ARCHIVE: The End of the Year, the beginning of an awakening

From Azaz'el 26 Oct 2007

We're all now rapidly heading towards the festival of Samhuinn, the day of the dead, hallowe'en. In the northern hemisphere this was the beginning of winter, the end of the old year before facing a 3 day period of time between time, before the new year began.

For some time i have had the feeling and understanding that this year it would be an important time for us all. My feelings are that this day, this transition point, will bring us all closer to an awakening, an understanding of who we were and are. I also feel that from this point, we can no longer pretend that we aren't who and waht we are .... it will be time to act, to live, to stand up and be counted. Especially if the next couple of years as going to be as bad as some believe.

So, as we head towards it, what are you doing for the festival? Are you marking it, observing it? Are you ignoring it or hoping nothing will happen?

For me I will be celebrating it with friends. A close friend of mine who is human is also facing an awakening and a fusing of who she is now and who she once was - a sign that perhaps shows us that it's not just Kin who are awakening. So she will be here celebrating too. I will also be carrying out a rite to help me reconnect and remember the final pieces of my own memory. I hope that it works for me.

How are you remembering and celebrating?

Az


From Ishtahar 27 Oct 2007

We are having friends visiting who may or may not be kin. Who know maybe this is the time I will find out.

The early part of the day will be dedicated to children and we will be doing the commercial dressing up, trick or treating and apple games. We also have a pumpkin carving competition which should be fun.

When the kids are in bed we are going to be having a ritual and as my friends are very spiritual, if not kin and this is the first ritual we will have done together it is bound to be interesting. We are going to be blending elements of their traditions with ours so it will be unique if nothing else. We havent really organised details yet so I cant tell you what form it will take but I am thinking that we just dive in and see what develops, it feels right that there should be an element of chaos, blink.gif

And then of course there will be eating drinking and general making merry biggrin.gif


From Azaz'el 27 Oct 2007

QUOTE (Ishtahar @ Oct 27 2007, 09:36 AM)
"it feels right that there should be an element of chaos, blink.gif"

And then of course there will be eating drinking and general making merry biggrin.gif

There always has to be that chaos.......... and making merry. Or better still, just mix them all together!!!!

Az


From Ishtahar 27 Oct 2007

Chaotic merry making sounds good to me.


From Dreamsend 31 Oct 2007

Some context for this reply: Growing up I've always been very suppressed. The stronger emotions I felt I would keep inside. I try to always wear a smile or express happiness or non-aggression, even though many things make me angry. I very consciously initiated these behaviors as a little girl, I remember. It's always seemed to me that my true self is very "scary" to people somehow. It was important to me to have good energy directed at me, to have friends and people who wouldn't shun me. I learned very quickly that the way to get people to direct energy (that I could absorb) at me was to pretend to be someone I wasn't, in those ways. I think that particularly with my parents, who are both empaths/psychically gifted at the least but not accepting of their abilities, a lot of what I do and express frightened them, and they punished me for it, mostly by demanding I stop doing what I was doing.

The understanding that a lot of what I "need" from people was actually my yearning for their energy, and the slow acceptance that I may indeed be alone if I choose to be my real self has allowed me to slowly release the bonds that I've placed on myself over the years. I'm gradually growing to accept that I may "scare" people by using abilities or behaving in foreign ways, and if I do it is not automatically a "bad" thing. I'm growing to lose the fear of being shunned or the judgments of others, and all that that may entail, should that happen. I want to acknowledge the part of my soul that seems not to have a particular care for others or what they will think. That is the "darker" side of myself; I can't judge it because it lies in the darker part of me. There is really no "right or wrong" except where we, as sentient beings, decide there is. Before judgment, everything simply *is.* A thunderstorm that destroys simply *is.* To me, that is what this Samhuin is about.

The further I plumb, the less I'm sure what exactly I am. In the archetypal good vs. evil, even though I've always felt I was here to help, perhaps I was not good at all. I don't know how I would handle it if I turned out to be fighting for "evil" instead of "good" in the past. What if the forces that guide me today are just as bad. What if my entire mission here has no good outcome? I've been more than anything, scared recently that by uncovering some of my hidden parts, I'd be falling into a role that I neither want nor can handle. But now, I've come to acknowledge that more than anything, I have to find that part of myself before I can judge it.

I'm celebrating this holiday in the guise of Halloween, in dressing up and going out to clubs... I don't live in the sort of place where I can easily hold obvious magic ritual, but merrymaking can be sort of a private magical act, and I intend for it to be so. I'm wearing a costume that will be very significant to me personally, to try to invoke the aspects of myself that haven't been expressed.

Indeed, on a side note, I think that perhaps the reason I've always loved Halloween - especially as someone who concealed her power and connection with the beyond - is that it's the only night in this society where such things are acknowledged and *everyone* expresses that part of themselves, even a little bit. Like the monsters in fiction that can "go around as themselves" because the world thinks they are simply going in costume, pretending - I can "go around as myself" without repercussion.

I expect to come out on the other side of this acceptance of the dark within me different and even perhaps a little less human (something that's always scared me... how will I blend in if I'm obviously not the "others"). If others find I can do things they cannot, or that I behave in ways they find frighten me, their reaction will undoubtedly frighten me, too. It has to be done, though. I'm resigned to that now.


Happy Holiday laugh.gif

Dreamsend.


From Ishtahar 1 Nov 2007

I think we have all to some degree walked the path of acceptance.

We have all struggled with the knowledge that we are different and with the fear of the 'what ifs' when we begin to learn who we really are and who we really were.

I think that it is natural when we begin to accept our darker sides and especially when we begin to touch on the power which lies there, it is very natural to fear the 'what if's' that say, 'what if I can't control it' or ' what if I grow to like it too much' or 'what it that is the real me'

I think that being brought up in a society where everything has to be black and white does not help.

I personally do not believe in evil. I believe in balance. We do what we think is right. Sometimes that is good sometimes that is bad. Sometimes the results are good sometimes they are bad.

Somewhere in the great scheme of things all the good and the bads balance out and we get to where the real power is...beyond good or bad.

I have remembered terrible things I have done in past lives but I know that my soul is not intrinsically evil and that the bad things I have done although obejctively evil with hindsight were always what I thought at the time was necessary or for the best.

Dont forget 'dark' does not equal 'evil' and 'light' is not necessarily 'good'.

It may well be that as you remember more and more of what you have done in the past you may find things that make you shudder and want to turn away. But they are in the past now, they do not define who you are, they are merely what you have done in another time, with another set of principles to work from.

In the same way, whatever you are 'menat' to do in this life you still have choices and I believe that you will do whatever you feel is the right thing to do in that place at that time. No one can ever do more


From Azaz'el 1 Nov 2007

I can understand your posts very well. I have grown up in a part of the country, part of the world, where there has been a very real definition symbolically and mythologically and spiritually of what is right and what is wrong - good and evil. I have also known from a very young age that what and who I am would cause nothing but pain to those I loved. At that time I was very young and actually didn't really know what I meant, other than it hurt to realise it.

Those who have known me for many years have seen and recognised in me that even though I would never deliberately hurt anyone or cause them suffering, there seemed to be a part of me that was 'darker', more cold and practical. Then the 'joys' of remembering came long ............... and I remembered and realised that I was what all of society, all of spirituality and revealed religion called evil. That was a bit of a kick in the head and I struggled for a long time trying to understand it and reason with it. Apparently I was evil by birth, and couldn't or shouldn't even exist.

I believed this for some time, as often the first memories of past lives that return are the traumatic ones... so I remembered death, I remembered murder and pain and agony.... caused by me or to me. I rememberede my name and my life and knew that many wanted me dead at that time. For a while I didn't cope with it very well. I thought I was a decent person but how could I be with all that in my past?

Anyway, time never heals but it allows us to accept and understand. As I remembered more and understood more I had to accept that i was trying to judge my past lives and memories based on todays morality. And that cannot and will not work. I was a different person back then, society had different rules and I lived by them. So I wasn't evil, I was just different to who I am now.

Or I was.

I have been linking back to who I was, becoming who I am. And even though I know I will behave correctly, I know and accept that I am alone and completely alien to those around me. Only those who are fellow Kin or who accept Kin can know me and see who I am. And it is a difficult path to walk and one none of us would have chosen by choice.

The darkness within is necessary and has to exist. There cannot be darkness if there is no light. The smallest candle glows brightly in the dark, the smallest light casts shadow. Be true to who you are and the path at your feet, and the darkness within can become a source of strength, rather than something to fear.

Sorry to ramble....

Az


From Rowanne 2 Nov 2007

Sometimes, the only way to express ourselves effectively is to "ramble" as you so eloquently put it Az. I do it myself on a very frequent basis wink.gif

I too have had my fair share of remembrances of darknesses past and present. For the last 6 years I have had a running battle with controlling my darker side and can well understand the fear of losing control on the one hand, and the utter temptation to give yourself over to it on the other.

I have openly celebrated Samhuinn for the last 16 years either in a group or as a solitary practitioner. It has always been my favourite festival and has always had a different dynamic, feel and strength compared to the other 8 festivals of the year. However, this Samhuinn in particular has felt very very different to me. The dynamic has changed, the energies have become stronger, harsher even and there is a voice in the wind that seems to be calling to us, warning us that change is coming on very swift wings. There seems to be a wildness to this Samhuinn, a passion that matches the fire of Bealteinne and burns just as brightly. There is an urgency to the season that heralds the possible awakening not just of Kin, but of all beings.

I am not Kin. I am and have always been Human. I too am facing my own awakening and reckoning this Samhuinn. I have been summoned to face my past, take responsibility for my present and find my future. It is a prospect that on the one hand frightens me greatly....some of the memories from my first incarnation were not at all easy to either accept or reconcile with..... yet on the other hand, they also show me the person I was, that for the most part I still am to this day. There are things that I have done that I am not proud of, that show just how much darkness I have within me, yet there are other instances that show the lighter half of my nature too. I had a hard time dealing with the darker parts of myself until a very close and wise friend of mine helped me to realise that in order to exist, we all needed the dark and light within us. Without it there was no balance, no essence, no cohesion. the one aspect feeds the other and vice versa.

I used to make it worse by fighting it and not recognising the truth of this. Once I managed to let go of my fears and accept that both were necessary, I was able to move onward and accept the memories as they became more frequent and stopped believing that I was some sort of monster.

I still struggle with it from time to time, but now after all these years, I am finally able to accept that i am what I am and that I can be true to myself.