ARCHIVE: A strange man...

By Laviah Jun 1 2008 -

Hello,
And thankx for stopping by. I am in dire in need of help, for I have a strange vision and a strange name that repeats inside my mind everyday I seem I cant get rid of...but not that I would want to. You see, first thing I would like to know is, does ANYONE here seem to know a "man" named by "Day-shin" ?(thats how I pronounce it since I dont know how to spell it sleep.gif) Anyways, yes, his name has been kept to me dearly for a very long time.


It all started out when I was at the age of 12? Or perhaps younger...I was lying around in my small bedroom listning to my favorite music when I started to get the urge to draw. (At the time I was just first starting to get really good at my drawings with "Anime", too.) So I started to draw on a notebook paper that was already close to me. And...I just started to draw away...unknowing what in the world would be displayed on this simple peice of paper in the end. As I kept drawing, I found myself in a rush to finish. As if I wanted to see what would be the result. And surprisingly, it turned out to be the best picture I ever drew! It was absolutely beautiful! I couldn't understand how I (& out of the blue) just drew such a attractive man! rolleyes.gif

But I was strucked dead when I focused on him....'Day-Shin...' His name hit me so hard I almost cried! And still till this day I have his picture. (Along with some others I made after him.) It's like he tells a story I know by heart. But cant excess it...which is very strange to me. And it seems...that he might have been my lover in another life. Though I have no knowing where for he wears strange clouths. And he has a sad look on his sweet features. It seems as if now I am having stronger visions of him as I grow older. And every one of them is too sweet!

But (ahem) anyways, I have the picture and you
can see it here: https://2img.net/h/i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn49/laviah1/daishin.jpg

I know it ant all good, but bare with me, cuz considering I was only 12 at the time... laugh.gif

With love,
~Laviah~


By ishtahar Jun 1 2008 -

Well, for a 12 year old that picture was fantastic. It has so much movement.

I am afraid I don't know the name day-shin but I do know what it is to have someone like him. It is so bitter sweet. Sweet to have someone and bitter that you cannot hold them or be physically with them.

I hope some day you get to meet him

Ish


By Laviah Jun 1 2008 -

Thank you Ish,
I glad you understand. & It is bitter sweet. I just wish I could atleast talk to him. He seems so sweet. He always encourges me to do the right things. And it seems as if he's protecting me...though I dont know how. unsure.gif And everytime I think of him, my heart lurches and I feel heartbroken and torn. Sad really....


with love,
~Laviah~


By ishtahar Jun 1 2008 -

sad, yes but beautiful too. Treasure him Leviah


By Azaz'el Jun 1 2008 -

I agree, treasure him.... and keep his memory alive. You never know, one day, one life, he may return to you. I for one know what it is like to remember a love, THE love, and wait for his return.

Az


By Laviah Jun 4 2008 -

Oh jeez guys! wub.gif
You all make me wanna cry! (& in a good way 2) Thankx! You guys R too sweet! And really, I do want to cry. Im am just soo sick to death I cant hold him!

There were many times I did cry for him. It just seems so like a dream. You know what I mean? He seems so perfect. He doesn't even judge me. And believe me, Ive done alot Im not so proud about. dry.gif

That reminds me. I got a question for anyone who is willing to answer. Mostly 4 U Ishtahar & Azaz'el. When I was little, Ive been through alot...and I mean ALOT of things that most kids would have committed suicide later on in life, for. And I have been in very dangerous positions where I could have been killed. You see, I dont know what exactly keeps me alive, and I have no idea what keeps me breathing and going through life without going crazy.

And I dont know when the weirdness with myself will stop. But please tell me, in the end....was it all worth it? Our decisions, our outlook on life, our shame, our sadness, our fears, the coldness we suffer through, the heartbreaks, the "missing pieces" we hope to recollect oneday...and love. Was it worth it? Is it worth it...?

To tell the truth...Im scared to death. Honestly, I dont want to make any more sacrifices anymore. I feel as if I'll never recollect myself. As if I'll never find that peace most beings call a fantasying myth. But slowly, and surely...I realize something. Why do ppl have't to destroy something that is truelly sweet and pure....this love? Why can't anyone see noyone can help who they fall inlove with? Be it Angel, demon, vampyre, otherkin, shadow And fallen, etc. And even the opposite sex! Arn't we all here to learn just that? This love?

To learn to except love in its true form...unconditional. And if that means to suffer through something so big and so long just to clutch its sweet, pure and...very excepting feeling, and even it takes years to reach the point of its loving embrace, I would die a thousand deaths again just know I deserve its true wholesome magnificent glory...even if I am a "half"...even if Im broken on the inside....even if we all are. We deserve it....and in do time, we'll learn to except that. Deep inside, along with our doubts and fears.

[sigh] Dang...I haven't replyed like that in years, proubly even never. Heh, you guys are quite inspirational, and I dont think you know it. laugh.gif tongue.gif

To tell the truth, Im kinda sad I dont know you guys in person. I wonder what would I say then...? happy.gif

Ok, I think Ive rambled on too much this time, sorryz. I do that sometimes. And the weirdest thing about it, is that Im quite still surprized I actually typed that. Just a few minutes ago I thought, 'What in the world am I typing this stuff for?' And shockingly, I guess I did that to mentally knock some sense into me. I honestly dont know how my spirit guides put up with me! laugh.gif biggrin.gif cool.gif


with excepting love,
your friend and crazy @$$ member,
~Laviah~


Ps; Hugz hugz


By Ishtahar Jun 5 2008 -

I think you answered yor own question there ...... of course it is worth it. It had better be.

And it isnt even that,... in a way it doesnt matter if it is worth it because it is not like there is any choice in the matter.

There are times when I think that I can't go on with this, I cant bear it any more, and then Az slaps me and picks me up and I go on...and sometimes |I do the same thing for him but the fact is that we dont actually have any choice beacuse how can we just stop being who we are? How can we just stop being?

And yes, it would be nice if we could all meet up and have a bloody good drink and a group hug and I would very much hope that what you would say to us then is exactly the same as you would say to us here.

Blessings
Ish


By Azaz'el Jun 6 2008 -

Is it worth it?

I have been asked that quite a few times in recent months. I have also asked that question myself. So what's the answer? It has to be yes, always yes, no matter what the pain, the trauma, the difficulties or the predjudice. It is always worth it.

Love is the key. We all have pain, we all have faced despair and have cried out to any of the Gods who would listen and asked WHY?!

Ish is right, you have answered your own question Laviah! tongue.gif She's also right when she says that in the end we didn't really have much choice. However, we are remembering and we are learning and we are coming together now.... and as such we now have a choice. We can walk away, we can choose to ignore what we feel, what our soul tells us, and try to live a 'normal' life. It would be a constant battle, but we could live like the rest of Humanity. But..........

...... would any of us really walk away from this? We are who we are and as much as we have pain and loss, we also have such love and companionship and friendship that it makes me so proud and feel so lucky. We have friendships that have lasted millennia and so much history we can share, and so much love we have to give.

Our past loves will return, our friendships will continue. And I for one could not walk away from any of you, as you all mean so much to you.

I, too, wish we could all meet for a coffee, for a hug and for a good chat and to catch up on old times. I feel we would say all that we say here, for here we can be open and honest and take off the mask we wear....... but perhaps that day will come, perhaps we will meet again and walk the path together for a while.

Az


By Laviah Jun 10 2008 -

Good. smile.gif
Im glad. It's a relief...Cause now, I know very well Im not alone in these beliefs...er, about love.
I just seen so much hatred, pain and sarrow. It just gets so...so, frustrating! Cuz than its starts to grabs onto you like super glue that never wants to let go! lol
But anyways, thank-you guys for sharing. I dearly appreciate it. smile.gif And that bloody drink sounds just about right to me now, Ish. wink.gif

with much luv,
~Laviah~


P.s: Wanna "Bloody" mary? laugh.gif rolleyes.gif I know it wasn't funny. But I cant help it! tongue.gif


By Azaz'el Jun 11 2008 -

I'll settle for a glass of Talisker on ice.
..... or a G&T
........ or a glass of mead

...... or just a coffee (say I trying to take away the idea forming in everyones mind that I drink a lot of alcohol!).

Az


By Dreamsend Jun 13 2008 -

I'll take a Jack and Coke while we're ordering things.

...What's that? We're not? Dang Az, I was so excited for a second.


By Laviah Aug 1 2008 -

Haha! laugh.gif

Geez, u guys are horrible! tongue.gif Please, I'll take a Root-beer float! And chili fries...u kno Az, since were ordering, u better go off and get our orders! cool.gif

lol

Hugz 2 all,
*Laviah*

Ps; Haha Az is our waiter! biggrin.gif tongue.gif


By Ishtahar Aug 2 2008 -

Don't hold your breath. Az can be mean in that respect.

I have been waiting a long time for a glass of Talisker smile.gif

But if you do manage to get him to share.... don't forget my whiskey please. Oh and a chocolate muffin and some cherries

Thanks

Ish