help me to fullfill my awakening

Hello, brothers and sisters, i know of this forum for some time now, but I didn`t feel ready untill now for the anwers that I may find here, the answers wich you wil maybe help me get.
I have always felt a calling and since I was very litle I disliked the christian ideea, in my view the people are ready to go to the next step and christianity is now putting a hold on mankind, I feel the change of the whole world order comming, and I feel that I am one of the very important piesces in the puzzle.
I never knew my name and always tried to find out, always to get the answer from everyone that could tell me anything that they just see a black hole.
Over the years I tried to get clues about my identity.

I am very unsure about a lot of the information i got but i am 100% sure of some.
I am sure now that i can identify myself as a dog or the dog, and I recently found my brother. the boar. I have identified this 2 emblems only in the myth of hercules, and in chinese astrology, but the answers that only one legend gives are not enough.
I will give you al the variables i could gather and maybe from this point on you can help me, I need you, my brothers and sister.
My spiritual tarot card is the devil, witch in my view and in what i understood tells me that i am one of the 21 heads of the fallen identified by christianity, only in my view there are 23 fallen not 21.
my physical tarrot card if i can call-it that way is the knight of spades and it realy depicts my personality in this human body.
I think my brother, the boar may be the one responsible for giving the humans the psychoactive substances, and letting them discover them.
if it is of any help i sleep in the hangman tarrot card position.

now the problematic part of the ecuation, i have always tried to project myself as i know once i get my soul free i could get maybe all the answers, i have tried to do so since i was maybe 15 years old and i was always taken down, once i even managed to get myself out of my body and after a few seccond i was slammed back
last year i discovered that LSD helps me get more profound with the trance and i was shure that it can free my soul, as you know acid is illegal in the whole world, where i live it`s particularily hard to get it, but for me the circumstances created themselves out of "coincidence" so that i could never realy get everything out of LSD, and everytime i managed to take-it it was weird and it guided me forwoard on my way when it was hardest for me.

everything i told you is not only from dreams or visions but is what i could correlate with myself and my personality, i have tried to understand how a human is formed, and i realy think that just the fact that the soul is in a human body forms aspects of personality while other aspects are stricly related to myself as a spiritual entity.

if you need more information, maybe about my personality or anything, don`t feel shy to ask, I ask you for a great help and I will try to help you as much as i can in identifing myself, after that i hope the answers will help all of us

Thank you.

i`m sorry for the misspellings and poor english on some ocasions, i handle a good english but i havn`t practiced in a while.

Welcome home!

Ouza

i'm not quite sure how to answer that, as i've never experimented with psychoactive drugs. it seems to me, though, that you project outward when you meditate, is that correct?

if so, might i suggest turning inward, if going out into the astral is out of the equation? there's an entire mindscape, an entire world within you, my friend, and by studying that world you may find the answers you seek. next time you meditate, try beginning by drawing a circle around yourself, and infusing it with your energy. even merely creating it out of energy is perfectly fine, so long as it is solid to you. then, picture just blackness around you, and a room or temple of some sort should come into focus. it may even be a simple forest clearing. but DO NOT force it to come into focus, let it present itself to you. this is the method i use myself, and there is as much symbolism there as there is in the stars, my friend.

best wishes, and good luck.

Razi'el

I wouild never recomment the use of drugs to aid in meditation or awakening. This is for three reasons

1. It's illegal

2. It's not good for you

3. It distorts things and even though it might seem that it makes it easier to get visions, the visions are distorted and unreliable.

The dog and the boar... there is definitely something familiar about that.

A word of warning, though, no one can give you answers about who or what you are; we can only give you perspectives and opinions. No one knows who you are but yourself.

Good luck with your awakening and don't worry about you grammar, there are more important things than how correct your english is.

Welcome

Welcome to the forum,

I agree with all that Ish has said, and agree that the dog and boar do seem linked and mean something to me. I just can't remember what or why........ but they appear so many times in celtic/native british mythology that this could be clouding my memory.

Welcome

Az

thank you for your advices, in thise life i have been guided towards the use of drugs, it has helped me alot, LSD helped me realize the emblems of the dog and boar and who gives a crap about what is legal and illegal in this world driven by christian dogma. are you sure that for some people, maybe like us, the drugs act like they act on an everyday human....

i have learned that not only visions from drugs can be distorted, every vision is sent to you by your subcounscious and belive me, it has big dificulties when it wants tot tell you something,
it took me a few years but I hope I have managed to understand how this human body works,how what my subcounscious is trying to tell me and how it influences my personality and what parts of me are strictly related to my soul.

i feel that this life was forced to me to prepare me to lead, i am a great leader, i can easly trick lower beeings into thinking that they do eactly what they want when actualy they work for me, i am a very fair soul and person i realy avoid harming anyone but if i get atacked i retaliate swiftly and violently.

i also seem related to death somehow, i cand say i know who I am as a soul, i just want myself identified, I would realy like if any of you could just guess what my name is so i can gather info on my own.
also i can say i see myself as an assasin, but i realy don`t know if it`s a personality trait, a past life or my soul`s expresion of something.

a long time ago (4-5 years) i got a hint that led me to the name Samyaza, and the only writings that i found where Christian (the book of enoch), and i realy don`t trust christian propaganda, i understood the big part, but as you know the souls of the fallen are not imprisoned under mountains nor banished to suffer, they roam the earth in bags of flesh wich i don`t see as tourment but rather as a realy hard learning experience.

i feel that the day will come when we will be fully awaken, and not just all of us but all humans, i realy thinkt that the human brain has the capacity to acces all the information that our soul has trapped and with that information it can do almost anything we just need some litle trigger to get-it working at its full potential.

this world will soon be our world, i know that, and i am realy starting to like-it

In some ways I think you were all assassins, some more than others and for sure retaliation was either swift and deadly or cold and considered... except with Sem of course who was always way too hot headed to be cold and considered.

You appreciate that I CAN'T condone drugs in any form but I do accept that all visions can be distorted and the skill is in working out which are real and what can be read from those which are not. life is full of sifting and searching.

I don't see humans as lesser beings; well it would be kind of hypicritucal for me wouldn't it? Isn't that what this was all about in the beginning... the belief that humans weren't a sub species but capable of greatness... although I have to admit that the greatness never transpired and in truth we, as a species, have descended so far into darkness that I am not sure, anymore, whether they are capable of redemption. I still feel an obligation to try though.

I wish I could tell you who you are but I can't. Do you feel particularly drawn to any names or experiences. Do you remember anything from the past... anything you owned or used to do or used to know? Do you feel drawn to any weapon or drink or part of the world? These feelngs don't have to make sense and may not be something you would consider with your conscious mind as being worth thought.

The more you can give the more likely it is that someone might recognise you or that you can recognise yourself.

and remember we are the ones who showed people psychoactives. the problem is tgat for many of them strong psychoactives are to much and they end up seeing the world that is there to deliver a message as something real when actualy it is the package wich sends you a simpler but more important message.

the hardest hallucinacions are the best method for your brain to tell you something, and i think that our subcouscious mind is actualy our way of archiving information.

also if you realy try to understand a soul it`s jut a huge chunk of information, that is unique in every way but can be patterned and understood.

maybe even you shpuld start looking at the bigger picture, i don`t know how many of you tried to understand what exactly did those people that wrote about us felt, what was the real message they wanted to send.

i am realy trying to find out the message behind the halucinacions behind the written words, behind everything. if we can understand the essence of things than it`s easyer to evolve from that with your own mindset


i am somehow glad i met you and now i feel that you need my help as much as i need yours.
I am curious where it leads.....

Remember that Christianity was a religion of control. It was, after the days of Jesus (who was not a Christian, he couldn't have been) the small cult of personality was taken and used and expanded. The desire of the peole for spiritual sustenance was exploited and ultimately used to control them. In many ways it still is.

My belief is that what was going on with the people who wrote about us was that they had a connection to the energy that was what you essentially were but it was filtered through the consciousness of the religion and therefore twisted. I'm not sure that makes sense. As someone elese once said it sounded good in my mind

In short they were tapping into the energy but couldn't accept the reality because of their conditioning as so made it fit their beliefs. it's a kind of an example of the victors writing the history.

Of course I think that the twisting might have been helped along by the remnants of the Sanhedrin who continue to meddle.

well Ishtar i agree with you humans are not lesser, but there are great humans and lesser humans, i understand the ballance and the differences, this makes everything worth-it.

i feel drawn to the name Semyaza but i am not ready to embrace this responsability yet, even if I accept-it some part of me refuses to accept this.

if this life is a mirror of my soul`s existance as i feel it i can only say that i was always the child that hanged out with big people, and the problem with me is that i am a very mature child, people always saw me for great potential and for a great part of my life i can say i have used that, i always learned from experienced people that aprecieted me, surpased them and moved forward, altough for my brother(the boar)
and this echoes alot in my relationship with the boar, he is more mature and experienced in almost every common aspect of our lifes but we are equaly good in what we do, i am more like an impulse a great striking force, but i need guidance once in a while, and i only get guidance from the ones i end up trusting.

and yes i was not very cold and considered, not even in this life, i am driven alot by pride, and i understand that as my best quality and my biggest flaw, as i said above i need someone to trust to be my cold and considered part

this time i only halfway agree with you, remember that humans tend to take sides, and they make their side the good side and the other the bad side, when actualy both sides are different formes of ballance between good and bad

Please explain a little bit more as to why you are drawn to Semyaza. Do you feel that you might indeed be him or perhaps a part of him. Or is it because you feel that you may have been apart of the originals from Mount Hebron?

Ouza

The Dog and the Boar are what the hunter of Orion seeks!

i feel my soul eyther trapped in this body eyther trapped somewhere else, i cannot realy get that link, Semyaza is just a name, and i resemble with the descriptions made for that name.
and i have found-it a long time ago before i realy started knowing myself, i feel like i have been in a slow awakening since i was 16, i am linking more and more dots but the picture is still very blurred.

i feel like a lone leader, i have my leading qualities but i do not realy have someone to lead as for me leadership is somehow a mutual feeling, i feel that i have been like this for a long time, and i feel that in my lifetimes i was taught lesson after lesson some by loss and pain and some by succes.
also somehow i know time has come for me to rise, with my brothers and as i said i know i am an important piece of the puzzle but i am somehow afraid of having the responsability of the leader, i am more like a good weapon, with good guidance i am letal without guidance i tend to loose control.

in this life i had tons of bad luck and drama if i can say so, but after i started seeing some signs everything changed to the better, the weird part is that most of the signs are given to me by my subcounscious brain, wich raises lots of questions, maybe i have the capabilities but i am not aware of them yet.

i realy think that none of us are truly awaken, i am realy awating the great awakening, and i feel-it comming

or i don`t know i have always seen 21 fallen but i felt there were 23, maybe we are the missing two.....look at my sign up date.....23 has always been a special number and a special calendaristic date for me...

What they don't tell you is that Orion was a leader and one of the titans and most certainly a Demi-God!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orion_%28mythology%29

As to really finding out about what's coming up, you are most certainly in the right place!

Ouza

There was a total of 1 Head with 4 Vice-Commanders with 10 field Officers with 195 on duty in the field at the time of Mount Hebron and the so called fall!

Ouza

the book of enoch stated 21, but somehow it`s like i know we were 23, i never had any visions about the fall but i just know-it somehow.

as for the titans i don`t realy know where to place them in the puzzle i have realy been busy with life......went through some hardcore stages, lost everything, rebuilt my life from scratch better than before, shitt like that

Got a url or something on the 21 you are talking about in the book of Enoch?

Ouza

i cannot link you to the book of enoch but, indeed there are 18 cheftain names.....it means i found the number 21 on some web page and it`s impossible for me to find-it.

but i actualy found out the names of the fallen after i looked up 23 fallen angels on google, but i can`t get back to that page

http://exodus2006.com/3rebels.htm

http://www.sacred-texts.com/bib/boe/

Try These!

Ouza

Forgive the error but Hebron should be Hermon!

It is generally accepted that there were 200 Grigori that Fell........ and that is true, but there were 201 Shadow who Fell. The leader of the Grigori, Semyaza.... the 18 chiefs, each of their ten warriors, and myself. This makes the 200. The other than Fell wasn't Grigori but was what could be called 'angel', one of higher rank, and that was Dani'el. That makes 201 Shadow......... however, that doesn't include the numerous nephilim, humans and other Kin who helped us and fought the war with us.

Is it possible that the others that you are thinking of were other Kin?

Az

greetings again, lately i have managed to piese together alot of information about myself and mybrother, also i have managed to identify some people in my life that are brother and sister kin, i cannot identify ourselves in the biblical mythology only in the norse and egiptian and maybe greek mythology.

ok it goes like this :

i don`t know if i told you that i identify myself with a dog, or a dog-like entity, also i have found the boar and the dog in the legend of hercules, at his last tasks, if you remember hercules had to capture a boar and beat cerberus, i can also easly identify myself with anubis in egiptian mythology frenrir in norse etc....if you read throught al mythologies you will see that the dog apears either to be a guardian for the dead either imprisoned and awayting for ragnarok in norse mythology.

now the funny part starts, because all the other people i have identified as kin, are all conected in very strange ways

i told you of my brother the boar/pig, well i recently identified one of my friends as freyja by myself, i brought up a conversation to her about the godess and she reacted, later to find out from her that she also identifies with freyja.
the real fun part starts here, if you know the drawing of freyja you should know that she has a boar forever folowing her and two cats.
i guess the boar is my brother, but for me the realy funny part starts with the cats of freyja

when i was young i had a dream, that i was climbing level after level in some sort of a game where you had to climb up some levels where parts of the floor faded, and i had to know where to step....at the top i made a mistake and fell down in some sort of a meat grinder where 2 cats waited for me one was black and one was white with black & brown spots, the spotted one told me i`ll pay for this (whatever would that have been) and ran, the black one stood by me, when i woke up a siluete of a black cat was standing on me looking at me for a few seconds, when i moved it simply disapered.

in this summer my brother met some girl and they were instantly atracted to one another, and she is strange, in the sort of way that we are strange....she also has a spotted cat exactly like the one i dreamt, and also told us that she was bit by a dog when she was verry litle so she realy hates dogs, also she doesn`t like me very much.
now for the funnyest part i have met a girl to, and again everything is very strange with her, also she has somewhat of a feline personality and a black cat.

i cannot shurely identify those two as the cats of freyja but that`s what i feel and somehow know to be true.

I dunno maybe you can help me with some part of the biblical mythology to identify ourselves because in ancient mythology all is to obscure to realy understand