. And how I define myself shows in how I interact with others, especially humans. So many lessons to learn, so much time to do so.

I know all experiences are not the same. I'm sorry if this sounded as if I was some bouncing ball of light and fluffiness. I'm not. I think I'm dramatic in my writing, and that's just my nature. Neither do I want to sound pretentious or belittle the problems and difficulties others are having in this life. I do feel for you. I truly hope you continue to grow and thrive.

I think I just rambled a bit. *headdesk* Whoops Rolling Eyes
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