Betrayal? and Star

I've had two new images/memories(?) come up while doing trance for the shamanism class I am taking.

In the first vision, I had asked to be shown my connection to someone I've met here - past, present and future. When I was shown the past, I felt that many disparate sensations that I've felt over the years coalesced together into that one instant. Feelings I've had off and on for years that I could hear a woman screaming bloodcurdlingly, images of seeing blood flowing down my wrists and hands. Feelings of intense guilt, shame, sadness, anger, "I did it, I did it... it's my fault." These sensations all came together in the one moment.

What I saw was a woman that must have been myself, crying and sobbing and holding a sharp piece of mirror in her right hand. She had blood all down her forearms, some of it her own. There was a man - or a Shadow, rather - dead on the ground in front of her, that must have been the person I was asking about. He had white skin, long black hair and black wings, splayed on the ground.

I felt their lives as they had been - close friends, playful together. I felt there was some outside malice against him... perhaps she was tricked into thinking that she should kill him (not knowing it was him? Or maybe not able to see anything? I have a sense of blindness/unknowing up to the act), and she stabbed him, and he dies in front of her... and she "wakes up" and she can't believe what she's done, and she's screaming. ...

I don't know the context yet... Or what I was (human? other?) Or where.... only the moment was shown to me bright as day.

.....In the second vision (much better lol), on a different day, I felt myself floating in outer space and "fall" through stars and into a yellow star. I felt that the yellow star had a consciousness. it asked me if I remembered where I had come from. I didn't know. It asked me if I remembered why I had come here. I started to remember. I came from distant places to heal Earth.... because the "leylines" of the universe were blocked at Earth. No one could ascend or be complete because Earth was diseased.

The disease? Magic was gone, for the most part. I didn't know how or why ("What being would remove themselves from the source of all power?" It seemed inconceivable that any planet would be afflicted this way), but I had to help the people regain magic, I had to bring magic back to Earth, so that Earth could heal.

I saw that I was a star, originally, before coming to Earth. That stars have consciousness and I *was* a star. A blue star.

It started to make sense to me, my thinking "the stars, my brothers."

Wow!!

Powerful stuff!!

As far as the first image is concerned, it wouldn't really surprise me if it was a case of being tricked into killing the thing that was most important to her. I know that one well. There was a time when I was brought back, with a plan and a mission to complete so that healing could be finally offered to the Races here on Earth. But, as you can guess, it was twisted and perverted, I was tricked... we were all tricked.... and my hands were red with the blood of the sister I had killed. That was when I woke, and I couldn't cope with it being so young and innocent in that life.. so I shed my own blood. That was when my soul was flung beyond time.

As for the second image.... I'm afraid that the removal from the Source and from the ability to tap into magic may have been due to the last civil war that took place with the Shadow and the ascention of some Humans and other Kin. It had major ramifications and all that we were was lost.

Az

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"due to the last civil war that took place with the Shadow and the ascention of some Humans and other Kin. It had major ramifications and all that we were was lost."

Like what? What happened that ended the connection with source? In particular, how was it pulled off? Did it have to do with the closing of the gateways?

Tricky questions to ask as I don't have all the memories to work with. Thats the real bugger about being Fallen... memories and abilities were ripped and shredded and we're left with fragments that at times don't fit.

All of the actions that took place just before and during the War and the Fall caused the link to be severed. As we, my fellow Grigori and I, began to understand that ascension was not only possible for Humanity but necessary for all Races to become unified and progress spiritually, those Shadow who were against us tried to use our knowledge against us. Whilst we trained and taught humanity and prepared them for their future, and ascended one Human, they rushed the process and whilst ascending a small group of humans they changed the flow of energy, the link that existed between us all to the Source was altered. As a race we were left with an empty space in our soul and a fear of being alone. This just fanned the flames of their hatred towards us and they took steps to destroy us, in the hope that with our removal, the link to the Source would become 'pure' again. They began the war, they hunted us down and they butchered us and our children. This act lost our knowedge and our skills, gained over hundreds and hundreds of years working with humanity. Add to this the shockwave caused by ripping holes between worlds and realities in order to banish us from this plane of existence... the death knell sounded and the world, eventually perhaps the Universe, was changed, albeit slightly.

They just didn't realise the simple truth.... by ascending humans through the sacred link we had as Shadow, the link changed to encompass and ascend Humans. We weren't human, so our ability to communicate and return to the Source had gone. That was supposed to happen. Our future was to be Human, the great leveller, the one Race that all Races could incarnate within and reach the ultimate height of spiritual evolution. Once we can regain the last knowedge, we can regain the link. And the world will know magic once again.

Az

Az,

This post answers some of my questions I posed to you earlier. So, what did happen to the ones who didn't fall...? The ones who were disconnected from the Source and left to clean up the mess? I know you wouldn't exactly know firsthand, but you must have made some conclusions. If the accounts in the bible, etc... are even somewhat accurate, it seems to me as if there are some who remained in contact with the Source and do communicate with it directly. Otherwise how could we have continued to evolve? Am I missing something here?

And what of the thousands who have Near Death Experiences and clearly come back from the other side with tales of perfect love and total acceptance, i.e from the Source, or God? If what you say is true, then how can Heaven even exist? Does it exist...? There seems irrefutable evidence that it does, in my opinion. So if there is this separation that you speak of and all Shadow are disconnected, then every angel/Shadow would be totally acting on his own without the guidance of a higher power, and truly I don't believe that at all.

Is my problem with the word "Ascension" and what it means to you? I guess I view Ascension as attaining a higher connection with the Source... rising to a level beyond who we are and connecting with the Source on the deepest of levels so that we become One with the Universe. What does it mean to you and others?

Myth

Now you are beginning to see the problem that we are facing, Myth.......... memories that can seem to make no sense and knowledge that is incomplete. Part of the reason why Ish and I began this forum was to try to make sense of what we knew, what we remembered, what we assumed, and to talk to others who were our companions in the past.

As for what happened to those in the past who didn't Fall...... some say they are still around, still walking this Earth, unable to return to our Home, unable to grow and develop and journey. Some say they have control over most of the large organisations and companies in the world and have guided the course of Human history since the Fall, along with other High Councils from other Kin types. They banded together, they consult with each other and do what they believe the Source wanted them to do. A disconnection from the Source wouldn't prevent them from doing this, they would still have all the knowledge and skills they had, just not the ability to confirm this with the Source. The reason why those of us who fell have so little knowledge now is that the actual process of being stripped of who and what we were, meant that much of our memories were ripped from us too. We were supposed to have been destroyed.... but only the Source can destroy.

Don't forget that I said the link to the Source was lost to Shadow, and this possibly changed the way the world worked on a magical or spiritual level. It didn't end the connection for Humanity or other Races and certainly would close the gateways to an afterlife or the Summerlands. So any near death experiences would be valid.... but for any Shadow, death would mean unending sleep at a soul level until the connection was formed once more.

The concept that angels/Shadow would be acting without direction from the Source may seem disturbing or upsetting to you or others........ but all I can say is what I know, what I remember. I wait in the hope that one day someone will join this forum or enter my life who is Shadow and tell me it was all a mistake and that it can be easily fixed, that I am deluded and have missed the point. I might have to question the reason behind many millennia of exile and torture, but I am always open to learning.

The Shadow were here to guide and help the growth of Humanity and other Races. Since the Fall there is nothing stopping them from having done this. But a disconnection to the Source, to the voice of creation, may mean that the truth behind their actions has become somewhat distorted and one sided... which is why those who made the decisions to butchure us in the Fall don't want our return... as with it will come knowledge, realisation and retribution.

Az

The other part of the problem with these questions (mine too) is that "the Source" as far as I understand really addresses something magnificently complex and varied in its effects on different beings. It means something different for the Shadow and Fallen than to Humans or Fae or Elementals, but it's something that we're all connected to. Everything - as far as I know - is "made" of "God" - Source energy/Universe energy/Supreme Being energy. And everything can use it, but in different ways. I guess that's partially what makes the races different, how the Source energy is used in each of us. It's the Shadow - I realize now - that held the vibration of magic for the Earth. Humans had the capability, but back then, hadn't found a way to access this for themselves. This is kind of what some humans are attempting now, through ascension.

When the Shadow and the Fallen were cut off from the Source energy, it was lost for all the beings on Earth. There was a particular function that no other being at the time could accomplish. Likewise, other beings accomplish other tasks that help everything function but, like an ecosystem that is destroyed if one aspect of the chain is removed, the "spiritual ecosystem" of the world was deeply disrupted when the access was cut off from the Shadow and there was nothing available to replace that.

That is also (to me) why it is important that many of the Fallen and Shadow gather now, because they still hold so many of the keys to opening the way to Source, even if they have forgotten or think it lost. It is still there, within their bodies/souls, waiting to be activated.

Hope this answers some of your questions,

Angela

Perfectly put Angela, just exactly how it was and what I was trying to get across in my own complex way. The Source is in all things and cannot be cut off from us, but our awareness can be. If we don't know how to comuunicate, we cannot link in. Knowledge and understanding are the key elements in this situation. I strongly believe that the solution is in our hands now.... because we are incarnate as Human. This is how it was supposed to be, just not necessarily in this way. But time and tide will have its way and we get there eventually. All we need to do now is unite, learn, remember and return.

Easier said than done!!

Az

Everyone can cut themselves off from the Source, regardless of race, creed, religion, etc. People wax and wane almost as regularly as the cycle of the moon. So, while I appreciate the unique insight you have into this situation I still wonder if it's entirely accurate. I know we've had the discussion before Az about history being written by the victors, but yesterday while waiting for my husband to go into and come out of minor surgery, I read through most of the Book of Enoch again. If it can be trusted, there clearly are angels in this account (which happened after the Fall, specifically Enoch's dream) who are still in direct communication with the Source. These include two of the angels mentioned here previously, the Archangels Michael and Gabriel, as well as others. I know that you and Ish both have strong feelings about these two in particular (I read the thread about Michael and the past), and I hate to upset either of you or anyone else here. But I guess I'm confused, because even through the times of Christ and beyond... even in today's times... there have always been accounts of messengers from God, and they don't appear to be acting alone without the guidance of the Source. I'm not calling you a liar since this is your perspective, and maybe you're right, but I really don't understand how you can say that all Shadow have been cut off and are acting on their own accord. Can you explain?

Myth

You end your post and ask if I can explain, and my honest answer is no. I can't give you the answers that you want Myth, all I can do is repeat the answers that I have, that I have already shared and that you and many others have found difficult to accept.

I can undertstand why it's so hard that as so many Shadow state they are working directly from the Source it would be a difficult concept to accept that they weren't. Perhaps its also just as difficult to accept that these same beings who work for love and peace butchered their own brothers who refused to give up the love they felt for their husbands, wives etc etc. The truth of the matter is complex and makes little sense, a fight that turned nasty and confused.

To mention yet again the topic of one conversation, the victors write the history books, the chronicles and the tales. So who would benefit and who would lose if the book of Enoch and other such works stated that the Shadow had lost their awareness of the Source?

I don't have all the answers, I don't have all the knowledge. But what I can say from personal experience is that all the Fallen who have incarnated right now do not have a link to the Source that they know how to access. And, from knowlegde and experience, many of the Shadow don't either. This knowlegde had come from Shadow and from Sidhe. But perhaps there are others out there who are Shadow and have recently stepped through the Gateway who can say otherwise and begin to offer us some answers as to what the truth of this matter is.

We can but hope.

Az

well, it seems to me that the connection wasn't truly lost, but more like changed. it's like if you left for work and someone managed to renovate your entire house and changed the floor plan entirely. and perhaps this is just part of my upbringing here, but i'm not one to trust books, personally. for one thing, they were written ages ago in an entirely different language, so time and translation may have altered their messages to us. telling and retelling does that to a story, written or no.

and as for the star vision, that does make sense. reintroducing magic would cause people to rethink their world views, or maybe not, there's no true way to tell unfortunately.

on another note, that description sounds like Uri'el, the long dark hair and black wings sounds like it fits the description of what i remember. ring any bells?

Raz.

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You end your post and ask if I can explain, and my honest answer is no. I can't give you the answers that you want Myth, all I can do is repeat the answers that I have, that I have already shared and that you and many others have found difficult to accept.

Well, thanks for trying Az. I really do appreciate it, as I try and make sense of everything. Sometimes it takes a few times for me to really hear it, ya know?

I wanted to ask... you mention the Sidhe. Who are they?

Also, Razi'el... you mention Uri'el had black wings. Is there a significance to that, or is it like a physical characteristic similar to hair color? Who else had black wings that you can recall? Were there any other colors besides black and white?

To all, forgive me if I step on any toes here. I feel very ignorant, like coming to a party late after some main event has taken place and everyone's reacting to it but I have no clue what's going on. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around your unique perspectives and fit them in with my own. Truly, thanks for sharing, and for your patience with me.

Myth

Theres no toes for you to step on, Myth, we're all pretty much grounded and as open to listening as we are to talking here. A friend told me a long time ago that the only stpuid question is the one you never asked. So have no fear about asking, we're all here to try an dhelp each other, give answers or just say that we haven't a clue!!!

Wing colour is something that many don't ask about. From what I remember... and I know I'm missing something here.... the colour of the wings could depend upon the rank of the individual and the nature of their task/employment in the ranks of Shadow. Not many had black wings, the majority were differing colours of brown, beige, white etc etc. Those with black wings tended to have specific...er... character types!

As for the Sidhe....... again, there are a few different answers. The name Sidhe (pro. Shee) is a Race that is seen as the original Fay or Faerie. From the Hollow Hills (some see that as the Underworld) the Sidhe are a magical race, that have a close affinity to Humanity. Some would also say that the Sidhe, one of the Elder Races, were perhaps descended from or are a branch of Shadow. It has been speculated that they could be another 'physical' manifestation of the lower ranks of Shadow, in effect an eleventh choir. But if you want to know how true that is, you'll have to ask one of the Sidhe.



Az

the only ones i can think of that had black wings were Uri'el and Samma'el, and i didn't have any idea that wing colour had anything to do with rank, i thought it was something like hair colour in that it was just an appearrance trait

So, what were the wing colors of some of the Fallen that you remember? What was your wing color?

Interesting that you mention Samma'el, Razi'el, since he just appeared in my latest completed chapter. What do you remember/know of him? He is considered a Fallen angel, too. But not connected with the Watchers Fall. As I understand it, he is associated with Lucifer and the first Fall, correct?

And with regard to the Sidhe, could these be the same beings mentioned in Arthurian tales about the Lady of the Lake, the guardians of Avalon? The Fae are heavily associated with the British Isles, as is the Arthurian legend, and I don't really know much about them other than they never give a direct answer and they are considered very mischievous. Basically, you never know what you're going to get with them.

Myth

My wing colour was black. No surprise there, really.

Samma'el was very much a renegade and he did have some links to the Morning Star... but so did I.

The Sidhe are mentioned in some of the Arthurian tales, and are very much linked to the UK, but they aren't exclusively based here. There are Gateways to their world dotted all over the planet.

Az

Az, I sort of guessed it was black from your Avatar... but I couldn't be sure. I think I mentioned in my PM that I really like the picture.

Anyone else wish to share memories of wing color? What was Semyaza's wing color? Razi'el... do you remember yours? Maybe it's the reader/writing in me needing to get a picture in my head, but for some reason I find this topic fascinating - although I realize it is a bit off topic. (What were we talking about, again? LOL, sorry, I have two ADHD kids and that's a running joke in our family.) Anyway, if wing color is related to rank/job, what could black (or any other color) signify? Does that connect with you you know about Uri'el and Sama'el's roles?

Speaking of the creative process... Ish, I've been reading up on all the archives and I ran across your creative writing piece recently. It definitely helped me get a picture in my head of what happened. Have you finished it?

Yours and Az's personal accounts on the website are what drew me here in the first place because they seemed so authentic. They spoke to my "Heart Song" that other people have talked about, and they had a profound impact on me... but I'm not sure why. Personally, I'm struggling with why I have been drawn here, although I think I already know the answer. To learn, to grow... to evolve. But I also suspect that the book I am writing is important, somehow, to the overall conscious of the population. This forum has helped focus my mind so much, and has influenced my work profoundly. I'm making all sorts of connections, many of them after the fact. But part of me is screaming "slow down"... take things as they come and don't rush anything. However, if this is the year of action, then do I have that luxury?

So far I'm heeding my own advice and trying to find a balance, but here I am again... up between the hours of 3-5 am. Every night it seems I wake up about this time, regardless of when I fell asleep, feeling restless and with my mind focused on my book and/or the events or overall information that is driving it. I do know it's all connected. It's like some force beyond me is helping me along this journey, making me seek out the answers I need. Could it be my Spirit Guide? I don't know. I don't have a good connection to the Other side, at least not one I can physically see and hear. The idea of seeing Spirits has both fascinated and scared me, yet there have been many times in my life where I have known they were there... mostly during times of great struggle and hardship but sometimes in the good and mundane. My husband and I were talking yesterday about future career plans (his, not mine) and we both agreed that everything happens for a reason. Nothing is random. Do you believe that, or are there some things that just happen for no reason? Chaos vs. Order. That's a Star thing, isn't it?

Myth

well, Sam when i knew him had these dark eyes, and wore a kind of eyeshadow, i think made from charcoal. his hair was rather long and wavy, and a deep, rich chestnut color.

he was a nice guy, a listener, and he seemed kind of aloof and removed from things. not much really bothered him, at least not that i ever saw, and he always somehow knew just the right thing to say to snap you out of a funk.

as for m wing colour, i think it was either white or light grey, like a falcon or an osprey. i know they had grey spots on them ^^;;

Uri'el doesn't ring any bells, Razi'el, thanks for offering it up though. I have the feeling that it might have been that he is lesser-known than those names.

The Sidhe are sort of like the Shadow and like Humans in that they have their own realm(s) and their own specific "duties" given to them by their creation, whenever that was (I think a long time ago lol)

They're frequently referring to as "The Shining Ones," and the name "Sidhe" is of Irish origin, though they are not. It's just the name that describes best who and what they are, I think. In a way, they're sort of a "step-up" in vibration (of the planet's energies) from fae and elementals. They are foreign in nature ("descended of the stars") but have come to root here in Earth. They serve as guides to humans sometimes. They have a hierarchy system, of sorts. They appear as very, very tall, like the Shadow.

I read your initial post, Dream'sEnd, about a week ago, and it bothered me terribly. I didn't reply then, because something told me to hold off, wait and see what it meant to me. Now, this whole discussion is interesting, but I can't get that image of those two out of my head, and my eyes are burning as if I want to weep fire, but can't. I feel a terrible shame around this, and don't want to admit to knowing anything about it, which implies I do. All I can say is "WHY?! Why did this have to happen? Why did any of it?"

Do you think that could have been the Morning Star? Does that make sense? I can't tell if it does, but that's what my heart is screaming at me through this disorienting embarrassment.

Better, just to say or ask!:

"Why did the chicken try to go across the street?"

Sometimes just sometimes, I feel that they just wanted to shove it up our, you know, where the sun don't shine and try to prove this and that point so that you just don't go against their so called authority and plan of the whole damn thing from the beginning!!

Well, not this time! I made sure of that, in more ways.... than one!

"This time they have to meet us on our own common ground with no strings attached! I've learned more than enough from this and that so called lesson or lessons from here and there that this so called self abandonment and will not go unnoticed nor awry! ~ Ouza

Really? The Morning Star...

Well, your feelings sound like they belong in the situation: anger, denial, shame, despair.... that pretty much sums up what was going on after.

That's possible. But it doesn't make sense to me yet. I don't know, as far as everything else I know so far, why I would've been there, or with him.

It doesn't make sense with what I've put together either, but I felt so much better after hitting the "send" button on that. Maybe more pieces will come up later.

I would gladly recall as much as possible but this, is not my forum it is (Az's and Ishtahar's) and some of their recollections don't seem to wish to match mine. I have a feeling that they both have a specific time and date as to when they want these events to begin to be released! So out of courtesy, if both say it is okay then, I'll do my best!

No broken promises here with me! You have my word of honor!

Ouza

p.s. Love you all!

Are you sure this vision was of the past and not the future? Just a thought....

Myth