ARCHIVE: MIDSUMMER!, wish we could all party together

From Laeus 19 June 2009:

so its mid summer, half the year is over and it doesn't feel like we have achieved much. for me it is a sad day, when the sun is at the highest it casts the deepest shadows, from here it can only get worse as we say goodbye and welcome autumn. so anyone have any special plans for the day?


From Azaz'el 19 June 2009

This is one of the points in the year I like.... knowing that soon we'll be heading back into winter, into the darker days and longer nights, colder weather and possible snow. Yes, I'm a winter person!!

Sometime between Saturday night and Sunday night I will be initiating the Song of the Fallen, a call to all those who are incarnate to stand, to awaken, to come together and unite with their brothers and to their fellow Kin. For those of you who hear the call, sense the song, add your voice, your hope for unification. For those of you who hear or feel or sense nothing, just add your intention.... for it is all energy and this energy will act like a beacon.

This is the last act I can do against the Wards that potentially keep our family from us.... and remain who I am now.

Celebrate the midsummer...... or in the southern hemisphere, midwinter...... and let us open the door,

Az

cool.gif


From Ouza 19 June 2009

So let it, be written so let, it to be sung !!!

We are, and always will be, as one !!!

The rights of our Passage to the Summer lands, are ours and is won !!!

"It is so proclaimed to the highest of heavens! forever more! Gather, Gather, one and all!"


From Scratch 20 June 2009

I'm going to the "Center of the Universe" tomorrow, to take part in a 30 year old Solstice parade and festival. Gawd I love Seattle.

I will be listening.


From Razi'el 20 June 2009

well, if i hear it, i think i'll add a bit of poetry, and anyone with a knack for putting poetry to music can sing it out happy.gif

~Whether far apart, or hand in hand,
hear these words across the land,
sea, and sky, and in every tongue!
Hear these words and join the Song!

We've lived alike through ash and rime,
we've lived the song, in tempo and time,
we've loved and lost, through centuries,
and we've gathered countless memories.

But now's the time to join as One!
As we once were; apart from none!
Hear our voices! Open your eyes!
Awaken! Awaken! Hear our cry!

Whether far apart, or hand in hand,
hear these words across the land,
sea, and sky, and in every tongue!
Hear these words and join the Song!~

hope you like it, and i hope someone can give tune to it! happy.gif

much love!
Raz


From Laeus 20 June 2009

i am not sure how i am going to celebrate it, for some reason i feel really sad. hmm dunno... yeah i'll listen and join in. what does it sound like? lol


From Scratch 20 June 2009

Yeah, me too Laeus.

Found myself walking up and down mouldering damp streets, watching the Friday night hipster scene and pining and pining and @#*&%@*#&!!! longing for love. I'm like a dog chasing cars that way: it would probably just squash me if I caught one, but on nights like this, all I can see are those taillights, seemingly just out of reach. I don't even really want him, and he's turned me down, twice, but something in my head and heart and soul insist he's the one, even though I don't want to think like that and he doesn't even seem interested in being friends anymore.

ARUGH!!! Just put me out of my misery, this is insane...


From Ishtahar 20 June 2009

Tell me about it.

I am going to be keeping the Solstive vigil tonight, and for the first time my son will be with me,... well maybe I reckon he'll be asleep by midnight.

We have snacks and a special candle picked out and will be singing our song to the rising sun at the top of a mountain at sunrise.

Whatever you are doing, even if it is nothing but silently marking the time.. may you find peace, contentment and all the happiness you can hold.

Blessings

Ish


From Laeus 20 June 2009

i have planed a ritual, and im going to be strong, i need to be strong not only for my self but all of us.

forever and ever,
together we stand
wing to wing,
hand in hand,
be it our first song
or our last,
resonate in hearts,
present and past.

we are working to a goal, which once we reach will be more than we could ever imagine. until then we perservere, change, and fly through the test of life.
(God i am soooo Cheesy)


From Scratch 20 June 2009

I couldn't sleep until it was almost light this morning, and dreamed nasty fitful fever dreams. Maybe faeries slipped me some dodgy shrooms.

I woke again late morning/early afternoon, and slipped in and out of consciousness for a few hours, more in visions than dreams. I heard a chorus, like a heavenly host of locomotives circling the globe. The only words I made out, more likely contributed myself, was "Gloria, in excellsis (sorry, don't write Latin) Deo." I saw the Earth, with 200 flames sparking to life all over it. There was a pain in my chest I could physically feel, and when my dreaming/visioning self looked down, the end of a long spear head, shaft broken from the base, was jutting from my heart.

Someone identifying himself as Azaz'el came, joining me and someone who often visits in that state (the big question of my life right now is whether it's really him). I grasped the end of the spear in both hands and drew it out of myself. God, that sucked! I could physically feel pain, and it really felt as if blood were pouring from my chest and pooling all over. My breathing slowed, stopped momentarily, and I lay in a heap for a while, not really caring if I died or not. My consciousness was fully aware, but nothing mattered. Azaz (or whoever) and I talked during this, and he reached in with insubstantial fingers, and drew a fragment of the spear's tip from deep inside my heart, which had been causing "ghost spears" like the one I had just pulled. I've always had bad trouble with relationships and relating to people; "stabbed through the heart," at least metaphorically, made a lot of sense to me. I do know, after he did that, the physical stinging in my chest went away. I still felt wounded, but in a way I would fully recover. The other guy had fallen apart and was lying in his own heap as all this was happening, so there was a matter of "getting Humpty-Dumpty to pull himself together." Not sure what's up there.

Sharing this more for my sake than anything. Definitely one of those "WTF? Am I crazy or wildly imagining?" ones. I can say though, whoever that was, thank you.


From Laeus 20 June 2009

ok i can feel the energies building, just did a cleansing bath and set up my altar. . . can anybody else feel that its like OMG!! its like so powerfull, energies are building. i keep getting goosebumps. i am HYPER. and i am having the weirdest sensation every now and again just above the middle of my shoulders as if someone is stroking me there, its so WEIRD. i am no longer sad...i feel as if im about to take a dive off a cliff. im thrilled


From Dreamsend 21 June 2009

I don't have anything really to add, (yay for Midsummer!) but I had to say that Scratch, the spear in that vision is somewhat similar to something I saw recently.

I had the brief, strong image of a dark small spear coming up from the chakra above my navel and travelling up to pierce my heart chakra from the bottom. I saw that this was the reason that I had issues relating to people and forming relationships and the spear head needed to be removed. I couldn't tell if it was from me, it felt kind of foreign... I started trying to see where it came from (a childhood incident, a spell of fear in me, or decisions I or my family had made) so that it could be removed (I usually try to fix problems by identifying their source) but it wasn't something that I could identify. .... Oddly enough now that I'm writing about this I remember that I also had the sense that (an?) Azazel was intending to come pry it out for me (that I was in the middle of the list of beings that he had to visit and he wouldn't be able to come for some time).

I've been getting a lot of visits from (an) Azazel and another being or two since early this morning... I can't tell if it's ours or not since I don't know his energy in person ^^;

I've felt personally that this time would mark a lot of changes and I have been feeling my personality and abilities shift and merge some over the last day or two... and seen images of who I've been and who I will be. =\

A


From Scratch 21 June 2009

Thanks Dreamsend, that was really helpful. I was kind of scared. I just know how he identified himself, and his energy imprinted as a friend. I don't remember anything about appearances.

As I thought about it through the day, I got the impression that I wasn't the only one with something stuck in me. Perhaps wounds like that are part of the reason some of us can't remember or access our abilities, or are otherwise encumbered with mysterious problems. I know I didn't stab myself, and apparently most of us have been through a lot of battles.


From Ishtahar 21 June 2009

All I know is that I know nothing. All I am, all I was, all I will be are focused here and now and I feel like shit. I feel as though I am surrounded by a million souls all crying out to me and I don't know which way to turn.

Physically the telephone hasn't stopped ringing any my son won't leave me alone, even to go to the loo.

Suddenly everyone wants a piece of me and I just don't have anything more to give. It feels more like Samhuinn than Solstice.

I started last night full of energy and hope and promise, we had a wonderful evening just efan and I and it was quite amazing. Then, some time between midnight and 4am when I was keeping vigil with a single candle alight and my son fast asleep by my side everthing started getting weird and I can't really say how. It was if I was slowly being torn apart, pieces flying off me in all directions, but, at the time it felt empowering and not draining.

When I went to bed I was still feeling energised but I fell asleep straight away. My son woke me at 9 this morning, bless him and it was as though I was heavily drugged. I could not have got out of bed if my life had depended on it so I sent him downstairs to watch a film on his own.

I was woken at about 12 by all three of my cats... who NEVER come into my bedroom sidding around my head. One of them had his nose in my mouth...NOT pleasant.

I had no dreams, no visions... just this incredible feeling of melancholy and of being... used up.

Go figure


From Razi'el 21 June 2009

well, here's hoping that you feel better, Ish! last night, near maybe ten or eleven over here, i felt my own energy kind of burst upwards. i had been in a very bad mood due to things at home, but all of a sudden it was like it didn't matter, and i was happy. energy wise, it felt like a campfire going right up into a huge bonfire, bit enough to be seen from a few hundred miles in every direction... maybe that's an exaggeration, though tongue.gif


From Laeus 21 June 2009

i felt exactly the same thing, but then as i woke up this morning i came crashing back to mundane life, as if all of last night was just a dream


From Azaz'el 21 June 2009

Well guys, I'm back and still alive! LOL

Keep your posts flowing as to what you experienced or did for the Solstice, it's always good to know how people celebrated and what they experienced.

What I can say to those of you who sensed an 'Az' close to you......... if you want to know if that was me or not, just open your minds and hearts a little....... part of the process I had to face was to release my energy into the world. I had to link with everyone who is connected to the Shadow, to the Grigori, to the transition we are facing. I literally exploded outwards and engulfed the world..... and that will continue for a few weeks to come. So I would imagine that it will be quite easy for you all to link in and connect to me... I can no longer hide from anyone.

If you do link in, be warned..... this energy is there for change and for growth. So what the consequences may be for anyone who connects with me, with it, is not known to me, other than your life will change. (And here I apologise to you all who have already sensed and become aware of my presence.)

Be ready, the tide is turning and we will soon be seen and recognised in the world.

Az


From Razi'el 22 June 2009

well, if it's relevant in any way, i kinda had a vision today, of sorts. it all but stopped me in my tracks!

i was at work, just kinda walking around and thinking to myself, and out of nowhere, this bright image came into my head. it was kind of a silhouette of myself, with this point of brilliant light at my center. then it spread out, showing other points just in the vicinity, then further out, and lines of light connected all of them. it was kind of neat, and somewhat humbling... just figured i'd add that. things like that don't happen to me often, so i figured it might be relevant.


From Dreamsend 22 June 2009

You're doing house calls now, Az? biggrin.gif Or should I say "Dr."

You seem to be keeping busy! Stay well =)

Scratch, I'm glad it helped a bit; it sounds like you had quite the harrowing vision as well.


From Scratch 22 June 2009

Harrowing, but I'm no longer afraid the way I was.

After emerging from my cave yesterday, this weekend wound up bursting with music and art. It felt like a presentation of possibility and things to come.

Happenstance instinct led me to two shows, first with guys met through a house I see glimmers of the artist's colony I've dreamed of in, the second with the same trumpet player as the first, which put me (as spectator, there was art going on too so people were wandering everywhere) center stage in a glorious old theater, dancing to a brass band. Today I went out busking, and was able to raise and sustain energy to focus on the music like never before. I feel like a firecracker, a goddess on the streets, full of potential with nowhere to go but up. For the first time, I know and feel the kinds of things I want are attainable.

::gives Ishtahar a big hug:: Hope that used up feeling goes away soon. That drugged-feeling sounds kind of like my morning/early afternoon yesterday, so here's hoping your energy comes back just as fast. I've gotten wet-willies from my cat before, but a nose in the mouth sounds even worse!

Thanks Az. Obviously I was very keen to hear what you had to say, and that makes sense, especially with what Dreamsend said as well. A lot of that fear was opening up and being honest with what my head and heart really said, at risk of possible confirmation or denial. The really funny thing was I saw the other guy from that vision today, for the first time in weeks (used to be daily) and the first thing he said to me was, "I've started to realize a lot of things I did wrong." Don't know when that realization started for him, but there was a strange pause after I said, "Like what?" then no reticence when he started telling. He was straight-up about something he'd mentioned without specifics before. We seemed to be getting along better than we have over the past month or so, like that time never happened.

MORE change and growth? Heh. Bring it!


From Dreamsend 23 June 2009

And Ishtahar, now that I've thought about it (I knew it sounded familiar), I've felt a feeling of overwhelming melancholy in the world before too. I think when I was little I used to feel it often, and that may have been the reason that I put such strong shields up/tried to cut myself off from everyone.

I felt it the first time again last year sometime. I was trying to "wake up" and ended up taking down most of the shields, for the briefest couple of moments.

I was instantly overwhelmed: all I felt was sadness and suffering and despair. It was coming from all sides, from the entire city and the entire world. It felt like everyone was suffering (i.e. the Bible's "much weeping and gnashing of teeth" and pulling of hair and all that). It felt like Truth, vs whatever world I had been delusionally content in before, where there was more Love than sadness and more Hope than fear. I considered keeping the shields down but at the time I wasn't strong enough to stand it. Even the next day, when I would go out into the street and observe passersby I would see how miserable they all (for the most part) were, and wondered why they were so sad, and why they couldn't see what was good in the world. It looked like everyone was walking around in a hell of their own devising....

In any case... this evening I'm feeling a strong wave of misery that I can't place. it's the kind of feeling that usually precedes a national disaster of some kind. I've deduced that I tend to feel the echoes of the despair that follow that sort of event a week or two before it happens. I know that there are several things that have happened recently... there was a train collision in my city, and there are the events in Iran and the way that is developing. It may not be related to either of those... well, it may be related to Iran, but something that hasn't happened quite yet. It reminded me of the misery I felt for those moments last year, and what it represented, and what that may feel like for you. I know it's the sort of thing that I would have to face eventually. I dislike living in the dark more than living in pain. If that is still what is going on for you, I will stand with you, Sister.


Perhaps the darkness will thin if more of us acknowledge it.

Angela


From Scratch 24 June 2009

I've been feeling intensely melancholy today. Part of it might be crashing off that glow into the wage job again, but most of it felt outside myself, and undefinable. Like something had or was going to happen. Guess we'll see. I was also very sleepy-headed (not tired, and naturally waking up around the time I need to), and Ishtahar, the house cat would not leave me alone, even in one of those "pshew, what did I eat?" moments.

The only way I've found to deal with that despairing feeling of "Why?!" at how miserable people generally look (and the bad feelings and asshole comments they insist on sharing) without putting up walls, is to think "I love myself," and react appropriately if they've done something to me. There's a lot of sickness in the world. I'm doing my best to cure some of it.

Does looking at darkness shed light on it?


From Ishtahar 24 June 2009

I don't know.

The thing with people wanting a piece of me, my son and cats not leaving me alone has subsided.

I am naturally optimistic, no matter what happens to me my natural optimism reasserts itself whether I want it to or not. So I have bounced back again... but that sense of a million souls in torment reaching out ot me, focussing on me is still there whenever I let myself acknowledge it.

I don't know what's going on. But I am not running from it.

Thank you all so much for your support.


From Azaz'el 24 June 2009

Well, as much as I hate to be the one to stand up and offer a reminder, but.........

Humanity needs a champion, needs a voice, needs a hero again...... and the one human who offered herself back then was.............. you, Ish. The voices are perhaps those who now turn to you to ask for your help in their ascension.

The awareness of those voices will fade into a background hum I think. but they won't go until the time is right for you to stand and speak for them.

All races, all Kin, need a champion........ and this is the time when they are forged and found.

Az


From Ishtahar 25 June 2009

I don't know. I know you think that my role is to raise the sword and save humanity... like Joan of Arc but I really don't see that in me. I am, as I have always been... a priestess... a leader of rituals but not of men. I am really not comfortable with that role.


From Azaz'el 25 June 2009

I can accept that Ish......... so be the guiding force and strength behind the person who will be the warrior leader. As Priestess it is your right now to pass on the sword to the one who is worthy. I carried it long enough and was glad to pass it on to you. It is now yours to do with as you wish. I did my best for Humanity and failed.... my role is no longer to save them or to try and guide.

Az


From Razi'el 26 June 2009

QUOTE (Azaz'el @ Jun 25 2009, 10:49 PM)
"I can accept that Ish......... so be the guiding force and strength behind the person who will be the warrior leader. As Priestess it is your right now to pass on the sword to the one who is worthy. I carried it long enough and was glad to pass it on to you. It is now yours to do with as you wish. I did my best for Humanity and failed.... my role is no longer to save them or to try and guide.

Az"

Az, isn't that the whole reason we're here though? to guide and teach? they still need it... now more than ever. we know something is coming, and as you said, we need to stand as one. i don't think that just means shadow and fallen. i think it means everyone; human and kin alike. we're here on this world, yes, but so are they. they're as much affected by this as we are. even if they don't consciously sense it, we've all felt the doom and gloom and the sense of urgency that everyone's feeling. ach, now i'm preaching... but meh.

you failed once, yes, i get it. but you can't stop, you can't give in. you were a leader then, and you're a leader now, lots of us i'm sure, including me, look up to you. hell, from what i gather, you and the others inspired me to follow you, and that isn't exactly a bed of roses on the pleasure scale. it takes a great leader to inspire someone like that, and you are that leader, Azaz'el.

best hopes and wishes,
Razi'el


From Azaz'el 26 June 2009

Thanks for your kind words Raz, and as much as I don't want to admit it, what you say is true. However, I am here to guide, support, maybe even lead, the Fallen Grigori again. Perhaps if unification takes place then I will be part of the team who leads the other Shadow and other Kin.

But I am aware that my role is no longer there for Humanity. They desire, want, need a new Warrior King or Queen, a new Commander to guide then in the times ahead. I don't intend to abandon Humanity, but I also know I am no longer here for them alone.

I hope that I can make ammends and bring some healing back to those who followed where I and the others walked. Everyone who took those steps in the First Times did so because they had the strength to do it and the courage and wisdom to know the truth. But I was the one who started it all and so I must make ammends. I am not walking away from anything, but hopefully will be trying to find those more able to succeed this time around.

Az


From Dreamsend 26 June 2009

QUOTE
"I am aware that my role is no longer there for Humanity. They desire, want, need a new Warrior King or Queen, a new Commander to guide then in the times ahead."


I don't have a ton of guidance on this myself. I have been aware that humanity has been waiting for someone to save them, a "Savior", a "Leader", but it always seemed to me that they just didn't see the strength in themselves to stand up and do the work themselves. It's preferred to congregate around a leader and surrender responsibility.

Why do you say that, above? I guess I'm just trying to see what you're saying will or should happen...


From Scratch 27 June 2009

"isn't that the whole reason we're here though? to guide and teach? they still need it... now more than ever. we know something is coming, and as you said, we need to stand as one. i don't think that just means shadow and fallen. i think it means everyone"

"I have been aware that humanity has been waiting for someone to save them, a "Savior", a "Leader", but it always seemed to me that they just didn't see the strength in themselves to stand up and do the work themselves. It's preferred to congregate around a leader and surrender responsibility. "


This sounds to me like what was lacking the first time. Us and them can so easily turn to us vs. them, or us above them. Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely, and everyone forgets the leaders who deserve to be are the ultimate public servants.

There are all sorts of differences in life, even between things that seem cut of the same cloth. These can be acknowledged without feelings of superiority or inferiority. I think that's what everyone needs to learn, and our predispositions are uniquely vulnerable to that. I think comparison becomes the problem, because it's almost impossible to know enough details to make them accurately, but they're so easy to draw. I know some terrible idiots have taught me important things, and people who start believing they're better or more important than someone else get proven wrong. I'd say we were proven wrong.

The world got messed up by billions of individual bad decisions. People don't trust themselves to make good ones, now more than ever it seems to me, at least in America. Everyone needs to govern themselves foremost, because no one else can effectively, but there has to be some sort of organization within communities as well. There can be leaders who aren't saviors, and saviors who don't lead.


From Laeus 27 June 2009

the question is do any of us have the self worth it takes to accept being a saviour or leader. looking around the forum i see beautiful crystals, with deep cracks, we all have these scars which hold us back. if one of us was to guide or teach or lead, would we have the personal power?


From Scratch 27 June 2009

Great question Laeus! Reluctant heros only seem to succeed in scripts.

Can scars and cracks be healed? I hope so. We live it like everything, one moment at a time.


From Ishtahar 27 June 2009

Isn't it our flaws that make us strong?

Could anyone who was perfect be fit to lead? How coud they undestand what it is like to be flawed and how could you lead without understanding those being led?


From Azaz'el 27 June 2009

Ah Laeus, what a perfect way of putting it.

I can remember having a conversation with Ish last year when we talked about the need for a failed, flawed saviour.

To clarify what I meant in my earlier post, it's not that I am giving up on Humanity, but more a case or recogniing that I am not the person to lead or guide or represent them. I am in a Human shell, but I am currently letting go of my humanity, ready to face a rebirth. I am Shadow, I am Grigori, I cannot represent or lead Humanity........ that is not my role. I am here for the Grigori and Shadow again. I am also here to help and guide and walk with the 'Saviour' that is found for Humanity. But I cannot do it. I once, may years ago, thought I could. I know now that I can't.

What humanity needs is someone who has fallen in every sense of the word, to have known the pain of living, the release of death, the agony of living in this world and the torture of being separate from it. I really do believe that only someone with scars and flaws can touch the hearts and souls of all Humans... it is through that very humanity that makes then great and wise enough to lead.

Although to be honest, perhaps the only people who can answer this are the Humans themselves.

Az


From Laeus 27 June 2009

i agree, each race will have a saviour, the humans have thier own. I as a nephylim can't save them, because i don't love them as a another human could. i stand for my own race more than others unfortunatly.


From Razi'el 27 June 2009

well, i guess one will come forth, perhaps many, when the necessity strikes. i'm no leader either; i'm far more suited to the role of an aid. as i've taken to saying, "my job is to make your job easier". it's what i'm good at, that's the plain and simple truth, but i'll gladly be there for whoever bears that torch. hell, i'm here to help anyone who needs it.

well, there's my two cents. and also, a little off topic, but i noticed something odd. people (especially those who have known me for a while, heheh) seem to be more open to the idea of something strange existing alongside themselves. i came out to a couple of my coworkers about this whole business here, and didn't get even a blink. that's very strange, considering i'm in a kind of backwoods town.

any thoughts?
Raz


From Scratch 28 June 2009

Only that I've been experiencing the same thing. I haven't told all, but the pieces I have said have been taken as completely reasonable, in each instance. I was stunned, but I'm not going to knock a good thing.


From Dreamsend 28 June 2009

QUOTE
"the question is do any of us have the self worth it takes to accept being a saviour or leader. looking around the forum i see beautiful crystals, with deep cracks, we all have these scars which hold us back. if one of us was to guide or teach or lead, would we have the personal power?"


Very well put, I agree.

I think healing is part of the answer. Learning to become whole again and strong enough to guide hundreds or millions of people... Strong enough to still be vulnerable to a certain degree, or that the people feel that you are accessible, that they can reach you and you them even if you're very far from them. Strong enough to fight for your message, and call, whatever it may be.

I agree that the right person(s) would have to have self-worth, and also love for the people around them.

I think they could still be flawed as long as they were working towards wholeness of self and body.

I also think that, at least in Western society, there's a sense among many of waiting for someone - from a figure like Jesus Christ, to MLK, Jr (in the US), to Ghandi or whoever - to come forward and declare "I am come!" I do think that there is need for people with vision, and guides and whatnot to join together and make their visions real... but I fear that a lot of people are just sitting around waiting for miracles to lift them up, when "they are the ones they've been waiting for"... =\

I've always had feelings that i would help people like that myself... I guess i'm still too bitter about how it went the last time around to go on and just do the damn thing.... and afraid of having power... the feeling of people relinquishing their will to you really sucks.


From Razi'el 28 June 2009

QUOTE (Dreamsend @ Jun 28 2009, 07:43 AM)
"I agree that the right person(s) would have to have self-worth, and also love for the people around them.

I think they could still be flawed as long as they were working towards wholeness of self and body.

I also think that, at least in Western society, there's a sense among many of waiting for someone - from a figure like Jesus Christ, to MLK, Jr (in the US), to Ghandi or whoever - to come forward and declare "I am come!" I do think that there is need for people with vision, and guides and whatnot to join together and make their visions real... but I fear that a lot of people are just sitting around waiting for miracles to lift them up, when "they are the ones they've been waiting for"... =\"

ahhh, very well put as well.... as "God" said in the movie Bruce Almighty... "That's the problem, Bruce. you keep looking up."

not to knock religion here or anything, but that's part of the problem in the modern day world. people keep looking up, keep expecting things to just float on down to them in a spotlight from the heavens with a holy choir singing around them. they don't realize they have to work for it, that the only thing that's going to happen is what THEY make happen. but no. they're too busy sitting on their arses with simpering expressions, twiddling their thumbs, humming "jesus loves me", thinking their savior is gonna pop their head in the window and ask for a cup of sugar.

[/rant]

*ahem* anywho... yyyyyyyeah. that's how i see it.

Raz


From Scratch 28 June 2009

::chuckles:: I think a big reason for that mentality you see, Razi'el, is they don't really believe it themselves. That's the foremost thing that makes a leader. Even the most boneheaded sheep of humanity don't put their faith, and that responsibility, in just anyone; they believe that person can do it better than themselves. Either that, or they didn't think about it like that, or think they could make a difference, until someone said so.

I hear you about fearing that power, Dreamsend. I've always known I have some intense charisma buried inside me, and didn't want to hold that kind of sway over people. Damn right it sucks, especially when I'm not sure if they knew they were doing it. I couldn't trust myself to make the right decisions for myself even, and wound up trying to bury that all-eyes-on-me until I was afraid to tell anyone to do anything! I still don't want to lead, per se. More like living my own life as a really good example. Although one of the biggest differences I've noticed since Solstice is enjoying attention where it used to scare me; people watching makes me more focused on what I'm doing now.

As an amendment to the "reluctant hero" thing I said before, there does need to be that vulnerability, but in the same sense as the difference between a hero and a coward being the hero pays more attention to what he's doing than how scary it is. I was about to say I'm sure Ghandi didn't enjoy hunger striking, but he actually probably did in a way. It comes back to that belief again. He knew it would work enough that it did, as unlikely as it seemed, and there has to be some kind of happiness in walking that straight of a path.

I feel in a way I've been overrunning the board lately, but all these streams of consciousness are making me think in new ways as I write them. Hope they help in general too.


From Dreamsend 29 June 2009

They help I think =). I enjoy reading them.

Let me tell you, I used to do that exact same thing... noticed early on the "sway" I had on others, adults, kids, anybody(!) and didn't think it was right that I should make any sorts of decisions for them.... so hid it successfully for some of my life then less successfully later on, and finally in the past year gave up on trying to hide that because (it hurts) I am who I am. If people end up doing what I suggest, can't help that all the time... If I learn how to handle it by being open to what I do myself, all the better. I'm better equipped at this age to notice exactly what I'm doing at least...


From Ouza 29 June 2009

Twister's a coming !!!

Your wisdom of thought manner words and deeds... far exceeds all that is hoped and desired for!

I am so very very proud of you all at this one moment in time! "Now just .... ease on down, ease on down the road !!!"<-- That's my tiny little homage to Michael Jackson, (The Scarecrow) in all of us !!! You've got to have heart, mind and courage to walk down and up that yellow brick road ~~ Together as a Team ~~!

Even though, it may be two or more it's all yours for the taking!

Always,
Ouza laugh.gif

We're off to see the Wizard the Wonderful Wizard of Oz !!! tongue.gif lol


From Laeus 29 June 2009

you know Ouza, some times i have no idea what your talking about ¬.¬ hahaha biggrin.gif


From Ouza 29 June 2009

Out of all the comic babble I gave you, I hope you understand this one and final point of thought, and that is of me ... "Just being plain proud of you all!"

Someday, you'll understand all the rest. Just give it time, it's just coming round the corner.

Always keep in mind that I'm of a totally different school of thought that's just a little bit more off center than the majority of you guys are used too!

And that it may or may not always seem that wise or prevalent to what is currently going on in your own personal life situations but in all respects is to be tried and maybe accepted but always in the spirit of love (not blind love)! Sounds funny coming from a old demon but, I've decided to change and I hope you will too! That's why it's and can always be so confusing to everyone sometimes!

All I ask is that some of you just give me that opportunity and time to prove that and that my love, trust and respect for you all, is unmovable!

I still and always will have my moments of insanity like us all !!!

But, just keep the Faith and always stay together both through both thick and thin !!!

That's all you have left in the end ... yourselves and your own self worth, even though this so called world of ours may or may not be on the brink of so called war and steadily going down the hill there will always be but one simple truth, and that is that we, always hold true too each other and to be there to share and care, because that my dears .. is all that we have left!

"Here's to a new beginning and change!"


Unconditionally,

Ouza laugh.gif


From Azaz'el 29 June 2009

Ouza, no one needs to give you time or opportunity, you have nothing to prove to anyone. Just be yourself and remember that the simpler the language you use, the greater the number of people who can understand and reply. biggrin.gif

We are all equal here, all friends and as such there is never any need to try to show that what we say or feel or want is real. We just do and are true to ourselves.... and the rest is not necessary. So just be yourself.

Az


From Dreamsend 13 Dec 2009

QUOTE
"The only way I've found to deal with that despairing feeling of "Why?!" at how miserable people generally look (and the bad feelings and asshole comments they insist on sharing) without putting up walls, is to think "I love myself,"....

Does looking at darkness shed light on it?"


Anyone else feeling the shadow self emerging from slumber into wakefulness? I'm integrating much of my shadow self at this time (Jung's "Shadow": http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm...t_is_the_shadow ) as well as seeing and accepting my response to the emerging shadow in others...

It's good I suppose... to learn how to become the "whole self" instead of the "fractured self"... but so much is lost in the process... the toll you pay for enlightenment is....?


From Ouza 13 Dec 2009

I've always tried to teach by works words and deeds to my children that they maintain a true purpose and pride in themselves as also of their past history and culture. But life has so many roads to enlightenment that oft times when I share with the children any of my memories and/or experiences of the past I often if not always come across the matter of what their choices are versus mine. Ever tried sharing with a child the philosophy of not sticking his or her hand in the fire ??? We can't take away others free will in order to change for the better but correct me if, I'm wrong but... no where in the book does, it say that we have to like it!

Basically when it comes down to it, I'm the only one that is responsible for the path that I may or may not follow, no one else, just me !!! It's always been ultimately my choice, right or wrong ???

Ouza

p.s. But, it would really be nice if I have an up to date map available and a really good experienced friend to share and mirror with me !!!


From Azaz'el 13 Dec 2009

QUOTE (Ouza @ Dec 13 2009, 05:07 PM)
But, it would really be nice if I have an up to date map available and a really good experienced friend to share and mirror with me !!!

Ouza, this is something we could all do with but unfortunately, for wahtever reason, none of us have this available to us, even if we have friends or family from the First Times close by us physically. There have been meny times both Ish and I have been able to get together and sat, sipping coffee or something stronger, and talked over the same thoughts and memories again and again and again....

As you know, the path that lies at our feet is in the same direction and to the same place.... but it is sublty different for us all.

mad.gif

Ah, one day someone will prove me wrong in this!!! wink.gif

Az

So is it possible on this one?