ARCHIVE: i hate this feeling

By Elaea Jul 1 2009 -

i feel so empty...this feeling started about a week ago...and i wish it would go away i can't even describe it but i will try. I feel like my whole life needs to stop like i shouldn't continue living but then i realise i have a purpose a great one at that..sometimes i just wish i could climb up a mountain and SCREAM, scream all the pain im feeling away, i feel empty , lost and completely alone. but then i think back and im happy...moments later il be upset and sad again...i hate this feeling


By Laeus Jul 1 2009 -

hmmm remember what i said about times of death? there has to be darkness before there can be light. the greater the darkness, the brighter the light that will ensue


By Azaz'el Jul 1 2009 -

Laeus is spot on here, what he has said is very true.

The feelings that you are experiencing are dreadful and no doubt very difficult...... I can understand them in my own way as I have faced and still at times face my own version of them. The question is how to deal with them.

By focussing on the positive experiences that you've had or know you will face in the future can help. We all need something happy or exciting to hold on to and help us get through the darker times. Wanting to walk away from all of this, from this life, this pst, this history and these experiences is again a common and natural happening. I know I have wished I could return to being a "normal" human. The bad news......... or good news....... is that this won't happen.

I'd alway recommend trying Journalling........ as long as you have the freedom to be able to put your thoughts on paper and not have them read by someone. That way we are all able to externalise the emotions, the feelings, and the pressures they can bring. By externalising them we make them real....... and so we can work with them and solve the problems. But if we hold them in, the pressure can build and the pain can become almost unbearable.

Don't forget that you have a good friend in Laeus, and the rest of us here do care and would willingly help if you know how we can and let us know. You're not alone Elaea, even if you are geographically.

Az


By Elaea Jul 1 2009 -

thank you so much Az. i can not begin to describe how grateful i am to have become part of this forum you guys are amazing and make me feel so happy, i have learnt so much being apart of the forum and Laeus i just want to thank you for always been there for me, Az it's very true what you say..wanting to be a "normal" human for many of us in my opinion is what we want but unfortnately we cannot be for this is who we are.

Ive tried journalling but there are times that i feel someone will find the journal and i will feel alot worse if that should happen. i learnt that by keeping the emotions bottled up they do get way worse and thats when i just feel i wanna curl up and nt wake up.

Thank you all for caring. and if i know how you can help il be sure to let you know.


By Scratch Jul 2 2009 -

::hugs:: Dear heart, perhaps that empty feeling is in anticipation of being filled? Thoughts that I should or am going to die usually happen before something changes. It sounds like you're in an in-between place, no longer one thing and not yet another. I HATE that place, because it's so freakin' necessary, and happens so much. I guess patience is one of the pay-offs though.

See if you can tell what kinds of thoughts are making you happy and sad. They may be affecting each other (the emotions bringing thoughts or thoughts bringing emotions) or not even directly related, but I always find that looking directly at it, at the very least, makes me feel more in control, which keeps the downs from going so deep. It's a lot harder to fear and hate what you've taken an honest look at, too.

There are places to scream much closer than mountains, and if that's what you'd like to do, I'd say find one and give it a shot. There's other ways as well: I used to write a journal in code, because my sister has no respect for privacy. It took getting used to, but allowed me to get those thoughts out without any fear. Doing something more abstract, like a drawing, making some music/noise, or writing a "fictional" story, may work too. Play around, and see what you come up with.

Just please remember, everything ends sometime, and you can stick it out.


By Ishtahar Jul 3 2009 -

Take heart. This feeling will end. Every butterfly has to spend time in the crysalis. Would it help if we started a journal section here... where people can just get their feelings off their chest without actually opening a thread and starting a discussion. I am not even sure if it can be done but have a think about it. Az what are your thoughts technically


By Elaea Jul 3 2009 -

I would love for my parents and siblings just to allow me some privacy my mom will eventually find my journal and freak like she usually does...it's awful.

I started writing a little "story" explaining my emotions but I REALLY REALLY fear that someone is going to find it, i hate it when you feel this way it's like im living in fear in my own home yeah sure im the teenager/youngest in my home but all i want and wish for is some respect and privacy.


By Ouza Jul 3 2009 -

Rewrite the journal and phrase it in third person context like a small but current novella that you are working on of sorts with different names and context that represent only what you can understand and that would be totally out of their league! But you must and always first be totally convincing and tactful, so that it will fly!

Just some thoughts. Gads, everyone plays with words once and a while sooner or later! It's called ... being cryptic! Become the Fay!

Unconditionally,
Ouza

This post explains EXACTLY how I have felt for the past week and a half, it is very overwhelming, I don't know whether I'm coming or going anymore, I'm edgy and moody one minute and full of energy the next. Samhuin has never affected me this strongly. I had two very vivid meaningful dreams today, I looked up their meanings and discussed them with a close friend. I feel my true spiritual self has yet to awaken, perhaps that is what is coming... Anyone else experiencing this??

YES! Well, sorta. Not so much with the edgy, but so much has been happening and in such a short time, especially spiritually. Things are moving and changing and growing. It's very powerful. Samhuin has never affected me this much either.

Glad I'm not the only one =)