ARCHIVE: A beginning

By Torchbearer Jul 13 2009 -

I don't really know where to start with these things so I guess I will start At the beginning. My life, this time, has only lasted for 27 years so far but I have been buried alive twice for ritual purposes, as well as being ritualistically hung and stabbed as tribute to Odin not to mention dying once for a number of minutes but none has a more profound effect on me than the first time I saw her eyes. Since the first time I saw her five years ago wave after frustrating wave of what at first I considered impossible memory washed over me, at times threatening to carry my sanity with it.

I remember a garden. Beautiful, lush and wonderful in every way. I remember being loved than any other and honored. I remember breaking the rules for love and pride. Then I remember rage. Not because of punishment but caused by silence. After that things get blurry but I remember falling for eons and then dying. After that I have this odd string of lives, Egypt, Babylon, Norway, all the way to now.

I don't remember my name. So much is lost to me. But I have her again. ANd hopefully one day I will have the answers I seek. Thank you for reading this. It feels good to have some of it down finally.


By Seraphyna Jul 13 2009 -

Welcome smile.gif


By Razi'el Jul 13 2009 -

Welcome, and i hope you find some peace here, friend. many of us, myself included, are still trying to follow our memories and regain them. here's hoping we can help one another, eh? feel free to be open as you like! and if you ever need an ear to listen, i'm not the only one here who'll be around wink.gif

good luck, and welcome again,
Razi'el


By Azaz'el Jul 13 2009 -

Greetings and welcome to the forum, Torchbearer,

it's always good to have a new member and a new friend to join us on our journey to understand and remember and guide.

You'll see that all of our members are either Shadow, Kin, Human or those who have very strong links to us and to the Fall and mistakes that were made so many years ago. You'll also see that we all have an open mind and no one person has all the truth. So feel free to talk about what you wish, share what you can and listen to what feels right to your own heart. If you want to talk about anything that is more private, you'll see there is the members section that is not visitble or accessable to anyone other than members.

Time is running away from us all, so we come together in harmony and hopefully the spirit of friendship. Past trangressions are moved on from, and hopefully we can all here find a home where we can be true to who and what we are.

Welcome!

Azaz'el


By Ishtahar Jul 13 2009 -

Welcome. Sounds like you have had an eventful life so far.

Glad you found your way here. Hopefully the flood of memories will begin to make sense soon.., go with it.. the more information you have the more you have to work with the sooner it will begin to make sense

Good luck and welcome


By Scratch Jul 13 2009 -

Wow.

It's nice to hear about another's awakening kicked off by someone else. I was always kind of afraid it was some influence he somehow had over me.

Why are you such a willing sacrifice?

Feel free to put as much of it down as you want. I don't have hair to let down, but it would be here.


By Torchbearer Jul 14 2009 -

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the welcome. I am not truely trying to become a sacrifice however after rereading my post I can see how that might come across. The burials were designed so that I might leave the negative aspects of myself that were running away from me in the grave. Where they were to be ripped apart by the hounds of Annwyn, leaving the negative aspects I saw trying to rid myself of in the grave. The hanging and stabbing were literally a quest for knowledge as well as a tribute to Odin.

Most of my memories are fragments, all jumbled and chaotic. Every time I try to make sense of something like a location, a name, or even a general idea in the scale of time, I get nothing. I feel like there is this huge block and no matter how hard I push at it I just can't get through.


By Ishtahar Jul 14 2009 -

Maybe that's the problem. These things can't be forced.

Try relaxing and just letting it happen. Maybe meditation, random tarot drawing, crystal gazing or something like that. But most of all relax, don't force it. Make notes of the bits and pieces that come through... including feelings, sounds, smells, etc. and review them regularly.

Good luck


By Azaz'el Jul 14 2009 -

The most annoying and frustrating aspect of awakening is the fact that it cannot be rushed, cannot be forced, and no matter how hard we try to link everything together.... it happens in its own time and will little or no rhyme or reason.

As has been said, the best advice it to relax into it and allow it to come to you...... but of course that never helps or is ever the information we want to hear! wink.gif

Your journey is still in its early stages.... answers are coming,

Az


By Scratch Jul 14 2009 -

QUOTE (Torchbearer @ Jul 14 2009, 03:12 PM)
"Most of my memories are fragments, all jumbled and chaotic. Every time I try to make sense of something like a location, a name, or even a general idea in the scale of time, I get nothing."

It was the same for me at first. If I asked myself in just the right way (generally relaxed and not really expecting an answer), I started getting some kind of context for the images, feelings, and thoughts that would pop up. Then, from what I knew about history at the time, the contexts I got would make no rational sense. "Previous era? With dragons?! Er..." I discovered part of the block was not wanting to believe, preferring the idea I'm just insane and seeing epic fantasies.

I used to say a lot of weird shit happens to me, until I realized it's neither weird nor shit. Also, things that seemed to not relate to each other at all when I analyzed them, have had information turn up linking them later on. As Ish and Az said.

Thanks for clearing that up. It wasn't anything as formal like yours sound, but I've died or almost died in many ways, and was curious what you meant by that. It's a helluva way to introduce yourself. Odin... ::smiles::