Hating myself for things i did/will do

Dear friends, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles... or what i should call you

I'm catched in a bad mental state. Hating myself more and more. Once i found out that i brought suffer about this world, nature and humans. I gave, in a not so early life, the humans the recipie for an absolutly deadly bomb. and even today the consequences of my actions still plague the world. Today the past is grabbing me and rip my midn apart. Says me that i am guilty. I gave myself the fault about everything what happened, even if i do something absolutly boylike (boxing with friends, or jthings wich still in the past like stealing while i was 5 or 6...or lies i told.) I feel so sad that i even fear to write with you..

Believe me, friend, I know exactly what you're talking about. There are a number of things i have done in this life alone that make me look back and wish i could erase it, but honestly, it's those little bumps and bruises that shaped who you were as you grew, those tiny flaws that make your life unique.

Without your past --the good, the bad and the ugly bits-- there's no guarantee that you would be who you are today; you could be so much worse, or better, it's true, but you are who you are now for a reason, and who knows? maybe you need to be exactly who you are for something in the future to happen?

There is also a thing i want to know you. Someone... Something is telling me things only a few would known... it is talking to me every secound. But i only hear a few things... i call it "The one who knows." (maybe that Thing is female, or somewhat.)

actually i can say these are no memorys, because i can just listen, not act. I didn't learn to listen tho that thing.. but sometimes i want to...

If I may guess, this voice is quiet, calm, and confident, but despite its lack of force, what it says seems impossibly true?

If so, you may be hearing something that myself and several others have going on for them; you're hearing the "old" you (the past life that grants you your angelic, demonic, draconic, or faerie heritage).

for example, the voice talking to me is that of the old Razi'el, the person i was back when i was an angel/shadow/whatever you wish to call it. in computer programming terms i guess you would call it "ghost data".

Well Torio I understand exactly how you feel. I to brought pain and suffering to this planet and it's people and it took me a very, very long time to accept it and claim responsibility for my actions. I hated myself for what I had done to my own brothers/friends and their families, but I finally found the courage within to share my memories and accept who I was - as painful as it was to do so it has honestly help me move on.

Once you learn more about yourself and your past and come to understand the changes taking place inside of you perhaps then you can move on and be at peace...hopefully you will be able to find the answers you seek among us to help you achieve that goal.

Razi'el: This voice is not calm, or quiet... It is like ... like... a mother wich shout you because you must look left and right before go over the street... but... it is not past what it tells me. It is absolutley the future wich i hear in this voice. its says It will be.... or in the next time there will... there are no words in the speaking.... its like.. something toch me and i knew what this person thinks...

Gabri'el: I hope so, because i feel weak and burned out..


Anyways. Thanks to you both. I can truly call you friends. special friends wich listen to me and may share the same things...

Torio

Realize this son the spirit that is within you remains the same but now you have a new life and an opportunity that many would not have had in order to change their life's around. We all could have chosen to walk away from all of this but we didn't! We are here for this lifetime to make a difference to others in or life works and deeds! Some of us are not free yet of all of the old nightmare's of the past. None of us is beyond reproach or holier than thou.

Have faith in yourself and realize that the inner voice represents all of your fears and unfinished hopes and desires coming forward now especially because of the current worlds instability to adjust and find an answer to alleviating all of its problems.

Who but you and all here would be given an opportunity and chance like this to change ourselves first in order to bring hope and healing to all of mankind.

In order to heal others, you must first heal yourself. Through discernment and love.

Remember we are all one!

It is not the easy way you are taking, but the route to true healing and wholeness. Do your best not to linger in the guilt, don't let it consume you, but experiencing it, and owning up to what you have done or are going to do (it sounds like they're one and the same in your experience?) is far better than denial. Whether it makes sense to you or not, you are feeling this, and that means it is real and you are being given a chance to make good on it, from the sound of what you said.

As was said, we all have things like this, that we wish we could have done differently and suffer from as a result. I know there are many things like that coming to the surface for me, and if I'm not careful I make myself sick with misery over them.

Be patient with yourself, and remember that just because you did horrible things, you are not a horrible person, and people still love you. And, most importantly, no matter what, you do deserve that love.

I couldn't hope to say it better than Scratch did but I will reinforce again that we have all done things we regret, and regret deeply, in the time before or the time since. We have been the cause of death, destruction, betrayal and all sorts of negative things. We cannot turn away from them and we must face them but that does not mean that we have to keep flogging ourselves over them.

Look back
Understand
Learn
Let go
Move on

Thanks people. I'm so happy that there are so polite andfriendly people around that forum. I've never expectat, because my experience with forums are just horrible, that smart people with such friendly words can cheer you up.

Thanks..

As you can tell, this isn't a normal and average forum....... it is the members who make this forum, and all of the members are real, genuine and most importantly understand the fact that we are all in this together.

Az

Hello There if you feel you need to talk i am here .