ARCHIVE: The End and The Beginning, my final memories in perspective

By Seraphyna Aug 28 2008 -

I know there's a post around here of my memories as to the end of my celestial existance. Well now I know exactly what I am and have put them into perspective, so here's the updated version:

Seraphyna was/is my name, well my name in a form pronounceable by human vocal cords...I took it as my confirmation name when I was still being forced into Catholicism by my parents....anyway, I am a polymorphic celestial …and here’s a tidbit on my celestial form proper: I was somewhere between 5'6-5'9'' ish tall. Long curly (think banana curls) red hair I think my eyes were some version of grey or violet, though I'm not sure. I was usually wearing really light and flowly dresses...mostly of the light grey/silver variety, though I also have memories of me in a brilliant white/silver chainmail flowy dress-like armor thing. I had either one or three sets of wings. If one pair, they changed; if three sets, I had one pair of each of the following: pale grey feathered wings, dark leather "draconic or demon" wings, and a pair that was a hybrid of the two. As for my other forms I’m aware of thus far…one is a tiger occasionally with flaming paws and shoulderblades. The other is a lioness-dragon hybrid type of gargoyle. I’m currently exploring the possibility of having a mermaid aspect, I’ll let you know when and if I figure it out definitively.

Anyhow, I was betrothed, but never loved the mate that was chosen for me (as was the point of betrothals) and fell in love with another being. The other man knew that he could do nothing to sever, prevent, or cease our love and stepped aside, still in love with me himself, but knowing that he didn't have the remotest of chances. There was nothing my betrothed could do short of destroying him to get me back. Thus, I knew that I would have to protect him. I knew that they would most likely seek to destroy him in order to “save” me from jeopardizing my neutrality. So I sought to gain as much power as possible. The more my power grew, the more I lost sight of myself…of what I was, what my duty was. I wanted to be akin with the gods so that I could keep him safe…it was that kind of love, the deep eternal kind you’ll do anything to protect. The cliché really is true…power does corrupt. I lost sight of myself entirely…

…and, I was a fool. I ended up cheating on himwith a being named Vandon. I never forgave myself, seeing what this quest for power had turned me into. Knowing that no one could destroy me, save the Source Hirself (who wouldn’t because I made my choice and thus had to do what I had to do) I banished myself from a celestial existence.

How? Well I remember consuming myself in white hot energy for what I thought would be an eternity of conscious death, but instead got me incarnated here on a learning vacation I assume to get “love out of my system or something”…like that’s possible.

Soon after I “left”, heand my betrothed were in a great battle where he was defeated and imprisoned in an emerald talisman. Everyone involved has, at this point, been reincarnated, destined to play out our roles in something of the human “apocalypse” or some kind of great change, which is apparently closer at hand than I ever thought it could be.

Once my memories came back to me (mind you they're still incomplete and a smidge fuzzy), I was devastated. I blame myself for everything that happened, as well I should right? He may not even know who he is, but he’s here…I know it. I feel he’s been in my dreams, which have a thread of their own poking around.

My betrothed and Vandon are around somewhere and have more power and complete memories than I do...which may be a dangerous development...a few years ago I was in touch with both of them via IM, but have since basically lost touch for better or worse.

That's about all I've got. The memories I have are quite disjointed, a name and a picture coming in here or there needing to be placed together until it's all figured out. I've done two past life visualizations and have seen myself standing atop a waterfall in a vast city with tall buildings that are silver spirals (The Silver City). I always think this is a little interesting side note: I have a birthmark (it was much bigger at birth) over my chest where the energy began when I tried to destroy/banish myself long ago...I was born with a big red mark on my chest, it's now very very small....but there you have it.

Just thought it was time to type out what I have, given in very little detail, in the way of my last memories before my incarnation here.


By Azaz'el Aug 28 2008 -

Many thanks for sharing such personal and possibly painful information with us Seraphyna. I know in my own way just how difficult it can be to sit and face the memories and pain again as you type. I did it when I typed up my "story" for the website, as did Ishtahar. Its not easy, especially when the love that was once shared is remembered by the heart so very well, but is not made manifest.

Az


By Ishtahar Aug 31 2008 -

I don't think that you should blame yourself for everything that happened Serephyna. You made a mistake, that much is true but you did it for what you considered to be the best reasons at thet time.

I, too have known that all consuming love and I died for it. So did he. Yes, there have been times when I have blamed myself and for the things I have done since in the years of chaos and madness but I have always done what I thought was the right thing at the time and I dont think that anyone can do more.

I hope that you find your love and that this time it is a more equal and therefore a deeper and more potent love that can carry you to a place where power is nothing compared to the simple humility of wanting to give yourself wholly to another and trust in the love itself to protect and sustain you.

Blessings and many thanks

Ish