Small hello

Well, to introduce myself I guess I may as well say I'm angelkin. I'm a shard or fragment of a whole entity. I'm not really comfortable saying who though as most often that tends to be met with more than just skepticism amongst angelkin. I'm not sure what I'm looking to find here. I know who and what I am. I suppose I'm looking to uncover a bit of memory.

Welcome to the forum Necrochild

Have a bit of chocolate

Look forward to chatting with you more.

^_^ Aw, thanks, Ashtart. ::nibbles the chocolate, purring::

Welcome to the forum. If you can tell us a bit more about you it'd be great, we don't bite!
I'm Capsha, I'm an angel known as Hanael/Haniel andI'm the host of this body.

~Capsha

Welcome to the forum.

first things first. No one here will question who you are or who you were. If they do let me know and I'll take care of it. The prime focus of this forum is to provide a safe place for people to explore who they are and who they were without risk of criticism or judgement.

it's acceptable to challenge and to describe conflicting memories etc but not to judge.

So I hope you will feel safe to share and explore with us. Maybe your memories of who you are will help spark of memories in others to remind them who they are

Welcome to the forum, Necro! I myself was hesitant in the beginning to tell others that I was this planet's Deathkeeper (quick funfact: I walked amongst and associated with the angels (and other beings) way back when myself despite not being an angel myself), trust me. I know what it's like to fear skepticism and even flat-out rejection from those who are the only one's you feel you could truly relate to. I've never experienced it, but I still know what it's like to fear it. Also, my kitty senses are tingling lol! ^w^

Heh heh~ I'm an Edenic Ligeress and (normally would) have the ability to shift into such a form, you see. But even when I was in a more humanoid form (when I was still in my true form, mind you), I had a couple of physical animalistic traits that carried over from the ligeress form. :3

Again, welcome to the forum. And please do share who you've discovered your identity to be. If you're comfortable enough to, at least. More than a few of us are curious, and Ishtahar and the other admins will take care of any issues, should they arise. =)

~Melari

Thanks for the warm welcome, guys. Zepar had told me about this site, that's how I came to wind up here.
I guess a simple way would be of telling what I remember and what I've found. I have a single memory from before all this.. I was one of a collective that were pure love and innocence, though ignorant in our innocence. We shared one mind though we were many. We were capable of thinking independently, but we chose not to as it was perfect as it was. There were others of different kinds, including a collective of light and strength. In time, they grew jealous of our innocence, mistakenly thinking it made us better. They couldn't see that it was simply different. The great being that looked over us judged their jealousy as wrong and it didn't belong in paradise and It cast them out. We were hurt by this, we didn't understand it as we saw their jealousy born of a love of what we were and didn't understand how anything created from a love could be wrong. We disagreed with the decree and turned our backs and walked out of paradise and Fell. I can remember nothing but blackness at first, then watching the cosmos come into being and grow, watching this sun and our solar system come into being and form, watching the dust gathering into the Earth and as life grew as I drew closer until I saw nothing again. Not sure how long it was from that point before my first incarnation.
I've always known I wasn't quite human though. My first day of preschool, I got in the car and looked up at my mom and told her "I'm not like them". When she asked what I meant, I couldn't explain it. When I was 10 I had the most amazing and awe inspiring dream of my life. A dragon came to me to give me something. He said when I was old enough I'd understand what it meant. I was too enamored with the dragon to even pay much heed to what he gave me. It was such a moving dream I devoted my life to becoming an artist from that point on. 18, I went through cancer and chemo, afterwards I saw my guardian angel and heard his name Suriel, he was bound and battered and bruised. This was while awake I saw without my eyes. A week later a sharp dressed and short cut blonde in a suit showed himself to me. He made me uneasy. He told me his name was Sammael and he was there to replace Suriel as my guardian. About 25 I had another revealing dream. I found myself in New Orleans heading into the shop my husband and I had stopped in on our honeymoon when I was 22. I was seeking help in understanding why Sammael was my guardian, knowing he was a free agent of death. The shop owner wouldn't let me in at first, he didn't want something like Sammael in his shop. But something stopped him and made him bring me inside anyway. He told me that I was a part of Gabriel and Gabriel was a part of me. After I woke up, I found a book I had gotten from that shop when I had been there in waking before. I always kept the shop's card inside the front cover of the book, mind you I had never looked up Gabriel before in it. But when I opened the book, the card wasn't in the front. Flipping through I found it in one of the entries for Gabriel. Since then it's just been piling on top of that. I'm now 33 and learning more and more the heavy ties I have to death as a shard of Gabriel. All my guardians seem to be of the sort for some reason, even in many dreams I've walked as a reaper or taking care of Death's scythe.. I realize how juvenile this sounds too, like some fantasy.. But the whole being part of Gabriel thing is why I've been reluctant many times to share with groups what I've learned of myself.

Sorry it's so long, but.. well, that's more or less the whole explanation. And again, thanks for the warm welcome.

Oh, and one small note in addition, there's a daemon soul with me as well. He goes by Kristos. As far as I know he's been there for the entirety of this life, but I wasn't aware of him as an actual presence until about 8 years ago. I made him an rp character in 1999, but I didn't realize that he was actually there. So I don't know if his appearance is due to the face I gave him as a character and he simply adapted it, or if I made the character's appearance based on what my senses were unsuspectingly picking up from the entity. Others have been able to sense him at times, separate from myself.

Death's scythe, you say... Heh... Being one of the many different types of incarnations of Death myself, I can kinda relate; I remember my own scythe well: Luruuskaani. She looks very different from a farmer's scythe and only recently have I been able to hold scythes or look at them or request them in dreams, even though none of them have been her. She's a part of my own soul; I would know her.

Your story, it's not so hard to believe... =)

~Melari

Thanks, Melari. And it wasn't mine to keep or to use, just to look after. Kristos though is more than just my guide. I've had a dream before where he was by my side. And in a moment I looked back and he was gone. I saw his coat folded on the edge of a planter at the bottom of the stairs I was on, so I went back down and sat with it in my lap to wait for him to return. I saw a man looking for his grown son, he had his pocketwatch in his hands. I asked to see it and he handed it over. I opened it up and looked inside and knew in an instant that's where Kris had gone, he was escorting the young man's soul off to the afterlife. So I had to tell the man he'd never see his son again, without explanation. He took the watch back and without worry or hurt, he walked off to continue on his life in peace.

Can't find how to edit already made posts. But to add in addition, there have been other times in dreams I've had to take up the role as a reaper guiding souls into death without the scythe or with a temporary one.

Welcome to the forum, Necrochild! As far as editing posts go, there should be a button somewhere near the upper right corner of the post itself.

as for the reaping, sammael and all of that, you don't need to worry, Sam can be a bit bossy, from what i remember, but he generally gives solid advice and means well, even if he acts like a prat half the time

you generally don't need to worry about anything judgmental here, we're all very open and like to approach things with an open mind. that said, if anyone starts giving you a hard time, just come to either myself or one of the other moderators or admins, and we'll see what we can do about getting you sorted!

Death is a dirty job, but it goes hand in hand with life and hey, someone's gotta take care of it, doesn't mean something beautiful can't come from it!

Raz

Thanks Razi'el. And yeah, I've come to know Sammael's good for his word at least. He's kept me alive even if I'm not sure he hasn't caused the rough times he's kept me safe through. But there are things to be learned from it all, so, I guess maybe he was just the one who could get the dirty work done.
As for death and reapers, yeah, it is somber and a sad thing, but a necessary part of life and existance. I have to say, something about you feels very... I don't know how to put it other than that it's a warmth that makes me want to rest my head against you. It's like a comfort of home.

heheheh, d'awwww, you're gonna make me blush! X3

Hi there! Nice to meet u!
I was an angel- Lururiel and was very close to Melari.

Just wanted to bid you welcome to the forum and also offer you a bit chocolate to help the medicine go down!

Ousa

Hello Necrochild and welcome Hope you find all the answers you seek and I'm sure you will see that we all have traveled down the road of the "unknown" and we will help you in any way we can.

Gabe

Welcome to the forum! Glad to have you here.

Hello Necrochild. Welcome to the forum

Thank you for sharing that with us. I enjoyed reading it. There was something about the many parts with one consciousness thing that felt familiar to me. Well, I suppose in a way I've experienced a version of that myself...And watching the Universe unfold, that as well is something I know. I also felt that perhaps I know you somehow? Either way, welcome