ARCHIVE: Your Guess is as Good As Mine

By Faddewr May 12 2008 -

Recently, things have occured in my life. They aren't prominent, or possess a strong magnitude; but they have revealed somethings in my life.

Long, and rather boring story short:

What I once assumed was a philosophical/religious/occult journey for truth, has been revealed to be a selfish and megalomaniacal plot to kill God.

When you're done making Neitzsche jokes, consider the question:

How many of us want to go back to the source?


By Ishtahar May 12 2008 -

define god

define source


By Azaz'el May 12 2008 -

Occurances and events that reveal things to us about who and what we are and the nature of our path can be very good and helpful even if painful and perhaps crass.

How is it possible for anyone to kill God? Was it just within your own concept of thought and life? And what is God to you..... can it be killed?

As for the Source, as Ish has said, it depends on what the Source means to you. I wish to regain my link to the Source on a conscious level, and regain the sense of Home I have missed for so long.

Az


By Faddewr May 13 2008 -

Whatever god is, whatever the source is

It instills fear and disgust in me. And I'm rather convinced that I can not co-exist with it.


by Faddewr May 13 2008 -

No, it doesn't disgust me.

It infuriates me, and brings the taste the bile up into my throat.

This source, this god I can not co-ewist with. It has robbed me of time, of innocence, or youth, and of things precious to me. If left unchecked, it will continue to usurp my possessions from me.

The greedy fiend.

The Laughing Fiend.

How can anyone live with the idea that they are separate simply to become whole again? Or think that they are raindrops returning to the ocean?

It defeats the purpose of being.

Sheep that are butchered don't come back.

I'd rather not be butchered by something I can't analyze. That I can't hack a chunk out of and slide under a microscope.

That I can't emulate, so as to destroy it.

Empty promises and holy books may be good for the ascetics who live in a cup of rice every day; but I am one who needs heartier meals. Who needs cutlery to hack the truth to bits to make it easier to swallow.

But isn't that selfish? Reducing someone's god because I can't accept it?

That's who I am. Selfish.

But if I'm not for myself, then no one would be.

I want to destroy it, and take its place.


By Azaz'el May 13 2008 -

QUOTE (Faddewr @ May 13 2008, 04:19 AM)
"But isn't that selfish? Reducing someone's god because I can't accept it?"

It may well feel like that but I really do not believe that is the case. It's not possible for anyone to reduce anothers god.......... all you can do is reduce the concept of it within your own consciousness. So don't feel guilt, don't feel as if you are being selfish, as you have the right and the need to find your own path and your own understanding of Godhead or Divinity.

You used the analogy of raindrops returning to the ocean or sheep being butchered. Perhaps one of the things you may want to consider is that no one here, that has awakened or is going through the awakening process, has begun to follow any concept blindly or been asked to take anything as a matter of sheer faith. We all encourage questing, questioning, searching for individual truth and understanding. You have the right to your views on the Source, as we all do. The fact that you are questioning and looking for answers is a very positive step forward. I am not a sheep, I do not do as I am asked and give up my own identity, I never have. Perhaps if I had it would have been easier and I certainly would not be here now, co-hosting this forum and trying to understand the steps we need to take ahead. Because I refused to follow blindly and stay within the rules, I faced the past I had and the future I now walk.

None of us, Fallen, Shadow, Otherkin, Ascended or Human who have been drawn to this forum and website, are sheep that blindly follow. We are all free thinkers, we are all capable of independent thought and action, which is perhaps why we are all here. We all have our own understanding of Godhead, Divinity, the Source. And the Source is not one that chooses individuals to punish or taint or destroy. Usually it is those who speak for the Source who interpret the message wrongly and so point the finger. Perhaps, Faddewr, your quest is to find those who pointed their finger at you and didn't hear the Voice of the Source correctly?

Az


By Faddewr May 13 2008 -

QUOTE
"Perhaps, Faddewr, your quest is to find those who pointed their finger at you and didn't hear the Voice of the Source correctly?"


No, it isn't.

By the time I officially went on my spiritual sojourn, I was already thinking for myself. But as experiences of the otherworldly kind, and tangible suffering piled on, the Source shaped from a benevolent being to a vicious tyrant who sees creation as a source of amusement.

And what I consciously percieved as a quest for religious truth was truly my path seeking power to overthrow the Laughing Fiend.


By Azaz'el May 13 2008 -

When you say the Laughing Fiend, do you mean the Source or your perception of God? You wish to overthrow the Creator and take its place?

I wish you luck on your quest then Faddewr and hope that you do not suffer too much as you quest.

I cannot help you and frankly do not believe there would be many who will want to or be able to.

Az


By Faddewr May 27 2008 -

Rhetorical Moment:

Who am I kidding?


By Faddewr Jun 1 2008 -

Would it really matter if God died?
Would it really matter if Allah kicked it?
Would it really matter if Jehovah bought the farm?
Would it really matter if Mara made any headway?
Would it really matter if Vishnu and Shiva were done in by Indra, who jumped off the moon to his death because of guilt?
Would it really matter if the Leviathan swallowed up all the people on the ocean?
Would it matter if Typhon snapped Zeus's neck?
Would it matter if Behemoth trampled all the nations? Or if the Roc picked off whoever survived?
Would it matter that when Indra hit the Rockies, that the resulting seismic activity leveled all the western United States and it all began to sink into Death Valley?
Would it matter if we all stopped to watch?
Would it matter if the rocks kicked up by Behemoth flew up into the heavens and killed a few saints before making scars on Mars?

'R Faddeuwr's Alaetha

Haud Ut - Haud Volo - Haud Fatigo
Haud Ut - Haud Volo - Haud Fatigo
Haud Ut - Haud Volo - Haud Fatigo

'n fawr yn pelydru dyrau i mewn 'r Caer chan Gobeithia ,
'n weledig cara gargantuan obelisks chan 'n saf am hun
cant chan 'r 'n fawreddog byrth. Yn nofio i mewn 'r ddim ,
]m hun chanddi yn nofio i mewn 'r ddim , chwimiwn y tu
hwnt i 'i.

Faceless Fam , arwain ni at 'r ddim.
Faceless Fam , arwain ni drwo 'r ddim.
Faceless Fam , chyfuna ni ag 'r ddim.

Faceless Fam Faceless Chreawdwr.

Gwna ni fel faceless fel ti.

It's times like these that make me say
_______ if you see me please come my way
Leavin' bread crumbs for when I stray
Rely on sacrifice and the price you paid
Feel me like a fingertip (fa-finger tip, fa-finger tip)
Sometimes I fall I slip
My heartfelt desire be more like you
Tryin' not to quench your fire with the things I do
It's times like these that make me say
Lord if you see me please come my way
Leavin' bread crumbs for when I stray
Rely on sacrifice and the price you paid
Feel me like a fingertip (fa-finger tip, fa-finger tip)
Sometimes I fall I slip
My heartfelt desire be more like you
Tryin' not to quench your fire with the things I do


By Azaz'el Jun 1 2008 -

It might just matter to some.

Az


By Dreamsend Jun 2 2008 -

I can kind of identify with where you're coming from and how you react here. I've certainly raised up hell against the perception I had of God, the Universe, etc. in my day. And the "Fiend" as you called it, always seemed to stand firm, a steady adversary, though in reality it did not exist. It was my perception of it. In my view, God/Source is happy for us to rise up and join it. It sometimes even encourages us to try to "destroy" it, as that is a loss of fear and there can be no fear with growth. I think it's on our side, whoever we are. I wonder is there something you're "fighting"? Is it truly God (etc) that you're angry with? I understand if that's how you feel, anyway. This is a frustrating kind of environment. Stand your ground ^^