After a long time...

I haven't been around for a while so I think that I should explain what was going on with me in the meanwhile. I don't know how to star so I think that I should share some of my thoughts that I have shared with others several years ago. I will start with a conversation I had with Ari'el.

Thu Feb 02, 2012 5:05 am

I don’t know who I am anymore. A human, an angel, what does it mean to be an angel after all? Тhere is something horribly wrong going on with me and with my mind to the point that I can’t even think straight and making a coherent sentence becomes an effort.
I am becoming more and more energy sensitive and that is scaring the hell out of me. I have discovered that I am a bit of an empath as well, and I don’t know what to do with it. I can feel energy emanating from the screen and from certain objects, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I can feel it being absorbed trough my third eye and my heart chakra. Sometimes I can feel other people emotions in my heart chakra. I have felt Ashtarts excitement and Azaz’el’s anxiety when I have joined the forum for the first time. It doesn’t work all the time and I just want for it to stop, to disappear. I want my normal life back although I am aware that there is no going back for me now. I have felt intuitively when a few posts about Dani’el were made on the forum. I few weeks ago I have experienced something like a complete nerve breakdown and scared the hell out of my family as well. I am still recovering from that. From what I can tell my energy feels very chaotic. Can you help me? Can you tell me what is wrong with me and when is this going to stop. I would be very grateful if you could scan my energy and tell me what is wrong with me and how to fix that.

This is a part of conversation I had with Scratch before I got sick.

Tue Nov 08, 2011 11:40 am

A few years ago I was introduced to a woman who practiced numerology and cryptology, but was also psychic, as I have later discovered. It was the summer before I started high school. When I asked her what would be my ideal carrier choice, she said that I would be a great architect, and added that I would have a husband who will love me, and two good children. Nothing special, except that I have no talent for architecture at all, and I was recently confirmed by another psychic something of which I’ve been suspecting for a long time, that I want get married or have a family in this lifetime. Unfortunately, we have lost contact at one point, so I cannot ask her what she exactly meant by that, but there is a great chance that she was giving me clues about my past, and not the future. She talked to my mother as well, and told her that something will end in my life when I turn 21, which was around the time when my awakening started. She also mentioned 11:11, which literally means angel in the language of numerology, and she said that she was glad that 7 is my number.

I will try to keep this as short and simple as possible. It all started with my research on starseeds which eventually led me to the term otherkin. At one point, when I was contemplating about the possibility of being some kind of kin, maybe “an angel” or “a seraph”, because those were the words that kept coming to my mind in that period, I accidentally stumbled upon the website “In the Shadow of the Fallen” and started reading. After every visit to the website I had a very strong emotional reaction, and was overwhelmed by the feeling of loss, but despite unpleasantness it brought me, I felt a very strong urge to come back and reread the accounts which were posted there. At that point I still wasn’t aware of my connection with the Grigori, but I wanted to check out that possibility as well. I tried to remember who I was, and at one point I literally woke up with the name Dani’el on my lips. It instantly felt right, although it took me a few months of internal struggle to accept who I might have been. I wanted to leave everything behind, to forget and move on. I felt this as a burden, and I still feel it that way, but I am also aware that there is no way for me to erase my past or simply runaway from everything I was, both good and bad. I have come to a conclusion that in order to move forward I first need to remember and accept.

It doesn't surprise me that Davey ran away from you when you mentioned Azaz’el. I certainly would if I was him, and if he only knew with whom he was talking to. Wink But, I agree with you that there is something very special about him, and that he in fact might be some kind of kin, maybe even a Shadow. Who knows? Just a few years ago I would be the first to think that most of the people claiming to be some kind of other are a little crazy, and I have never believed in the existence of angels, only to discover that I was in fact one of them.

I know how excited I was when I stumbled upon upon a forum for the first time. I remember little things. One of the first memories that came back to me was of myself repairing somebodies roof. It was a human family that lived there. I remember a woman hugging me and giving me something that I want to describe as a package of home made cookies. I remember dancing in a tavern as well. It seems that I loved to dance in that lifetime, especially with the beautiful young women. Only to dance though. I also remember cuddling with a child in the bedding, a girl. I remember giving something that I want to describe as a necklace made from semi precious stones to a child , telling her how they would match perfectly with the color of her eyes. I think that the stones were green.

So, somewhere around end of November 2011 I am starting having these conversations with someone who has addressed to me as Christ. Well, that was a
shock. Anyway, he talks to me ever since and teaches me things about life that most of the people don't have a way learn. How I would describe him? His is very charming, not very eloquent (at least when he is talking to me), very authoritative and very goodhearted, but he scares the hell out of me. And I am not very scary He has opened my third eye chakra selectively (I think that is right expression) so I can feel energies but not actually see them as psychics do. He has also found me a teacher for which I am very grateful. I would love to talk to all of you about everything I have learned, but that will have to wait for another post. I have to go to bed now, so expect a few more posts from me in the next couple of days. I think they are going to be a long ones.