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 Thoughts and ramblings

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Ari'el
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Ari'el

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Location : Upstate New York, USA

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PostSubject: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptySun Dec 12, 2010 12:06 am

Things are changing and I have been thinking a lot about things recently. And I've come to the conclusion that I may have been lying to myself, and in turn, the rest of you.

This forum has a story and an interconnectedness between its members that I am really drawn to. I like stories. I especially like being part of stories. Because of this, I'm afraid I may have subconsciously invented untrue details about myself without even realizing it. I know I've said I've had this name, and that identity, and that past life, etc. I don't know anymore. But it also doesn't really matter to me anymore. The details are all slipping away, and I don't really care. I don't know who or what I am or was, and it doesn't matter.

I've also been looking back at my life. Looking to before my awakening to otherkin, my first awakening, and my second. Sorting out what has remained the same, and what has changed. What has changed? All of the details, names, places, forms, lives, etc.

What has stayed the same? Though the intensity of these things have waxed and waned throughout the years, they've always come back.
I am and have been drawn to magic and mystical things. Especially those of a more natural sort.
I have a fascination with dragons and unicorns that goes far beyond interest. It is a deep longing to meet and befriend these creatures, a love and attraction that pulls at the soul... Oddly enough I don't feel this way about angels/shadow, despite my interest in and interactions with them. I also have never identified as a unicorn, but have identified as a dragon. Thinking about it this way, unicorns and dragons represent this deep earth magic, ancient wisdom, and mystery that simply isn't around anymore, and I wish I could bring it back... I think there's more to it than that, but I'm not sure how to describe it.
Another thing that has stayed the same is my feeling that I'm not from here.. my Home is somewhere not on this planet. I also feel a great love and longing for the stars and the Universe.

Not really sure where I'm going with this, but this is where I'm at now.

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Ashtart

Ashtart

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptySun Dec 12, 2010 1:59 am

You know what...? That is completely normal and fine. The path we take is full of *evolution.* Many of us have had to revise our stories and what knowledge we have many times as the truth comes clearer, or details emerge, or we finally meet those friends and family that can fill in the blanks, or long-standing seals are broken allowing us access to memories we'd never seen before. It's all like creating a sculpture, or some other piece of art... We adjust and refine on the original idea until we can finally look at the piece and say "it is done. Not a single other adjustment should or can be made." Few of us are there, really. We are all constantly evolving, creating, finding. It is all good.
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Ari'el
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Ari'el

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptySun Dec 12, 2010 5:28 pm

Thanks, Dream's Smile
I also like that analogy, because it is exactly the process I go through when making art Smile
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Azaz'el
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Azaz'el

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptySun Dec 12, 2010 10:30 pm

As an artist I can also identify with that analogy. Basically, this forum is a home for all those who are Shadow, linked to us, drawn to us, as well as all Otherkin. So it's not important that you are not Shadow or may have to adjust your understanding of your nature and who and what you are. What is important is that you were drawn here, have taken something from the site, from the sharing of its members. You have felt enough to stay here a while, share and grow with us.

It is important for us all to remember that on this journey, none of us have all the answers, that we are constantly learning, evolving and understanding, and in time we can hope that this knowledge becomes wisdom. Your growth sounds as if it has taken another step, an important one, and I'm pleased you felt you could share it with us.

Az

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Through Shadows falling out of memory and time...
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Ari'el
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Ari'el

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptyMon Dec 13, 2010 4:08 am

Thanks, Az. This forum is like a home base for me on the internet, and I feel comfortable here among its members.
As far as my growth, I hope that you're right about it being an important step. I don't feel like I'm starting over like I did at the beginning of my second awakening, but rather, that I am picking up and continuing from where I left off quite some time ago. I have no idea where this is going, but we'll see.
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Scratch

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptyMon Dec 13, 2010 4:35 am

I've been feeling lately as if I've gone way back to where I was, when I was a precocious little kid who hadn't let all the "don't"s sink in yet. It's strange, how in some ways it feels as if I've been given total freedom, while giving up any choice I might have had in how my life unfolds.

I know I've made things up too, while attempting to fill in gaps, or force more details, or wanting to see something a certain way. Sometimes, I've found much later that things I thought I had wrong were pieces I hadn't filled the picture around yet. There were times I was told to wait, because (and I had to agree, in hindsight) I could not have handled that info at the time. If you go about it with the hope and desire of finding the truth, there's no reason to fault yourself for falling short of that.

I used to admire people who seemed to have themselves all figured out. Now, I wonder how limiting that kind of understanding might actually be.
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Veil

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptySun Jan 23, 2011 6:35 am

Scratch wrote:


I used to admire people who seemed to have themselves all figured out. Now, I wonder how limiting that kind of understanding might actually be.

[size=normal]In the years I lived with my mother and step-father, I was required to go to church. One of the women that was very active in the choir, was Co-Youth Leader with her husband. They had two sons, one my age, and one that was two years older. The year I was fifteen or sixteen, she got pregnant. Lara had always wanted a little girl, with everything that she felt it entailed. She found out she was having a girl, but lost the baby around the sixth month, and was devastated. She had a major crisis of faith, almost quit her job, and went into a serious depression. She was the person that we all felt, and she thought, had it all figured out. When it turned out she didn't, she realized she'd also limited her world view in others ways. So I guess you could say it was beneficial in some ways, but she had to pay a huge price to gain that knowledge. [/size]
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Ishtahar
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Ishtahar

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptyThu Jan 27, 2011 5:11 pm

First of all a slap *slap* for even thinking to say that you have lied to us. You have NEVER lied to us. What you have done is given us the privledge of journeying with you for a while as you walk your path. Now we have come to a place where the path splits into many and you're not sure which one to take. That does not mean that the path behind you has disappeared or was not a true path, without that path you would not have got to this place. Nothing has gone, nothing has ended, you have just reached a new fork in the road.

Don't worry, we'll still walk besides you no matter where the journey takes us.
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Veil

Veil

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptyFri Jan 28, 2011 5:55 am

Hear, hear. :claps:

Paths are twisty, windy, tricksy things...and that's just in a forest here on Earth. How much more winding and long must they be, when we're talking about an entire universe, or even multiple universes? Don't beat yourself up, just take a breath, and plot a course for your next steps on the path.
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Ari'el
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Ari'el

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptySat Feb 19, 2011 6:36 am

Haha, sorry sorry, Ish! But you are absolutely right. Thank you. I'm also feeling much better, and more stable now after letting things sink in for a while.
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Ishtahar
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Ishtahar

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PostSubject: Re: Thoughts and ramblings   Thoughts and ramblings EmptyWed Feb 23, 2011 4:30 pm

good. I withdraw the slap Smile
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