ARCHIVE: Catching Up, me oh my how time doth fly

By Faddewr Sep 4 2008 -

Well, what's happened as of my last activity here

- Four Eyes, my alternate persona, tried to aggressively take control of my body. While I was able to fight him, two days later I had an encounter with the Men in Black. I don't know who they are. But they exorcised Four Eyes from me.

- Camael, the angel I have claimed to be, is not me. After Four Eyes was exorcised, he told me the truth of our relationship. He is simply within me, not me. And in time we will separate.

God help me when the time comes.

I feel like such a liar now, it seemed so obvious. I call myself the Pardoner, I can only you all will pardon me.


By Seraphyna Sep 4 2008 -

It's often very hard to figure out if something is you or simply within you, a part of you temporarily, etc. It's only lying to yourself and/or us if you knew it was false to begin with. There's nothing wrong with finding out that you were mistaken.


By Azaz'el Sep 4 2008 -

There is nothing to pardon, as the truth we discover about ourselves and the world every day is something to welcome and accept with open arms, and is no reason to feel guilt or any need for pardon. You are still the person you have always been to us and so nothing has changed in that respect. And knowing this truth within yourself can only open more doors for you now to discover new truths and other paths for you to walk.

I just hope you feel able to continue to this path with us for a long time to come.

Az


By Ellysium Sep 5 2008 -

*offers a hug*
I know how that is. I used to think I was this white dragon named Mary. Turned out she was only living in me/connected to me in some way. However, she didn't tell me this straight-out, it was a long, confusing, and sometimes painful process. However, I think she also acted as my guardian for the time that she was with me, it would explain why I never got hurt by the entities and occult things I played around with in highschool while some of my friends did. I believe she was guarding a deeper part of myself as well, until it was time for it to begin awakening.


By Scratch Sep 10 2008 -

I've had so many names and personas, and identified myself as, or with, so many different things, it seems almost ridiculous. The only reason I didn't "lie" like you, over and over again, was I kept my mouth shut about all these "insane fantasies" I was having; can you imagine how much more confusing that made it? Better to risk looking silly to understanding people, than keep it locked up and wonder what's wrong with me.

I think of this process as similar to asking a kid what they want to be when they grow up. All the different facets of their personalities keep them flipping through possibilities like flash cards, and the hope is that, by the time they're old enough to start a career, somehow these varying interests will coalesce into something specific. It's like scientific theory: all we can do is trust something that has evidence behind it is true, until we receive evidence disproving it.

So kudos for not fooling yourself, and readily admitting the new evidence you received. I also know from experience how hard it is to do that, especially when you've already invested significant brainpower in one idea.


By Ishtahar Sep 11 2008 -

I have little to add to what has been said already.

Fadd, we like you for who you are and not what you are. You are a crazy mixed up kid... just like the rest of us.

Take heart dear, we have all walked the same path to confusion and madness and survived reasonably intact... so will you.

Keep your chin up, your mind open and your heart true and you will be fine.

Blessings
Ish


By Faddewr Sep 12 2008 -

Well, just to keep you guys in the loop.

I went to the school's counseling services, and in a few sessions, it's suspected that I have seizures in my temporal lobe.

I'm not sure how to take it.


By Ellysium Sep 12 2008 -

I'm sorry to hear that, Faddewr....


By Ishtahar Sep 12 2008 -

That must be scary. But you need to get it checked out first because it might not be the case. Even if it is then knowing what is wrong with you makes it easier to deal with and cope with. You then know what you can expect from yourself, what you can control and what you can't.

If you have been experiencing aura then you will have been bombarded by feelings emotions and sensations you can't explain and because you can't explain them you cant understand and deal with them.

If you know what they are, what is causing them then it will be easier to deal with them.

And if you are diagnosed with Temporal Seizures then dont start thinking that it invalidates everything you have experienced and talked about here. Aura is generally short lived and only occurs immediately before a seizure. Anything that goes deep and has been pondered and experienced over a period of time is not likely to be Aura,

Also don't forget that science still knows very little about the working of the brain and who knows what aura really is.

Dont get disenchanted and start questioning everything you are. Keep your chin up and know we are here for you

Ish


By Faddewr Sep 13 2008 -

well, obviously its brought up questions.

1.) What's more important, the experiences, or what we gain from them?

2.) Supreme reality vs. perception of supreme reality

3.) The purpose of suffering.

stuff like that.


By Ishtahar Sep 13 2008 -

Useful and important questions. Personally I think the answer to all of them is about learning and growing. Every experience teaches us something whether it is pleasurable or painful and, for me no experience is truly 'bad' unless we fail to learn from it. And yes...... I think that what we learn from an experience and how much we grow as a person becuase of it is far more important than whether the experience was 'real' besides the assessment of what is real and what is not, the perception of 'reality' is very personal and subjective anyway.

You are learning Fadd and you are growing, therefore whatever the outcome of all of this the experience is a valuable one for you. But something I have learned recently is that it is possible to be TOO strong. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and afraid and uncertain and to ask for help.... in the end it makes you stronger, it makes those you reach out to stronger and it makes the bonds of friendship stronger..... in short you don't have to do this on your own.

Our thoughts are with you and our energy supporting you.

Ish


By Azaz'el Sep 13 2008 -

I don't think that I could add anything more to what Ish has said without repeating it all. I have stood as an island and tried to be strong and permanant and a rock and I have pushed away all offers of help form those who love me or care for me or just has an interest in my growth. I felt that I shouldn't or couldn't burden them with my thoughts and feelings and questions..... and that was a low and lonely time for me. Eventually the universe kicked my arse and I had to reach out and ask for help...... and by doing so I learnt much, got the help I needed and forged stronger friendships than I ever could have hoped for.

The core of what many beings have come to understand is that we are here in this physical incarnation to learn and grow and develop..... and a strong way to learn is through pain and revelation. This growth and development and revelation shapes the reality within which we live as well as the path we walk upon. There is an old British saying "one man's meat is another man's poison"........ so what is my reality and wisdom may mean nothing to anyone else. Trust in your own instinct and wisdom, because as you grow and time passes, the lessons you are being taught will become clear.

This may speak to you, or mean nothing, but as Ish has said, we're here to support you as you travel along your path.

Az


By Eshtar Aug 31 2009 -

QUOTE (Faddewr @ Sep 4 2008, 07:26 PM)
"Well, what's happened as of my last activity here

- Four Eyes, my alternate persona, tried to aggressively take control of my body. While I was able to fight him, two days later I had an encounter with the Men in Black. I don't know who they are. But they exorcised Four Eyes from me.

- Camael, the angel I have claimed to be, is not me. After Four Eyes was exorcised, he told me the truth of our relationship. He is simply within me, not me. And in time we will separate.

God help me when the time comes.

I feel like such a liar now, it seemed so obvious. I call myself the Pardoner, I can only you all will pardon me."

I know this is old but this is a good thread for me to be more open as well. Like you I said I was things that i was later found out that i was wrong. I thought I was a Kitsune, Elf among other things. Until I learned the truth like others here have. I am not As lost as I used to be. Thanks to finaly being guided to this forum. And feeling in my heart what i really am.