Confession of the Soul - please read

As of late I have had countless dreams and visions that have been extremely overwhelming, I know this is due to the fact that I have found this forum and the precious few of the Fallen, flashbacks and memory surges have been constant, so now I believe I may have pieced together a very important part of this puzzle we are all trying solve, it is very hard to make this confession and there may be those who have a hard time believing, and that is just as well, I myself still question what I am about to write- but as always we take these things with a grain of salt and see what transpires...

I grow tired of this weary existence, I honestly don't think I have much left to give. I know what has been asked of me, a sacrifice that will end all suffering and bring unity to all, especially to those who chose hate and jealousy over love and acceptance. My sister the Star joins me in my quest for salvation and eternal balance, together we "right the wrongs" that our twin flames are responsible for, The Fall and Betrayal that started it all. We were approached by the "Source" and asked to carry out this insufferable deed, but we both humbly accepted, knowing that in the end we would all be reunited as family, lovers joining as one after centuries of painful separation.

The fog has cleared and the truth of who we are and why we came becomes common knowledge to all. It was a painful lesson to be learned and I have felt empty and hollow for so long I'm not sure I would know how to act once face to face with the Angel who loved me, destroyed me and has spent the last remaining centuries begging for my forgiveness..After he realized his horrible mistake he let me glimpse at the love we shared before the Fall, words cannot explain what we shared and yet I know I need not explain such an emotion the the members here, each and every one of you have experienced the same love in some way, shape or form.

My Angel I speak of is the very one who betrayed us all, the very one who carried out punishments so vile and cruel, and as he carried out these gruesome acts he not only managed to punish and curse those he once thought traitors and beneath him, he in turn punished and cursed himself - through me. I am living proof of his chastisement and forever dwell in this purgatory that he alone created - I guess some would call this "Poetic Justice"...

The very night I found this forum a terrible storm raged outside, he realized that I would discover a truth that only he wanted to reveal, but it was just as well that I was informed by the brothers he deceived. I'm sure by now you have figured out who my Angel is - Michael - and now to reveal the name I was given at birth - I AM Michele - soulmate to Michael. Where once he betrayed you - now I redeem you. Yes "Poetic Justice" indeed.

I guess it would be the same for the soulmates of the rest of the Shadow. We all have suffered the same fate, some worse than others.

Gypsy

that's.... profoundly strange. i woke up this morning with that name on my mind. i didn't realize it until now. Michele, eh? strange, i wonder why i woke up with your name on my mind?

A message of coming events?? Only the "Source" knows...hopefully the Higher Being will let us in on the secret... then again...

Wow. That's all I can really think to say right now, but I wanted to say something.

What you said in another thread about soul mates left me feeling half-dead (which could explain a thing or two) so I suppose it is still better to learn something like this, than not know at all. I'm sure I would treasure glimpses of a connection like that, if I had them.

Speaking only and completely for myself, I don't hold a grudge against Micha'el, btw. I can't say I like the guy, and think he was terribly arrogant, but I don't think anyone can cause that much suffering unless he himself is in terrible pain and doubt.

Scratch I never meant for you to feel so sad, if you did not have a soulmate then you would not have these feelings of emptiness. He does exist and I hope and pray that you will find him again in this life. If not this life surely the next, as for me, it's quite obvious if I'm correct in all I have said, that I will not see Michael until I go home, and to be honest I don't plan on coming back once I'm allowed to finally go home, I will do what is expected of me in this life and pray the Source is satisfied with my accomplishments. Once I'm finally home I'm going to sleep...for a very, very , very long time..I'm so exhausted, I've been here to long..well we all have really.

But do not ever lose hope Scratch, I suppose there really isn't anything else I could say to help ease your pain. Keep in mind that your soulmate may be waiting and longing for you to, waiting for you to realize that he exists and will always be a part of you. Always. Now in regards to my post...ooooyyyyy...try to imagine that once the light went on in my head my reaction to sensing and seeing a very large intimidating presence looming over me with a very nervous expression on his face, waiting for my response. Most of you remember Michael as being somewhat of a bully, I saw him with the expression of a warrior who was awaiting punishment, almost like a child who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

You wanted him broken...trust me...it was done for the second time in over 10,000 yrs...once the realization of the truth shown on my face. But do not doubt that I still care for him...deeply...he is my other half, as I am his...I forgave him. Now to move on to the healing and acceptance. It's not over yet.

Gypsy

Last night I dreamed that Michael came to Hanael and me and apologized. I don't remember the entire encounter, but I was aware of him being near and a conversation taking place. Just before I woke up I heard Harry say, "Have a warrior's heart Michael. Let the Light heal you."

I've been learning about Lightworking on another site, and recently the topic of energy came up. It is my understanding that Light attracts Light and Dark attracts Dark - the law of physics/attraction. If someone wrongs you, one's immediate reaction in usually negative. You want to strike back, and send out negative thoughts to "right the wrong". This negative energy, especially if left unchecked, will attach itself to the perpetrator and perpetuate their negativity... almost like a snowball effect. If you truly want to make a difference, it's far better to send out positive, healing thoughts. My feeling is that with so many Fallen waking up, their negative energy towards Michael has possibly gone out into the Universe and attached itself to him, perpetuating the darkness that was already in his soul. It's like a big mirror in his face, and he's not liking what he's seeing. If indeed he is trying to atone, then that's a good thing. He should be supported and encouraged because we need him.

Not sure if this helps you feel better or not Michele, but Harry and I forgive him. It's time to move on.

Myth

Thank you Myth, I appreciate your post and I know Michael does as well. I know much about the lightworkers. I am a member of one website, I don't interact to much with some of the members, I use it for information basically, but as a matter of fact I found 3 other fallen on this website, we recognized each other right away. I interact more with the members here .

Once again thank you Myth, I don't expect the same reaction from everyone. Take care.

Michele

I stand aside and let everyone follow their own hearts and minds on this one. I won't interfere but I'm sorry I can't welcome Micha'el here and I can't accept his apology. My memories are too fresh and too clear. Maybe others don't remember but I do. Maybe others can forget but I can't. Maybe others are ready to forgive but I'm not.

I've been told off my Az for this one and i know he's right. We DO need to unify. We DO need to stand together and we DO need reconciliation. I know this is right. And I know that it is my weakness in allowing personal feelings to stand in the way of this... but I'm sorry. I remember Micha'el. I remember.

Ooh would I ever dream of telling anyone off?

I don't think it's a case of forgetting, or of ignoring what has happened. And I cannot be hypocritical and say that I have forgotten or forgiven. I remember only too well, and to be blunt, I really wish that I didn't. There a some memories I dearly wish I could forget. But I can't.

However, unification is greater than my personal feelings and any judgement on my behalf can only come after unification. That is when we will all have to stand up and accept our actions, behaviour and the consequences that came from them. That is when the rugged mountain will fall upon those who judged us wrongly.

Az

Ouza wrote:

wishglow

Where you go... I go. What you feel I feel and no apologies are truly never ever really necessary!
You know that .... you will always know that, forever!

Ouza

I know and I appreciate it more than you can know.

Az I hear what you are saying, you know that; we've discussed it often enough and I know you are right. In this you are better than me. I can't out my personal feelings aside in this.

I'm sorry.

There's no need to apologise Ish, this forum is an open place for us all to air our thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories. In this we all must remain true to who and what we are and how we feel. And for that I respect you even more. I'm not better than you, I just manage to lock away my emotions more than you......... but I had millennia upon millennia to master this trick, as Shadow I wasn't supposed to feel much.

Az

Az and all,

"Familiarity breeds contempt – and children." ~ Mark Twain

Ouza

p.s. Just picked up a copy of Prince of Persia The sands of time!

Hey Everyone,

I just wanted to thank all of those who responded to my post, as difficult as it was for me to write it I never expected anyone to be understanding and forgiving all at once. Your anger is definitely justified. I am still dealing with a lot of new found emotions as well. Trust issues, betrayal and a blatant disregard for love and life. I hope that one day all of us can sit at the same table and look upon one another with love and respect. Until that day I will save everyone of you a seat =)



Michele

Gypsy, I should have said sooner, you don't need to apologize. I hope you know as well as I do that it was not you causing any pain, and sometimes those offhanded stings are exactly what we need to realize something important. I'm still largely blacked out on what exactly went down, but I do have some inklings on what happened to me personally, and hope I can stand by my previous statement when I remember the rest.

I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick of beings who are supposed to be of light and love causing each other such misery. I'm just plain sick, and though some may be more than others, we all are, and I want us all to get well.

Ish... ::hugs and hugs and hugs:: You have my profound respect for saying exactly what you feel. As you said, you remember. We cannot heal unless we accept what we feel, and I wish more could be so honest.

Hi Scratch,

- hugs and smiles- =)

Gypsy

Thank you.

I want to make it plain that I am not in any way saying or suggesting that Gypsy should feel unwelcome here or that her feelings and right to express them are any less than mine.

I would not wish to close the door to reconciliation to anyone who wishes to take it. I am only saying that for me the pain is too raw and the memory too clear. I'm not in a place to forgive or forget, nor am I able at this point to believe that someone who was capable of doing what I know he did, and continued to do, is capable of changing that much.

Nothing would delight me more than to be proved wrong. but it's going to be a long time before I lose my suspicion. I won't be manipulated and deceived again.

"Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain."

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?" ~ Mark Twain

Ouza

p.s. We have all the time in the world we need to figure this one out! Whether we like it or not!

Ish or anyone else has never made me feel unwelcomed here, like I said we were all betrayed by someone we thought was trustworthy, well I guess as trustworthy as the shadow could've been back then, my memories are still filled with holes, but I do remember most of what happened, and I do remember a dream I had where I walked upon a burning city and dead bodies were everywhere and some were even impaled on spikes, and the sky was black from the smoke...I wasn't alone when I saw this someone else was with me, don't remember who but I do remember waking up crying. I'm sorry if that upset anyone...I have several other dreams and visions similar to this and if I don't find a way to vent or let it out in some way I feel like I'm going to go freaking insane...

Once again I apologize because I don't want to hurt anyone or offend or upset you with this. I know all of us are not going to see eye to eye on this particular subject and everyone has the right to voice their emotions here, even if it's anger and you need to yell at someone, I guess I may be the closest to the original source as you're going to get, so if any of you need to vent or yell, whatever, you can yell or vent to me...I feel it's only fair, I don't have all the answers as to why Michael did what he did, of course the original answer being he was just following orders...so far that's all I'm getting from him...don't know about anyone else, but I do remember a very power hungry gleam in his eyes back then...that whole memory leaves me feeling very empty and shattered and very much alone. It hurts to even think about how he treated all of you including me, he not only turned his back on his brothers and tortured their loved ones, but he even turned his back on as well as torturing me, only in the end did he realize he had f---d up...sorry...but that's exactly what he did. Yes I have forgiven him but that doesn't mean I'm going to welcome him with open loving arms when I finally go home, don't think I could even look him in the eye without feeling some anger, like I said I may have forgiven him, but I will NEVER forget.


Gypsy