ARCHIVE: a small hello, just me saying hi

By NamelessAngel [User changed name to Laeus - ARCHIVE] Feb 24 2009 -

hey, my name is Dylan in this life, and annoyingly i cant recall any other, im a 14 year old boy living in england, but i was born in south africa.I dont know what I am... or who i was and i hope to figure it out here, all i know is that i like it here, its comfortable, i feel that it fits me, isn't it enough that fate has guided me here? I know i'm different, i just want to figure out how different. i've sent an email to az with my one and only memory of my past life in it and hopefully he responds soon, i tried to push away all this weird stuff in my life by ignoring it, but now its back and its all i can think of, im just glad i found a place where i can find some comfort. thanx guys biggrin.gif .... i hope im not the youngest here, i'll feel all babied. tongue.gif


By Ishtahar Feb 24 2009 -

Welcome Dylan. I am glad that you already feel so comfortable here.

Take a look around and jump in if you see anything that interests you.

Welcome


By Riley Feb 24 2009 -

Welcome Aboard. Don't be intimidated with any of us, if you have questions then ask.


By Lael Feb 24 2009 -

You're probably the youngest, but, far be it from me to baby anyone... ;P

Welcome. I was nameless, too, for a long time. Patience, though usually in short supply, helps. smile.gif After all, self discovery is like birth - you can't really stop it once it begins.

I wish you best of luck in your search, and I hope you'll find here what you need. smile.gif

Peace


By Laeus Feb 24 2009 -

thanx peoples. hey i couldnt find a poem section so i'll just post something here, strangely it was written before the whole angel thing.

glittering stars sing in the hollow sky
that distant song that mystifies
can you hear the falling angel cry
regreting thier mistakes
hating thier lies

this.. is me

the falling feather from the blackest wing,
the drops of my own blood spilt in agony
a crooked smile, what a wicked thing
inner peace comes as my heart turns icy

this... is me

the tortured soul behind a mask,
so cold with my true self never being shown
endure it when you know the pain will last
and for the safety of your heart be someone unknown

this... is me

my heart with its diminishing flame, is locked away
to keep that small flicker of something burning
can you not see that i am happy
or atleast content as i continue breathing

this... is me

till this night becomes day,
and that glinting key to my heart is found
patiently waiting i will stay
under warm black wings and iron bars all around

i dont really lie it much though... it sounds too much like something you'd find in some emo chicks journal dry.gif .... oh well thought id post it anyway wink.gif


By Lael Feb 24 2009 -

QUOTE (NamelessAngel @ Feb 24 2009, 06:01 PM)
"the tortured soul behind a mask,
so cold with my true self never being shown
endure it when you know the pain will last
and for the safety of your heart be someone unknown"

Oh, I could have written that. xD And when I was a teenager no one knew what 'emo' was. tongue.gif That *points* was in my job description, once upon a time.

It's a pretty good poem, very moving. Thanks for sharing. The poetry section is here: http://fallenshadow.invisionplus.net/?mfor...ow&showforum=23

Thanks for sharing. smile.gif


By Azaz'el Feb 24 2009 -

Greetings NamelessOne, and welcome to the forum.

I did get your email and I will reply to it very soon. I hope you will feel welcome here in our cyber home, a place to rest, to recollect memories and thoughts and to begin to walk the path of awakening and rebirth. Your physical age matters little if you are mature enough to read this forum and understand the memories, the pain and the concepts that are touched upon. We are all here to be true to ourselves and what we know and come to understand about our past and possible future.

As you try to understand who and what you are, its important to listen to all that you feel, think, and "know" and in the end your own inner voice and soul will guide you to an understanding. Just remember that no one can tell you what you are or what you aren't, that can only come from you. Anyone who says they can give you the truth is only talking about their own personal truth. Follow your heart, listen to your soul, and you will find your way home.

As with all members, if you have any problems with the site, please feel free to shout out to a Moderator or to Ish and I as the Admin and owners of the site.

Welcome

Azaz'el


By Scratch Feb 26 2009 -

QUOTE (NamelessAngel @ Feb 24 2009, 06:01 PM)
"i dont really lie it much though... it sounds too much like something you'd find in some emo chicks journal dry.gif .... oh well thought id post it anyway wink.gif"

::laughs:: Not really. Sounds more to me like you were making a note to yourself.

Things started really coming up for me around 14. I'd always had weird intuitions and stuff, which I call weird here because I thought they were at the time. I always knew more than I had logical means to, and knew by instinct that others didn't. Just after the hormonal roller-coaster hit though, I started turning seriously psychic and empathic; perceiving ghosts, feeling what was going on in other peoples' minds, and speaking mind-to-mind with a close friend for a short time (she freaked after a while and made us stop). My lunch table friends would see how many times they could guess a coin flip in a row, and made me stop playing because I got too many right. I thought I was crazy for 13 years, and finally realized how thinking that just made everything even harder. I didn't want to believe it, but it just keeps happening anyway, and now I'm finally accepting how awesome it is. Being able to speak honestly to people who won't judge is so important. There's a lot of crazy shit in this world, but a lot of it is neither crazy nor shit.

Kudos for being so forthright, and welcome.


By Laeus Feb 26 2009 -

yay i got kudos ( does happy dance) anyway, yeah my psychic powers did a flip on me aswell except they went the other way around, from having so much ability to *poof* nothing... but it will come back.......................................... IT'LL COME BACK RIGHT?????? *eye twitches* blink.gif


By Ishtahar Feb 26 2009 -

It will come back but don't force it.... trying to force it is the surest way to block it. Relax, be open to it and recognise it when it comes.... you would be surprised how difficult it could be to do that.... and it will come back in its time.


By Scratch Feb 27 2009 -

::chuckles:: Sometimes mine goes away too, generally when I get too cocky, or that time of the month rolls around (be grateful you don't have to contend with that at least; for a long time it would make my instinct tell me the OPPOSITE of what was going on for about a week). To add to Ishtahar's excellent advice, one of my biggest problems was wanting it so bad I'd imagine I was intuiting something. That can lead to no end of trouble.

I think the best thing to say is simply don't worry.


By Angelyn Feb 28 2009 -

It was a beautiful poem...You could feel your heart in it.


By Elaea Mar 5 2009 -

LAEUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! ahhh i love your poem!!! no seriously i do...it's awesome...so hey WELCOME to the forum (even though you've been on here before me) thought id welcome you...this is my twin people woohoo


By Laeus Mar 5 2009 -

hahahaha see this is why you are awesome. *GLOMP*


By Elaea Mar 5 2009 -

*GLOMP* AHHH this is sooo awesome, dude we are awesome


By Azaz'el Mar 5 2009 -

So, we're all awsome........ so forgive a fallen one of great age asking this........ but curious minds need to know............ GLOMP? What the hell is GLOMP?

blink.gif

Az


By Laeus Mar 5 2009 -

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHHHH my sides they hurt woooooo that was funny. google it.infact no i'll google it.

Definitions of glomp on the Web:

to embrace enthusiastically; to pounce on and hug, often from a running start. Generally feminine or childish in nature

there you go.... why am I in such a good mood, guess its just the goddess giving me that lift i asked for.


By Azaz'el Mar 5 2009 -

Now that I know I'll sleep soundly in my bed tonight!
Thank you.

cool.gif

Az


By Laeus Mar 5 2009 -

Damit, how did i not see the evil opertunity in that? i could have not told you and let you suffer. haha


By Elaea Mar 5 2009 -

then he would probaly just probaly google it...duh


By Elaea Mar 6 2009 -

hey everyone, i wish to inform you that Laeus has been ban from the internet i am uncertain for how long but i trust that he will return shortly, (just thought i would post it on his introduction)


By Ishtahar Mar 6 2009 -

Oh no! Is it because of all that nonsense on facebook? That is such a shame.

Could you please let him know that we are thinking of him and will miss him, and you can have his share of the cookies until he gets back. smile.gif


By Azaz'el Mar 6 2009 -

I go along with all that Ish has said............ apart from the cookies.... they are mine!!

Hope he's able to get back on the internet soon, so please pass on our thoughts, and thanks for letting us know.

Az


By Laeus Mar 7 2009 -

i have managed to sneak on for a few minutes, no i was banned because i lied to my step mother about walking the dog, she tricked me by shortening the dogs collar (it's mettal so she took a few links out) and i said i walked the dog which would have been imposible since i wouldn't have been able to use the collar. my Dad was drunk yesterday and thought it would be funny to pepperspray me, i was in the kitchen getting a drink and he was about three metres away so it wasn't a blast in the face but still. HE PEPPERSPRAYED ME! what have i done moving to this country. god im nervous sneaking on like this, see you guys when i see you


By Ouza Mar 8 2009 -

As far as a Security Blanket...

Pepper spray is always a good protection mode and device, especially when you're trying to protect or hide something!

I've always had and always will, have my fingers, toes and eye crossed!!!

Love,

Ousa wink.gif


By Azaz'el Mar 8 2009 -

Thanks for risking much to pop on here and let us know you're ok, Laeus, but please be carfeful, I'd hate to think you got into deeper troublew with your family just by trying to keep in touch. Have no fear, we'll still be here when you're allowed to return to using the internet.

Using peperspray on you was shocking and must have been quite distressing to you. I would seriously consider trying to talk to your Dad about this and how it has made you feel. I know that could be a difficult thing to do, but if you don't tell him he may not know or realise. Communication is vitally important in any relationship....... so try to talk to him and listen also.

This country (the UK) is going through a lot of turmoil right now, as are most of the countries around the world. We knew this would happen, and it will get worse for a while. BUt generally these lands are special and beautiful, and one of the few places on the planet where the Edler Races felt at peace and connected to each other. Allow the energy of these lands to speak to you and you will soon understand the changtes that are coming.

Az


By Elaea Mar 8 2009 -

ugh, your dad was being seriously unreasonable by spraying you with pepperspray who is crazy enough to do that without a good reason, and as far as the taking a few metal links out that is just stupid if she wanted you to walk the dog she should have done it herself (sorry people if i sound rude but im not being rude just upset they would trick him like that)...but yeah im with Azaz'el on this one try talking to your dad because before you know it he is going to spray you again and this time he might not even be three metres away...hope you going to be back soon

miss chatting to you Laeus... sad.gif


By Laeus Mar 8 2009 -

i don't care if i get caught. i tried talking to him and he just didn't care he was like "it was a joke" and "whatever" and him and his girlfriend keep calling me a liar and stuff, you'd swear i was out on the streets with a hoodie on stabbing people and smoking weed, im not that bad of a teen. and they keep trying to put me on a guilt trip " we work our buts off 24/7 and you do nothing, i wish we had your stresses instead of having to face ours" im sorry i forget stuff sometimes,im not that lazy. i'm sorry that i'm recovering from being suicidal, everyone seems to convieniently forget that "oh he is just a normal teen, they all do that for attention" WTF!!!!!! would you be saying that over my grave "oh he was just a normal teen don't worry about it" sometimes i just wanna stab them in thier faces. . . repeatedly, rip thier eyes out and shove a pencil up thier noses. *deep breath* but i'm above that. i'm a witch, i'm an angel and i am who i am for reason. my family has never meant much to me as they are never the ones to get me through my problems, "respect your elders" they say, you know what I say, they should earn that respect by respecting me. i know they work and pay bills etc. i'm not blind but cut me some slack, by the time i get home i am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, i have tons of homework to bury myself under, im sorry if i slip up and forget to do my chores.they don't know what day i could of had: i could have sat in maths almost driven to tears because i just can't understand any out of the fifty different topics infront off me, i could of been disheartened by coming last in a race in PE again, i could have been broken by having to sit alone at the lunch table or sitting with people you know aren't your friends, or having to walk to class trying to ignore the glimpses and snippets of gay hate or even general hate directed towards you, even through this you may have kept strong then break down when you hear that one comment from your parents contianing words like "gay, freak, lazy, liar, weak, girly, not attractive enough, loner". . . the list just goes on. but they don't get that, with them there is no "sorry". one day i will have to face thier stresses aswell, possibly more becuase every teen strives to be better than their parents. my father comes from the military and wants everything like that, there is no complaining with him, i'm just not who he wants me to be. i got messed up by verbal abuse by my mother (she is a lovely lady and i don't blame her she has just had alot happen to her, i don't blame her but that doesn't stop it from damaging me)and obviously verbal abuse from everyone else for being gay, also i tried to get inot modeling and acting not too long ago and the industry tottaly broke me. im a broken boy and i could go on for days about stuff that has happened and incidents that ave ripped me apart, i just wish my father would take it more seriously and not just brush it off. him and his girlfriend need to realise that when they say its wrong to be gay, or that im a lazy liar, or anyting, it will effect me and especially when i don't mean to do something it really hurts, it could be worse i know, but that doesn't stop it from MAJORLY sucking. im still alive though thanx to my friends and my religion. (Elaea you are the best friend in the universe)


By Laeus Mar 8 2009 -

"There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb" The climb-Miley Cyrus


By Ishtahar Mar 8 2009 -

Yes.

You know you've got us hun..... no judgement, no expectations, no demands

You are an amazing, strong, bright, funny, lively, intelligent, sensitive, talented and interesting individual... I could go on but you get the message.

Don't let bastards grind you down (dont mean your parents as such but the world in general) There is life after parents, life after school and yours is going to be an amazing one. Keep your chin up your eyes on the stars and your feet on that path up the mountainside.

If you keep your eyes on the skies you won't see all the shit you have to walk through to get there.... wherever 'there' is.

We are always here.

Blessings
Ish


By Azaz'el Mar 8 2009 -

There is nothing anyone can say to make it better or give you the strength that you need at times, feel you need at other times. All I can say is that I do understand some of it through personal experience. You will be ok, you have the strength, you have the focus and the determination. You also have the heritage.

You will be ok my friend,

Az


By Ouza Mar 8 2009 -

A woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."


"Is the man of the house home?" they asked.


"No," she replied. "He's out.."


"Then we cannot come in," they replied.


In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home, and invite them in!" The woman went out and again invited the men in. "We do not go into a house together," they replied. "Why is that?" she asked.


One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends. Pointing to another one said, "He is Success. I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."


The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!" he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"


His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite success?"


Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"


"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.


"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."


The woman went out and asked of the three old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."


Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other two also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love; why are you coming in?"


The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever he goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there also is Wealth and Success!"


MY WISH FOR YOU:

-Where there is fear,
I wish you love and courage.


-Where there is pain,
I wish you peace and mercy.


-Where there is self-doubting,
I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to
work through it.


-Where there is tiredness or exhaustion,
I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed
strength.