Worst nightmare in a long time...

This dream didn't have anything directly relating to my past or anything like that.

I feel like there were a lot of precursors in the dream, but all I fully remember is the part that had me waking up to my own tears.

It seems that we were at an opera, or a play, or a musical. There was some sort of panic, like a murderer on the loose. Everyone was rushing to leave the building. It turned out that we were several, several floors up, and the only way down was this spiraling stairwell. It was made of brown, dusty stone, and the stairwell was square. The stairs were rigid and steep, like they were very old. But they were made of completely straight lines. There was no guard rail and there were no hand rails. You could look down and see the staircase go down, seemingly endless.

It feels as though we were towards the end of the line, end of the rushed crowd. My daughter was who she was now, the same age (about 4). She and I had gotten separated from my fiance somehow. We had been frantically climbing down these steps when she tripped and tumbled down the smaller set of stairs to one of the landings where she landed exactly on the outer corner, nearly falling into the hole of the stairwell. But she landed on some of the red throw pillows I keep on my bed. She said, "Oh, mommy, I beary tired. I just want to lie down." And then she leaned back and I screamed and went to catch her, but she tumbled down the steps and landed on her back, upside down, in the middle of the flight of stairs on the very edge. I was rushing down those damn steps, trying to tell her not to move, and she rolled over to get up and rolled right into that stairwell...falling and screaming. I could see her disappear into the black and see other people peering down after her and then looking back up at me - not with pity, but with accusation. I woke up to my pillow-smothered scream and burst into tears.


Similarly, I had one a few months after my divorce in 2010. In the dream, my daughter was a tiny infant again, perhaps only a few weeks or a couple of months old. I was in a canoe with a little girl, about 8, who was doing the paddling), and I was holding my daughter who was swaddled in a charcoal colored or dark navy blue, rough blanket. The lake we were in was frozen along the edges with snow on the banks. The lake was a deep, abyssal blue, downgrading into blackness. Crossing high over the lake was a train trestle. The sky was bright with the sun, pale blue, and harsh to look at. I remember that we had decided to canoe across the lake rather than risk crossing the train trestle.

For some reason, the little girl took my daughter from me. I let her because I trusted her. But she dangled her over the edge. I screamed and scrambled for her, and then she just let go of my baby. I reached over the edge down in the water to retrieve her, but she didn't float for even a moment. She rapidly sunk beneath that water as if pulled down. I can still see her little baby face in my mind with her arms stretched up to me, disappearing into the blackness. The little girl beside me said, "If you were any good of a mother, you'd have jumped in that water after her, instead of staying in the boat at all." And I realized the little girl was me.

Here are the definitions I've found, so far.

Staircase
To see a staircase in your dream symbolizes change and transformation.

To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs represents your repressed thoughts. You are regressing back into your subconscious. It also refers to the setbacks that you are experiencing in your life. If you are afraid of going down the stairs, then it means that you are afraid to confront your repressed emotions and thoughts. Is there something from your past that you are not acknowledging? (This part made my breathing pause.)

To see spiral or winding stairs signify growth and/or rebirth.

If you slip going down the stairs, then it suggests that you are moving too quickly in delving into your subconscious. You may not be quite ready to confront your subconscious or repressed thoughts.
(I don't know how this would apply, as I wasn't the one who fell.)


Second dream

Railroad
To see a railroad in your dream indicates that you have laid out a set track toward achieving your goals. Your progress will be slow but steady. You are well disciplined and secure in your life. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you may be too linear and rigid in your thinking. Perhaps a situation or relationship in your waking life has become monotonous. Sometimes you need to go off track and explore other possibilities.

Canoe
To see a canoe in your dream represents serenity, simplicity, and independence. It is also a reflection of your emotional balance. You are moving ahead via your own power and determination.

Lake
To see a lake in your dream signifies your emotional state of mind. You feel restricted and that you can't express your emotions freely. Alternatively, the lake may provide you with solace, security, and peace of mind. If the lake is clear and calm, then it symbolizes your inner peace. If the lake is disturbed, then you may be going through some emotional turmoil.

Snow
To see snow in your dream signifies your inhibitions, unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. You need to release and express these emotions and inhibitions. Alternatively, snow means that you are feeling indifferent, alone and neglected. If the snow is melting, then it suggests that you are acknowledging and releasing emotions you have repressed. You are overcoming your fears and obstacles. If you are driving in the snow, then it means that you need to be extra cautious about how your approach your goals.If the snow is dirty, then it refers to a lost in innocence, impurity and uncleanness. Some aspect of yourself or situation has been tainted.


Sky
To look up at the clear blue sky in your dream denotes hope, possibilities, creativity, peace and freedom of expression. As the saying goes "the sky's the limit."

Child
To dream that you are a small child again suggests that you are feeling the burdens of adulthood. You are trying to escape from your daily responsibility and are looking for someone else to shield, protect and care for you.

To dream that you lose a child represents losing hope. It may also suggest that a project is not working out as you had wanted it to.



Any additional insights are very, very welcome.

Those are very frightening dreams, Stariana. I'm sorry that you've been having been dreams. Unrestful sleep is such a burden, and the stuff the mind can come up with sometimes is really terrible.

When I had lots of nightmares, I ended up looking things up in dream dictionaries which eventually got them to stop, too, because all of the symbolism helped me to deconstruct what was going on, what I was running from, or why, and how it was manifesting in dream form to torture me. So, what you write sounds apt. I suppose the issue is facing your fears, and your memories, and you past, and coming to terms with what is haunting you, so that you don't get chased by these fears in your dreams anymore. It's hard, but a restful sleep can make it worthwhile.

I haven't had restful, dreamless sleep in so long. It comes every now and then. But only for a night, and not even frequently. Not even a hag stone above my head helps.

I did have a dream where I was running through formless, dark blue hallways (like I was at the bottom of the ocean, but could still breathe) and I kept coming upon this large, brilliant, golden, glowing door. It would pop up all the time. It had glittering mist around it and coming out of it, and light trying to burst it open. But I always turned and ran from it. All night that night I was running around in my head...so exhausting. I did try to open the door. Light was pouring out of it, but I got scared and shoved it closed again.

Why should I be scared of that door? To think of the door makes me feel excited, yet I don't want to open it. I looked up the meaning of it all and it means enlightenment and new beginnings.