Memories.

So, I have decided to share the things I think I know about myself here. So... lets begin at the beginning....

Years and years ago, i'm not sure exactly how long, I had this vision that I was a fallen angel, and that I came here to Earth as a human to earn my way back to Heaven.... now in the present day, I come across this forum and remember that vision I once had. A name I heard during another time called, Seri'el.

So, its fascinating.. I come to this board, and all these things start coming to mind.... I believe that my name was or is Seri'el. That I am a fallen angel, sent to Earth to earn my way back to Heaven.

When I came to this truth, I had a feeling that my fall was not that of the 200, nor of the war in Heaven or anything like that... and in my thoughts, I came back to Victavious, a spirit from my past. And then I had in my mind... that I fell because I admired Victavious.

Now come to this life, and I learned about Victavious, and others told me that I was he incarnate, and so I wanted to merge with him, this Victavious, who called himself a demon king. And it took me unto very dark places with myself, I changed in very negative ways.... but now as I look back at it, it was Victavious, but his strong dark power, and what I allowed it to do to me... Victavious... has and always will be my friend.. He is like a kindred soul to me. Yes!

So in my introductory thread, I talked about how he was all bad and evil, and as I thought about it, He never really... did anything to me, it was because of his power that I took onto myself, and let myself be consumed with it, that all that happened onto me. I feel like Victavious is saying that, I remember so clearly now, because I have appreciated this truth, and that He is helping me along.

It seems like I decided to fall, to be with Victavious, not as a lover.. but like a friend or something, like a brother.

Alright so, with all this revelation that has come onto me, what do you guys think? Is this truth, or am I mad in illusion?

That's interesting, Edward, thanks for sharing what you can remember with us =). It could be true, it's not really in my place to tell you whether what you've seen is true or not but I am interested in hearing more when or if you have more to tell.

In general, as you've probably seen by now, the easiest way to try to corroborate a story is to share specifics - places, people, events. Sometimes others will be able to say "yes, I think I was there... and did 'this' happen? Did ____ look like 'this'? Was there a fountain by the garden?" And so on... We can't really get into your head, (and likewise! LOL) so only through sharing what we know can we agree that something happened or not. Much luck on your quest and congratulations on making progress in it =)

Dream'sEnd

Mmkay, well, I know what Victavious looks like and his personality, so ill talk about those things.

Ummm, the more I think about it, the more I think Victavious is a vampire, with some kind of demon magic or something, instead of him being a demon himself.

Now, for what he looks like, He has shoulder length black hair. Black eyes, unless he is drinking blood or in a blood craving state, then his eyes are blood red. He is muscular, but not like huge or anything. He wears... suits. Black suits, kinda like what Trent Reznor wore on the music video for The Perfect Drug.

As for his personality, He can be very soft spoken, but direct, and very confident. Has a deep voice, and is very charming, especially with the ladies. He is VERY handsome. He is sensitive, and very talented in the arts, writing poetry, and painting and sculpting and all that jazz. His magic that he practices, takes alot of control of self, otherwise you would be consumed by its chaos and driven into madness.... which is why I had so much trouble with it myself.

Im not really sure if He is a king, or something, but He seems like someone who is of high stature. I think He has a palace, and people who serve him, and I think that like.... Victavious is a title also, that he gives to those who... connect with him? Who share their power with him and stuff. As if theres a whole group of entities who are connected together, and as one they are known as Victavious. But there is one who is the original.

And I think, im not sure, that I fell perhaps with the 200, but for a different reason. Like maybe for friendship or something with Victavious, like a brotherkin or something. The more I think about it, the more that makes sense to me.

So, let me know what you guys think.

- Edward -

You description of Victavious reminds me strongly of looks and some of the behaviour of someone I know very well... but then again we all behaved in similar ways to this in the past. I think the important thing to remember is that it cxan be very difficult to look at and try to understand how a person behaved or existed in the past, because we tend to view them with the morality we have in today's society. I, back in the First Times, behaved in ways that today would be seen as horrendous and perhaps even evil by some, but again we all did. We were what we were, and none of us should ever be judged by that.

As for the reasons behind the lesser Falls........ many did Fall because they supported us, joined in the war, or just showed their belief in what we were fighting for. Many different Kin who also supported us were judged because of their support and so suffered their own sanctions.

As I have said in another post, follow your thoughts and feelings and see where they lead you ....... but keep your mind as open as you are now and see what the work you are doing offers you. Their can be subtle changes in your views and understanding, and such small chnages can lead to massive leaps of understanding.

Az

Well something that Victavious taught me about was battle, He LOVED to battle. He taught me to drink the blood of my enemies and use that blood crazing state to give me power and energy and all that stuff.

If you did do that however, you would go into a craze, and go massacring anything to get blood. However, Victavious learned how to control himself. He is a very strong mind.

<(^.^)>

Victavious sounds... interesting... He has a certain allure about him.. But... I don't trust him at all.

Heh, with my experience with Victavious, it would VERY wise to keep an eye on him.

I think im going to... indulge in my spirituality with my beliefs on God, and take it very slow with this Shadow stuff.


And then have God guide me, take me where the Truth is, and see what happens.

- Edward -

That's usually a good way of doing things. Letting god/source/whatever you believe in guide you to the Truth. Good luck with it all.

I dont need luck, ive got God.

I waited a bit to respond, in the hopes I could understand what my response was more fully. It still isn't coming much clearer, but I do feel a strong connection to this Victavious, as if you were describing someone I know well and care about. I don't recognize the name at all though, and it sounds more like a title to me. I seem to recall a similar setup being discussed about the Elohim: a group bearing the same title, around one original or central figure perhaps. I feel very drawn to him, but in a "meeting of kings" sort of way.

The funny thing is, some of why Samhuinn was especially powerful for me this year involved a re-addressing of my vampiric tendencies, and since you showed up, I feel like I've tumbled back into the Anne Rice novel I seemed to inhabit for several years at the start of my awakening. ::smirk:: I've been pretty mistrusting/scornful of vamp-types, but something about you (and Victavious, apparently) is helping me to trust that side.

I'm all for using God as a guiding light, especially with this kind of stuff. Even though it's been pretty well established The Source is a more accurate name, I still prefer God when addressing It directly, or talking about It in general. I don't know why.

Yeah, I kinda got the feeling that Victavious wasn't his name either.

Hello Edward,

I've been keeping up with your posts and I to had decided to wait to respond until I read about Mr. Victavious. When you mentioned his appearance and his interests in the arts. Dark hair and dark eyes as well as always wearing dark suits, if this is the same one, I dreamt of him over 20yrs ago and I think he had an art gallery, now I could be wrong and be mistaking him for someone else, although I do believe I've come across this individual before. You wouldn't happen to remember any of his artwork would you? If he is the same one I'm thinking about he and I clashed pretty bad a while back.

I also had an entity that fits his description try and contact me about a month ago, he didn't seem so "bad" or "evil" as was portrayed in my dream 20 yrs ago, (if this is even the same one). Like you ever since I've joined the forum I've had massive flashbacks. I have a strong association with the Archangel Michael, he's not exactly a forum favorite lol, but a few have accepted that fact.

I think that Victavious has a major talent, he can draw realistic, but if I am correct in these things... He prefers to do more abstract work?

Yes...using very vivid, bright colors. Also if and I do mean if...this is the same person, when I knew him he went by the name Nicholae. Like I said this may be a different indiividual.

shrugs*

Ive always just known Victavious. Could be the same person.

True....perhaps time will tell. =)

So i've been meditating to God about all this, and I get a negative feeling about this, this shadow being incarnate as a humans and victavious and reincarnation and stuff. So, I have decided that I am not going to be apart of that anymore. So, I just wanted to inform you about that. Umm, id still like to be friends though, so if thats cool, then everythings all good in da hood then. I just also want to make clear, that im not going to push my beliefs on any of you or post anything on the forum about it.. so.. ya know, because ive known "christians" to do that....

- Edward -

Edward,

Lol that is just fine with me and of course we can still be friends. I do not judge anyone or anything regarding their beliefs. There is so much more to this universe than we could all possibly imagine. Take care and be well.

Gypsy

I've been thinking about your post Edward, let me start by saying that everyone is entitled to their own beiliefs and opinions and you seem to be very strong in your beliefs and that is good, you are very grounded. I don't want to speak for everyone here because I don't want to step on any toes or offend any members or misconstrue any other beliefs or opinions here.

My beliefs are that the shadow are not bad, if you believe or follow the stories of the "Fallen Angels" history does portray them as being evil, but in truth no one really knows the truth of what happened many thousands of years ago unless they were there, and well I feel that I was a witness to this. I've come to believe that the "Shadow" were wrongly punished for something they felt very strongly about, there is always two sides to every story.

I just feel everyone and everything deserves love and understanding...regardless of their background. That's just me. =)

Gypsy

Okay. ^.^

That's quite a good assessment Gypsy. The Fallen weren't bad or evil, they just broke the rules by falling in love with Humans and refusing to leave their love or their children. We were punished for it and now we're back, in the hope of reuniting with our brothers and setting the wrongs back to being right.

We all have different spiritual beliefs, different ways of looking at the Universe and understanding God, The Source, the great big whatever out there. Yet, all paths lead in the same direction and we are all here to learn, to love, to find the common ground upon which we all walk, and make this journey a little less lonely. So thanks for not forcing your views upon any member, Edward, but it still doesn't stop you from voicing how you feel... as long as you can deal with the responses that others may have!

Az

Well, ive been on both sides of the fence, as a pagan, being beaten down by christians, and as a christian being beaten down by pagans... so.... im really REALLY sensitive to this sort of thing. ^.^

Just do whatever feels right and true and good to you.

I really hope that in time you will feel confident that you are free to express your beliefs, whatever they may be in total freedom here.

Of course they will be challenged. Whatever they are there will be others who disagree. By expressing your views you challenge theirs.

However challenge is not attack and you can be sure that everyone here will respect your right to hold the views you hold and to express them freely.

If anyone seeks to attack, threaten, criticise or deny your beliefs as being any less valid than anyone elses then they will have me to answer to.