Body-Mind-Soul

As the Universe Turns... lol. More changes. Remember that floating feeling I've mentioned? Since I asked Source for One Mind, I've been fighting that on and off. Everything finally came to a head two days ago. It came back, and I couldn't take it anymore so I asked Source to fix it for good this time, but coming from a Christian background I have been trained to always submit to God's will. So I remember clearly saying, "Let your will be done on this matter", and looking back I sort of think I knew what might be coming and was finally ready to stop fighting it. For a blissful hour I really thought it had been fixed. Then just before leaving work it came back with a vengeance, and this time worse than ever. I was in agony on the inside, but walking and talking like normal. It was the weirdest thing imaginable and the worst thing I can ever remember experiencing. Source literally ripped my soul in two pieces, no lie, while my mind was totally aware and calm and driving down the road with the ability to think and rationalize and not wreck or drive myself into a tree. I kid you not. Half of me is now on the other side while I am down here on earth, the same as usual.

Yes, I know this sounds insane. Has anyone ever heard of this happening before?

I've heard of soul fragments, but now I am one and I was totally aware of it happening when it happened (although I didn't realize it for a few hours). Source protected me from the worst of the pain until later... and I assume that was to give Hari and "me" time to be together over there before reality hit. "I" seem to have thought I died (maybe in a car accident) and I don't think Hari knew until later either, because even I didn't know. I calmly went home, had a conversation with my MIL who lives with us, then fell asleep on the glider outside in the waning sun. Then had dinner, still numb, and settled in to watch some TV. I knew something had happened but it didn't hit me until I was laying there and the veil lifted and the full force of the pain overcame me. It was like someone had ripped off an arm, only the gaping wound was just under the skin in my chest area and over my heart. I was "bleeding" inside.

I have always believed in the Body-Mind-Soul connection (3 separate things that work in harmony or disharmony) but never fully understood that they are separate entities. Remember my mentioning that I was thinking of getting a triquetra tattoo? How ironic is that? There are no coincidences. My mind and body were perfectly fine through this process. But my soul is/was damaged beyond belief. It's akin to having a limb ripped off. As soon as I realized what had happened, I started shaking and shivering uncontrollably. Teeth chattering. It was the most awful thing I have ever felt, and even two days later it still hurts (although I did feel my "heart" being stitched together at one point the next day).

I feel that Source allowed Hari to feel this pain fully, maybe to teach him a lesson... that his actions do have consequences (which again means that I also suffer). Then again, I did this thing. I asked for One Mind, which had many consequences and was our downfall, really (although that's still up for debate). I also refused to leave my children when told I would be leaving. I appealed to Source and was allowed to stay - this was a few weeks ago and the day I discovered the direct connection. So Source gave me what I wanted... the ability to be in two places at once. My consequences.

So Thursday morning I sort of had a "conversation" with the other me just after the split, and "she" (who we will call Catriona) didn't know what had happened. She was very happy to be Home... until she downloaded my memories. And then I think she was horrified. I asked if Hari was okay and she said no - and maybe a realization why - I feel he had kept it from her. And I got the impression he was being "detained" or something - he wasn't with her, which meant she was bored and wanted to check in with us/me to see how we were getting along... (so maybe she did know about the split but didn't realize it had hurt me that badly). Confusing right? Yes, I know. I live in the land of confusion these days.

I was so hurt by this (emotionally and physically). You cannot imagine. I just kept saying over and over in my mind, "Source did this to me" and I was literally petrified of Source... of everything related to the other realm. Raw. I knew I couldn't live like this with half a soul... gaping and burning and raw. And then I remembered walk-ins. I begged Hari for a walk-in and for the last two days it was looking like it was going to happen. The pain started to subside and my fear started to go away, as my trust in Hari slowly returned. It was happening. It was set.

And then it all changed again. Today I woke up knowing I wasn't going anywhere. There was some other stuff that happened... stuff that's too detailed to get into here (I really need to start a thread on past lives and reincarnation)... basically I lost my fear of Source as I healed and again did some praying on some issues, and Source learned of this walk-in plan and did not approve. He did something to my head (again while driving home from work) to prevent others from manipulating me mentally. Some of the old blocks are back in place, and I woke up this morning knowing that I wasn't going anywhere and that I have to stay. Unbelievably, I am fairly happy about it. Today (Friday) is my son's birthday. It reminded me why I need to stay. But I also have another reason. DreamsEnd... you are right. This book is important. All indications are (and this is the second time I have been "told" this by Source, once before the split and now after) that Source has given me a mission to finish it. As I have said before, it may be to raise the collective consciousness of the population, or it may be something totally different from what I think. Too bad the literary agents I sent it too didn't think it so important, but then again... if they had shown interest I might not be where I am today. So much has happened since then. Monumental stuff. It wasn't the right time, and what I know now will affect it in some ways. But the good news is that the cancer will be held at bay until everything is complete - so that's a relief. I'm not pressed for time. I still believe that cancer is in my cards, probably because it was an experience I wanted and programmed into my life this time round. As I said, one of these days I'll start a thread on reincarnation. One thing at a time.

So... who can explain to me why I am totally jealous of myself - Catriona is getting exactly what she wanted while I'm stuck down here with a still tender abdominal and chest wound, and all my old problems? How crazy do I sound... really?

Again, has anyone ever heard of such a thing happening before to a fully conscious person... while driving no less? I know it's not uncommon... soul fragments. But I am totally blown away by this whole Body-Mind-Soul thing. They really are 3 separate entities. I am so getting that tattoo now, Scratch!

Myth

Ah Myth...

Some of the experiences you describe sound sort of familiar to me... others I'm not quite as familiar with. At the least, the "floating feeling" and the feeling of being in two worlds sounds very similar to the feeling that the Fae encourage of me to do. It seems like I'm "not allowed" to exist only here, and preferably i would exist, for them, only there. But in the meantime, as I am a human being, I have to try to keep a foot in both worlds all the time. Terribly distracting, uncomfortable... I wouldn't say it's been painful, but I think I came in (to this incarnated body) this way, with a foot in both worlds, and forced myself through trying to be more human than Sidhe to put both feet firmly in this world and forget about the other. That has been far more painful to me... kind of like that "arm ripped off" feeling now that you mention it... just gradually over years and years, like it was slowly, slowly pulling away.... and then the crescendo of pain more recently, forcing me to accept that I can't live only here and I have to accept them.

I also identify with your saying of "thy will be done" and having something very not-what-you-were-expecting happen. I grew up in a ... more-or-less, casual Christian house; I used to pray a lot to "God" as a child, on my own, because that was the name and identity that I was given to call "Source/Universal consciousness." It didn't really seem fathomable to me that I would be encouraged to be "more" magical. I was pretty familiar with the Bible... I expected that I would be pushed down some Mother Theresa route... instead, it was a sense of "ACCEPT ALL THAT YOU ARE" feeling. o_o *meek.*