By Dreamsend Mar 19 2009 -I think it's becoming pretty clear now that I am, in fact, Sidhe ("Shee"). I'm feeling stronger and stronger urges to reconnect with magic - that energy that flows through things and makes them "magic(k)", but the pure, unfiltered version of that. I realize that I've been trying to realize it all along... even in the post I made in the Introductions section a year and a half ago, I stated "I keep hearing that I'm something that begins with 'Shhhhh'". It was more of a "Shhhh-iii" but that didn't make sense to me at the time. I thought that I had found an answer and that it might be "Shadow", but it wasn't that, of course.
What's exciting to me is that I found someone's webpage on otherkin and being Sidhe that describes the experience much as I feel it, even as much as feeling celestially-born - from the stars - and now on this earth. "Immigrated" you could say, from other star systems or worlds, which was how I felt it to be... that I am not originally "from here" but earth has become my home. I am not the same as the Fae of the planet, born from it. I do connect with some things here, most strongly trees and wind and the sky.
The webpage I found is here [user posted link -
http://www.eristic.net/fey/types/index.php]... I've mostly read the articles on Sidhe, but she writes about others.
It's so hard being focused on this world and not getting swept away into magic (that I can't *truly* touch, so it's more like pie in the sky, lol) that I can't even stand it right now. It may be more strong and harder to handle right now because the Spring Equinox is near. I've noticed in the past two years the Equinoxes and other days like the Solstices tend to drive me a bit mad with my being too close or too influenced by the other side at those times..
I keep thinking to myself that it's wrong, it's all wrong, my being here. I haven't really believed that, I just thought it was a feeling. I tried closing my eyes, to prove to myself that it wasn't so, and asking myself when did it become wrong. I expected to be shown maybe a moment in my life when I took a path I shouldn't have, or decided to act a way that was unnatural... thus it wouldn't be my being in this body, on this planet that was wrong but maybe... where I live, or my living situations. Instead I was shown the moment I was born *lol*!! I couldn't believe it..... so then I asked what was wrong about it.
What I saw was the spirit coming close to where I was to do something unrelated to me. Maybe to start some sort of magicwork. In any case something went wrong, or made it go wrong. I felt that that spirit that was me did something at the wrong moment... like there was a malfunction in the energy sphere of the world *lol*, and maybe maliciously, that there was something that cursed it into not being. The work failed and the spirit became human at the wrong time. Not that being human in and of itself is "wrong", but rather there was something that she was working on the spirit world that was lost. I was lost. And now I'm here. That is my feeling at least, I didn't think it would be *headdesk*.
By Dreamsend Mar 19 2009 -I am thinking about this, still. It makes so much sense. Like doing magic naturally, almost like instant hypnosis (which some call doing glamour...). I did this once when I was younger on someone much older than me (and knew what I had done) and immediately made myself stop doing magic (not that I thought of it as magic back then, it was just "me" and maybe "being too much myself") because I realized that if I didn't stop I could make anyone who didn't realize what was going on (most people) do anything I wanted... I thought I was too young to be in control of anyone, and I couldn't control what I did. It just happened. I also realized that people who can do things like that shouldn't have no control over what they're doing =(. So I just made myself stop, by "keeping most of me inside" ;;;.
And feeling things that are like wings, but not quite wings... more like wing-like energy from my back.
And the feeling of being illuminated sometimes (glowing) that other people notice sometimes.
I'll stop now, *lol* wow ;_;....
By Ishtahar Mar 19 2009 -Now that is very interesting. Seems like you have been making huge strides Dreamsend.
As a matter of mention.... the hollow hills, or the home of the faery in welsh mythology is somtimes referred to as dreaming's end.
By Azaz'el Mar 19 2009 -Now, that is interesting and make so much sense........... thank you so much for shairng that with us Dreamsend,
Az x
By Dreamsend Mar 20 2009 -Yes, strides, leaps and bounds in the past few days, and thank goodness =S. I've been reaching the breaking point too often the last few months (or years?) without much to show for it except a constant nagging at my mind.
QUOTE
"the hollow hills, or the home of the faery in welsh mythology is somtimes referred to as dreaming's end."
Agh, Ish, that made my night biggrin.gif I didn't know that.
Az, sure thing
xxx
By Ouza Mar 20 2009 -Ah !!! My beloved,
Perception !!!
vs.
Perspective !!!
Just don't be coming to ... a Banshee !!!
Love you forever,
Ousa smile.gif wink.gif biggrin.gif
By Ishtahar Mar 21 2009 -Aaahh the Bain Sidhe. I love them. They are sooooo my type of fairy.... although I wouldn't be buying tickets to any of their concerts. smile.gif