My Story

So I wasn't sure at first how much I wanted to put into my introduction, and I was planning to lurk a bit first and feel the place out before I really shared much. But I've been reading through the site and decided that I feel very comfortable here already. So! Here's my knowledge and best guesses so far.

I think my name was Zagreus. A friend of mine, who is skilled at channeling, among other things, once used this name as a focus to request information from spirits and immediately received the following message, I don't know from whom.

He is my Sullivan [Suleiman? Solomon? Little black-eyed one?]
O rgnu rok un dia ditos [rgnu rok = ragnarok = end of days? Un dia = a day?]
casted aside from a dark maze
[sounds of water distortion]
he un ta unkra mao tun [something about a sea goddess, possibly?]
forgotten past is something you mustn't have lived
forgetfulness is your burden and I have come
back unt [under?] the sea of dreams that lie beneath un gura [the center of everything?]
where the corpses of lost brethren lie and still await their [there?]
enter the sea of dreams and become one again with your brethren
the lunar tide sets
and the crystal waters come once again another night
your past was one left open
I betide you
the darkened days of your last wishes were once those wished and forsaken by others
your execution was nigh
we saw that what you had done
and forgave it
insisted by the higher we obeyed
we regret the ones we left for dead on those darkened nights
none shall remember their past and yet they still do
we await their comings and wish for the returnal of the higher
keep to you as you have kept to us and allow it to grow
do not let the unknown take your desires
the tide awaits
come unto this tide and be free
fulfill the duties you had promised so long ago
and none shall look backward on the wishes
ah set unto the sun
and dawn treads those heavy day
eretio un la gara cor nomia val ush [start a war in the name of val ush?]

This message rang very true for me. It felt very familiar immediately and as I deciphered it, triggered many flashes of memory.

I don't remember exactly who I actually was just yet, the exact nature of what I did or was in charge of or anything like that. But I feel a deep sense of honor surrounding this memory. I was part of an army, although I feel I was more of an agent than a soldier. Special forces, maybe, or saboteurs or spies. We were militant, but not rank-and-file. I know there were individuals under my command, and that we all operated with great independence. Again, I feel an overwhelming sense of honor connected to this time.

But then something happened, and I'm not sure yet what it was, but I think it may have been connected to the brethren left for dead. I defied orders. Possibly I stayed with the abandoned to give medical attention or provide proper funeral rites. Whatever it was, my reasons were understood by my brethren, the men under my command and those of equal rank. My superiors were not so forgiving, and although the rest of the soldiers and agents might have sympathized with me, they followed orders anyway, when it came to my punishment. I don't know if I actually vocalized to them that I wanted them to follow orders, even though I didn't, but they did, and I know that I would have wanted them to.

The message referred to an execution, but I have a gut instinct that tells me I was actually enslaved. In the ancient world, especially Rome, slaves were considered to be dead. Slaves were those who should have been dead, defeated in war or, in my case, accused of crimes for which the penalty is death. They were legally considered dead, which is why they had no rights, and sometimes the word for slave was even the same word as the one for a dead person. I think I lost my name as well. I was no longer supposed to be referred to as Zagreus, because Zagreus was dead. I think this is the reason why in this lifetime, as a child, I used to call myself the Nameless One or the Boy Without A Name in my fantasies, or usually just Boy. Even Mabon, the name I chose for myself in kin and magical circles during this life, is just an old Welsh word for a youth.

When I first started awakening, and therefore remembering anything before the contract with which I entered this life, the first thing I felt was a sense of bondage. I got the same sense whenever I tried to remember why I had made the contract. As best as I can figure, for a long time, I was still determined to follow through, still stuck with that sense of honor, maybe there was some hope that I could still redeem myself.

I have a number of memories fitting with this sense of bondage and of being a secondclass citizen. Most of them feature a black city. Not ruined, still inhabited, but there was a war, and the war had been on for a very long time.

But eventually, I guess some things changed too much, or maybe I just had enough. I saw a chance and I slipped through into this world. I think I've always been a walk-in, making deals with different people, as I did this time around, or just seeing a chance during a near-death experience and taking it. I hide in other people's lives, and I think someone might still be looking for me. Especially with how quickly the message came through when someone reached out with my name. Whoever it was that was reached however, must have been someone still sympathetic to me. And what they said suggested that it actually is still possible for me to redeem myself, if I should choose to, that there's still a chance to fulfill my duty. I'll have to wait until I remember more before I can decide if I actually want to, though.

So anyway, that's what I've got. I'm short on specifics and names, but I'm hoping that this will overlap with enough that somebody else remembers for me to put more together.

that was very interesting on all kinds of levels. On a surface level, I didn't know that about slaves and found it fascinating.

On a deeper level the symbolism for water is very much of meanings lying beneath the surface. I wonder what you'll find when the memories begin to rise from the depths.

It feels as if you're awakening and other things are awakening with you. Thank you for letting us share at least part of that journey

That was very interesting, Zagreus, thank you for sharing.
For some reason your memories reminded me a lot of something that could have happened during the angelic civil war against the Grigori. Though I'm sure similar events could have happened in many other times with other races and circumstances.