Feeling Strange Tonight

So, I'm feeling really strange tonight, seeing all sorts of visions... I'll try to start from the beginning, though i'm also feeling kind of... not here and not there, so if I don't makes sense apologies in advance.

I got out of my last class around 5:30 HST... started to walk down the hill... went in a direction that I often go after stopping to chat with some folks along the way and stopped suddenly at a place where paths converge. I felt kind of... light in my heart, kind of happy, and like... I had to go in a different direction to follow a trail of happiness.

So, for no reason I turned around walked in another direction to get back to my bike... stopped in the parking lot... and sat down on a tuft of grass o_o. I don't know it just felt really important to not move all of a sudden.

I didn't really know what was happening, I thought maybe I'd received an interesting message... soemtimes that happens, if someone sends me an interesting message by email I'll feel excited in my heart until I can read the message. I pulled up my email on my phone and ... nothing. I sat there, confused feeling increasingly giddy and like something quite excellent was underway.

I think I mentioned about having the vision of the Phoenix, well I had another one... this was around the UK it seemed. So I sat there and sat there and eventually someone I know passed by... and then I felt like "I could get up" so I got up and kept walking towards my bike.

I got to my bike and started to ride home the usual way and the giddy feeling persisted, like... "not that way, go towards downtown. But not all the way downtown." >< Very confused, I rode that way instead. I remembered that I did need some things from teh store so decided that I would stop a the store. On the way there I kept having visions of this place around the UK, I want to say in England, like a great huge energy was waking up, or like something was tapping into the goddess.

I say the goddess, but in my last class we had just been learning about early goddess worship and looked at a lot of old goddess statues, so maybe I was still thinking about that, and how the video we had watches had kind of inferred an attack on nature and on goddess-worship... my mind was all abuzz with the rise of nature and the rise of the goddess...

So, I got to the store, pretty uneventful, ran into a lot of people there, and chatted, and got a burrito and set off. On the way home, again, I felt like "no, not yet" and so pulled over again, ate the burrito and stared at the sky. And I kept having these sensations like some huge great (goddess) energy was rising, in the UK. And I ate my burrito...... and felt more giddy and sort of dizzy and disoriented (which is how I'm feeling now). Started feeling the urge to sing at some point... just low notes and high notes... feeling sort of a resonance with HI and with the UK and with the center of teh world and with some other place. India? Maybe.

And now I am too dizzy to write anymore... there was a big blue thing at some point. Anyway, just me? Or are you feeling awry tonight as well at all? Or are you doing any kind of huge magic or ceremony? >< Inquiring minds

Just a tidbit to think on:

In Iran, blue is the color of mourning!

Perspective is always essential! You are at the crossroads.

Ouza

Well, those were some interesting experiences. Here in the UK the times you began to feel this would make it about 4am so I'm not aware of anything that took place that could be linked to the same specific time.

One of the things that does concern me is the vision of the Phoenix here in the UK. That is an energy form that is bad news for me, I was warned against it many years ago, so if it begins to appear then I will vanish for a while and hide!!!!

But there could be a chance that Goddess energy is rising, here in the UK and everywhere else.......... Bealteinne is stirring so who knows what might happen. But right now, I'm not aware of anything unusual.

Az

Quote :

One of the things that does concern me is the vision of the Phoenix here in the UK. That is an energy form that is bad news for me, I was warned against it many years ago, so if it begins to appear then I will vanish for a while and hide!!!!

I see... I think that makes sense, generally speaking... I'm happy about all these presences that are beginning to awaken, but it can't be said that after or just before they appear everything is happiness and good on the land... in fact, looking at the last few times, they literally herald strange earth changes or even disaster.

What was the warning if you don't mind me asking? Or if you don't want to post it, maybe PM?... I was just curious.

Ash

It was a warning that it would destroy me, not just physically but right to a soul level. So, I tend to keep clear of them as much as possible for obvious reasons!

Az

Eek! Um... hmm.

It's been really... something, for me, since Wednesday. I wound up getting kind of drunk that night - it was the first time in a while I even wanted to drink, and it felt positively mandatory for some reason. I was a little pissed the next day about spending so much on alcohol, but there were some very empowering conversations, and it felt like a good thing I was in that bar, for that long. I've been more than vaguely wondering what's going on, though.

I always felt a very close connection to the phoenix: for a while, it felt like my life was in a continual cycle of burning down/dying, to clear out the wreckage for new growth; like forest fires. That kind of freaked me out to read what you said, Az. Especially since (coincidentally?) I've had a very special song in my head all day. Its lyrics never made sense to me before, but describe how I met the singer with eerie perfection, which had not happened yet when it was written. It's called "Darling, I Want to Destroy You." When I read the words, something in the pit of my stomach began to burn, and my head's been doing this strange thing over it all, which vaguely reminds me of Daffy Duck on a pogo stick. Even moreso now, as strange as it may sound, that title line seems like a very good, helpful, loving thing. I don't know how to explain that at all, but the phoenix seems to tie in.

I can't seem to focus on anything lately but putting thoughts into words as specifically as I can, and they keep turning out like abstract poetry. There's a feeling like I'm disconnecting from the world, but because I'm too deeply connected to the deeper world to really care about the surface stuff right now. That probably doesn't make much sense, but it's the best I can describe it. There's also been a recurring thought for the past few days that all the ties holding me back have finally snapped, so I'm free and clear to do whatever I need/want to now.

There have been a lot of visions for me too, Ash, but more to the point I'm not confused, or questioning, anymore. It doesn't bother me to not understand the way it used to: I just go with it, and enjoy. I kept sticking my face in bunches of flowers on my way home today, and marveling at how the rich sweetness of their aroma combined with the sensuous tickle of petals against my skin and lips, into an almost ecstatic experience. If I'm going mad, it's absolutely lovely.

Anyone else feel like they're boinging around going "WhooHoo!" repeatedly? Or sort of slip-sliding through reality, so rules don't entirely apply anymore? I keep wanting to talk to someone, but don't know who or what about.

Az,... would this phoenix actually destroy and completely obliterate you into nothingness. Or,.. would it simply destroy the illusion. the Maya, that surrounds your soul? And would thus free you?

I've wondered that I have to admit.

The phoenix is something that I know Az has always feared and he has known forever that it is something that will ultimately.

I have wondered (hoped) that it would be a metaphorical destruction but I'm not sure. Can you take something 'out of existence' and still leave any part of it whole and present.

Again I would like to say that I don't think it will ever come to that but the truth is that I think eventually the phoenix will come.

Of course I will fight to the death to keep it away from Az but that it going to be diffiult becasue we don't know exactly what form it will take.

The information that I was given regarding this is that the Phoenix would destroy me even on the soul level. Whilst there is the understanding that nothing can be uncreated, it can be dissipated so much that any consciousness or awareness that once existed would be gone and so any essence of the all pervading one life that we all have.

However.... to be honest I just don't know. There is the rational part of me that makes sure that I run very quickly in the opposite direction when one is close, the last time being some years ago now ...... but another part of me wants to just stand still and allow it to come, embrace it, see what happens and if that means I cease to exist then so be it. There has to be a reason.... perhaps only Melek Taus knows the answer to it!!

Az

Don't know what it means but I have been thinking and seeing phoenix all around.

I even wrote a character in a story that had a phoenix on his chest. I didn't realise until after wards.

I wonder what it means.

I've just been reading Ash's post about the vision of energy rising in the UK and I wonder if that's what the phoenix imagery relates to. Rising from the ashes.