Late Update

This is a post copied and pasted from my forum, then edited to add a bit more backstory for those here who haven't heard from me for a while:


As many of you know, I had "settled" on tree spirit, or something of the like...yet, then I became confused once again, like usual, so I wondered if I was a kitsune....a trickster, a shapeshifter...someone who fools even themselves with frequent "changing", and silliness. I do agree to an extent with the shapeshifter/trickster archetype, yet that may not be the situation, not in my case.

Indeed, it seems that I have changed over and over. Sometimes the change would take only days, while other times months. Occasionally a year. Yet I would always change. The fact of the matter is, I was confused. I didn't really know myself. A tarot deck once said that my purpose in life was to find who I am. My whole life has been a soul-search. Regardless, I do think I have finally found what I am, at least kin-wise.

Sure, this change may seem sudden. I agree...it probably is. Yet does this discount my search? After all, a good friend (among others) helped me greatly. It appears a truth was told to me, through his actions, along with myself...

For years, I have been told to "settle down". I have been told that I give off an air of confusion, self-doubt, and the like. Many labels over time have destroyed me...or so I thought. Yet, this friend walked me through a process of settling down. He told me to clear my mind, remove all labels...that I am NOTHING but my name. After that, I felt better. I felt happy. Clearing myself of such silliness even for a moment resulted in great comfort, and relaxation. I was nothing but "Mallory" (my birth name).

Then it occurred to me, as the feelings gradually faded on their own, that I had done this before. When I was doubting myself to a degree I could not handle, and my confusion had taken over, I told myself that I must just be "human". Of course, as even hours passed, I knew that I was otherkin. I've known this for years. Even at age eleven, though I did not know the term, I knew I wasn't human...Of course, I never quite knew what I was.

Yet, when I had told myself this, that I am simply human, a sort of clearing effect occurred, and I saw the pieces...the forms...the labels...all slipping away. Yes, I would take them, but I'd pick through them. I would tell myself, "That is not me". Somehow I knew. Yet when I got to the "bottom", below everything I had once tried, everything I had to "cover" my true self, I saw something I didn't expect; a white unicorn. It appeared to be coming out of my core. It was a flash that I saw it, and somehow, after the initial "shock", I knew it was me.

For months I went back and forth. I debated if it really was me. Labels returned, and I once again resumed my state of confusion. However, the form never quite "left"....

Recently, after the help I had received (which I am very grateful for), I recited the details of this experience, and was told to "step back" for a moment, and remove the label, and just let it sit. Of course, the label is now very difficult to remove, and when asked to say outloud, "I am a unicorn", odd feelings surfaced.

Normally, if something was not me, I would feel like it was wrong, or even have no feelings at all. Yet, when I said, "I am a unicorn" outloud, I began to blush. I became happy, bouncy, and a stupid smile spread across my face. I just knew. Not only this, but I have not felt the need to "change" since. I am what I am, and no one can tell me otherwise!

So long story short, I am a unicorn.



-Kodama

I had to skip to the end of your story when I read the first line, because I was so excited - that's so cool, Kodama! Good for you

Oh wow. There are so few unicorns left. How beautiful

A Unicorn, hm? heheh, very interesting, i've never actually met one before! it's good to see that you've gotten to the root of all of this, and it makes sense a Unicorn would be a shapeshifter... it would be one heck of a way of defending yourself!

Thanks for the replies! Yes, I agree that shapeshifting was part of the way I defend myself...or rather, cover myself with false forms.



-Kodama

Dear Kodama,

Another way of saying or putting it is as to the Fae and others as Glamour!

It's the ability to control the eye optics of an selected receiver individual and to control his or hers overall perception capabilities of what they are trying to perceive through their eyes and reinforcing the optical nerves further thus eventually controlling the Occipital Lobe of the brain!

Most of the process goes through the pineal gland (the third eye) which involves a highly developed individuals mind trained through select meditation exercises and a strong background in the workings of the brain itself through the rising and following of certain internal frequencies sent from the transmitter to the receiver brain.

Sight is a complex function of the brain that extends from the front to the back of the head. To produce sight, the eyes capture information and sends it through the optic nerve to be processed by the occipital lobe. The brain also incorporates other information, such as sensory stimuli, to result in the application of sight, such as picking up an object. Problems with sight, such as vision gaps or optical illusion!

Some charlatans in the past bring this on by the use of hypnosis or a choice of opium, cocaine or even peyote to induce the state of expression and awareness for the ultimate result to occur!


Ousa