ARCHIVE: The Silence Before The Storm, The chains are broken.

By Sari'el Feb 2 2009 -

Brother, Sister,

In these times of rapid change within ourselves and in the world around us, it is a necessity, and not an option, to keep the balance within ourselves. We must stand firmly, otherwise we will be sucked so deeply into the pool of ever expanding knowledge we have carried forth throughout the centuries, that we drown in our own thoughts.

Like all of us, I live a busy life. It has always been a struggle for me to have a spirit capable of virtually anything bottled up in this mortal shell. But recently, the turmoil stopped. I was startled at first, to find myself making a mistake so well documented, it can be found in the writings of Enoch (or technically Noah). Had I become too human? I pondered this very question day and night, until I realized that this question was leading me down a new path. The exploration and acceptation of my humanity.

And so I carried on, with the past a mere echo. I focused on work, and more importantly, interaction. Slowly I began to notice a pattern in my communication; many of the topics I brought up were of such little interest to the people around me, I might as well have spoken to them in a dead language. This depressed me, because how could I ever survive in a world where I could not interact on even the most basic level? I felt like I had become to human to be Malakh, and too Malakh to be human.

Around that time I went on an intercultural learning trip for my current education. We were with a group of eight people, all strong individuals, and except yours truly, all human. This would mean we would have to rely on each other and somehow get along. During our trip, and for the first two or three days there, I found it quite hard to communicate. Yet on one of the last nights of our stay and probably also influenced by the amount of alcohol consumed I asked one of our drivers and a fellow student what they thought was the problem with my communication, and the feedback I received was hard to hear. But when I then changed my approach of others, and stopped trying to communicate all that was on my mind, and just listen to everyone for once, my world changed again.

It became pleasant to interact, to learn, not only from myself, but also from others. It felt like my ears and eyes had been backwards for years, wasting time staring at the inside of my skull and listening only to my repetitive thought patterns. And just like that, I did something I should have done ages ago.

Most Grigori have a trait that sets them apart from other Malakhim. Actually we have a lot of those... But this one trait signifies all we stand for. We are Watchers. We can see the world around us as it is, and especially people, as they are. For years and years my curse had been that this great vision on the world around us was used only introspectively. When I realized what I had been missing, I consciously turned these "Thousand Eyes" (I call the ability that because it was how I visualized it) inside out, so that they did not look inwards, but outwards. With that done, slowly the world around me started to live again. People of all kinds became such beautiful creatures, all in development, all growing and getting wiser day by day.

Now that I once again perceive the life of this world, and take my time to listen, the world seems to be noticing I am alive as well. Slowly the game is changing, the old rules don't always apply anymore. The chains of the past are rusty, and can be broken, but we've been wearing them for so long most of us don't even notice how fragile they are. Maybe soon the board will have changed as well. Reality is as we see it, not as it is. What is a song when it is not heard?

We all have our chains to break, and the power to break them. Open your eyes. It's morning.

-Sed


By Azaz'el Feb 2 2009 -

Many thanks for sharing such strong and personal insights Ser. You have hit the nail on the head for many. There are times in our lives when we spend so much time rishing about trying to find the answers, search for meaning and hunger for a result that we forget the most basic and at time most important aspect of life. We need to live life in order to understand it.

Those of us who are Grigori can easily forget that we are Watchers.... we have the ability to watch anf wait and listen to and learn from the very Universe around us, seeing the interconnectedness of all life, all lives, all races and beings. We can so easily forget to watch. As for other Kin, they have such a capacity to externalise the answers they hold within, yet can spend so much time trying to help others find their own answers, they remain blind to their personal truth.

It is important to live in the now......... but also to know the past and our history. That way we can be sure not to repeat it, but to learn and move forward, sucking the marrow out of life and treasuring all that is sacred and precious.

Az


By Ishtahar Feb 3 2009 -

I was so happy to read your post... not that you have suffered but that you have moved on from it and are stronger as a result of it.

I think perhaps I have been doing the opposite.... living too much in the world and pushing aside the 'other' part of me, not allowing it perchance in my world.

And then it all got turned inside out and now I can hardly bear to live in the world at all so maybe time for a change again,... who knows. I am so tired. I have no energy to think or to act, no direction, no.... heart. Yes, I have lost my heart.

Too much has happened in too short a time and then my dearest wish came true.... but it only caused more pain and now I don't know what i want any more, where I am going .... ah bugger.


By Azaz'el Feb 3 2009 -

Just follow the rest of us to Hell..... that will at least give you a destination....... although it could be that we've already arrived.

wink.gif

Az