A Past Life Memory

TW for violence against women, infanticide.

I've found that everytime something "triggers" me, makes me really unreasonably angry, or distrustful or fearful, the feeling is rooted in a past life memory. Being a psychic, I delve into the past when I can take it to uproot the sources of unreasonable anger, grief, and fear so that I can move forward.

I have unreasonable, unfounded anger and fear towards two things that people usually love: marriage and wealth. I've spent a lot of time looking for ways to undercut the importance of both of these things, and have spent as much time listening to my spirit guides tell me that as much as there are valid problems with both to be found, my anger is completely unrelated to any injustices that I think I find.

So, I finally confronted my anger and asked my guides to help me look at the life where this anger started by doing a tarot read for myself.

Slowly, images started to trickle into my head. I'm a woman, it's long ago. I'm yelling up at a man who's on horseback. He isn't listening to me, he gets two thugs to force me to my knees, tie my hands behind my back, take me hostage. The life comes back more fully the longer I  stare at this scene and stay with the discomfort and anger...

I'm a woman with long, unbound, jet black, wavy hair and olive skin in or around Greece around the time period of Alexander the Great. As I'm learning is normal for me in most of my human lives, I'm a witch of great power. I spend most of my time, unmarried, away from society, with other witches, invoking the light of the planet, healing the rift. I've worked on this in many of my human lives. We shun society and are loose, free, lawless. We are notorious in the nearby town, and respected. We offer healing and counsel to those bold enough to seek us out.

Our power, my power, becomes so famous in that little region that a great lord decides to add me to his power by making me marry him. I argue with him, refuse. He gets his thugs to bind me, make me follow. I curse myself for being so weak. "I am only a woman." I am completely and utterly at his mercy. It is worse than any feeling I have ever felt. I would rather die than feel so powerless. I want to kill him. I don't get the chance.

We return to his compound, and the men are too scared of me as a witch to rape me, as is custom in situations like this. The master wants me broken, so they beat me over and over, only across the back where it doesn't spoil my appearance. I am humiliated.  Then, he marries me, takes me to bed, makes me lie with him. He impregnates me and I bear him a son, which he promptly sacrifices to the gods in the sight of the people who live in his compound.

I am furious and so, so helpless. It happens again! He impregnates me, I bear him a child, and he immediately sacrifices it to the gods. I haven't looked at the rest of this life yet, it is wearying, and brings up all sorts of aches and pains in my body, mostly across my back.

I've been asking my guardians to send healing energy to help me release the memory of these old wounds that took root in my soul. It's a long and painful process so far.

I experienced "marriage" in this way and I guess I haven't trusted it since. I am told that it really is supposed to be about love and trust. It is never really about power and control... anything that is is not truly marriage, but a sham to copy it.

And it seems that my anger towards wealth stems, partially, from the same life. I haven't seen exactly how yet, but I guess that he was very wealthy, and used his wealth for control and power, which is not what it is supposed to be used for. It's supposed to be used for great blessings and goodness. Great Spirit would never bless someone with much unless they were a vessel to DO much. It seems that those that circumvent the laws of the Source accumulate wealth through coercion.

That's a very powerful memory, that has clearly had profound effects on this life. I'm pleased for you that you have the opportunity to face and work with the causes of your anger and pain. All too often we struggle with things all our lives to find they had roots in other lives that could have been cut out years ago. At least you have the opportunity to get at those roots, dig them up and let them go.

With all the powerful changes you're facing, especially with the huge responsibility you are taking on with your acceptance of your goddesshood, anger really is not your friend.

Ash,

Yeah, generally speaking, I'm with ya on the whole marriage thing.  It's been perverted and used to oppress women.  The true purpose is to be a symbol of ever lasting love, but whatever evil energy is in power has (pardon my term, but it is true) raped the beauty of it.

With your view on wealth I couldn't agree with you more.  Money is the root of all evil.  Mankind's undoing will be his greed.  Money is how they've enslaved the world.  Pollution is how they block our gateways to the stars.  Deception is how they make us lose faith in the One True God, and our connection to infinity.  It's a scary time we live in, but I guess that can be said of any timeline spent here.

I'm sorry you had to experience that hardship, but take solace in knowing this.  The hardships you face were pre- determined by you.  The suffering you experienced made you more powerful, and was a step closer to enlightenment.  Only through suffering can we learn empathy, and only through empathy can we truly love.

I'll have my guide send my love, and protective energy to you.  Love will always be there for you, and you will never be alone.

I am so sorry you've been having to go through all of that. Sorting through past life memories can be really traumatic; I know I have at least one where I learned I was raped, and I was like...nope, I'm done. I don't want to remember more now. And haven't been able to process it since. The ones I have managed to work on, well...my heart goes out to you. It can really suck.

I don't blame you on being super wary towards marriage. The whole idea of marriage being about love is still a pretty new construct. For a great chunk of history, it was mostly political. It still is in some areas of the world. So don't get too caught up in the "shoulds", and go with what's healthiest for you.

Actually, money isn't the root of evil, according to the oft-quoted Biblical passage. It's the love of money, not money itself. Which is a completely different ballgame.

But I've got a lot of hang-ups when it comes to wealth, too. Mostly from this lifetime, but some in the past as well. (I had several lives where I was bound and oathed to Temples, so the whole money as control thing sometimes came into play). I hope you can get it sorted out, at a pace that's the least painful possible for you. <3