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Apart from what I've said as a followup to this post, there's more that I have to reveal, that I've been keeping close at heart or only discussing among few until it seemed right to discuss among many....

Since I've realized that I was and am Sidhe, I've spoken of my hesitance in returning to lead my people again. My being brought (as I know now that I was summoned here, not just that I had the random impulse) to Hawaii facilitated this... As of Samhuin, the Fae in Hawai'i recognize me and my relatives ... as of about a week ago, so do the Fae in at least one part of Britain, and the Fae in ... I believe Osaka, Japan.

Interestingly, in all three locales, the main castle seems to be beneath a body of water. The Hawai'ian is off the coast here of Hawai'i island. The British one I visited was deep under a still lake, and likewise with the Japanese one, although that one seems to have an entrance on a small island in the middle of the lake that is still to this day used as a shrine by people o_o!

I also happened to visit somewhere... like a coven I should say... in Turkey. Don't know what that was about yet. They were human but not-human. Kind of like us.

My "breakdown in identity" earlier this week was brought on by something I am not fully at liberty to discuss, but I will tell you what I must:

My memories around the time that I was searching for the Nephilym, following the war of the Grigori, went on. My understanding is that I never made it back to my people after that time, that that was when I went "missing." There was a force... i have mentioned Him briefly before... I can only see him as shrouded and darkened and happily vicious, full of greed. Somehow the deaths of the people I care about seem to benefit him in a very material way. I see that he has also persisted across eons, from the shadows, not in the light. He is never blamed but, from my point of view, everything is ultimately his fault. I remember his energy and presence from around the time of the first Fall, and not knowing what it portended, or caring about it.

I've spoken about the events around that time, and how there were other forces manipulating us behind the scenes, pushing us towards failure, towards fighting, or infighting as it were... creating disharmony, and sowing discord. Now if I had been around the time of the second Fall... ......well, it's too late to regret or say "what if's." In any case, this presence, in my knowledge, manipulated much surrounding the second Fall as well, and was displeased after the war when some of the Nephilym and survivors began to get on in peace. He wanted a massacre.

What I saw was that he revived a great force and encouraged it to create huge...... monsters. Part of my breakdown comes from that event, that he used others to his own ends... Never stepping into the light, always creating death from the shadows.... always forcing people to fight against each other. I saw that there was one, horrific day when I arrived to a town, and there was fire and bodies everywhere, and those giant monsters, eating all the Nephilym children, hungering for their blood. And I'm not entirely sure what happened after... one of them took a great swipe out of me, and along went some of my guts.... And then, possibly... well... I think I confronted the revived force on the battlefield and we destroyed each other.

The man, though, the greedy one... got what he wanted in the end. Everyone died that he wanted, everything was thrown into chaos, and happily he has persisted to this day and age, undetected, virtually by anyone. So, this is why I want his head. What is he? Well, unaging, clearly... in the spirit plane, probably... Shadow, unlikely.... the Shadow to my understanding don't know pure greed and avarice like that. Why did these things benefit him? I cannot say. But they did.

What do I want to do about it? I don't know, yet. How do I intend to stop him? Again, unknown. Why am I telling you this? Well... partially for your own benefit, but partially because I don't think it's really been communicated enough that there are forces out there that oppose you, oppose me, on the basis of what we are, nothing more. And you should be aware of this, and alert, and cautious of who you encounter on the spiritual plane, or of any sudden shifts in your attitude or behavior or mood without explanation. you should know the depths to which they will go, and that they STILL EXIST.... and haven't given up on torturing us.... if my past experience is any indicator. Just be vigilant. Please.

Yes, the world is in the midst of a gigantic shift. It's possible that there is nothing that they CAN do of significance, even if they try. But IF they try.... know that you have enemies, for no other reason than your very birth into this world, and they will and have laughed at your fall, especially if they have had a hand in causing it. I trust you to stay well, and to ask for help when and if you need it. We can help each other.

Thank you for the warning.
He reminds me of someone that my friends and I in highschool tried to fight against, but he always seemed to get away and not be touched.

I can't help but wonder if He is one of the 'old enemy', those we shut out of this Universe on all levels, those who now stand ready as the Gateways begin to reopen. They are the only ones who seemed to be so against us all, regardless of Race. They are the only ones I know of who were against everything, almost even creation. As old as Shadow, as powerful as Shadow, yet at times stronger than us, as they didn't care about what or who was destroyed, whereas we did.

Hmmm, I just can't help but wonder.

Az

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I can't help but wonder if He is one of the 'old enemy', those we shut out of this Universe on all levels, those who now stand ready as the Gateways begin to reopen. They are the only ones who seemed to be so against us all, regardless of Race. They are the only ones I know of who were against everything, almost even creation. As old as Shadow, as powerful as Shadow, yet at times stronger than us, as they didn't care about what or who was destroyed, whereas we did.

I think so, now that you mention it. At least, there is a female voice in my head saying "yes! yes he is! yes, kill Him!!!" It also makes sense to me that if any of them were here, in this plane, they would wreak all the havoc and destruction they could... which is why (I'm receiving this now...) the Shadow found it imperative to shut every last one of them that you could find out of this universe forever, and seal all the Gates. And... another part of me says... "The only thing that can destroy them is Love..." which is why they fight Love and harmony. ::hyperventilates a bit:: Um, yes, I think you are on the right track.

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Thank you for the warning.
He reminds me of someone that my friends and I in highschool tried to fight against, but he always seemed to get away and not be touched.

sounds consistent =\.


That may be why I'm being groomed towards this goal of releasing this divine feminine energy into the world. I feel like just when, or just before they come, is when we will release this pentup energy and transform ourselves into ...... other things. That will help. Everything will help. Everything that is being prepared will be needed. There are a lot of them. If only ONE MAN has been so terrible, I shudder at thinking what the rest of them would do.... I've never hated anything like him.... I always have a spot of compassion somewhere in me, for all of the beings of this creation... I know that there is always hope for change, for reformation, for healing... Only in thinking of him do I feel that there is no hope to reform, no hope for evolution... He is hate, through and through and can't be salvaged... it makes sense then if he is not of this creation... In my mind... everything in this creation has a light, has an inner purpose, creation, destruction whatever.... but all towards some greater good. He has none, no inner light... he only wants to destroy what's been created to his own ends. .......... It's strange for me to want so passionately the destruction of something of this creation... so the possibility that he is not, that he is foreign to this universe is somewhat of a relief.... If only because I know that my hatred has not necessarily overridden my compassion, but because there is something else coming through, that rails against his being here. ::wonders if this means that we'll be fighting again soon::.... ............ You know, in this case I don't think it's wrong to fight, of course. I mean, the one part of me is like "everything can be solved through light and love" but on the other hand, as I think I touched on in another thread, this hatred driving me, this hatred for him seems to have a "light" or divine aspect to it... that says "It is good and right to destroy through conflict that which doesn't belong. So fight, child. Fight." It's like... I don't hate him because... I hate him (...) I hate him because I love you and everything that exists. If that makes sense.... it may not. I'm rambling a bit . There's a lot that's "wanting to be said" in response to your message, Az. ::is kind of tired of channeling. LOL...::

There is a school of thought that says the old enemy is the equal and opposite of the Shadow and in order to protect the Universe, only the Shadow can finally remove this enemy..... but by doing this, we remove ourselves too. Perhaps no matter how many times we try to lock them away, they will always break through. So to finally remove their threat, each individual Shadow must link with and combine with one of them. In that way, our energy cancels out their energy.... we both cease to exist.

It's a scary thought and something most of us don't want to think about, but maybe we have no choice, perhaps that is the path to freedom and saving all that we know.

Hmmmm, has anyone found the instruction manual yet that tells ua ll the answers?

Az

This sounds like the reasoning behind something I told you privately, several months ago now, Az.

::sighs:: Fine. Whatever.

It sounds right on a deep down level, and like a reason it has suddenly become very important to me to let go of personal concerns over what I feel I am needed to do. Dammit. Heh. Today's been overall rotten, and my weekend was pretty much shot, so at least this caught me at a moment where I'm sick of the world anyway.

::numb::

"Sacrifice is necessary to prevent destruction"

Az I do believe the instructions are hidden deep inside each and every one of us =) Just a thought...

Scratch I can relate to how you feel right now, my weekend was rather horrible and I have absolutely no patience for people right now. I'm trying very, very hard to be nice =) The winds of change have come early this year it seems...or maybe it's just that they have shifted direction.

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There is a school of thought that says the old enemy is the equal and opposite of the Shadow and in order to protect the Universe, only the Shadow can finally remove this enemy..... but by doing this, we remove ourselves too.

I don't consciously know about this enemy, however, I don't think this is true. I think that the Shadow are needed in this creation, and if you were to "cancel each other out" that way it would leave a void in this creation that is unacceptable to the continuation of everything else. .... In my heart, I feel like you, the Shadow, fit here. I feel like they do not. Regardless of whether you all could destroy them or not that way, it would damage everything here if you did. So. I don't think that's a good idea. Personally.

Also, regardless of the reasoning (I think that's pretty solid), I would not. Ever. Ever. Accept a reality like that. I'm not prepared in any way to lose you all. Ever. That is where I dig my toes in the sand.

*reread*

.... Unless..... ......

*is being kind of scientific* if you were two halves of a whole, maybe you need each other? Maybe you would be whole then? Is that kind of thing you're saying? I mean, ok, i know you're saying "no, we would both cease to exist" but energy can't be created or destroyed o_o. it seems likely to me that... if you're saying you are complements of each other... perhaps you will be someone new if you join with one? Kind of like that poem that you, Gypsy, posted... a balance between the dark and the light I think you wrote.

Actually... what got me on about this was thinking about this really old kids' movie called "The Dark Crystal." There's this supremely wise, good race and this supremely evil, malicious race, and this crystal that's lost a piece of itself. And the protagonist joins the crystal together, and the good race comes to where the evil race is and they all think they're about to be obliterated... the good race thinks they're self-sacrificing and the evil race thinks they're being killed... but then it turns out they were two sides of a whole the entire time, and that when the crystal is joined they each become one being again, partially good, partially evil, balanced. ...................*thinks*

here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wQwRhawMeE from 6:00 to 10:00

Yes exactly...it seems one cannot exist without the other, but in order for there to be peace they must be balanced..equal.

Btw I love the movie "The Dark Crystal" =) always one of my faves as kid....now when I think of one day becoming a balanced being I go back to the scene at the end of the movie when the lost shard is placed into the crystal, the Mystics and the Skeksis finally become ONE again. What a feeling that must be.

I may have spoken too soon there. Once I was far from my computer, of course, it seemed to me there's more to it than that; feeling like being angelic is some kind of terminal disease. It didn't seem like that kind of cancellation could make any real difference or change, anyway.

Perhaps it is something like the creatures in "The Dark Crystal" (brilliant movie). The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to have something to do (again) with that "Matrix"-y sense this is all a collective dreaming. As you already know Dream's, I have jumped ALL over that notion, and it really does seem to explain everything. If that were true, and we were to wake ourselves into another reality, that would effectively remove us from this sphere of existence...

"Saving all we know" does not seem to me to be the intention or goal here, even if this is the one true reality. I always thought we were waking in order to help steer things towards positive change, and most of what I personally know involves unsustainable selfish bureaucracy. That's what started these second thoughts, along with a sense I was melodramatic while writing that initial response. In one way, I would dearly love to simply cease to be. A part of me has always longed to blink out of existence, because it sounds so much easier, when I feel disgusted with life, than trucking on indefinitely.

Still, and ultimately, I don't think it's simply instinctive self-preservation making me say I agree with Dream's. All along, it seems very important that I survive, persevere, and flourish, and I don't think that's simply to set me up for a Messianic sacrifice.

wow, Scratch, and here i thought i was always crazy!

that does explain a lot, thinking that this reality isn't quite reality, the Matrix Effect, i guess. but several times, growing up and still today, i've occasionally had moments where i almost feel like this isn't the real me, that the real me is somewhere else, using some sort of remote control. like i would suddenly look in a mirror, and thought "this isn't right.", where i would start sort of zoning out to some other place. but, i always seem to snap back into myself.

if this reality is a sort of dream world, though, then that means the only reason it exists is because we, as a collective, believe it does, and it follows that we assume the convention laws only exist because we're strapped down by thoughts and memes plugged into our heads by everyone else from day one of being here. it's sort of like the threads in a weave.... no individual thread can move much because it's entwined in all the other threads, limited in its position not just in, but BECAUSE of its relation and subjectivity to the other threads.

i hope that made sense, it's late after all, so i might be rambling.

off to bed with me now. be well, and best wishes!

Raz~

The Matrix idea makes sense to me, don't think it sounds crazy at all. I never meant for the term "sacrifice is needed in order to prevent destruction" to be taken so literally, it could mean several different things - such as sacrificing your old self in order to accept the new - preventing self-destruction.

Raz when you mentioned the real you could be somewhere else using a remote control it reminded me of the original "Clash of the Titans" movie where the Gods/Goddesses had control over the humans/demi-Gods and their actions as well as their fate, like they were games pieces on a game board.

Scratch you are right in saying that it is important that you survive, perservere and flourish - all of us should.

That makes perfect sense to me, Raz.

One of the biggest thoughts I had in support of that idea was how life in general seems so heavily influenced by state of mind. That "if you think it you can be it" adage really does seem to apply, and I've come across a lot of rhetoric lately, including a whole school of meditation, talking about how the key to success is visualization, and how all you really need to do to get anything is ask for it, and believe you can receive it. The only explanation that makes sense to me for how that would work, and it really does seem to work, is that our minds are somehow literally creating the world we live in.

I've always had the notion that the main reason I can't fly, or teleport, and stuff like that, is a collective belief that no one can. Like if I could get myself and enough people around me to believe those things are possible, they would be. The description of how to fly in Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide series (throw yourself at the ground and miss, by completely distracting yourself from all thoughts that you're going to hit, and of how much it would hurt) deeply intrigued me that way. Fictional books, but still...

I've had feelings kind of like what you described, and was really interested in what you said. Simply the fact a lot of people seem to have this notion is rather telling, I think.

I think Douglas Adams held the truth about a great many things!!!

I have to say that I don't agree with the idea that Shadow must merge with the old enemy, I also do not feel in the slightest way that they are our opposite as in the Dark Crystal (absolutely fantastic movie). It is simply the case, as Dreams touched upon, to me, that they do not belong here and for some reason want to be and want to cause problems and destruction. So I have never agreed with the idea of merging and being destroyed.... whilst energy cannot be unmade, it can be shattered into pieces and lost to all, and so both Races would in effect cease to exist. We cannot be unmade but we can be wiped away and changed into nothing. The reasons why we chose to fight them and eventually block them from this Universe was because there was no way to beat them without destroying ourselves and much that existed in the Universe..... at least from what I can remember. Perhaps the final solution is to meet and talk... see if we can find out what they want and why!!!

I think we all accept anyway that this physical world is but one of many ways of existing and understanding and that all creatures exist spiritually on many different levels and in many different ways. So the matric idea does fit nicely.... it is only when we gain an understanding of who and what we are, our past and our present, the nature of time and physicality, as well as the absolutle acceptance of the spiritual realms that we can rise above this mundane existance and exist in all levels and in all times in the same moment. That is ascension.

Az

Each of us are only a part of the whole. Many after the fall feeling that they could accomplish more in less time and ascend fragmented themselves and became co-creators as such. Many of us are in fact the same soul but only a fragment of the the whole being as such! We are a collective of Bleed overs through our own experiences accumulated throughout the Thousands of Years of Incarnation. We are ascending most of us to become whole again. But many fragments over the years developed personalities of their own thus becoming autonomous of the so called entities (Us/Angel/Demon/whatever....) So in effect we are fighting ourselves on unrevealed terms. Remember I said that we are dust in the wind. Each fragment is like this as such and now it is up to us to bring ourselves back together again. Thus current personalities are competing for dominance over the others to gain ground when in effect we are not obliterating or annihilating one another we are in effect seeking ourselves. Hope that this makes sense in someway. Because it is essential that we know our true selves as we truly are only parts of a greater whole, even Steven all away across the board!

Much to learn and much to assess in such a short period of time!

Ouza